She was a dream. She was a reflection. She was everything that girl could have been.
She was born from grief. Of everything that girl feared. Of every tear that girl had shed.
In her world, everything revolved around that girl who bore the same resemblance as her. She had longed since the beginning to touch her, to be with her, to ease her pains, to make that girl turn her way. But they were separated by this borderline she could not cross. No matter how much she cried, begged, and screamed, the girl on the other side never looked at her. And so time passed and she was forced to watch as that girl suffered.
There was no one else in the world for her except that girl. And every time that girl's heart aches, so does her own. They were connected by something far beyond her comprehension. They share the same pains, same feelings. So she hated anybody who hurt that girl.
And there were so many of them. That girl's father was the first one. He had killed far too many people that girl loved. Next was the blond guy who had lied to her. That girl never really got over that. He had manipulated and made that girl fall in love with him so much even if she always ended up hurt because of it. She hated him the most for that. He did not deserve any amount of love from that girl. Especially when he was always the cause of that girl's miseries.
And then an intruder made that girl go through so much pain and torture before that girl died. She wanted to kill the black haired jerk who allowed it to happen and the blond guy for not being there when that girl screamed for help when he had sworn he would return soon.
She hated them all. Every one who made that girl cry deserved to die. That girl was her goddess, the only person in her world, therefore the most special one to her. They had no right to treat that girl like some trash, to cast her aside when they've finished using her. She'd kill every one of them for daring to hurt what was hers.
For a long time she just watched the events in that girl's life. She loved that girl all the more. Her beautiful face, her kind personality, her pleasant smiles and captivating nature.
Until one day, as she stood as close as she could to the borderline, she saw that girl looking right back at her. Her face was solemn and her face was bloody. There were chains on her wrists and ankles. She noticed that they were in a dark room where the only light came from a crack in the ceiling. She scowled distastefully at the condition that girl was in. Who dared put her in another place like this? It was just like back in the war. She cursed whoever brought that girl there. And then that girl smiled at her.
She flinched, which was quite an unusual reaction for someone who had wanted to be noticed all her life by the person in front of her. So she straightened her self out and tried to get as close as she can to that girl. She loved how that girl could still find contentment in her condition. She knew that girl was hurting so much right now. That girl stared at her with those bloodshot eyes of hers. How long had she wanted for them to also see right through her as it did many other undeserving people? She tried to reach out a hand beyond the borderline, and much to her surprise, her hand did not hit an invisible wall like it did the last thousand times she had tried to go over the limits. She was so happy she cried. Finally! After so much longing, she could finally reach out to her. So she wasted no time in throwing herself into that girl's body and hugging her close.
I'm so happy I could finally touch you!
"I'm sorry." that girl answered. She thinks that girl tried to hug her back if it weren't for the chains on her wrists.
It's okay. Everything will be alright.
"I could not do it." that girl said in a tired voice as her eyes slowly flickers, trying to keep her self awake.
She did not hesitate even for a second for her answer. I'd do anything for you.
When she woke up, the blond guy was hovering over her and she was instantly filled with hatred for the man. For all the pain he had put that girl through. She'd protect that girl from every thing that tarnishes her happiness. From every one that crosses her path. She'd eliminate all of them for the sake of that one promise.
Pilipinas will win.
Vietnam rose in her seat and paced the room again before going back to her seat and repeating the same routine again. Thailand just kept on his never-fading smile and just watched his neighbor burn a hole in his carpet with her pacing. Not that he wanted her to stop or anything. He's very much afraid of what would happen if Vietnam snaps at him. But maybe she could end up showing him what she's been learning at Muay Thai these past few months. But that would certainly be a painful experience so he just kept his mouth shot and waited for Vietnam to break her own ice.
But then again, he's Thailand and he couldn't keep quiet about things that needed to be said, "Why don't you just sit back and relax and enjoy your last war-free days before they're all gone, ana?" he gulped down his already cold tea and dared at the at Vietnam who was staring at him. She was pacing when he said that so she was left standing at the spot in front of him.
"Did you just say 'relax'?" she raised an eyebrow at him, looking like he just said a word that is not in her vocabulary.
Thailand pushed his tea cup further into the table, "Yes. I want you to relax and stop pacing a hole in my carpet, ana~," he tried to cover up with a cheerful tone so she won't sense his welling up feeling of dread. From the looks of it, Vietnam was close to exploding with pent-up stress.
She sighed in exasperation, "Sorry about that, Thai. I'm just trying to figure out Philippines' next actions and where she's planning to go with all the mess she's creating." Vietnam said, plopping back on her seat next to Thailand.
Thailand put his hands around hers and sat closer to her, "You see, we haven't openly declared war against her and yet you're already bothering yourself with all that stuff. Cool off a little, this may not escalate into an all out war. The United Nations did not sanction Philippines' attack on Malaysia, ana."
Vietnam looked at his carefree expression. She had no idea when they started being this comfortable with each other but what the heck, being with him mellows her down when she's frazzled up with world affairs and everything that comes with being a nation. "I'm worried about what she's doing to Malaysia. His soldiers had said that they saw her shoot and drag him away. His president told me they hadn't seen him since then. Public moral was on all time low in his place ever since Malaysia was captured."
Thailand's smile fell and he frowned, "I still cannot believe that she'd purposely hurt her brother. She's changed a lot, that kid." His hold on Vietnam's hand tightened. I won't let her get a chance to take anyone close to me, not this time.
"I know, right? She's changed a lot. And I just remembered something weird when we visited her in the hospital. I helped one of the nurses change her bandages once and I saw her wounds. There were so many." she related to him.
Thailand knotted his eyebrows in confusion, "Well, it's a sad thing that she really did have so many, but what could possibly make them weirder than their unwanted presence on her, ana?"
Vietnam stood up and started pacing again, "We are not humans. Superficial injuries like cuts, bruises and scrapes heal within a maximum of a week for us, bone injuries about two weeks. If my memory serves me right, I helped that nurse at least two weeks after she was found."
Thailand cocked his head to the side, "And so, ana?"
Vietnam sat back next to him, "The wounds were still fresh, they barely even dried or scabbed or anything. They were still raw! Even human wounds would dry into scabs by that time. She's healing even slower than a human! And her wounds were mostly shallow cuts and scrapes, they should have been gone by the time we even visited her because she spent three days in a hospital in Palawan before they recognized her and transferred her to Manila."
"Where are you going with this?"
"I'm just saying…no, more like wondering…do we lose our status as personifications of nations?"
"I don't know. Why don't you ask that boisterous albino guy, ana?"
"No…not the status as a nation, I mean, as the personification of a nation…do we get changed from time to time?"
Thailand shrugged, "I don't really know, Vie." he took a sip of his tea. "Why don't you ask her directly, she's very bold these past few days anyway, ana,"
Vietnam shook her head, "No. I'd probably lose my patience with her again." she narrowed her eyes at Thailand, "And even she knows we're against her, what makes you think she'd be even fit for conversation? That girl is planning to invade us right this very moment! We must be vigilant!"
Thailand smiled at her and patted her comfortingly in the shoulder, "Don't worry. I'm-" he was cut off by the door to his office being thrown open and in came a livid Brunei.
Both were a bit surprised at her sudden appearance since both were aware that the girl had barricaded herself in her room for the past few days while her nation was panicking about the proximity of Philippines' attack on Malaysia. Nevertheless, Vietnam hurried over to Brunei and ushered her inside. Thailand handed her a cup of hot tea when she had situated herself and made herself comfortable between Thailand and Vietnam, "I just learned about the attack on Malaysia and I rushed over here as soon as I heard you were allying yourselves with him." she said weakly. If anyone were to look at the three of them now with Thailand and Vietnam huddled over the younger girl like that, you'd think they are a distressed family trying to comfort each other.
Vietnam looked over Brunei's appearance. The normally well-dressed girl was wearing her clothes like she just wore them for the sake of not going out indecent, hair in tangles, skin pale and she seriously look like she's lacking some nutrients right now. "Have you been eating your meals at all?"
Brunei shook her head, "I lose my appetite every time I think about…about that wretched meeting!" and she proceeded to sob, "I can't take it!" she put down her cup, curled into a ball and leaned towards Vietnam who felt compelled to put her arms around the younger nation, "I can't forget the look on her face when I touched her. What did I do wrong?! I was just worried!"
Vietnam patted her head reassuringly and glared at Thailand when he just sipped his tea and smiled apologetically, "You're not expecting me to hug her too, are you, ana?" he said in a low voice.
"Then say something! Comfort was never really my forte! And that's saying something because I'm a woman and France used to be all over my place!" Vietnam mouthed back.
Thailand twitched irritably at the mention of France and it was a good thing Vietnam did not see, "Well, I'm a man! Oh wait, I got an idea!" Thailand hurriedly put down his tea cup, cleared his throat, and said in his softest voice, "Don't cry, sayang. Philippines must just be having a phase. It would pass soon, don't dwell on it too much, ana." He hoped he didn't stress his Malay accent much. It was a different language after all.
Brunei stopped sobbing and regressed to quiet sniffles. "But what about what she did to Malaysia? He's always been a jerk to me but I don't want him to die...yet!"
"About that, we're working on getting him home safely. In a few days you could see him again, I promise." Vietnam said.
Brunei looked down at the floor, "You're both not on really good terms with Malaysia and yet you're helping him. You too, your governments aren't really the best of friends but you're all helping each other and cooperating now. Even Laos who is politically in bad terms with Thailand is siding with you. What's happening to us?"
"We've…found ourselves threatened by a common enemy, sayang. So we decided to put aside our own differences and unite. It is rather unfortunate that it had to be against one of our own, but we'll have to do whatever we can to secure peace for our people so we have to defend each other." Thailand smiled at her warmly. Brunei nodded her head. She understood that. They were just doing their duties as countries. She suddenly wondered if her best friend was doing this as a country and not personally.
"I understand. If I could be of any help, just inform me. My sultan forced me out of my room this morning so I could tell you that. My apologies for being such a damn wreck about this stuff, I guess I was just shocked that Philippines suddenly does not like me anymore."
"It's okay, sayang. We'd do our best so you won't have to join the war. We'd stop Clara...at all cost." Thailand reassured her with a pat on the head.
Brunei nodded again and sat properly on the couch, "Just don't hurt Clara too much…after all, she's my best friend. I'm sure she has her reasons for doing this. I just wish she told me first."
"Russia! Russia! Ivan! IVAN!!!!!!!" Philippines yelled. She can't be lost. No, there is no house that could be that big! She's always been good with directions, so why in the hell was she walking in circles, calling for Ivan in the middle of a dark hallway?
Okay, she went out of her room to get herself some water which was in the kitchen on the ground floor. Her room was in the third floor of Ivan's huge mansion which seems like he built the house to consume as much space as it could on his vast empty land.
She stomped down another dark hallway calling for China and Ivan when a door opened a few feet from her. She stopped and waited for the occupant to show himself. As far as she knew, there were only three of them in the house right now. Or she could be wrong, who knows what the Russian was keeping in his house.
A woman with long silver hair in a blue dress with a white apron came out with a creepy expression on her face. "Why are you looking for my brother, you bitch?" and suddenly there was a knife in front of her and she was advancing slowly towards Philippines.
Philippines stared, 'I didn't know Ivan has a sister. She's pretty. And I didn't know his sister's staying here.'
So she smiled and held out her hand for the other girl, "Hi! My name is Philippines! I'm your brother's…ahm…" what exactly are they? Allies? No, Philippines has some other plans for him. Friends? Like allies, she has some plans about him that weren't exactly friendly in nature. Acquaintances? No, far closer than that. Then maybe playmates? The two of them certainly plays the same game. "Playmates! We're playmates! Well, what's your—ah! Watch it!," she stepped back a bit when the silver-haired girl suddenly swung the knife in front of her, ripping the knot at the front of her robe but not quite slashing her flesh. "Hey! What's your prob-gah!," she stepped back again when another swing narrowly missed her.
"How dare you play with my brother, you whore! I'm going to rip your guts out!" Belarus lunged at Philippines again. How dare this girl seduce her innocent brother! Who does she think she is taking her brother's love from her! Oh..this girl is really going to get it.
"Wait! What are we talking about here?!?" Philippines cried as she ran for her life back to where she had been minutes ago. Shit, it's a good thing the mansion was huge so she had so many places to run into.
"You seduced my brother, you freak! Brother is going to marry me!" Belarus ran after Philippines.
"I so did not do that! I swear! So stop-ahhhhhhh!!," Belarus swung her knife again and this time it caught the back of Philippines' robe. She abruptly turned a corner and slipped on the marble. The remnants of the robe fell off her shoulder and she was left sitting on the floor. Damn, it was so cold. She can't wait for her flight back to the tropics tomorrow.
Belarus found her sprawled on the floor and without a second thought, lunged her knife at the downed girl. Philippines slid backwards on the floor and avoided the swings until she could finally scramble back to her feet and run. The girl was as insane as her brother.
"I'll make you wish you've never been born, you brother-stealer!" Belarus hissed.
Philippines stopped running and turned around to see Belarus running towards her with the knife poised to attack again.
"Did you just say that?" she asked in a rather calm voice for someone who's been running for her life seconds ago.
"I'm going to kill--," in the blink of an eye, Belarus was thrown to the ground with Philippines on top of her trying to pin down her arms. There was an insane look in her eyes and the girl was smiling. Belarus felt her wrist break and she let go of the knife. Philippines snatched it away immediately and held it at Belarus' neck, pushing it until it left a red mark.
Belarus stopped struggling and threw a murderous glare at the girl hovering above her. Philippines looked mental. "When I tell little girls to stop, they should stop. Now, about making me wish I wasn't born, if you try that again, I assure you," Philippines put enough pressure to make Belarus bleed. "Your head will roll. Don't force me to destroy this pretty little face of yours." She then traced Belarus' smooth face with the tip of the knife, "I'm sure brother Ivan would not want to marry a grotesque." She whispered close to Belarus' ear. "You have no idea what you're dealing with, little girl."
Never had Belarus hated another person. The nerve of this girl to touch her. She'd murder this girl in her sleep! "Keep away from my brother, he's mine!" she spat.
"Still not stopping, eh?" Philippines was about to say something when she heard voices nearing their spot. She recognized the voices as her fellow allied nations.
Philippines giggled and got off the girl who then rolled on her side and stood up. With the knife still in her grasp, Philippines held it away from anyone's view. Belarus glared hard at her but did not say anything when she saw her brother.
"Ah! Bela! Ahm…what are you doing here?" Ivan tried his best to inch away from the girl and hide his body behind China's smaller one which was not really providing any help.
"As soon as I heard your plans, I rushed over here to become one with you, brother. Let's get married while you have plenty of time, brother." Belarus said in her normal voice.
This time, Russia and China felt shivers run up their spines at the prospect of marriage with Belarus. China inched away from Ivan and went over to Philippines who was standing a few feet behind Belarus with a mischievous smile on her face. China looked over the younger girl's thin clothes which barely covered half of her thighs. He sighed and put his own robe over the cold girl. He's used to the cold so he could do with only his bedclothes.
"Thanks, Uncle China. I was just thinking of going to your room."
"What were you doing with Belarus, aru?"
"Belarus, huh? We're just exchanging pleasantries, I just wish I made a nice first impression." The two walked away from the scene, leaving Ivan at the hands of his loving sister who totally forgot everyone else at the presence of her brother.
"YAO!!!" Ivan screamed for help.
China sighed. Ivan was a big guy. Why can't he learn to handle his sister on his own? So he ignored Ivan's pleas for help and proceeded towards his room with Philippines.
China pushed his door open and let the girl inside before giving one last look towards Ivan's direction and seeing that the man is yet to get out of his predicament and seemed like he's losing more and more marbles by the second, China sighed and nodded towards Ivan's direction at Philippines. The girl smiled and just sat comfortably on his bed. China closed the door after him.
Philippines sat on the bed and looked around China's room. Like her room, there were many empty spaces due to the few but elegant and rich furniture. She got to her feet on the velvet carpeted floor and examined the paintings and about every thing she could set her eyes on until she came upon a huge rectangular mirror hanging on the wall. Belarus did not harm me, right? She passed in front of the mirror with just a glance at her reflection. And for that one second, she had never feared anything greater.
She stopped and stared in horror at her reflection. It was and wasn't hers at the same time. She screamed.
No! You can't be! I've just started! Don't look at me like that! I'm doing my best for you! You're supposed to be dead!
In a blind fit of rage, she struck the handle of the knife she was holding against the mirror which instantly broke and fell to the floor when she repeatedly hit it. Afterwards, she sank down on the floor in a fit of sobs.
I only did it because I loved you. You said you need me. You gave me no choice.
The door of the room opened and in came a slightly bruised China and a harassed but relieved Russia. China's eyes instantly fell on Philippines and he rushed over to get her out of the broken mess. She was bleeding.
"Ma'i, what happened?!? Here, let's get you to the couch aru," he said before carrying the sobbing girl into the nearby couch where Ivan had situated himself, the smile on his face back with a vengeance.
China went to the bathroom to get the first aid kit.
Ivan scooted closer to the sobbing who seemed to be unaware that her knees down to her feet were bleeding with some pieces of glass still stuck to it.
"My, my, Philippines…what do you think you've been doing without me?" he forced her hands away from her eyes and made her face him. "What were you doing with Belarus' knife, da?"
"I'm sorry…I'm sorry." Philippines whimpered.
Ivan's smile fell. She wasn't saying that at him. Philippines was not looking at him.
He was going to heckle her further when Yao came back into the room and asked him to help him clean Philippines' other leg. He'll teach her to look at him again some other day.
Two days after Philippines came back to her country, everything was in chaos. An earthquake with a magnitude of 7.0 struck central Luzon, bringing larger damages to crops and loss of about 3, 000 lives. The earthquake was the first of the last 5 major earthquakes that hit the country in the next 5 years.
Since 2010, the country had moved up from a third-world country to a fully-industrialized one. Since the start of the new president's term, corruption dropped at an increasing rate until the rate equaled Singapore's. The country rose from poverty to its former grandeur. Since investors started trusting the country's government more, more money poured into the nation, generating millions of jobs and alleviating the condition of its populace. Less and less professionals needed to work abroad, therefore, health care, domestic works, and education boomed in the country. Less than a fifth of the population is still living in extreme poverty. Since Philippines had gone up in the world, crime rates had decreased due to less people going into hunger and resorting to crimes. Since the government was finally just and respectable, politics ceased to be called 'dirty'. Citizens trusted in the government, improved their lives and helped themselves. Discipline was widely implemented and accepted. The year now is 2015.
Philippines looked over the summary report of the earthquake. Damage exceeded a hundred million in pesos. Relief was being provided for by the government and concerned citizens. She breezed through the content again and put it on top of her paper work before going up to the window of the office she was in at the Congress. She's scheduled to listen to her President's State of the Nation address before going Clark Air Base herself. It would be boring to just sit there and listen to him justify their war against Malaysia so that protesters would shut up. Not everyone was supporting the war. Legislation was divided as well as other parts of the government. But they'll have to join, they've already attacked, retaliation was inevitable.
Because there were already many pressing issues inside the country, what's the point of creating conflict outside too? Indeed, natural calamities were made more frequent since 2009. Storms, Hurricanes, Tsunamis, Earthquakes, Volcanism…everything seemed to be happening all at the same time that the government finds it hard where to focus first or whom to save first.
Philippines stared at the grasslands surrounding the congress, the plants were slowly dying. Was it really supposed to be this hot in the country? Summer has barely started and they were already frying up.
Out of the blue, her cellphone started ringing. She read the text twice before grabbing her things and making her way out of the building. Once in the lobby, she was met by her personal guards and escorted to her waiting car. "I'm going home. Tell the president I won't be meeting him until tomorrow. Reschedule my flight to Clark until…say two days from now." she said to her aide before driving out.
She needed to be by his side. Malaysia is finally awake.
May 17, 1997 – December 27, 1997
Clara bent her head low, almost plunging it into the mud, and pretended to be too busy planting rice seedlings to even look up to see who's walking by the dirt road a few meters from her. Spanish guardia civil seem to be more vigilant now that the town was finally back in their power.
The death of Bonifacio was still fresh in her mind and Aguinaldo's angry expression still plaguing her. She had said too much to him. Maybe a week ago she could have had a chance to go back and apologize for her immaturity to him, but it seems that Aguinaldo had thrown himself into battle after battle, and sadly, he lost them all. Just today, the whole of Cavite fell under Spanish control again. Clara needed to get out too, and possibly, along the way, bump into Jacinto and tell him what's happened in case he'd been told some lies.
She stood up straight when the Spanish guardia civil had passed and continued her conversation with the farmer beside her. She had known him from her days with Jacinto when they fought in the war. The Katipunero who had commented about something concerning Jacinto and his carabao, she was only half-listening at that time, she can't be sure. The Katipunero had gone back to his rice fields to become a farmer again after Bonifacio was executed by the government.
Clara understood his choice to quit the revolution. Bonifacio's death had demoralized some Katipuneros who were loyal to him which eventually led to them losing faith in Aguinaldo's government and consequently quitting the revolution. That's probably why she's having a hard time catching up with Jacinto for he, along with Macario Sakay refused to subject their military commands under Aguinaldo.
"Where are you going after here, señorita? You could stay with my family as long as you want. Nobody in this small town would ever turn you in." the ex-katipunero offered.
Clara stretched her tired back and looked sideways, "It's a long journey to reach Jacinto, and I can't impose on anyone for too long, the Spaniards had heightened their search for me because they think I'm stirring up a whole lot of trouble for them. I must be on my way now. Salamat po, manong." She trudged back to the hut to wash her feet before she got heckled by the children living there.
"Ate Clara, stay with us forever! Oh please," one of the little girls pleaded.
Clara smiled sadly at them before giving in to a group hug, "I'll be gone for a while, be good children, okay? Take care of yourselves. Ate Clara has lots of things to do so she can't stay here. But if I promise to come back, will you let me go?" she asked.
The children nodded, "We'll be waiting with your favorite tinola so hurry and come back."
"I'll be on my way," she said before climbing onto her horse and kicking it into the full run into the direction of the forest trails again.
These days, Clara can't seem to shake this feeling of foreboding that's been bothering her for quite some time now. It's as if something bad is going to happen soon, not only to her but to her people too. She feared greatly that it would be irreversible, that there would be no way to steer clear of it. Not when every defense she had built up was weakening. Clara could not deny it anymore. Ever since Bonifacio died, the revolution was suffering. Fighters were leaving and courage was depleting, resolve was wavering. Aguinaldo may have unified the majority of the revolutionary forces under his government, but it was significantly weakened by the process. Judging from his continuous reverses, it wouldn't take long for the Spaniard's to gain back the upper hand.
She dreaded what would happen if they reach a stalemate.
Clara shook the thoughts from her mind. This is no time to worry. She needed to find Jacinto. And fight.
In July 1897 Aguinaldo's forces are driven from Cavite to Bulacan where Aguinaldo declares his constitution and establishes the Republic of Biak-na-Bato. Clara was aware of the reinstatement of a government by Aguinaldo and had planned to go there to look into the proceedings when she found Jacinto two weeks later in Nueva Ecija, along with Macario Sakay.
"Susmaryosep, CLARA!!!"
Jacinto had been ecstatic when Clara breeched his camp calling for him. He's so thankful that she's safe. When she didn't come back for a month, Jacinto had half a mind to fetch her himself but was held back by Sakay. Aguinaldo's men had just murdered Bonifacio. They might take Jacinto's action as a rebellion against them.
Jacinto knocked over the table he was dining in with Sakay in his rush to get up and meet Clara. Sakay forgave his friend for the spilled food and smiled as his friend hoisted Clara out of the horse and gave her a bone-crushing hug even if the girl was beating him because of it. Jacinto had been so worried about Andres and Clara since they were taken from their camp in Indang. Everyday and every hour that passed, all Jacinto could ever think of was the two. Even when he was beaten up badly when Sakay found him in the woods behind the camp, Jacinto was grumbling about following Clara. The guy sure was serious about his endeavors.
"Let go, Jacinto! This is highly inappropriate! You can't do these things so openly!" the girl whined in her best efforts to make the young man obey her. She felt so safe being near him that she almost wanted to sink on the ground and let go of all the tension and anxiety that she had accumulated during her weeks alone. Bickering with Jacinto was the closest thing she had at reliving the days with Bonifacio. She really wished Andres was there to separate the two of them yet again.
"No no no! You got me so worried!" Jacinto grinned. He noticed that she was not pushing him away despite her complaints and constant beatings. He knew then that Clara had missed him too and her blatant rejection of him was just conditioned response.
Sakay smiled weakly. And so did every Katipunero present who was watching the scene. Jacinto looked so relieved and happy at the sight of their nation. For the past few weeks since Bonifacio was captured and then the news of his death, Jacinto had been like a shadow of his usual self. It was like the man had lost himself amidst everything that's happening around him. Waiting really is painful. Especially when you're waiting for the people you care for the most. Every little bit of news could make waiting worth it or not.
Sakay righted the overturned table and asked for more food, then he walked over to the two and detached them, Jacinto grumbled curses and Clara looked like she was getting weak in the knees. "Come and talk about it over lunch, you two. Señorita looks like she could use some food right now." Sakay said as he pulled the two towards table being laden with food.
When Clara just breezed through her prayers and quickly dug into the food, Jacinto knew better than to disturb her. Last time he saw her eat this fast, she had just gone through something so tiring and tension-filled. Clara sometimes ate to relieve herself of stress. When she was done eating she was asleep before the other two men at the table could even question her.
"I wonder how scared she was when she's traveling alone all this time. You'd think Spaniards were ambushing her every now and then." Jacinto wondered, picking up Clara's sleeping body and deciding to let her sleep in his tent since the one for her was not done yet.
Sakay nodded and looked at the peaceful expression on his sleeping nation's face. He couldn't explain it but seeing her like that fueled his courage, an irresistible desire to preserve her peaceful expression like the smile on her lips. Like he had been sworn to protect her the moment he signed over his life in blood for the Katipunan. He looked at the soft expression on Jacinto's face as he tucked the nation beneath the covers. Sakay smiled, this man had given more than his life for this.
The two took their seats on a table inside the tent a few feet from the bed where Clara lay sleeping. Jacinto still can't have enough of the sight of Clara, like he's using her presence to comfort himself over his losses. Watching over Clara, being at her side, even with Andres gone, was the only thing he could do for his deceased friend. Like a promise…a pledge he'll keep for his whole life.
"It's dangerous ground you're treading on, my friend. I can't have you going over to the other side yet." Sakay said out of the blue, snapping Jacinto's concentration on watching Clara.
"What are you talking about? I won't die. I won't let myself die until I'm sure Clara is in good hands, I won't depart without a fight." Jacinto answered.
"That's my point exactly. As much as we need brave men here, I don't want you treating your life as nothing compared to hers. You can't always protect her, Jacinto. She had been here before us and she'd still be here even after we have all died." Sakay looked at the younger man with worry etched on his face, "I'm telling you, give your heart to someone else. I don't want you leaving us because of a broken heart."
"Who I give my heart to is my personal business. And besides, there has been nobody else." Jacinto looked back at him with a sad look, "My heart has been hers even before I met her. It's something I just had no control of. Everything in my life had been done for her sake. How could my life not end up revolving around her when she's been the center of it since I was born?!"
Sakay stared at him in confusion, "What have you been drinking, my friend?"
Jacinto glared at Sakay before covering his face with his hands and setting his elbows on the table, "I have not been drinking, bastard. I'm just saying 'back off, shithead', that kind of thing." Jacinto moved some of his fingers to glance at Sakay who was gaping at him, "Just joking."
Sakay sighed. Sometimes Jacinto just asks for a thorough beating. "Really, you could be so annoying sometimes."
Jacinto chuckled and put down his hands on the table, "Yeah, I've been told. If I weren't such a damn good friend to Andres I bet he'd kicked me out of the revolution the moment I met Clara. Damn, he didn't let me live that down for the better part of our days." He chuckled at the memories that flooded him at the thought.
Before Sakay could say something, a soldier interrupted and brought them some kind of manifesto that he said 'had been circulating around in town'. It was called the Malabar manifesto.
"What the hell is that fucking Aguinaldo doing now?!" Jacinto slammed his fist on the table in anger after he read the contents of the manifesto. Surely this was the work of that coward. No one else caters to the Spaniards like this. Oh…if killing the damn rich bastard had been on Bonifacio's list, Jacinto would have made sure he'll be the one to carry it out even if he had to beg for it. The goddamn son of a bitch didn't know what he's costing everyone. Just because he had proven that he could get rid of everything in his way to power doesn't mean he could just by-pass all of their opinion and create such a manifesto that speaks for the revolutionary forces in general. The bastard must have forgotten that 'not all' of the revolutionaries are serving him.
"Well, based on this, it seems he's afraid of head-on collision. Do you think it has something to do with the increase in power of the Spaniards?" Sakay asked without looking up from the piece of paper in his hands, "Hmmn…shift to guerilla warfare and ambuscades so that the rebel forces could thus for an indefinite period, defy Spain, exhaust his resources and oblige him to surrender from poverty…have you seen the girl's father? If I weren't vying to defeat him, I'd think this is very funny."
"The traitorous, conniving, murderous, cowardly fucking son of a bitch…I'm so going to throttle him when I see him…fucking idiot…I hate him." Jacinto grumbled, crumpling the manifesto in his hands.
Sakay raised an eyebrow, "Are we going to tell your little Señorita about this? This is an important development after all." Sakay asked after he read through the contents. It did make his blood boil if it's really meant to insinuate what he's already suspecting it does.
Jacinto stopped fuming and snapped his head at Clara's sleeping figure, she hasn't awaken yet amidst his noise, "No, this has nothing to do with us and with her as well. Let the coward hide, I'm not following his examples."
"If anything, I think we should tell Clara. If my hunches are correct, she'd be surrendered to the Spaniards without her consent and an extensive manhunt would occur."
Jacinto sighed, "Not yet. She's just been put down by her own countrymen, give her some more time to recover, then I'll tell her myself."
But even as the people fought against all odds in many provinces and despite Aguinaldo's own call to engage in protracted guerilla warfare, and notwithstanding the grandiose plans for a Biak-na-Bato republic and constitution, Aguinaldo had already entered negotiations with the enemy as early as August that year. Both Spain and Aguinaldo's new republic had realized that the situation had become a no-win for either side.
In manner of all colonialists, the Spaniards alternatively used a policy of attraction and a policy of repression. After the fall of Imus earlier that year, they had been issuing amnesties which had been ignored by the majority of the population. Subsequently, Primo de Rivera, the newest governor-general, changed the amnesty offer after the Spanish reclaimed Cavite, he gave other inducements such as pardons for minor offenders, return of exiled patriots and lifting of embargo of properties of suspected revolutionaries.
There had been attempts of mediation too even before the fateful Tejeros convention like the one made by the Jesuit Father Pio Pi. Bonifacio at that time suspected that Aguinaldo was considering this offer but the latter evidently shied away from dealing with a Spanish negotiator. Then five months later Pedro Paterno, a prominent Chinese mestizo lawyer, helped his case.
"I can take Biak-na-bato. Any army can capture it. But I cannot end the rebellion." was what the governor-general said and he proffered the olive branch of peace to the revolutionaries at the start of negotiations.
At that time Clara had been kept unaware of the negotiations between Spain and Aguinaldo's government. She kept fighting alongside her people, aiding the injured and just about all the duties she had undertaken since actively she joined the war.
Jacinto and Sakay had kept close watch on the proceedings of the negotiations and as its definite consequences became clearer to the both of them, Jacinto finds telling Clara more and more difficult. How could he tell her that her boss and government are planning to sell her back to the Spaniards as she toiled in the battlefields for them? She would be hurt and would beat herself up again and they both knew she's focusing her mind on what's in front of her than what's already happened.
But still, as Jacinto sat outside his tent, resting after another bloody battle, thinking about what he could say to at least minimize the effect of what's he's supposed to say to her, he knew that he couldn't put this off any longer. The more he waited, the graver the matter seemed to get. He knew Clara was not a child anymore. But she had always been weak to these things. Probably because of the traumatic past experiences and many deaths at her expense. The girl's only good at pretending she's alright when she's not. And sometimes when she just couldn't take it anymore, she becomes as fragile as she looks. She's probably convinced herself that she's strong enough. She was brave, yes she is. But she was weak. Really weak.
"Oh there you are, I was just wondering where you've been. Were you injured today as well?" Clara said behind him, making Jacinto turn to look at her. He shook his head 'no' before scooting a bit to make room for her at the bench. "Thank God." She sat next to him and let out a deep breath as she wiped her hands with a clean cloth. "I have been working on the medical wards for seven hours straight. Ahh…" she stretched her tired limbs.
Jacinto just looked quietly at her which Clara took as odd because he'd usually tease her now or narrate his battle blow by blow to her right now. "Did you get hit in the head or something? You're definitely weird." she asked, grinning at him teasingly. When he just stared at her, she nudged him in the shoulder. "Did you take some weird medicine or something? I always told you not to overdose."
"No…I just-…ahm…how would you react if you learn that all these fights were just being used as kind of…leverage for a negotiation or something like that? Did you get my drift?" he asked as insinuatingly as he could.
"You mean if someone was using us to secure a deal with another person?" Clara smiled, "Well, what would you expect me to do? Of course I'd go straight to that bastard's face and give him a piece of my mind, and if I could, I'll beat him up and feed him to the dogs. How dare he sacrifice my people for his own selfish gain?"
"I see…how about if you learn that Aguinaldo has been planning to surrender the revolution in favor of ensuring his own life as well as his officers?" he asked innocently again.
Clara stifled a yawn, "I never really thought about Aguinaldo at all. But if that happens…" she paused and knotted her eyebrows, "I don't know. I guess we had it coming…Andres had warned me before about Aguinaldo's hidden agendas but as far as it goes, he's pretty much sincere in his wish for independence so I guess I won't find him doing anything to endanger the revolution?"
Jacinto 'tsked' and decided to just get on and be honest to her, "Clara, listen, I'm sorry I've hidden this from you for a long time but…Aguinaldo has entered into negotiations with the Spaniards as early as August. Clara, they're already laying down the grounds for ending the revolution. Please-,"
"He did what-?!?" Clara was standing now, forgetting her tiredness and worries and pacing the ground, "Does everybody else know of this?" she glared at Jacinto as he tried to get her to calm down. She slapped his hand away when he tried to get her to stop and sit back down. "Why didn't you tell me sooner? This is important! Lives are at stake here! You can't delay something like a ceasefire! If the revolution has ended, why the hell should we keep fighting and losing lives here?!" she snapped back at him.
Jacinto gritted his teeth, he's angry enough as it is, and he knew it was his fault for not telling her but…argh…Andres was usually the one who had to break these kinds of news to her because he could control her and she actually listens to his suggestions. But Andres is gone, Jacinto is the only one left that could take care of Clara. "The negotiations were not meant to stop the rebellion, it's only meant to augment the revolution. Clara, Aguinaldo is not vying for independence, he's planning to bring you back to your father in exchange for his safety."
Clara almost could not believe it. Of course, what did she expect? A bed of roses at the end of the revolution? Surely, this was something she should have considered. For his own safety, Aguinaldo is going to trade thousands of people. That's ironic. Clara almost laughed at the irony of it all. Now where did she know somebody who has done that before? Didn't she trade her people for a name and a father hundreds of years ago? Now that she's the one who's on the opposite end of the bargain, Clara could not find it in herself to blame Aguinaldo for what he had done. How could she tell him that's wrong when she had been the reason he had done that in the first place?
Slowly…slowly…she felt her mind break. Everything she does always come back to that one inerasable sin she had committed when she didn't know better. She could have prevented all of this from happening…but the point is that she didn't. She had been too blinded by her own desires to think about its consequences. She should have realized earlier that she was a country, that there's not only a nameless girl inside her, but also a nameless country. That consisted of thousands of lives, of a thousand different futures she could have altered if it weren't for her selfishness that one fateful night. Tears fell from her eyes as everything she ever dreamed of for her people came crashing down. There would be no freedom at the end of their struggle. "T-this..is the first time…I-I really felt…the graveness of my mistake…three hundred years and it's still echoing across this land…now it's coming back for me…I didn't know…" she brought her hands to her face and cried into it.
"Clara, stop-," Jacinto tried to pacify her but he found that he didn't want to speak. She shouldn't be sad. He made her sad.
"I didn't know how sad it really felt when you've done your best and yet they still gave up on you…"
Jacinto hated it when Clara talks like this. Why can't she see that she's the only one weighing herself down? Wasn't it enough that she knew she had made a mistake…she can't possibly regret everything that happened since then…because the fact that she's so upset now meant that she had been happy with her decision. It's her fate to be here right at this moment. He gripped her shoulders and shook her like he's trying to wake her up, "Will you quit that? Not every little thing that happens here is because of what you did! Nobody's blaming you for what you have done so get over it already! You're not going to move forward if you won't put down your past. Isn't it enough to remember them? You can't keep beating yourself like this. I'm aware that it was painful…that was inevitable…but Clara, you don't have to suffer…not now, not ever. Move on, Clara. This is the present, you did not choose this but it's definitely not your fault!"
She met his gaze and said in a weak voice, "But it's just too hard to forgive myself…"
Shit…this is why he lets Andres talk to her. Jacinto's probably as much bonkers as Clara was on topics like this. He let go of her and she sank to the ground in a sobbing heap. Jacinto ran a hand through his hair in frustration, he kicked some dirt in annoyance before sitting down on the ground in front of Clara, "Clara, I just-…Oh shit…did I make you cry? Darn it…I'm sorry, alright? I just- I'm not good at things like this so I get angry when I fail…Sorry…" he patted her head gently. "We all expected to gain independence…the revolution might end but they can't end the rebellion unless we're free from Spain. Don't cry, Clara. I would always be here to support you."
Clara stopped crying.
"What's happening here?" a voice came from behind Jacinto. It was Sakay. And he looked haggard. "Did you tell her?" he asked.
Jacinto nodded. Sakay then showed him the paper in his hands. "There's something you need to know…this just came in from our insider. They have reached an agreement."
Clara came out of her stupor and grabbed the paper from Sakay's grasp and read it. Jacinto looked over her shoulder so he could also read. Clara's eyes widened. "Why are there no provisions for my people here? Why is there only numbers? Where are the resolutions?! What have we fought for all along?" she said in a broken voice. She turned to look at the other two for an explanation but the two just bowed their heads.
"I was going to tell you, Clara. The negotiations were nothing more than business propositions. The negotiations had not dragged on for five months because of any insistence from Aguinaldo's side to make the Spaniards comply with any of the people's revolutionary demands. The principal gist of Paterno's mediation was to decide the amount to be paid to the leaders and the terms of payment."
Clara can't seem to process what she's hearing right now. All of the lives lost, the efforts, the sacrifices, all were for nothing? Only a few would benefit from the surrender of the revolution, where thousands had shed blood while they just shouted out orders? No amount of money could compensate for their losses! What was Aguinaldo thinking? He can't pacify the people's cry for independence like this!
Clara can't accept this. She shouldn't have let the Tejeros convention happen. Ever since that convention, the revolution was slowly going downhill. She shouldn't have let the Illustrados gain control of the revolution. The Pact of Biak-na-bato was a shameful repudiation of all that the revolution had stood for. It made a mockery of the revolutionary cry for freedom that had resounded at Balintawak when the people, the masses, led by Bonifacio, were still in control of the revolution. Biak-na-bato was the logical outcome of the Illustrados' seizure of power.
Clara read over the document again. The Pact provided that the Spanish government would pay a total of 800,000 Mexican pesos in the event that Aguinaldo and his companions went into voluntary exile. This sum would be paid out in three installments: 400,000 to Aguinaldo upon his departure from Biak-na-bato, 200,000 when arms surrendered exceeded seven hundred and 200,000 when the Te Deum had been sung from the cathedral in Manila, and a general amnesty had been proclaimed. The continuous fighting, the issuing of the Malabar manifesto after negotiations had begun…it all had been done to ensure their own safety. They refused to lay down their arms before they could get a signed contract from Spain to exempt them from punishment and to still have enough to get by anywhere they wish to go to.
They could only get general amnesty if I myself surrender. Should I? I doubt armed conflicts would cease if I turn myself in.
Clara looked at Jacinto and Sakay who were looking at her worriedly. She turned around and kept to her thoughts. She bit her thumb and tapped her foot impatiently on the ground in the process.
"Uhm…Clara? What are-,"
"Be quiet, Jacinto. I'm thinking."
These guys would not agree to this. I bet they'd continue to fight. At the instance they don't surrender, Spain would not hold out general amnesty and would continue the arrest and torture of suspected bandits. The Spaniards are undefeatable because Antonio is fighting in the front lines. He's crushed rebellions before efficiently. If I could do something about him…maybe the Spaniards would only have enough force to hold out the fighting without losing. And the only way to hold him at bay is to…but what if he doesn't want me now? I'm just a typical colony now…what hold could I have on him? Would I really gamble all of this?
"Clara…if you're considering surrendering to Spain, forget it. That's only happening over my dead hot body."
Clara blanched at him before flicking him in the forehead, "Who's hot? Shut up." She turned around again and accidentally caught a glimpse of Jacinto's gun holster. Realization dawned on her.
I'll have Spain finance my army.
She went to run to the stables. She have to get to where Aguinaldo is as soon as possible. Preferably before he goes into voluntary exile.
Clara could hear Jacinto running after her, "Wait! Where are you going?!? What are you planning?!" he yelled after her worriedly.
She jumped onto a saddled horse, and with a smirk on her face, said "I'm going to Biak-na-bato! I need to see Aguinaldo!"
Jacinto turned furious in a matter of seconds and tried to take the reign from her. "No, you do not! Why are you going to see him?!?"
Clara tugged the reigns back, "I have to tell him something! Let me go, Jacinto! I know what I'm doing!" she paused before, "By the way, I need you to do me a favor."
"Get back on the ground and we're on." Jacinto said ominously. Sakay stood behind him, raising a curious eyebrow at Clara.
Clara was indignant, "I said I know what I'm doing! What so unbelievable about that??!"
Jacinto would not be swayed by her serious face, not this time, "Because, mahal ko, you certainly don't know what you're doing if you think I'd ever let you associate with that conniving bastard! You're already safe here! Don't make it easier for Aguinaldo to get what he wants!"
"I planned ahead this time. Let me go, Jacinto. I'll come back eventually so do me a favor to be strong and keep up the fight. I know how to win this war, you'd just have to be patient and wait." Clara assured him with a smile. She hoped to God that everything would work out as she planned.
"I'm going with you! I'm sure as hell not going to let you go unguarded!" Jacinto protested again. Letting Clara go alone to Biak-na-bato is dangerous. The Spaniards might chance upon her on the way. If Clara needs to get to Aguinaldo pronto, then surely getting held up on the way is not on her to-do-list.
Clara's smile faltered and she looked at Sakay who still had a questioning expression on his face. She met his eyes and nodded. Sakay sighed and approached Jacinto. Without warning, he punched the lights out of his friend. "Forgive me, my friend, but the señorita said so." He let Jacinto slumped on him then turned to Clara.
Clara regained hold on the reign of her horse and examined Jacinto's face, "He should know when to let go. It's not like I'm doing this to get away from him. I really do like his company." She turned her gaze to Sakay, "Take good care of him. I know this is an unreasonable request but…could you please hold out for a year or two? I have plans, but I don't know how long it would take to carry them all out. Until then, I need you to keep the fight. Never let the Spaniards think that the rebellion is over. And as much as possible, keep your lives."
Sakay nodded, "Yes, señorita, I will. Though…could you leave a message for Jacinto so he won't kill me when he wakes up?"
There was silence for a few moments before Clara spoke up, "Tell him…tell him that I've forgiven his mother for what she had done even before he was born. I didn't mean to reject all his advances. I was just waiting to see where Emilio Jacinto begins and where Maria's dutiful son ends."
It was a surprise to everyone in Biak-na-bato when Clara showed up at noon time the day before they sign the treaty with Spain to be known as 'The Pact of Biak-na-Bato' and demanded to talk privately with Aguinaldo. When the two were left alone in the latter's office, they were all expecting to hear Clara chew the general out. But there were no loud noises that could be heard by the whole compound who were all hanging in suspense.
Everyone was wondering what they were talking about. Maybe Clara also wants out of the country? She wants to come back to Spain. They've seen enough of the girl at the courtroom at Bonifacio's trial and Aguinaldo's office in Cavite to know that if the girl is furious, everyone nearby could hear her opinion. But there were none. So the girl must have been in a good mood. Maybe she's taking the whole thing lightly. It's an end to her struggle after all. It just won't leave the desired result, is all.
Then she came out of the room about twenty minutes later smiling to herself with Aguinaldo tailing behind her and announcing that they were going to exile themselves in HongKong. And that Clara would be handed back to Spain at the signing of the treaty tomorrow. They all stared at her as she took the news calmly. Could the girl not find it in herself to protest even in the slightest about what they were doing?
The next day she was silent while the governor-general leered at her. Actually, Primo de Rivera did not expect to find her there at all, all his for the taking. He was expecting to have to search for her which would be tiring. As far as he knew, the girl had a knack for finding good hiding places. Don Antonio would certainly be pleased when his governor-general goes back to Manila with more than just signed papers.
The journey back to the walled city was a bit depressing for Clara but she kept on the indifferent façade until they arrived at the Malacañang Palace and Antonio was nowhere in sight.
"He must have gone out. Where did Don Antonio go today?" Primo de Rivera asked another official who had stayed at the palace.
"I don't know. I think he just went out a while ago. Dios mio, is that-!?" the official gave her a sideways glance before turning back to his colleague.
"Yes, she is." He turned back to Clara, "I take it you still know where your room is? I'd like you to stay there until Don Antonio comes back." And he left her along with two guards.
He's too sure I'm not going to run away, isn't he? She thought as she trudged along the familiar hallway to the gardens where she used to hang out with Maria and a few times with Antonio when he had time for her more than twenty years ago. She took a deep breath as she opened the doors to the garden. "You could leave me now, I've got no where to run to anyway." The guards did not budge, "Or…you could stay there…Please stay there. I'm just going to have a look around here. You can keep an eye on me…but por favor, stay here." She pleaded. The guards reluctantly agreed when she added a pout.
She smiled at them before trudging across the gardens and disappearing among the trees. The sun was still high in the sky…the perfect time for siesta.
Arthur sat with his back resting against the tree and propped both of his hands behind his head and got ready for a nap when Clara rested her head on his bended knees and softly murmured, "Padre always let me sleep like this when we get too tired to get back inside the palace for siesta." and she closed her eyes.
"Shut up and sleep."
And indeed, she found Antonio lying under the shade of a huge mango tree, both of his hands propped behind his head and one of his legs bent at the knees. Her heart beat faster at the sight of her father sleeping peacefully. His even breaths, the goofy smile on his face that meant that he was dreaming again most likely of tomatoes again…only then did she notice just how much she had missed the man. A cool breeze swept through them, making the leaves make a soft rustling noise and the little patches of sunlight dance across grass around her. She sighed calmly before she noticed that she had been watching him with bated breath. It seems he still had that effect on her.
When she sees him like this, it's like the last 26 years did not happen. If the two of them would agree on it, they could pretend she just came from her lessons and found her father already asleep waiting for her. How nice that would be…but that would just be a distant dream for her.
"I'm here, Padre." she murmured.
Antonio did not open his eyes.
"Welcome back, hija." he said.
And she closed her eyes and prayed for salvation.
She received the first letter from Alfred F. Jones two months later. The United States…are declaring war against the Spanish Empire.
Ahahahahahaha...Alfred's here...they'd all soon be here! weeee...I did not take Summer Classes...bummer...now I have nothing else to do but write this fic and try to keep the house clean til the town fiesta! I love Philippine fiestas! One of the good things we got from spain!
Thanks to all who finds the time to read and review this fic of mine! Know that I greatly appreciate your comments, no matter how short it is! Thanks so much!