After eating the delicious meal that Stitch had made from ingredients he found in my sparsely filled cupboards we both sit on the sofa relaxing and listening to some music. I'm sitting upright with my head resting against the back of the sofa while stitch is laying with his head on my lap and an ear against my tummy listening for the butterfly flutters of the baby. It's then that he remembers the gift bags he brought with him. He gets up carefully and walks over to the door. He then picks them up and brings them over to me, setting them down on the sofa beside me.
"One's for you and one's for the bean. I wanted to show you how much you both mean to me, not just the baby but you too."
"You didn't have to." I tell him, so touched at his thoughtfulness.
"Maybe not but I wanted to. You had such a rough day with the sickness and letting everyone know about the baby and I know I haven't made this pregnancy very easy for you so far, or showed my feelings for you like I could have. Are you going to have a look?" he asks as he sees me fiddling with the handles and I see the fear in his eyes that come with the uncertainty of caring for somebody so new.
I pick up the little gift bag that's covered in little zoo animals and open it up to reveal gifts for the baby. I pull out an adorable soft teddy bear that I will place in the cot, a starter set for the baby with an adorable sleep suit, body suit, bootees, scratch mittens and a little hat with sweet little teddy bear ears on it. I then pull out two bodysuits, one with 'I Love My Daddy' on it and another with 'I Love My Mummy.' I start to tear up as I look at the tiny items and think of the little person I'm carrying inside of me.
"They're so perfect." I tell him tearfully.
"When I as walking around the shop looking at everything I couldn't believe how tiny it all was. It's so hard to believe that in a few months we're going to have a little person in our lives. There were so many things I wanted to buy for it." He tells me picking up the bootees, in awe at their size.
"Thank you." I say sincerely, smiling as he plays with the little shoes.
"Don't say that yet. You haven't seen what's in your bag. You were a little harder to buy for."
Curiously I put all of the baby's presents back into their bag and pick up the one that he's made up for me. He watches me a little shyly as I peek into it and pull an object out. The first item is some peppermint tea. I look at him and smile in thanks.
"It seemed to help you a bit today with the sickness so I thought I'd get you some more for whenever you need it." He explains, putting the bootees down and shuffling closer to me.
I rest my head on his shoulder as I continue to look through the bag and tear up again when I see all of the thoughtful items he's included. There's some cocoa butter to put on sore skin when I start to get bigger, a book on pregnancy and baby names, some lavender bath soak and some candles, a nursing cushion, a vest top which has baby in bold letters printed over the area where the bump will be, a cushion to help with the common pregnancy problem of piles which causes him to bury his head in the sofa and shy away from a slap and at the bottom, a tiny box. I look at him questioningly and open it to reveal a simple gold necklace with the word mum on it.
"Would you like me to put it on for you?" he asks me as I carefully lift it out of the box and hold it up to the light so that the gold glistens.
I nod lost for words and hand the necklace to him. He carefully places it around my neck, brushing my hair out of the way so he can do up the clasp without getting it caught. I turn to face him.
"It looks beautiful." He tells me.
"It is beautiful. Stitch thank you so much for all of this."
"It's the least I could do. I wanted you to know that I'm serious about you. About both of you. This necklace…when I saw it, it just meant something to me because the moment I truly realised how important you are to me was the moment you told me you were going to be the mother of my child and you thought you might be losing it. The moment I saw it inside of you I realised what an idiot I've been. I never wanted to comfort anyone as much in my life as I did then and the night you got hurt and I never wanted anything as much in my life as I do you and our child. I would give anything to go back to the days after we conceived the bean. I would give the world to have been there from the start. I've missed out on so much." He tells me and I can hear the sadness in his voice.
His gaze falls down to the floor. When he finds words like that it's not just me who breaks down hearing them. Sitting next to me is a man who's so used to hiding such a sensitive part of himself away, and even for me he struggles to open up.
I cup his cheek in the palm of my hand and turn his face so that he is looking at me.
"This is just the start." I reassure him entwining his fingers in mine and then placing our hands on the bump. "You missed out on the days of sickness and the worry of the early days but I managed okay. Today she moved Stitch. For the first time our baby moved. This is where it really begins. This is where we begin and where our family begins. The past is the past. We have to focus on her now and now we've really found each other, focus on each other too."
"Her?" He asks, his eyebrows raised.
"I don't know. It's just a feeling. They couldn't tell at the scan, it's a little early but I think this little bean is a little girl." I tell him looking down at my stomach affectionately.
Since the moment I found out that I was carrying this baby something inside me has told me that it's a girl. I can't explain it or put my finger on why I think so but anything I've bought so far has mostly been related to us having a baby daughter. I've bought so many little hats , bootees and dresses. I can't help but grin when I think about the amount of money that I'll have wasted if the baby is a boy after all. Again it hits me that if yesterday had gone badly and I had lost her that it would all have been for nothing and tonight I would be sitting here feeling nothing but emptiness. I fight the tears again as I think of that loss.
Stitch grins and kisses me on the forehead, knowing nothing of the sadness that I'm feeling when I think about how I could have lost her. I'm sure the same things have been going through his mind too and seeing him so happy makes me so glad that everything has worked out the way it has.
"A daddy's little girl hey?" He muses, gently caressing my stomach with his fingertips. "She's going to be beautiful. Just like her mother."
I feel my cheeks go hot as I blush.
"I would have thought the amazing Stitch Lambert would be itching to have a baby boy." I tease.
"I don't mind at all. As long as it's happy and healthy." He tells me shuffling down on the chair and kissing the bump.
I ruffle his hair.
"Though I'm sure a boy would have stunning good looks and an incredible personality just like his father." He adds kissing my belly again.
"Oh of course." I reply with a touch of sarcasm in my voice and he grins.
"Thank you." He says softly, looking up at me a little shyly, and I realise that he's scared.
"What for?" I ask.
"You had every right not to let me be a part of this. You had every right to turn me away and tell me never to come back after the way I treated you. I mean you don't treat the people you love that way do you. You don't let them go through a pregnancy alone or not even ask how they are after you spend your first night together. You don't avoid them…"
"You're right, I did have every right to turn you away and so many times I truly wanted to, but then you showed me something…"
He looks at me puzzled.
"You showed me that you consider me and our child as yours. You dropped that scan outside at a time when I could have just told you to leave me alone forever and when I saw it I saw into you. I saw how much we mean to you. That this baby isn't just mine or isn't just yours and a novelty that you'll get tired of, it's ours."
"It's always been ours. The night it was conceived meant so much to me Maggie as do you."
He sits back up on the sofa next to me and kisses me softly.
"I love you both so much. I never want to be apart from either of you. Four months was too long a time to not be with you and the bean. I don't intend to be away from you any more."
"Don't make promises you can't keep Stitch. I want you here with me and the baby. I'll give you the chance to prove yourself as a father and a partner but like you said there will be times when you may falter and if you do it too grandly then…"
"They'll be the times when I need you the most. I don't want to be that man anymore Maggie I can promise you. From the minute that man held you hostage I no longer wanted to be him. I only wanted to be yours."
"You had a funny way of showing it." I reply thinking back to those hurtful times of being avoided and ignored.
"I know I did and I'm so sorry. If I can show you every day what you and our little girl mean to me, then I will die a happy man. I don't intend to hurt you anymore and if I do no one will be more angry at me than I will."
I lean over and kiss him on the forehead and then on his nose. I go to kiss him on the lips but find myself yawning and then I feel myself blush again.
"Looks like mummy's tired."
"I'm sorry." I apologise feeling exhausted but not wanting the evening to end.
"You have nothing to apologise for. You need to rest for two of you now and it's been a long day."
I nod in agreement, thinking back to the absolute terror of standing there waiting to announce the baby's impending arrival to the department and then spending the rest of the day with my head down the loo.
"What do you say we have an early night?" He asks me and I hear the fear of being pushed away in his voice again.
"I think that would be lovely." I reply realising that I want nothing more at this moment than to lay in bed wrapped up in the arms of the father of my baby. A man who has proved himself so much in just a few days.
He takes my hand in his and leads me upstairs to my room. He helps me undress, kissing different parts of my body as he helps take the clothing off, marvelling at the bump when it becomes uncovered and kissing me on the lips as his fingers play gently with my hair. He helps me pull on a nightshirt and tucks me in before taking everything off but his boxers and climbing in to bed next to me.
I lay on my side and a little hesitantly he shuffles up behind me and spoons me so that his hands rest on my tummy and over our baby. He kisses my neck by my ear lobe.
"I love you both so much."
I smile at his words and put my hands over his, entwining our fingers.
"And we love you. We love you very much." I reassure him giving his hands a gentle squeeze.
"You saved me Maggie. My girls saved my life." he tells me a little tearfully and I lift his hands up to my lips and kiss his fingertips.
I don't ask him any more about what he means by that statement. I know that there are things about Stitch that haunt and torture him. Things that he's determined to overcome now he has realised his love for me and our child. I won't pressure him to talk. Part of me doesn't want to know. What I do know is I'll be here to listen when he's ready and to support him like he has me in recent days. After all that's what love is isn't it? And I love him. I truly do.