Chapter Eleven: Waking Up

Disclaimer: 'Any people, objects, places and so on that you recognise belong to JK Rowling. I'm just having fun playing in her sandbox for a while.

Ginny felt more than a little groggy when she started to come round the next morning. Her head was still spinning and there was that dull pounding that was still present. Worse than that was her annoyance with the words that someone in the room was whispering; they were making very little sense to her right now. She hated being left out of the loop, so to speak. She did not need to be babied or mollycoddled. She wanted to understand what was being talked about, she deserved that at the very least but it all just sounded like nonsense and all the snippets of vague conversations that she could remember from last night made even less sense.

She had a dull memory, or more likely some bizarre from of dream, of Snape checking in on her in the dead of night. No doubt he planned to report more of her acts of misdemeanour to her parents. This would definitely increase her guilt, her parents' worry and surely incur more punishments, as hard as she tried, she couldn't remember what she had done wrong in the last week.

She must have hit her head harder than she thought last night, if she was imagining that there was even the smallest possibility that Snape, after everything he had done, could be checking on her welfare.

It made her head hurt just to think about it. She had to stop thinking; she had to at least open her eyes and concentrate of some concrete things instead of thoughts that made her head hurt.

With an effort, she let her eyes flutter open. It took a while for her surroundings to come into focus and to stop being a mess of colours. She needed to focus on just the little things in the room so she could get her head slowly clicking back into gear or even just work out exactly where she was. She concentrated on things like the white bedding and the old wooden desk, the typical hallmarks of this very room that she knew all too well. After all, she had visited this room so often at Hogwarts that even without the Hogwarts nurse now approaching her, it was easy to make out that she was in the hospital wing. If only other things could be that easy to work out, given a bit of time to focus.

Although she still struggled to work out how she had ended up here, she was pretty sure it would not be the usual answer that she had fallen off her broom. She wasn't allowed her broom anymore. A hammer blow hit her heart as if attempting to shatter it in two as she woke to reality. She was in the Death Eater led Hogwarts and the physical pain was nothing compared to what she was about to re-enter. The days of a couple of potions making her feel better were long gone.

Not that Madam Pomfrey's potions had ever worked that well on her if they concerned things other than fixing bones.

"There you go," Madam Pomfrey said as she handed over a potion. "You take that," she added before muttering in a voice that despite its low nature was still clear.

"Sending them into the forest, and this year, too! It's almost like they are trying to get them killed. And I thought things could not get worse at this school." She paused before speaking again in a louder tone, "Drink your potion."

Ginny eyed the liquid she'd been handed. She may not have been allowed in on Order of the Phoenix meetings but she knew enough about them through Extendable Ears and the like. Mad Eye Moody may be gone and Madam Pomfrey may be on their side, but she knew what to do. She was not going to willingly drink whatever she was given at Hogwarts this year.

After all, the Hogwarts chief Death Eater was a potion master.

"What is it?"

"Something for your head, you hit it quite hard last night. I fixed your leg in a trifle but you have been unconscious for some time so you should really drink that potion." Ginny studied the concoction again; at least it wasn't colourless. That was a good sign. Surely she could trust Madam Pomfrey. She felt bad even to be doubting her now. Madam Pomfrey had fixed her with that stare, a stare which soon disappeared as soon as Ginny swallowed the contents of the small bottle. "Mr Longbottom and Miss Lovegood have been quite concerned."

"Where are they now?" She noted the urgency in her tone of voice.

She had no idea where they were and she didn't like that feeling at all.

It wasn't like any of her friends to leave her this year, especially if she was lying in the hospital wing, especially Neville or Luna. It was almost an unspoken rule that none of them would leave the others. Even more so in her case with the way that they were watching over her and her stupid impulses. To find them anywhere but at her side was more than a little unnerving.

What had happened?

Surely it wasn't Neville's or Luna's decision to leave her.

What had the Hogwarts Death Eaters done to them?

"Professors McGonagall and Flitwick insisted that they go to their lessons," the elderly witch said as Ginny felt her body relax. They were okay and the Hogwarts nurse tutted again, "We can't have any more punishments handed out."

Ginny choose to ignore this comment. She hardly needed a lecture on what the punishments at Hogwarts were like; she knew the details of them far too personally. Instead she needed to focus on what she didn't know. "How long have I been out?"

"Thirteen hours, roughly. I could have used that potion sooner but it would have meant waking you and I thought you needed some rest. If you woke naturally I was going to give you a potion for a dreamless sleep but you didn't come round to need it in the end." She picked up another phial. "You can still take the Dreamless Sleep Potion, if you want it. I guess your dreams aren't too restful these days."

"Thank you," Ginny said, choosing to ignore this comment as well. She was not going to talk to anyone about the nature of her dreams. No matter how bad they got they were her only way of seeing Harry and she didn't want to lose that even if those very dreams tormented her, "but no, thank you."

Madam Pomfrey studied her face, a small frown creasing her forehead. "You should get some more sleep, Miss Weasley; you look like you need your rest." She held her hand up to stop Ginny interrupting her. "Mr Longbottom and Miss Lovegood will be up at the end of the school day and not before. You have a few more hours to get some rest first. Do you want another potion?"

"No," she spoke quickly before adding the, "no, thank you."

The nurse made to turn away and head back to her small office but before she had taken even a single step, she stopped and turned back, "Ginny, people are worried. You need to take better care of yourself. It's not just Quidditch injuries you're coming up here with any more. Dark magic will inflict scars that can last long after the spell has been cast and not all of those scars can be healed."

Ginny let herself sink further down into her bed.

She was sick of hearing those words--words of concern or even worse words that would guilt her into behaving as she should. She was going to behave like she wanted, not like the little girl they thought that she should be. In any case, why was everyone under the delusion that she was going to be a good girl and just behave and go to lessons?

That she would happily sit learning about love potions when the world was at war?

Or that she would care about plants when her family where all fighting?

That she would spend hours learning how to conjure water while Harry's life was at risk?

She was going to fight, she was always going to fight this.

Hell, she may be under age but she had already seen more, done more and been in more battles than people twice her age. She knew perfectly well what she was risking and how it may end, but that didn't change a thing. She was in this fight. She'd earned that right, more so than so many others who didn't have people trying to guilt them out of it.

She just wished they would learn to accept this so she would stop having to feel guilty for what she was going to do anyway.

The next few hours passed exceptionally slowly. Despite what she felt, it didn't stop her brain interfering with her heart. Damn those stupid irrational emotions. More guilty feelings filled every bone in her body as the hours passed before she let herself collapse into exhaustion. Not thinking, just sleeping and being dead to the world at least helped a little.

"Ginny," Luna whispered as Ginny felt herself slowly waking.

Her lifeline was here. The two sides that helped her stand up and fight. She was finally going to work out what had to happen so she could issue her next blow. If the Death Eaters could send slammers into her heart, she could send them back into their organisation.

"Let her sleep, Luna," Neville continued in a low voice. "She needs it, it's not like she's letting herself get any otherwise. Didn't you hear what Elizabeth was saying the other day?"

Ginny suppressed a sigh. Her roommates had obviously gone further than lecturing her and trying to get her to return to normal. She knew that she was hardly having the same relationship with her Gryffindor friends this year, there were far more important things to be interested in than mundane school talk but to go out of the way to talk to Neville was hitting below the belt. What happened in that dorm room should stay there. It's not like last year when all they had to gossip about and whisper over was how she had gushed over Harry. Yet they had stayed responsibly quiet then and understood the dorm room rule then, so why should they share her secrets now?

"It's only natural for her to dream about Harry." Luna spoke in her sing song voice. "Harry and Ginny are soul mates and we have all been of the opinion for quite some time that those other girls are gossips."

"That may be, Luna," Neville sounded resigned, almost weary, "but we can't keep throwing things at her. She's exhausted, more so than either of us. Our dreams aren't haunted with nightmares and distant promises. Let her get some sleep."

"I'm not asleep, Neville," Ginny slowly opened her eyes, "just trying to stop Pomfrey coming over again."

Neville's brown eyes were full with worry and his voice even shook a little as he spoke, "You okay, Ginny?"

"Yeah." She forced her familiar tight smile, that no matter how many times she used it felt alien to her, back at her friend. "I'm fine. So are you going to tell me what happened last night?"

Neville shrugged as he always did when he downplayed his role in something. "Not much to explain really: a giant spider attacked you, grabbed your leg, broke it and then you fell on the ground and knocked yourself out." Neville smiled at her. "Not your finest hour."

She felt her body relaxing and her smile felt much more genuine as she playfully swatted his arm, despite everything that must have happened she was grateful to see Neville yet again. And it wasn't just that he had helped save her again, it was how he was keeping it light-hearted. There was already too much tension to add to it. "If you say so."

Neville's smile grew. "I do."

"Okay, okay." Ginny laughed a laugh that was echoed by her two closest friends. More than a small part of her was so grateful that despite everything, they could still laugh. She owed the pair of them so much. "Whatever you say." Her tone changed again and she felt that note of urgency return. "So what happened next?"

"As I said, nothing much, nothing anyone else wouldn't have done." Neville shrugged again before continuing. "Stunned the spider, sent sparks up for Hagrid and he carried you back to the castle. It wasn't much really."

"Neville, you were magnificent!" Luna said.

Neville's face had flushed a clear Gryffindor red. "Not really."

Ginny found herself genuinely smiling and her smile had grown and used every part of her face to express it. Neville was becoming so much more than her rock, he was becoming a hero. "I'm with Luna here."

"You were knocked out." Neville was still smiling. "How can you make a comment?"

"Because I trust Luna and if she says you were magnificent then you were."

"When can we get you out of here?" Neville said as he quickly attempted to change the subject and switch the attention off of him. "We need you back at the D.A."

Thankfully, Madam Pomfrey let her out of the hospital wing later that day. Ginny went back into her normal routine very quickly, ignoring her roommates' and former friends' prattle over marks, classes and other usual information. Meetings of the D.A. now included sprints up to the Room of Requirement to listen to Potterwatch and the holding of her breath until she knew that there had been no change. The D.A itself played things quiet until the holidays but there were visible signs of wear and tear on each of its members; the Death Eaters' punishments were taking their toll. Other than some basic spell practice, they stuck to the low key tactics of graffiti and, if possible, releasing those chained up in detentions.

No one went and looked for trouble.

The next few days faded into each other as they passed quickly and Ginny barely noticed them slipping away and somehow she managed to get to the Christmas holidays without getting into any more trouble or scoring any more detentions. Even more remarkable, her temper stayed in check for nearly a month. Ignoring her lessons helped and even eased the pain she was feeling for longer periods of the day. If she let her mind tune out the mundane school tasks and, worse than those, the more spiteful actions of the Death Eaters and went along as if she was under an Imperius Curse, she could survive and keep a low profile responsibly well. Blocking out her reactions helped block out her pain but led to many concerned questions.

If it was not for the Room of Requirement, she could be seen as the model student.

It was late on the last Friday of term that the D.A. gathered in the Room of Requirement. It would only be a matter of hours until they were all safely on the Hogwarts Express and headed back home for some respite from the Hogwarts Death Eaters. This fact seemed to offer a level of both relief and fear. It would be wonderful to escape from the daily punishments that they were now enduring as a group, but at the same time there was the doubt about what would be awaiting them when they finally reached home.

Just like Hogwarts wasn't really Hogwarts any more, Ginny doubted that The Burrow would be the same either. This Christmas was going to be drastically different from any she had ever had there. At least while she was at Hogwarts she could delude herself into believing that things were right at home.

Then there were the reports of what was happening outside the school walls heard in the snippets of information that were breaking through the school's stone crevices. Just as before they had left for school, people were still disappearing but now it was at an alarming rate. As a group of anti-Voldemort supporters there was no guarantee that any of them would come back safely. Indeed a couple of her friends had been sending Ginny looks that expressed concern over her safety. More than a couple wondered whether they were about to lose one of the D.A. leaders.

Tension and nerves were mounting throughout the room. It was hard to believe from looking at her friends' faces that Ginny was amongst a group of teenagers, they looked so much older than that. Yet despite the nerves that were clearly flying around the room from each of the members, the meeting was somewhat uplifted.

Luna had managed to smuggle a copy of The Quibbler into the meeting. Their lifeline to the outside world, the news and support that they were not alone had been passed round and read so often in the last hour that the paper was falling apart. Ginny had drunk in every word as if those words would act like a potion to ease a broken heart and in a certain way they had--the eccentric editor of the newspaper had not only promised support to Harry but made it clear that he still believed him to be alive.

When the noise had finally died down in the room, Neville cleared his throat and addressed the assembled group.

"Well, I guess the first thing to say is, 'Let's have a good Christmas', 'cause you know as well as I do that people are dying. So enjoy a safe Christmas with your families, and don't waste any of that precious time with them." The confidence that had grown in Neville's voice was amazing. "Next, let's make sure we all get back here. It's not worth acting alone out there. There is time for bravery but acts of bravery that risk your own safety but will gain little and not help Harry are not worth it. We're going to need everyone and that bravery when we get to the final fight."

Neville nodded at Ginny to let her take over.

"Nev's right. No one knows more than me that Death Eaters will take great pleasure in hurting you for the smallest of things." She found herself massaging the scar on her hand as she spoke. "On the train we're really going to be out in the open. If they can stop it and pull people off on the way up here, they can do it on the way back. Let's not give them a reason to." There was no doubt that the looks in many of the eyes were that of concern but she ignored them as she continued her rallying cry. "We need to make sure we win this fight, and not just for Harry. We need to do this for ourselves, 'cause I can't live in a world like this. I never liked being told what to do by people who say they have my best interests at heart and I like it even less now."

At this, more than a few people let out a small laugh at those words and Ginny allowed herself to show a tight smile before quickly dropping it and continuing to speak.

"I will not live in a world like this but to fight against it is going to be hard and we have all been worn down, targeted. We need to come back strong and able to fight them."

"Be careful and come back for our first meeting next year," Luna spoke in a more serious and solemn tone than Ginny had ever heard before.

"In the meantime, if anything happens we'll use the coins, so keep checking them." Ginny forced herself to smile again. "Merry Christmas and we'll see you all next year."

People took even longer to leave the safety of the Room of Requirement than usual. Whispered conversations filled the air. It was safe to talk here and that couldn't be said about anywhere else.

This may be their only chance to say goodbye.

Ginny glanced around the room at people who were really savouring those last moments. Demelza and Ritchie were locked in a tight embrace and if possible even more intimately, Neville and Susan were touching hands as they gazed into each other's eyes.

She pulled away from the series of goodbyes. That small nagging feeling was back. The part of her gut, the part where she pushed all the emotion she wanted to hide from, was pulling her apart from the inside as that sense of longing, took over her. Where was her person to hold on to and tell her to take care and make it back to school okay? She really needed to get back home. It would not be the same as what she was missing right now. That part of her heart would still be empty but at least some of her heart would be feeling a little less so.

"Ginny."

"Hey, Demelza," she said turning to face her friend.

Demelza's smile disappeared almost as soon as it had appeared as she studied Ginny's face. "You okay?"

"Yeah" Ginny nodded automatically, "Yeah, I'm fine."

"I wish you'd stop giving us that lie and say how you actually feel." Demelza locked her gaze. "We are your friends, we would understand. We know that every time you say, 'I'm fine' you're lying. "

"I know that," she spoke in quiet voice. "It's just easier to say that I'm fine and then one day, I may actually believe that myself."

"It'll be okay, Ginny," she said as she pulled her into a hug. "Just make sure you don't do something stupid on the train, whatever happens. Make sure that we don't lose you to the Death Eaters. Make sure you come back, Ginny."

Ginny smiled and even forced a laugh. "I'll be back, you're all not going to get rid of me that easily."

Demelza smiled back at her. "That's the Ginny we know, not the one who parrots the 'I'm fine' line." Their eyes met again. "How are you, Ginny?"

"I'll be glad to get home for a while." She attempted to hide the sigh that wanted to escape from her. "I'm a bit worn down, I need to get my energy back to be ready to fight."

"And we'll do the same," Demelza's smile grew, "so we can be back fighting beside you."

Ginny returned her friend's smile. "You really are the best, Demelza."

Demelza's warm laugh echoed around the room, "And don't you ever forget that."

They all got to bed late that night, much too late for their early start on Saturday and the train journey back to King's Cross. Ginny's sleep was very much fragmented too. The dreams of Harry had returned and she woke more than a few times with the need to find him. It was almost as if he was calling her, willing her come and give him some much needed love and support. She could not fight the feeling that he wanted her by his side and it took all her willpower to stay in her bed, close her eyes and try to get some sleep and not undertake the impossible task of Apparating fruitlessly round the country trying to find him.

The next time Ginny woke she felt salty tears trickling down her face. Her dream that Harry was okay and she had him back was so real that it took a while to calm herself down.

This state of unknowing was killing her.

She managed to calm herself with a couple of long deep breaths.

At least over Christmas she might be able to get some more details out of Order members. And then there was the smallest hope that Ron would make contact over Christmas and she would be able to breathe again.

She headed down to breakfast with the other Gryffindor sixth years the next morning and chose to sit with them. She had to put up with Amy and Elizabeth's talk about boys but at least they didn't question her about the breakfast she was pretending to eat, which was a relief. As soon as breakfast was finished she headed down to the Hogsmeade station with Neville and Luna.

Hogsmeade station was filled with people who Ginny knew to be Death Eaters after her encounter in Hogsmeade earlier that year and Ginny could swear that there were Dementors nearby. It was almost as if they were waiting for an excuse to grab one of them. Neville wasted no time in grabbing his trunk. He clearly wanted to get out of that station as soon as possible. The urgency, however, seemed lost on Luna as she just gazed at the unmasked Death Eater with a dreamlike expression on her face.

Neville heaved his heavy trunk onto the train before turning back to Ginny. "Do you want a hand?"

"I think I can manage," she said as she pulled her own trunk up onto the train.

"I know that, but you don't have to, we can help, you know, Ginny." Neville jumped down from the train and grabbed the bottom of the trunk. "We can help."

Luna turned away from studying the platform to look at both Ginny and Neville. "I do believe that we are the strongest together."

"You know Luna's right. Luna's often right; we keep each other sane together." Neville smiled and glanced down at the trunk. "Not that you can't manage."

They worked in silence for a moment pulling the trunk onto the train and Ginny, not for the first time, thought it would have been a good idea to bewitch the trunks so they were feather light before they reached the station. It was just a shame she hadn't come up with this bright idea before she attempted to drag the heavy school trunk but then this year, at least, she had the excuse that she had more important things on her mind.

"I know, Nev," she said as she reached down from the train to help Luna with her trunk. "That's why we stick together."

Luna joined the other two on the train, hopping up after her trunk. "And why it is such an agreeable idea to keep using the coins."

Neville grabbed the handle ready to pull it down the train to a free compartment. "Whatever happens, we use the coins to call each other."

"Got it," Ginny said as she took the lead.

"So," Neville glanced around the train before continuing," if Harry shows up, you let us know."

Ginny looked briefly at her two friends, it wasn't even worth fighting these comments anymore.

"I will." She paused and turned round to face them directly. "And if you see him first?"

Luna just smiled at her. "That connection will be rekindled first with you, Ginny."

Ginny ignored this and pressed her point. "If you see him first…?"

"…We'll use the coins." Neville agreed.

The three of them found an empty compartment nearly at the end of the train. They soon settled into the journey and the Death Eaters on the station platform disappeared from their minds. Luna had pulled out a copy of the Quibbler but was currently frowning at the words. It was vastly usual for Luna to criticise her father's words. Ginny glanced over and on still seeing Harry's face on the front and the message to support him, she relaxed. Neville had obviously relaxed as well as he had started tending to a plant.

Ginny gazed out the window, letting things wash over her as she stared at the trees as they passed through the Scottish hillsides. It was good to know that they were finally going home and getting that much needed break.

However, just as she let herself think those words the train ground to a swift halt in the middle of the mountain scenery. Ginny's knees felt like lead as she thought she might collapse. Her chest was feeling tight as she glared out of the window. She knew only too well what had happened in September, the last time that the Hogwarts Express had stopped.

Only this time there were no Muggle-borns left on the train.

She heard a thudding down the corridor as she slowly reached for her wand.