Chapter 11

Sam's smile was tired, but happy when she exited the community center and found Daryl casually leaning against his truck, smoking a cigarette. His sharp eyes gave her a quick once-over, before his mouth quirked up into a little smile when she came closer. "Feel better?"

"Mhm." she used his trademark grunt while she grabbed him by his vest and pulled him to her for a big kiss. She sighed contentedly when she pulled away and grasped his wrist to lift his hand up to her mouth, so she was able to take a drag from his cigarette.

"Ya still don't look good."

"I know. I haven't eaten today, then all the crying... I have a headache from hell. I need aspirin and food."

"Got a pizza in the truck. Get in. Let's get ya home." he opened and closed the door for her, before he got in himself and drove them back to her place.

Sam wore an amused expression when she opened the pizza carton and found half a pizza instead of a whole one.

"Was starving." Daryl shrugged sheepishly, making her laugh while he sat in the opposite corner of the couch.

"It's alright. I don't mind." she told him while she took a slice and leaned back comfortably to eat. "Mmmm, it's good. I love me some greasy pizza."

"You don't look it."

"I don't have it often." she explained and took another bite. "How are you feeling?"

"Dunno. Alright, I guess."

"You know that I don't mind at all if you sit a little closer, right?" she winked with a smile, loving how bashful the tough guy could get.

Daryl scooted closer, but he suddenly looked to be deep in thought. Sam let him be while she ate, until he let out a quiet laugh. "I'm sorry."

Sam looked at him with a little smile, but a questioning gaze. "What?"

"I'm shit at this." he murmured and waved his index finger back and forth between them.

"You're not."

"Yeah, I am. I ain't no fool, Sam. I can tell I'm not doing this right."

"It's been one week of cuddling and a handful of kisses, Daryl. Give yourself some time... And there is no specific doing it right. There are no guidelines or a rule book, Daryl You just need to get used to it all. The most important thing is, that you relax. That's all you have to do. Relax and do what feels good and comfortable to you, the rest will fall into place, I promise. Want me to tell you about my first relationship? About how clumsy and weird I was with my first boyfriend?"

"Mhm."

"I was barely able to say anything to him. I always felt like a complete moron. I didn't dare taking his hand. I didn't dare kiss him. I didn't dare touch him. He always had to initiate everything and that went for pretty much the whole 5 months we were together. You are already way more confident than I used to be, trust me on that."

"Pffff." he huffed in disbelief.

"It's true, Daryl. We both grew up similarly in the sense that our parents never really showed us what love was, right? There were no hugs, no cuddles, no kisses, no affection. Showing affection meant to be weak and to embarrass oneself. Trust me when I say, that I know exactly how you feel with all these new things. I literally had no idea if it was okay to show someone that you like them. He was my boyfriend, but I still doubted that he would want me to kiss him or touch him. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you are having the same doubts right now. It's what held me back. Not shyness, but doubts that someone would really want me that close."

"Difference is, you were a teenage girl. I'm supposed to be a fucking grown man. Shouldn't act like a teenage girl."

"You're not. So, am I right? Or close? About those doubts?"

"Mhm... right on the money, I reckon. Just ain't sure that ya really want all this."

"But you're sure that you want all this?"

"I am."

"That's good. I know that what I'm about to say, won't magically chase all those doubts away, but you can believe me when I say, that I love having you close. I freaking crave it. I love when you touch me and I love when you kiss me. You can do it all whenever you feel like it. I won't ever mind. Quite the opposite actually."

"I'll keep it in mind." he smiled and handed her another slice of pizza.

"No pressure though. Alright?"

"I know." he nodded. He didn't feel pressured. Not by her. "Now stop talking and eat, before ya faint."

"Yes, Sir!" she giggled and earned herself a mock-glare. "Sorry. Shutting up now."

Sam hungrily wolfed down the rest of the pizza, before she let herself fall back on the couch with a full belly and with the headache slowly melting away. She grinned at Daryl and crooked her index finger in a come hither motion.

"Don't wanna crush you." Daryl said, but he was already getting on his knees on the couch, so he could scoot further up and lay next to her or on top of her or whatever she wanted him to do. He still wasn't sure what he should be doing.

"You won't. Don't worry so much." she smiled gently and smoothed his hair out of his face when he was hovering over her. "Try to turn this off." she tapped her fingertips against his forehead. "It's hard to do that, I know... Uh, I have an idea." her eyes went wide and her smile widened as well. "Stay right where you are." Sam slid out from under him and switched off the lamps left and right of the sofa. Then she plunged the room into darkness, by turning off the TV as well, and much to his own surprise, Daryl immediately started relaxing. The darkness was soothing and comforting and being close to her seemed suddenly less intimidating. "How's that? You feel okay?" Sam asked while she rejoined him on the sofa and carefully slipped back into her old spot, on her back with him towering over her.

"'s better." he murmured.

"Right? I felt the same back then. And sometimes not being able to see made me able to feel more and actually focus on feeling, instead of thinking too much about it all."

"Might be the same for me." Daryl admitted quietly, glad that she was no longer able to see him blush. It made him feel less awkward.

"It's worth a shot." Sam was gently pulling at him, as always, giving him enough opportunity to pull away and get out of the situation if he didn't feel comfortable enough. He was grateful for it. It cemented his trust in her. Her repeated show of patience made him relax more quickly every time they shared this kind of physical contact. Deep down Daryl knew, that he had been right to choose her. To let her be the first one to get close to him. She was pushing him (she had to or else they would never move forward with anything), but she didn't push him too far, too quickly. Daryl was glad for her guidance while they eased their way into all these new things. Well, new for him. He hoped that one day he would be able to return the favor and take care of her, like she was taking care of him. Every touch of hers, no matter how little, it always felt loving and caring. Like he was something to be cherished and handled with care. Nobody had ever treated him like that before, and to finally have that felt amazing. He wanted to be the one to make her feel the same way. He wanted to be a real man for her. He wanted to be able to wrap her up in his arms and make her feel safe and sheltered and cared for, but he had no idea how to do that just yet. It was a tough one to figure out by himself, after he'd had people telling him what to do for a long time. It was a relief to know that Sam knew exactly what he felt like in moments like these and that she had no problem taking charge while he was still figuring things out.

He quickly found himself half on top of her, with their legs entangled. Both of them had one leg wedged between those of the other. Sam laughed a bit nervously, while she still moved around, trying to find a position that would be comfortable for both of them. His right arm was soon wedged underneath her and acting as a neck pillow for her, while his left hand rested on her ribs on her right side. "This okay?" she asked, the smile still in her voice.

"Fine." Daryl chuckled right along with her. It was actually more than fine to him. To have her in his arms like that, with her lithe frame under him, made his protectiveness flare up again. He liked it. He liked feeling how small she was compared to him. It gave him the illusion of maybe being able to be a man for her.

Sam let her hand glide up his left arm, blindly searching for his face. When she felt his scruff against her palm and fingertips, she brought her other hand up, too, in order to cradle his face and slowly pull him down to meet her lips. "Mmmmmmm..." the quiet moan escaped her as soon as Daryl lightly sucked on her bottom lip again. She felt him smile a little against her mouth when she made the sound. She grinned, because she was able to visualize the proud little expression he was sporting right now, and rightfully so. The mood and their kisses turned playful. Sam nipped at his bottom lip and giggled happily when she felt him shudder. It was so much fun to do this with him for the very first time... to have them both find out together what he responded to, because Daryl didn't have a clue what he liked. Experimentally, Sam slowly flicked the tip of her tongue against his lips, testing if he would be up for taking things to the next level. She was more than just a little surprised, when she immediately felt him part his lips for her. There was absolutely no hesitation this time.

She dipped her tongue into the hot cavern of his mouth, and when she gently nudged the tip of her tongue against his, all the laughter and playfulness flew right out the window. Both of them shuddered and Sam moaned low in her throat, while Daryl made a little sound in the back of his as his breath hitched. Electricity zipped through them faster than a lightning bolt, making all their nerve endings come alive and tingle with excitement. Daryl had never felt anything like it, but he realized quickly that kissing her like this was like a potent drug and he was instantly highly addicted. He paid attention to what she was doing and once again mimicked her, and before he knew it, his ever racing mind shut down, while he let himself fall into the sensations, their exploring, roaming and swirling tongues were creating. No embarrassment, no doubts, no shame... just a lot of wonderful, damn near mind-blowing sensations and feelings. He definitely got what the fuss was all about and why Sam was so into kissing. It felt fucking amazing.

Her hands soon left his face and she threaded the fingers of one hand through his dark strands, fisting and pulling at them, which turned Daryl on more than he thought it would. He released a little growl, which had Sam's insides quivering. It had been too long and Daryl truly was some kind of natural at this, or a quick learner or God knows what it was, but he was doing a really good job of riling her up quickly. The darkness made their other senses sharper, which only added to her arousal, because she was able to feel his weight and his warmth on her more intensely. His unique smell of cigarettes, leather and fresh air filled her nostrils, and her ears picked up on his harsher and more labored breathing. He's killing me. Sam thought, accompanied by an audible moan as she started shifting under him.

Their tongues massaged each other ardently and their kisses became deeper and wetter, more passionate. The temperature between them rose a couple of degrees and Sam had to fight to keep herself in check and not start letting her hands slip underneath his clothes. He was driving her wild. She was really into kissing, which made her arousal spike quickly, whenever she kissed someone she really liked,... and she really liked Daryl. Much more than that even. Her panties were ruined at this point, of that she was sure. She tried to stay as tame as possible, but Sam's free hand frantically rubbed along his body, wherever she was able to reach; his shoulder, his arm and back, and his side, not able to touch enough of him at once. Daryl had no idea how it had happened, but suddenly, he was fully situated between her legs. He wasn't complaining at all, though. He felt like he was very close to heaven right now. Not knowing where it was coming from, but deciding just to go with it, he let his fingers skim up her arms and interlocked them with hers, before they rested their linked hands above her head. His whole weight was on her, but instead of pushing him off, Sam wrapped her legs around his lean hips, making sure he wouldn't move away even an inch. It had Daryl shuddering once more when a wave of arousal shot through him. It was followed by a rush of lust and adrenalin, when he realized that Sam was handing over control of the kiss to him. She pulled back a little, letting him decide what he wanted to do. She was in his hands now, quite literally, all soft and pliant with his solid form on top, free to plunder her mouth and take what he wanted. At the same time she was clinging to him, giving him the feeling that she needed and wanted him. Good Lord... feels so fucking good. She tastes so damn good. Gotta have some more of that. And so he dove back in, slanting his lips over hers and plunging his tongue into her mouth, letting it swirl around hers in a tantalizing dance. He knew he was doing good when Sam moaned and squeezed her legs harder around him. It was doing wonders for his confidence.

Daryl hadn't fantasized in ages, but now little images and thoughts started popping up inside his head. One day, he wanted for the roles to be reversed. One day he wanted to be confident enough to be the man and take matters into his own hands, like, from start to finish, without her having to take the lead once. He wanted to be the one to know every right thing to say and every right thing to do. He wanted to know every little detail about her body and how she liked it to be touched. He wanted to be able to turn her on with just a single kiss. He wanted to be good enough at sex to give her orgasms and make her crave his touch... make her crave him. He needed her to, because he never wanted her to leave his life. She had already gotten in too deep for him to be able to let go of what they had created so far. She had gotten him high on her and Daryl never ever wanted to come down off it ever again.

Daryl squeezed her hands possessively, to which Sam responded with an excited moan and a roll of her hips. She moaned yet again, when she felt the hint of a bulge in his pants. Daryl shuddered and tensed for a moment, which immediately sobered her up. She was taking it too far and she absolutely didn't want to scare him off. This felt way too good to have him run out of here right now. "Give me a moment..." she murmured against his lips. "Holy shit..."

She wasn't able to see it, but Daryl was frowning. He didn't understand why she was stopping and he thought that he'd done something wrong, right away, and he figured it had something to do with the tent he was starting to pitch inside his pants. "Shit. I'm sorry..."

"No! No, no, no... nothing to be sorry for. I just need to calm down for a moment, because holy crap, Daryl... You've been shitting me, right? You've definitely done this before."

"Nah, never." he blushed, but he was also smiling proudly again. Then he cleared his throat nervously. He'd felt it while they'd been doing it, but now that they weren't in the moment anymore, his confidence shrank a little. "So... we're... am I... it's okay?"

"Is it okay?" Sam repeated his question with an incredulous laugh. "Daryl, it's way more than okay. I don't have words... None that wouldn't scare you off."

That statement had him curious. He hid his face in the crook of her neck and squeezed her hands while he whispered in her ear. "Say 'em...?"

It was more of a question, but Sam didn't really register it as anything else than a request. Because it was dark, she wasn't able to see his reddened cheeks or his insecure gaze. She only felt his grip on her tighten, felt his hot breath against her ear, and heard his low, raspy voice telling her to say what was on her mind. It was enough to soak her panties, if they hadn't been sopping wet before. It was her turn to blush, and she swallowed hard, while she thought about how to tell him what he wanted to hear. "I'm wet" seemed too vulgar for a first make-out-session, "I'm horny" sounded too desperate to her own ears, "I want you" might overwhelm him and put too many expectations on him.

"You're having me excited... I mean... you're making me feel really good, Daryl." she mumbled, suddenly tongue-tied. Ugh, I sound like an imbecile. It didn't come out the way she had wanted it, too. "I love this." she said under her breath and gave his hands a squeeze. "I love having you on top of me like this. I love the way you kiss me, I really do. It's so incredibly good. You're driving me crazy. I can't get enough of you." The words quickly rushed out of her, trying to convey to him, how good of a job he was doing, trying to chase his doubts and insecurities away.

Daryl smiled as he snuggled his face deeper into her neck. He felt the exact same way about her. If he was able to make her feel like that about him, to him it meant, that he truly must be doing the whole making-out thing right. He didn't say anything, mostly because he had no idea what to say. Also, he was distracted by the heat he felt emanating from her skin. Her neck was so close and her scent made his mouth water. He slowly closed the gap and tentatively pressed his lips against her neck.

Sam inhaled sharply. "Oh dear God." she shuddered and tightened her grip on his hands while she fought the temptation to just give in to the lust she felt. "Daryl... baby,... You have no idea how much I love what you're doing right now, which is why you should stop, because this will seriously make me hump you like a bitch in heat."

Daryl let out a little laugh. Sam might think she was scaring him off by saying things like that, but actually, it was good for him to hear her say it. It was good for his head and his shoddy self-esteem. It enabled him to let himself start to believe her where that stuff was concerned.

"Yes, laugh at my peril, but know that it's all your fault." She laughed and gently tapped the heel of her foot against his butt. "You're amazing." she added with a quiet smile and a happy sigh. "But we should take a little breather. I need some water."

"I need to take a piss." Daryl said and loosened his grip on her, much to both their regret. He slowly moved off of her, but Sam stopped him briefly for another little kiss, before she stretched to reach the switch of the lamp closest to her.

"Mmm." Daryl grunted and closed his eyes when the light came on.

"Sorry." She smiled and got up from the sofa and stretched. "What do you want to drink?"

"Water's fine." he said while they both squinted as their eyes tried to adjust to the light. Daryl made his way to the bathroom to relieve himself and Sam went to get them their water. She gulped down half the bottle in one go. The cool liquid was refreshing and it was helping her cool down some.

Daryl took a moment in the bathroom. He was over the moon, but he was also a bit confused. For someone who hadn't had any sexual urges in so long, and who wasn't a big fan of pleasuring himself, he'd been surprisingly ready to have sex with her just now. At least his head had been ready. He had thought about squeezing her breasts and letting his hand slide down to cup her between her legs. Inside his head, he had been ready to open both their jeans, to push them down to their ankles and to slide himself into her. She might not have been averse to that idea, either, but he knew that a quick fuck was not what she deserved, and it was also not what he wanted. Not really. He wasn't his brother. He didn't want to fuck Sam in the dark like some slutty barfly, but right now, he felt like that would have been all he would have been able to give. Which meant, that he wasn't ready to go all the way with her yet. He'd been turned on, just like her, it had kicked his head into gear, fantasy-wise, but in his heart he knew, that he wasn't there yet. It needed some more working up to it. Maybe next time they could try to leave on the light. He wanted to see her reaction to him. The only problem was, that she would see his reaction to her as well, and that was the part he was still jittery about. Being vulnerable in front of someone else.

He splashed some water in his face before he went back to join her. He accepted the water bottle from her and drank down most of it in one go as well. "What's gonna happen with your boy? River?" he asked, deciding to move the topic away from their previous activities. Also, he was curious about the situation with her son.

"What do you mean?"

"He gonna stay with your folks forever?"

"Oh... no. I'm getting him back."

"When?"

"Soon. Thought he'd already be here by now. I've been trying to convince my mother for a couple of months, but she's not convinced I'm ready yet."

"Ain't exactly her decision, is it? It's yours." he scoffed.

"I don't know. Maybe." Sam shrugged and played with the label of her bottle.

"What? You think she's right? You don't think you're ready yet?"

"I'm scared." she finally admitted it out loud to someone. "Maybe that's why I'm not fighting her harder on this."

"Scared? Of what? That ya relapse? You're doin' good. And Imma kick your ass if ya ever take another sip of that crap." he said with a tiny smirk and nudged her with his elbow.

"No, not of relapsing. I'm scared that I can't be his mother anymore. That I unlearned it somehow." she sighed and fought off tears. "He's been gone for almost half his life, you know? As a mother, you usually grow naturally with your child. All these little changes, they happen gradually and naturally... He's so different now. When they took him, he was 11 months old. He wasn't able to walk yet. He was still a baby... And now he's running around and he's gotten so big and he can do so much more and I wasn't there to see it. I wasn't there to adjust to it... I know how to be a mother to a baby, but I have no idea how to be the mother of a toddler. I've never cooked for him, I don't know if he will like my food... I don't know if he even recognizes me as his mother anymore, or if my own mother took that place. I don't know if I'm doing him a favor taking him back. What if he misses them and suffers from it?"

Daryl wished he had answers for her, but he didn't. There was only one thing he knew for sure. "He should be with his momma. It's where he belongs. My mom... you know... I told ya how she was. Never stepped up for us. Didn't care much for us... Still, I had a hard time acceptin' she was just gone. That there wasn't even anythin' left to bury. No grave to go to to mourn. She wasn't a good mom, but she was my mom nonetheless and I missed her. Sure, he's like... what? 2 years old?"

"20 months."

"Yeah, he's still little, he prolly don't really understand the difference between grandma and momma, but that don't change the fact that he should be with his mom. You turned shit around for him. You want him here... you should both get the chance to be together again. What did you say to me earlier? I shouldn't worry too much? That the rest would fall into place? I think it would be the same here. You're gon' manage."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"I know we haven't talked about this..." This time Sam was the one to wave her hand back and forth between the two of them. "Like, what we both want it to be in the future. If it will be just a casual dating thing or something more serious... It's still very early, but..."

"Ya really think I'm into casual dating?" Daryl had to laugh at that.

"Oh... umm... no, I guess not. I just didn't want to make any assumptions."

"What do you want?" he asked her, before she would be able to ask him.

"I'm not into casual dating, either." she laughed. "I don't know why I even mentioned it. What I meant was, we don't know if this will work out in the long run. You never know until you do... There are no guarantees... Ugh, I'm not saying it right... I wanna be with you, Daryl. I really do. But I guess I need you to start thinking about what you want. About how things will change when I get River back, and if you'd be able to live with those changes. On some days there might not be any alone time at all. And he's gonna be around day and night on the weekends. Sure, I'll get a sitter every once in a while, but most of the time, I'll be spending time with him in parks and zoos and stuff like that. I'd be ecstatic if you'd be a part of that, but whether or not you want that, that's a decision only you can make."

"Don't sound so bad to me. We can take him camping, too." Daryl mused out loud. "Things are gonna change in two weeks anyway, when I start my job. Won't be home all day. Won't be seein' each other when you work the late shift. Only an hour or so. Look,... it's like ya said. There ain't no guarantees. All we can do is try to make it work. If it don't work, then it don't, but at least we tried. That's what we do, right? We try. Ain't gonna bail when your boy comes back. I can promise ya that."

I knew there was a reason why I fell in love with you. Sam put her bottle on the table and scooted over to him. She climbed on his lap and kissed him lovingly. "Thank you. You are unbelievable. And if you ever say that you're not a good person again, I'm going to kick your ass."

A grin broke out on his face at that. "Don't tempt me, 'cause I'd really like ta see you try."

"I should warn you, I fight dirty." she grinned. "Hm, but on the other hand, maybe I should tempt you... wouldn't mind you wrangling me around a bit, I guess."

Daryl groaned and chuckled a little at the same time. "Yeah. You do fight dirty."

"Told you so." she said, before she ended the conversation by kissing him again.

"Hey there, baby brother. Where you been all night? Drinking your sorrows away?" Merle hadn't expected Daryl to stay gone all night long. He'd thought he'd come home with a six pack of beer, two bottles of Jack Daniels and would drink that stripper out of his mind for the rest of the night.

"Shut up, Merle." Daryl spat with a vicious glare on his face. "You stay the fuck away from Sam, ya hear me? Ya threaten her again and I'll stomp ya into the ground. Brother or not."

For a split-second, Merle was surprised. It took a moment to catch himself again. "Aaaahhh, I see you talked to your little girlfriend, huh? Don't seem like she told ya the whole story. What kinda bullshit sob story did she try to sell ya? Awww, poor little slut got threatened by big, bad Merle. She sure knows how to turn on the waterworks on cue. I'm sure she gave ya a good performance, too."

Daryl's nostrils flared when he heard that Merle had made her cry. Sam hadn't told him about that. His anger grew and he shoved Merle hard, so his older brother banged his back against the wall. "She didn't have to tell me anything. I knew. I knew for weeks, Merle."

Once again, Merle was speechless for a moment. "Oh you knew, yeah? You also know what she did at that club? How she was on my lap buck naked, rubbing her shaved little pussy all up against my dick? How she made herself cum, creamin' all over my pants before she gave me my happy ending?"

"She did no such thing." Daryl was seething, his fists were clenching and itching to punch Merle's brains out. "That ain't even allowed at that club."

"Yeah, like those club stick to the rules if breaking them gets them more money. Get over it, Daryl. She ain't nothin' but a greedy little slut. You're better off without her."

"Maybe I'm better off without you."

Merle laughed at that. "Really? You're gonna believe some whore over me? Your own blood?"

"She never lied to me. You on the other hand, you do nothing but lie and get me into bad shit."

"She only wants your money."

"I don't have fucking money, Merle. What the fuck is your problem with her?"

"Just funny timing, is all."

"There is no funny timing, Merle. I've been thinking about a job for a while, alright?"

"Yeah, right. Why would ya? We got a nice and cushy life with the money from the insurance scams. Why would ya want to get your hands dirty?"

"'Cause I want more." Daryl admitted.

"Exactly. Making my point for me, little brother. You never wanted more until she came along."

"That's where you're wrong. But why the fuck am I even telling you? You don't care. You never did."

"All I do is care."

"Right. You have a funny way of showing it."

"So you're really gonna stick it into some dirty stripper slut, yeah? Not that that's a bad thing. Would be alright for a quick fuck, but shacking up and playing house with the girl? Nah, that's just you being an idiot, Daryl. She don't want you. She wants your future paycheck."

"Fuck off. Don't matter to me what you have to say about her. Ain't gonna change nothin'. Just stay away from her. Or we're gonna have ourselves a problem."

"Yeah, yeah... If you wanna be some lovestruck fool, be my guest. Just don't come crying to me when she took off with all ya had, baby brother."

"Asshole." Daryl shook his head before he headed for the bathroom, so he could take a shower.

"Aww, I'm hurt... Hey, at least ya found your balls!" Merle laughed, but on the inside he wasn't laughing at all. Seemed like his little brother was finally starting to grow up. He wasn't sure if he liked that if it meant that Daryl was going to shack up with the stripper. The girl would have to prove herself to him, before he would trust her, but he doubted that day would ever come. Daryl was blinded by being in love for the first time. His judgment was impaired or else he'd know that she was just using him. Merle thought that Daryl was gonna be left a dumb fool, but if he refused to listen to his older brother, then he would simply have to live with the consequences. Some people had to learn the hard way and he was sure that Daryl would have that coming by trusting Sam.

Thank you for reading!

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