Alex spent the next hour in a state of tired restless energy. Her brain buzzed with different ways to apologize to Kara and Maggie for her outburst. She kept picking up her phone, typing out a message, deleting said message and then turning the phone face down on the bed. Sorry was too clichéd. Sorry for acting like an asshole had a nice ring to it but again, too clichéd for her.
She was sorry for hurting them but not completely sorry. In fact she was angry and terrified at the same time. Angry that she got captured, tortured and caused all this unnecessary fear and panic. Angry at the DEO for not finding her sooner. Angry at the kidnappers because they scarred her body. Angry at Supergirl for not having her back during their last mission in the cemetery. Angry at the leader, Kristoff, for trafficking innocent children. Angry at herself for not fighting her way out of captivity. Angry at herself because she was not strong enough to repel the mental invasion the alien had put her through.
All of this confirmed her biggest fear: She was weak. So fucking weak. She did not deserve the Assistant Director role in the DEO anymore. She did not deserve Kara because she failed at protecting her sister. She did not deserve to fight alongside Supergirl. She did not deserve to be with Maggie.
Alex was also terrified of losing Maggie and Kara. They were her sanity. Her life. She picked up her phone again and re-read the message Kara had sent over an hour ago.
You tried pushing me away when we were kids and it never worked. I will always stick to you like annoying little sister glue. Love you. See you later.
Taking a deep breath, Alex typed: Sister night later? And hit "send".
Kara's response as immediate: "Did you get enough space to clear your head?"
Alex winced. She deserved that. She started typing a reply when the three dots appeared under Kara's name. She waited.
"I'm sorry. You've been through a lot. Yes, I'll stay the night so we can talk. Really talk."
Relief flooded Alex. Thank you. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I love you too.
I can do this. I can try for Kara's sake.
Before she could talk herself out of it, Alex reached for the call button above her head. A nurse hurried into the room. "Is everything alright?"
Alex nodded apologetically. "If it's not too much trouble, can you ask Dr Meredith Grey to come by? I need to talk to her."
"Of course," the nurse replied.
Less than five minutes after, Dr Grey walked into the room. "I heard you wanted to see me."
Alex exhaled. Now or never.
"Yeah, thanks for coming. Can you set up an appointment for me to see the shrink you were talking about earlier?"
Dr Grey smiled. She reached down and held Alex's shoulder. "How about I let the person talk to you here before you're discharged? That way you can decide if it's the right fit."
Her eyes darted around the room. "Sure."
"Great. Anything else? More pain meds?"
Alex shook her head.
"Good. I assume one of your people will visit later so I'll put in the request now and have someone from psych come by after lunch. Do you prefer a male or female doctor?"
Alex smoothed her hair back. "I don't know." She tapped her fingers on the wrinkled, white bedsheets as she chewed her lip.
Dr Meredith Grey deliberated silently before asking, "How about I come along with the shrink this afternoon?"
Alex's eyes flew to meets hers in an unexpected rush of gratitude. Dr Grey continued, "That way you can't try any of your verbal stunts to scare them off."
She caught the Dr's grin. Alex shrugged her shoulders and said, "If you're not busy with surgery or anything."
"I'm not busy."
"Thank you," she said. Her fingers ceased tapping.
Dr Grey squeezed her unbroken hand. "Don't mention it." She walked towards the door saying, "Besides, I'm starting to kind of, sort of, tolerate you. Stubbornness and all."
Alex laughed. Feeling lighter, she picked up her phone again and sent a text to Maggie:
I just made an appointment to talk to a shrink because I don't want to hurt you again. I love you. Thinking about you kept me sane in that cage. I don't want to mess us up so I will fix the broken parts of me for you. For us.
After a bland lunch of vegetable soup with dry crusty bread at the side and grape jelly for dessert, Alex settled back on the bed with her tablet reading DEO updates Winn had emailed to her, after she threatened him with bodily harm.
She learned that Kristoff was locked away in INTERPOL's custody awaiting his international trials. Although he did kidnap and torture a government agent, the DEO technically did not exist and if Alex had pressed charges against him, it would have been a constitutional nightmare. Satisfied he would stand trial and serve several life sentences, she made a mental note to use her influence anonymously, to ensure Kristoff ended up in an appropriate prison. It was a toss-up between the Nairobi Prison in Kenya and the Diyarbakri Prison in Turkey. She had plenty of time to decide.
Alex closed that file and searched for the rest of his team. She knew J'onn would not keep any record of human prisoners on DEO grounds because it was against DEO's policies. As long as they were contained and using resources, a record of something would have been made. Alex just had to find that 'something' and she would find her torturers.
She examined document after document until she stumbled across a vague report from the Nevada Black Site listing the entry of four low-level aliens, authorized by Hank Henshaw. Nothing else was filled out. No names, identifying marks or traits, height or weight, or type of species. Nothing.
At the end of the document, there was a small hashtag. When she pressed it with her index finder, a finger print scanner immediately scanned her finger to confirm her identity and gain access to the rest of the file.
The men were still listed as four aliens. The file documented all their injuries received while evading capture. Alex was willing to bet a month's pay plus her bonus that some of those injuries were made after imprisonment. They confessed to her kidnapping and torture. That was enough for the DEO to make a decision about their fate. She scanned for the Agents involved. Henshaw, Smith and MoM.
Alex frowned. What's MoM? She ran through the possibilities in her head. Mission Operations Meetings. Manager of Missiles. That makes no sense. Military Official Missile. Ministry of Magic. No not Harry Potter.
She picked up her phone and texted Winn. What's MoM?
The reply was almost instantaneous. U found the report.
You didn't answer my question. What's MoM?
J'onn is going to kill me. Maiden of Might.
WHAT
J'onn wanted a new acronym for GoS for sensitive projects.
Of course he did. Flicking of the irritation like a bug, she tossed the phone aside and continued reading. Maiden of Might. She snorted at the name but then grew serious when she realized its implication: Kara was present when the DEO interrogated the kidnappers.
Her throat suddenly felt dry. J'onn took Kara to the Black Site. Why? They had both agreed that there were some aspects of the DEO Kara did not need to know about, Black Site included. They had also agreed that if Alex was killed in the line of duty, J'onn would do everything in his power to protect Kara and keep her level-headed and safe. Keep her away from her alien roots to prevent her from damaging the wonderful image of Supergirl. Judging from this report, however, he did the exact opposite.
She studied the medical part of the file. All four had concussions, bruises, two had broken bones, all consistent of high impact excessive force. Alex chewed her lip. She did not believe her sister was responsible for hurting these men. She was better than this. Alex knew her kidnapping would have affected Kara but she counted on J'onn to fulfil his promises.
Her tablet beeped softly signalling an incoming email from Winn. The subject simply read: Explanation for GoS in report. She opened the message to see an attached encrypted video file. She pressed play.
It was an aerial view of the DEO's command centre. The date and time stamp indicated it was recorded the day after she was taken. The angle of the video changed to focus on two people: Kara in her Supergirl suit and Maggie. J'onn was at the side with his mouth moving. No audio but Alex knew he was shouting out orders judging by the expression on his face. In the video, Kara and Maggie both wore terror on their faces. Kara pointed at something off screen and slammed her fists down breaking the table. That only meant one thing: they were looking at the live broadcast of her first torture session.
Her heart skipped a beat as she remembered gasping for breath and clawing at her captor. She could feel the ice water over her face. Alex pressed her hand against her chest to calm her racing heart.
Her breathing became erratic. She flayed her left hand until she found the call button. The room spun. She shivered so violently that her fingers slipped before she could press for help. Alex closed her eyes as she heard the men taunting her.
"ALEX!" The familiar voice sounded far away. She did not care to fight the men. She hoped they kill her this time. She hoped Kara would understand why she chose darkness over her light.
Twenty minutes later, Alex opened her eyes. Her vision blurred. She felt an oxygen mask strapped over her nose and mouth.
"Hi."
She turned her head and blinked rapidly to see Dr Grey standing next to the bed with folded arms and a gentle expression on her face.
"Do you remember what happened?"
Alex was too exhausted to reply so she kept eye contact with the doctor.
"You had a panic attack, and then you passed out. Do you know what triggered it?"
No response. My head hurts.
"Do you remember anything?"
Can I sleep now? I just want to sleep.
"Okay. I'll come by later. Get some rest."
Kara.
Alex grunted.
Dr Grey straightened. "Do you want to say something?"
Alex nodded. Dr Grey lowered the oxygen mask.
Her sour tongue licked parched lips. "Don't. Don't tell."
Dr Grey nodded. "I won't tell your family. Yet."
THREE DAYS LATER
Maggie Sawyer skipped down the hospital corridor with a dazzling smile. She and Alex had the entire night to themselves. Granted they would be within earshot of watchful nurses and sleepy interns, but anytime with Alex was precious. Her plan involved cuddling, movies, kisses and popcorn. She worked round the clock over the past few days to close the child trafficking case and submit all the paperwork so they could share this uninterrupted night.
She rounded a corner and greeted several nurses by name. By the time she got to Alex's room, she was giddy with excitement. "Hey babe!"
The room was empty. Maggie stopped in her tracks. Her tablet and phone were on the small table next to the rumpled bed. Maggie frowned and lowered her bags on the couch. She turned and snagged a passing nurse.
"Excuse me, where's the patient from this room?"
The nurse shrugged and continued walking.
She squeezed the back of her neck. Maybe she had to get more tests. Or maybe one of Kristoff's men came back. Maggie exhaled. No, Alex is safe in the hospital.
The sound of running water from the patient's bathroom was music in Maggie's ear. Her shoulders sagged in relief. Grinning she strode across the room and slid open the door.
Alex was brushing her teeth. Maggie could not imagine a more beautiful sight than that. She allowed herself a few seconds to openly adore her girlfriend before announcing her presence. "Hey babe."
"Hey you're here," Alex beamed and held out her hand. Maggie intertwined their fingers as Alex pulled her in, their bodies flush against each other. Maggie wrapped her arms around Alex's shoulders. "I missed you too," she teased.
Alex groaned and buried her face into Maggie's neck, breathing in her comforting scent. Her hands dropped to Maggie's hips and shifted her until Maggie's waist was pressed against the sink.
"Alex," she mumbled as her nails lightly scraped behind Alex's neck. Alex groaned again and gripped Maggie's hips.
"Alex," Maggie whispered again, "babe we need to stop."
"Don't wanna," Alex whined, "take me home. I'm going crazy here. I'll heal faster in my own bed."
"I'm sorry you feel this way but you have to stay here until you're discharged."
Alex raised her head and pouted. Maggie leaned in to kiss her adorable pout.
"I have something that will cheer you up," Maggie rummaged through the bag and pulled out two familiar bottles.
Alex's eyes widened. "You brought my shampoo!"
Maggie laughed. "Yes. I'm gonna wash your hair."
Alex hugged her again. "You are so amazing. It's like I thought I couldn't love you more but then you do these sweet things and now I can have clean hair again."
Maggie kissed her cheek. "You're such a dork."
Alex grinned. "I am."
"Come on my sexy dork. Let's figure this out. You can't get water on your stitches or that cast so we're going to need a chair that can get wet."
Alex arched an eyebrow. "You plan on giving me a lap dance?"
It took Maggie a full minute to process that Alex Danvers, her nerdy, loveable, awkward hands, hopeless-in-the-dirty-bedroom-talk department, that Alex Danvers, had cracked a sly, perverted joke. Maggie just stared dumbfounded until Alex smirked.
"That was a good one," Alex said proudly.
"Yes! Really wasn't expecting it."
"So are you giving me a lap dance?"
Maggie bit her lip. "Now I want to," she muttered and shook her head.
Alex grinned and returned to the challenge at hand. "Ok so chair?"
"Yeah, so you can lean back on it. That way the stitches and cast stay dry since water doesn't get to the front. I'll drape a towel over it to be safe."
"Sounds like a plan. What do you need me to do?"
Maggie winked. "Strip. Down to your underwear. And by underwear I mean panties."
Alex's face grew red. Gotcha. Maggie giggled. "You really are adorable." She pulled Alex towards her for a sweet, chaste kiss. "I'm going to find a chair. Wait, let me help." She untied the knot in front of Alex's robes. Creamy skin teased her senses. Maggie stepped back as it hung partially open. She licked her lips.
"Can you handle the rest?" she asked hoarsely, gazing at the smooth valley between Alex's breasts. She wanted to taste the skin on that specific spot.
"Yeah," Alex whispered.
Maggie nearly ran out of the room. She struggled with every fibre in her being to calm herself. Alex was recovering from extensive surgery. She was vulnerable with a twisted sense of logic. She wanted to feel anything else besides pain, therefore Maggie had to put her girlfriend's wellbeing first. Not her damn hormones. No matter how much she missed falling asleep tangled up next to her, or having impromptu lunch dates in the middle of a work day or trespassing on each other's jurisdiction.
Alex's health and recovery came first.
A few minutes later Maggie returned dragging a short, wooden chair into the bathroom. She closed the door behind her and looked up. And nearly dropped the chair on her foot.
Alex was standing quietly in the middle of the room, holding up a towel to cover the front of her body.
Her naked body.
Her very naked body.
Her very striking, naked body.
She smiled shyly at Maggie whose legs quivered. This woman will be the death of me.
"I got the chair," Maggie said trying to distract herself as she tugged the chair towards the middle of white-tiled shower area and positioned it close to the shower head.
"How do you want me?" asked Alex.
Oh God. Maggie looked up into dark brown eyes that deepened with love and lust as they held each other's gaze, and Maggie was falling into that achingly beautiful bottomless pit. She held out a hand to Alex, who took it and allowed Maggie to guide her into the shower and on the chair.
"Lean back a bit more babe, and rest your neck on the back of the chair. Wait, that's going to be uncomfortable." Maggie searched until she found a hand towel next to the sink. She folded it and then draped it across the back of the chair. "Is this good babe?"
Alex shifted her head until she was content. "Perfect."
Maggie grinned and kissed Alex's nose. She secured the towel covering the front of Alex body. "As much as I would love a towel slip, I can wait until you're healed."
Alex rolled her eyes and grumbled. Maggie grabbed a nearby stool and plastic cup and settled next to Alex. "Are you ready?"
"God yes. I can feel the grime increasing exponentially every second."
Nerd. Maggie filled the cup with warm water.
Alex stared at the boring ceiling. "So, tell me. How are the kids?"
Maggie gently poured water into Alex's hair, using her fingers to part the thick strands so that her head got properly soaked. "All the kids have been reunited with their families. No physical injuries. Mild hypothermia in a few. The oldest kid was five years old so we're hoping her life wouldn't be that traumatic, or she wouldn't remember. I still tagged a counsellor in case the parents need it."
"You're a good cop, Maggie."
"Well the alien population in National City are happy again so I did my job right. You okay? Anything hurts?"
"I'm good babe. Your fingers feel fantastic."
"Yeah?"
Alex's eyes fluttered closed. "Mmmmm yesssss," she crooned as Maggie gently kneaded her scalp.
"Good. You deserve this."
She poured shampoo on her hand and gently rubbed it into Alex's hair. A wild, citrus aroma filled the room, one she identified as part of Alex's unique scent. She was careful to massage around the head laceration in case it was still tender. Soon her girlfriend's entire head was covered in white, fluffy lather.
Alex hummed happily. Her face softened. Her entire body seemed weightless and relaxed. There were no creases on her forehead or worry lines around her mouth. Maggie vowed to do everything in her power to make her this way whenever she could.
"Rinsing off now," she whispered.
"Mmm hmmm."
She filled the cup with water and began washing the suds out of her girlfriend's hair. White frothy bubbles circled the drain as Maggie tenderly parted Alex's hair into waves.
"I can get used to this," Alex hummed.
"How about we start?" Maggie suggested.
Alex opened an eye, "What do you mean?"
"Well," Maggie rubbed conditioner into her hair, "we can make this a weekly treat as soon as you come home."
Alex turned to gaze at her. "Weekly," she repeated.
Maggie nodded. "Or as often as you like?"
Alex stared at Maggie's lips glistening seductively in the harsh white hospital lights. There was a moment in the cage when she thought she would never wake up next to Maggie again. Alex raised her left hand and traced the outline of Maggie's full lips.
Maggie stifled a moan. Her eyes fluttered as her lips tingled under Alex's touch. She was losing control quickly. Her lips parted to kiss Alex's fingertips.
"Every day then," Alex whispered. Her hand slid into Maggie's hair to cup the back of her head and gently pull her forward. "I need to kiss you."
God yes! Maggie curled her fingers in anticipation. Suddenly her brain kicked in. No! Alex is injured!
"Alex," Maggie gasped inches away from tasting her girlfriend's lips, "Your stitches, your surgery. We can't."
Her concern died when Alex kissed her. Hard and desperate. She moaned as the tip of Alex tongue ran across her bottom lip. She moaned and gripped Alex's hair as she deepened the kiss. Lips slid, teeth nipped and finally tongues met. Alex kept kissing her as though her sanity depended on it, and the part of Maggie's brain not foggy with want, knew Alex was reacting to her past traumatic events. She craved endorphins and happiness. She craved Maggie more than anything.
Reluctantly Maggie pulled away. "Baby, we need to stop before we open those stitches."
Alex chuckled heavily into her mouth. Foreheads pressed against each other as they both struggled to quell their desires. Alex relished in Maggie's warmth and closeness but she knew Maggie was right. She nodded.
"I'm sorry," she said after a few minutes.
Maggie glanced at her as she continued to rinse out the conditioner from Alex's hair. "For?"
Alex exhaled. "For being this needy."
The cup clattered to the floor. "What? Alex, wanting me is not being needy. Showing me how much you love me isn't being needy at all. So get that out of your head."
Alex covered her face with her hands. "It's just that- Ever since the… incident, I feel… I just need you to tell me if I'm ever irrational."
Maggie took a soft blue towel and wrapped it around Alex's head. She helped Alex off the chair. Satisfied that the cast and stitches were dry, she grabbed the discarded robe from the towel rack and held it up for Alex who slipped into it like a second skin.
She nudged Alex's chin. "Look at me. You have been through hell okay so I don't expect an overnight recovery. You're allowed to not be yourself. You are allowed to feel whatever you feel. I'm with you in all of this. Ride or die, remember? And I'm so proud of you for accepting help from the shrink."
Alex sniffed. "I don't want this to come between us."
Maggie tilted her head. "It will babe. There are things I'm sure we'll have to work through and that's okay because we will do it together."
Alex laughed through her tears. "I might go crazy on you a few times."
Maggie snuggled into her arms. "I can take it."
ONE WEEK LATER
"When can I leave?" Alex begged.
"When your fever is gone," Dr Meredith Grey replied.
"It's a mild fever. I've done missions with temps of 103."
"Well pretend this is a mission where you have to stay in bed until l say you can leave."
Alex growled. Literally growled. Dr Grey ignored her as she updated her charts.
"How's your pain?" Dr Grey asked.
"3."
Without looking up from the chart, Dr Grey said, "try again."
Alex rolled her eyes. "5."
"Do you want something stronger?"
"What I want is to go home."
Dr Grey waited patiently. Alex wanted to scream. "No I don't. Those meds make me drowsy."
"Ok." Dr made another note in the chart.
Alex watched Dr Grey the way she would watch a rogue alien she wanted to punch. "You're enjoying this aren't you?"
Dr Grey returned the tablet in its charging bay and looked at Alex with a big smile on her face. "Yes. This is how I entertain my sadistic side. Stay. Rest. Heal. If you rip those stitches again I will sedate you."
"It's not like I ripped them on purpose," she muttered thinking about the incident last week.
Kara pranced into the room. "Hi Alex!" She said brightly, "hi Meredith!"
Alex's jaw dropped.
Dr Grey greeted Kara just as enthusiastically.
Alex glared back and forth at they chatted. Realization dawned on her. "I know what this is."
They stopped and stared.
"First name basis. Talking as though you've known each other for years. Oh I know what's going on. Both of you are working together to keep me here when I can really go home and sleep on my own bed."
Kara rolled her eyes. "You're still over reacting. Why are you still overreacting about this?"
"I threatened to sedate her," Dr Grey told Kara.
Kara winced. "Yeah I don't think Maggie will agree."
"Speaking of, where is she? Maybe she can do something to ease," she gestured to Alex, "that."
Alex turned bright red.
"First of that's ew no. Second she's on shift and will be here later."
"Thank God. She's manageable when Maggie's around."
Kara looked fondly at her irritable sister. "She's just used to doing things on her own but she's really a big softie."
"I can hear you Kara," Alex grumbled.
Kara regarded Dr Grey, "When can she really come home?"
Dr Grey sighed, "Ideally, she could go home today but I'm concerned about her fever and a possible infection."
Kara nodded.
"It's a mild fever! My stitches are out. My scans are clear. Let me go home!" Alex yelled from the bed.
Dr Grey ignored her as she spoke to Kara. "I will sedate her if she continues to annoy me."
Alex groaned and let her head fall back into the pillow. This is ridiculous.
She needed to hear Maggie's voice. Not knowing where exactly she was, Alex texted: Save me.
In less than three seconds her phone rang.
"Alex," Maggie sounded breathless and scared, "Alex where are you? Are you ok? Are you hurt?"
"What? No. Maggie I'm fine. I just...I'm going crazy here."
Alex heard Maggie's breathing even out. "You scared the hell out of me Danvers."
Shit. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize..." Stupid Alex.
"It's ok," Maggie quickly assured her, "it's not your fault. It's me. Er...you're going crazy? Why?"
"I want to go home," she said in a small voice.
Maggie laughed. "What did Meredith say?"
"Oh my God not you too!"
"Me too what?" Maggie sounded perplexed.
"Nothing." Alex rubbed her forehead. "I miss you."
"I miss you too Danvers. I'm seeing you tonight when I get off shift ok. Do you want anything?"
You. "Anything like what?"
Maggie chuckled. "To eat. Any special requests?"
Again. You. "Just take me home."
"Aw babe. Ok here's what I'm gonna do. As soon as Meredith gives you the all clear, I'll drive over to the hospital to get you, full sirens and everything."
Alex laughed. "You'll get in trouble if you do that."
"I'll do anything for you Danvers."
"Smooth Sawyer. Smooth."
"I know you're edgy babe but you'll be home soon. Oh and heads up, Winn might throw you a surprise 'Welcome Home' party."
Alex rolled her eyes. "As long as there's alcohol."
"When is your first official session with the shrink?"
Alex brushed invisible dust off the bedsheets. "Next week."
"Okay. Kara and I will work out a system to take you. We both agreed you should have someone nearby during your sessions. I read that it helps when you know that there's a person you trust sitting in the waiting room."
Something warm and light fluttered in Alex as she listened to Maggie's comforting words. Maggie must have taken her silence for discomfort because she continued, "You're really amazing Alex. You know that right? I think it show just how strong you are by willingly doing this."
Alex snorted. "I don't feel like it lately, but if you tell me enough times, I might start believing."
"Danvers, I'll show you exactly how amazing you are for the rest of your life."
Alex froze. Was that a proposal? OH GOD!
"That came out, not how I intended it to," Maggie laughed nervously, "What I meant-."
"Don't."
"Don't what?"
Alex sighed. "Don't take it back…unless you want to."
"Well I wasn't planning to," Maggie assured her.
Alex smiled. "Good. I was thinking-." Kara waved frantically at her. Alex squinted and mouthed What?
Kara rolled her eyes.
"Maggie let me call you later. Kara is here being…Kara. Love you. Bye."
"Finally!" Kara drawled, "I've been trying to get your attention forever. Meredith said as long as your fever goes away, you can be discharged tomorrow."
"Are you sure?" Alex asked suspiciously, "I think she's secretly trying to torment me."
Kara laughed. "Yes I'm sure. Mom wants you to stay with her in Midvale-."
"No!"
"-but I told her you will be better in the city closer to me and your therapy sessions."
Alex blew her a kiss. "Thank you."
"I'm gonna update Eliza and get us some food. Be good. Remember, no fever means home."
Alex snorted as Kara hurried out of the room. Fever or no fever, come hell or high water, she would be going home tomorrow.
A/N: Yay! A billion and more thank you to everyone who read the story and stuck with me through the eleven chapters. I am extremely grateful for every comment, feedback, kudos, follows and likes. For those who want updates on future ideas or fics, you can follow me on Twitter Neffy1982_
Thanks again! :D