"I can't believe God put us on this Earth to be ordinary."
-Lou Holtz
Kaoru woke up with a pounding headache and feet of led. Groaning, he rolled out of the covers to see that it was early morning. He heard the shower going, and saw that Bernadette was the one missing. Sighing, he was about to go back under the covers when-
"What does 'scarred hands' mean?" Quill asked.
Those words shocked Kaoru out of his sleepy stupor. Those words sounded too close to-
"They have something to do with your nightmares, don't they? You repeated that phrase several times. You've also said 'Let me go', and 'evil' is a popular word. There were also a few other words I couldn't make out, but I've written them down to the best of my ability." Quill was about to go on but Kaoru stopped him.
"Don't worry yourself about this. Hikaru was right. The nightmares aren't real. I've been faking them all along for attention. I'm really sor-"
"Bullshit. I know fear, Kaoru. You're terrified of something and if you don't want to tell us then we'll find out for ourselves."
Kaoru took a moment to be appreciative of Quill's kindness. It was kind of like building a memorial. He enjoyed remembering things, taking a mental picture, before they disappeared forever.
"I'm just another charity case to you." Kaoru mumbled, before pulling the sheets over his head.
Quill groaned in frustration, "You know that's not fair. We've both put up with each other's crap for the past few days. I don't do that for just anyone, you know."
"Stop flirting with me." Kaoru deadpanned, still under the sheets. Quill laughed.
"You need Jesus." he responded.
Just then Bernadette emerged from the bathroom, towel wrapped around her torso, and began to rummage through the drawers. As she did this, she began to speak.
"I'm going in to speak to Thomas Berry today. Alone."
Kaoru hadn't even told anyone what happened. But Bernadette was highly observant.
"What exactly was it that he did? Depending on the degree of it, I might have to call the cops." she said.
"Nothing, really. He was just being very suggestive, and he didn't really want to tell me much without…errr, something in return. I felt uncomfortable, so I left."
Bernadette breathed a sigh of relief. Although that in itself was bad, she thought it was a lot worse. She thought she was going to have to file a lawsuit for inappropriate conduct with a minor. Statutory rape. Something along those lines.
But just the fact that it almost came to that was enough to get her blood boiling.
"You have to understand I had no idea he was that weird." she explained hurriedly as she pulled on a blazer over her top.
He brushed her concerns away. He was well aware that she'd never knowingly put him into such an uncomfortable situation.
He briefly considered telling her about the threats Mr. Berry made to his father's well-fare, but considered them just that: threats. Empty words. Surely he wouldn't act on them. There was something keeping him from killing Paul Spector for all these years. And that something surely hadn't disappeared.
You're father used to get that same look when he was thinking.
Why would Mr. Berry remember that after all these years?
No one really took the time to study a person that closely. People did not care about each other that much. Unless…
No. No way. It couldn't be. But what if...
"Thomas Berry is in love." Kaoru stated out loud, "Thomas Berry is in love with…my Dad."
The two occupants of the room stopped and stared at him for a moment. He then saw the wheels in both of their minds begin to turn, as they slowly worked their way through the puzzle, pieced things together.
"Holy…" Quill remarked, trailing off.
"Well, this changes things." Bernadette said.
"You don't think you were a bit hard on him?" Tamaki asked, getting ready for his shift at the mall.
"You don't think it's been a bit hard on me all these years?" he exploded, seeming to have these pent up emotions for a while, "I've had to deal with his antics since before I can even remember. Do you know what happened the day I won the science fair? Kaoru contracted pneumonia. The day that cute girl from 2A asked me out? Kaoru fainted in homeroom before I could even reply. The day I-"
Tamaki interrupted him, "Well, you don't think it's hard to be second best all the time?"
"But, see, you don't get it: I was second best. Not him. Never perfect Kaoru Hitachiian. He could do no wrong."
"Well, the grass is always greener on the other side." Tamaki quoted.
"Boss, what does that have to do with anything?" Hikaru said, still steamed but not as much, stopping in confusion.
Tamaki smiled in reply.
It's just crazy old me. Ignore it, he thought.
"Well, anyway-" then Hikaru went on to talk about himself.
And Tamaki listened, interjected every now and then with wisdom, and being shot down instantly.
But he wouldn't have it any other way.
"So, what are the worst possible scenarios you can imagine with a naked person?" Zebra asked, notepad in one hand; quill poised in the other. She even took on glasses to help with the illusion, and set up the hotel chairs in Kyoya's room to look like an office.
"Naturally, coming into contact with one." Kyoya answered.
She nodded and began to scribble down things.
"So, you have no sexual desires?" Zebra asked, trying her hardest not to burst out laughing.
"Are you mocking me?"
"Of course not." she smiled.
"Well…kind of. It's weird to describe. Yes, I've lusted after a person before. But I've never felt a desire to see that person naked." he explained.
"But it's really hard to get freaky when fully clothed." Zebra said.
"So I've been told." he responded.
Kyoya was fully aware that it was ridiculous. There was absolutely no way that Zebra could possibly cure his gymnophobia. But, at the same time, he held a small hope that maybe this was exactly what he needed. So he endured through everything, and answered all of her questions accordingly.
"What would be the second worst scenario?" she asked.
"A naked person touching me." he responded.
She wrote that down. They went down the list until they got to his smallest fear.
"Someone being partially clothed, but barely." Kyoya said.
"So what about beaches?" she asked.
"Painful, but I can tolerate it." he reasoned.
She hummed in understanding, then closed the notebook.
"Well, you have to look at it this way. People are naked under their clothes." she told him in a half-joking manner.
But the truth was, he had never really thought about it that way before.
"Hello, Mr. Berry. Thank you for seeing me today." Bernadette said, sitting down across from him in his office.
"My pleasure. I had a delightful dinner with Kaoru last night. We talked about a lot of interesting things." Mr. Berry said.
So I've heard, Bernadette thought angrily, but kept her composure.
"I'm glad to hear that. But, Mr. Berry, let's not beat around the bush. You need to tell us what you know. Urgently. Before I am forced to do something that both of us may regret." Bernadette said in a slow, measured tone.
Mr. Berry began to chuckle, and it sent a shiver down Bernadette's spine. She wasn't taking him seriously. No one ever took her seriously. A girl her size? Oh, please.
"Was that a threat, child? I'm afraid you don't understand who I am. I am-"
"I don't care who you are!" she erupted, her voice squeeking slightly at the end. Her hands flew to her mouth, covering them in surprise. But, something told her to continue. He stared at her. She had his attention.
"Listen, sir. We both know you're not really the most holy of men. There is probably a special circle in hell for people like you. And what would happen if any of this information were to get out?" she asked.
"What information?" he questioned, smug grin still plastered on his face.
"Oh, I don't know! Maybe that you sleep with minors. Or that you set out forces to murder people for money." her hands were shaking. She was clutching the edges of her chair with such force; her knuckles were white.
"Me and half of the business world." he commented nonchalantly, "Now, is that all you've got? I thought it would be more interesting than this. You can leave now." he gestured to the door.
"No. I won't leave. Not until you admit it to yourself." she said.
"Guards!" and two men came and lifted her out of the chair.
"Admit it! Admit it! You're hiding him! You're hiding him because-"
"I'm going to have to ask you to calm down." said one of the men restraining her. She gave him a glare and continued.
"You're hiding him because you love him!" Bernadette said, but she was already being pushed out of the office. The last horrified look she saw on Mr. Berry's face before they turned the corner was priceless, though.
"I think you and Kaoru need to talk." Tamaki said to Hikaru, hoping that maybe this would be the one time that he would listen to him.
"I have nothing to say." Hikaru responded.
Well, that's unusual, Tamaki thought. But he also knew it was a lie. Hikaru had a lot of things to say, but he was afraid to say them. For once in his life, Hikaru was exercising something called self-control.
"I know you want to find your Dad. Trust me, I know. But that doesn't mean that you should blatantly disregard the family you already have. You're pushing Hikaru farther and farther away, and your parents that raised you are probably really worried. Family isn't about DNA, but about who you grew up with, who loves you."
Tamaki glared at the twin, trying to see what effect his lecture might have had on him. Hikaru was looking at the ground, and he could tell that he was grinding his teeth together in frustration. He wanted to tell him that wasn't healthy, but decided now wasn't the time.
"Listen, boss. I know you think you're aware of my situation, but you're not. You don't know what it's like. I get that they're supposed to love me, and I'm supposed to love them. That's what families do. But I've felt-" he stopped, and seemed frustrated with himself for doing so. He was not ready to share these private thoughts with anyone else.
The thought that if people didn't feel obligated to, no one would love him. The idea that maybe if he found his real family, he'd find something else too. He was not sure what. But he knew it would be something important; something vital that's been missing for quite some time.
It was infuriating. Frustrating. It made him feel so much pent up anger at everyone and everything, but underlying was a sickly kind of sadness.
It was like missing someone you've never even met.
But he didn't know the words or have the patience to describe any of this to Tamaki. And Tamaki did not pester him.
"Talk to him. Just listen to me, this once." Tamaki urged.
"I always listen to you." Hikaru said indignantly.
That earned him a laugh.
Zebra watched as Quill was getting ready to go to a wine tasting that his friend, Lawrence invited him to. It was the first social event that he bothered to actually go to in a while. Zebra was sure that he had gotten numerous invitations, since he was the sort that everyone wanted at their parties, but he declined most of them. He was so dedicated to helping these kids, Zebra realized.
He was always helping someone. This was a fact that she had accepted about him for a while, now. Yet, everytime she realized how obsessed he was with helping others it worried her. It went from being an endearing quality to a fatal flaw. Because he never stopped to consider his needs. His wants. Surely, Quill had dreams like everyone else. It had to be more than this.
She had read a story about that long ago. About a man who went through a forest, and kept being stopped by needy travelers. One needed shoes, so he gave it to them. The other needed clothing, so he gave that away. A blind man came by so he gave him his eyes. And it went on and on until there was nothing left of the man but some arbitrary body part. She didn't recall it clearly—thank heavens for that.
"Are you going to stand there and stare at me all day? I know I'm gorgeous but-" he started jokingly, but she interrupted him.
"My mom called." His eyebrow raised inquisitively, "She wants to know how the search for schools are going. And if I'm sleeping okay."
"What did you say?"
"I lied, of course."
Quill laughed at that, but it was a nervous laughter. Like he knew what was coming next. Anticipating the question, he already began to grimace.
"What are we doing, Quill? Seriously. What's the game plan?" Zebra asked.
"I never plan, darling. You should know that by now." he smiled charmingly as he adjusted his tie in the mirror. He looked stiff in it.
For some reason she was not as amused with this response as she should have been. She found herself wanting Quill to be serious, like a normal person. And she told him this.
"You're not here because I'm normal." he reminded her, "You're here because you hate Bath and wanted an adventure."
And not so long ago that might have been true. But she looked at her surroundings, took them in; digested them. And although all seemed frivolous, she realized the truth: she could not picture keeping up this lifestyle forever.
And whenever she tried to picture Quill old; wrinkled with grand-children, she simply couldn't.
He had no future, she realized. He would probably end up dying young for a noble cause. And for a while she thought that's what she wanted for herself.
Her biggest fear was time; old age and how it would change her into a feeble being. How it would turn her into nothing. But somewhere down the line, her mind was changed. She's not sure by whom or what.
"Bath may be boring," she started, "But it's where my mum is. I think I'm heading back, soon. Care to accompany me?"
"Too busy. I have things to do here." No speech. Short simple, and straight to the point. All the while looking in the mirror, never sparing her a glance.
"You can't single-handedly change the world." she reminded him.
So don't get yourself killed trying.
"Awwww. Do you actually care?" he asked, finally turning to face her, pouting as if mocking her.
He put on such a good charade. There were probably only two people on earth who could see through it.
And Zebra was not one of them.
"No, I don't care." she said, angry that he was mocking her, showing no sign of even missing her, "Now book me a flight to Bath, you twat."
"I'll get Bernadette right on it." he said, a smile on his face that looked like it was crudely carved on.
Later on that day Zebra was on her way to the airport, and Quill was at a party sipping wine, and not tasting any of it.
Kaoru lay awake in the middle of the night, reading a book to keep himself occupied. Bernadette was with Zebra at the airport and Quill out to some event with his friends. It had been a while since he had a room completely to himself. He was excited at first, but then the excitement wore off when he realized that he had virtually nothing to do.
A soft knock came on the door, interrupting his thoughts.
"Come in!" he called, hanging upside down from his bed with the book in front of him, his hair sticking out in weird, gravity defying directions.
The person walked in, but all he saw were shoes from where he was. Taking the time to flip right side up, he realized who the person in his room once.
"What are you doing here, Hikaru?" he asked.
"I'm here to talk to you." his twin answered.
"Well, I don't want to talk with you." Kaoru said, arms crossed in finalty.
"Why do you have to be such a-" he started, but stopped himself. Deep breaths. Take deep breaths, "Anyways, I just wanted to say that I forgive you for being a pansy and managing to screw up our biggest lead."
Kaoru began to chuckle, but it was not in merriment, "You forgive me? Wow. How noble of you."
"Listen, I know I was a bit harsh but you have to admit that you were wrong." Hikaru said.
"I was wrong? You don't even know what happened! You're just such a judgmental prick, sometimes!"
"There you go, being overly dramatic again." Hikaru countered, "They should have sent me. I would have done a better job."
Kaoru totally wanted to debunk that statement. He wanted to yell at him, asking Hikaru just exactly how far he would have gone just to find a stupid, pitiful excuse for a man not because he cared, but because his brother needed to for some kind of stupid closure.
But he kept all of that to himself.
"Get out." he said, softly. Hikaru stood there, crossed between wanting to hug his brother and wanting to punch him, " I said get out!"
"I'm not leaving until you admit-"
"I'm. Not. Admitting. Anything." Kaoru stressed, close enough to his brother's face that he could see how each word made him flinch; a slight quiver that couldn't have been noticed from across the room.
"I hate you." Hikaru said. And he meant it. But the words did not evoke the kind of reaction he was looking for. He expected Kaoru to explode in rage, return the sentiment.
But he didn't do any of these things.
"I know." Kaoru said, expression softening.
Hikaru left. Kaoru lay awake, and tried to continue reading. But the words just swam across the page, not meaning much of anything. He shut the book and just thought about things.
He thought of the question Quill asked him earlier.
What does scarred hands mean?
Kaoru saw a man with scarred hands in his nightmares. He wasn't sure if the man was ever real at some point, or just a figment of his imagination. But he knew that those scars represented just how ugly a human being can get. It was the contents of the soul, projected outward.
Maybe Hikaru was right. Maybe Kaoru was overly dramatic. Maybe his nightmares were just his subconscious gone awry. But they felt so real.
Each and every time it felt like the very first time. It never got old, never grew less terrifying.
He dozed off for an instance, seeing those scarred hands come for him. Then all of a sudden he couldn't breathe. He was choking and gasping and crying for help but no one would come for him. No one.
Every time Kaoru drifted off to sleep, he died.
A/N: This had no excuse taking as long as it did. In my defense, I've been busy with theatre and midterms and all that good stuff. But here you go. Not a very action-oriented chapter. I have a tendency to delve into character thoughts more than focusing on actual action. Idk why. Anyway, I hope you liked the chapter.
Sincerely,
Your New Best Friend