Disclaimer (which I always forget): This all belongs to J.K. Rowling, as you know. And as, no doubt, she also knows.

Thanks to ForNeverAndNever, LadyKnightSusan, Mr. Prongs, and llamadelgua. And Mr. Prongs, I know how you feel. It sucks.

Any reviews, whether good or critical, would be appreciated.

Chapter 11: Sick and Twisted

In the Gryffindor boys' dormitory…

"Sirius?"

The tall dark-haired boy looked up from his bed as James walked in. Or, as Sirius saw it, stormed in.

"So…what's up Prongsie? Need some help with homework? Girls? Finally realised you and I ought to swap dormitories? Because, you know, that's fine by me. I'd never want to put you out, but I won't complain…"

"Sirius, don't act like you have no idea why I'm here," James growled, glaring at him.

His friend sighed.

"Well I guess I can't really pretend I don't know. But you seem quite…"

"Angry?" James interrupted.

"Pissed off? Utterly betrayed?"

"Well, I was going to say something a bit more mild like, um, troubled?"

"Fuck Sirius! What the hell was that in there? With Trent? You know I saw you, and you better give me the explanation I want to hear because I sure am not ready to accept this right now."

Sirius, who was about to launch into a deep and meaningful explanation, frowned.

"And what exactly was the explanation you wanted to hear?"

"I don't know, that you were playing a prank on me? That what I saw was a trick of the mind? That you were doing something else and just happened to look as though you were eating the face of another guy…"

"How about 'Padfoot is gay?' That could work."

James shook his head adamantly.

"The Padfoot I know is not gay. He is straight as my wand, loves girls, gets laid, makes sexual puns and bags Peter out for not being able to get a girlfriend. That's the Padfoot I know. The one I saw in there was…not him. Some sort of sick and twisted joke that--"

"What did you say?"

Sirius was still sitting on the bed, but the magazine he'd been reading was scrunched in his clenched fist, and his face was white as a sheet.

"You heard me. Sick and twisted."

Sirius leapt up, his eyes wild.

"I am not sick, James. And it's not my fault you've been utterly blind all these years. Don't you think I wanted to tell you? Of course I did, but I knew that you'd react…like this. That you'd never look at me as your friend again. That instead, you'd treat me like I was dirt, or some similarly disgusting substance, like slime. Or cow dung. Or the giant squid. Or Severus Snape."

James just looked at him, and Sirius had never felt more judged in his entire life.

"Oh no, Padfoot," James whispered. "You're lower than all of those things. And you're certainly no friend of mine."

As James left the dormitory fuming, Sirius sat on his bed. He didn't cry, but his face was drained of all emotion and he sat, unmoving, until Remus came upstairs to go to bed.

The following morning at breakfast, Lily noticed Sirius was missing. James was acting as if nothing had happened, and Peter was clueless as usual, but she noticed Remus was rather quiet. Well, quieter than usual. As they left the Great Hall, she tapped him on the shoulder.

"Where's Sirius?" She whispered, so that James wouldn't hear her.

Remus looked at James pointedly.

"Let's go somewhere, quick, in here," and he grabbed her arm, pulling her into an empty corridor. Glancing around to make sure no one was around, he let go.

"I came upstairs last night and he was just…sitting on his bed. He looked sick. I asked him if he was alright but he didn't say anything, just…sat there. Still as anything. And I…well, I have a feeling it has something to do with James…"

"Of course," Lily muttered.

"Where are you going?"

"To find Sirius."

"Oh god, I have to find him!" Lily cried, tears threatening to stream down her face. "I should've stopped James, I knew he was going to find Sirius. He probably…he probably…poor Sirius!"

She was hysterical now, and Remus, rather shocked, tried to comfort her, patting her shoulder awkwardly.

"Remus, he hates him! James hates Sirius! His best friend! He thinks...he thinks he's disgusting. And it's not his fault! He loved James! And James loved me, and he was jealous, that's all. And then he caught him and Trent in that classroom and he snapped and now…where is Sirius going to live?"

She paused, then, suddenly realising that Sirius would have no home to go to. If James kicked him out, he'd be back on the street. Remus, who had managed to get the gist of what she'd been rambling, began to look worried.

"Come on, we should find him. He might do something stupid."

"Yeah," she nodded fervently.

Five minutes later they reached the Gryffindor dormitory and rushed up the stairs to the boys dorms, which, Lily figured, she could get away with. As they were about to open the door it opened for them, and the figure of James Potter stood in the doorway.

"Hey Lily, Remus, I was just going to go down to the Quidditch pitch for practice, want to come watch?"

Lily just glared at him.

"Actually, we're here to see Sirius," she retorted coldly.

An unreadable expression crossed James' face.

"Oh, I should've known. He's uh…sitting on the bed."

And without looking at either of them, he strode past and down the stairs.

"Ignore him," Remus muttered, as Lily looked somewhat longingly after him.

"Sirius?" She called tentatively into the dorm.

"Maybe we should go in…" Remus suggested.

Sirius was sitting in the same position Remus had left him that morning. He wasn't sure if he'd actually slept at all last night, but decided it was best to start with something a little more light-hearted.

"Sirius, I brought you some breakfast from the Great Hall!" Remus said energetically, handing him a glass of pumpkin juice and a couple of pastries.

Sirius just grunted, but he took the pumpkin juice, downing it in one gulp.

"Sirius did uh…did you sleep last night?" Lily sat down beside him, placing a hand on his back.

He shook his head.

"Did…did James come to see you last night?" She continued to press him, knowing he'd come out with it eventually.

"Yeah."

Remus looked at her, open-mouthed.

"How did you get him to do that? He wouldn't say a word to me this morning!"

"A woman's touch, Remus," Lily smiled.

Sirius didn't smile. He leaned forward, head in his hands. Lily rubbed his back gently.

"What did he say?"

"You're certainly no friend of mine."

"Huh?"

"That's what he said to me."

"Oh." Lily looked up at Remus, who was looking at Sirius anxiously.

"Pads, he doesn't know the first thing about friendship, if he's going to say things to you like that. Sorry, Lily," he added quickly.

But a frown had crossed her face.

"No, you're right. He doesn't. I didn't think he'd react quite like this but it's obvious that he doesn't appreciate what's in front of him."

Sirius grabbed her arm.

"Lily, no, don't do this to him. It's my fault, I should've been more careful, I can't believe I let him see me with Trent--"

"No, Sirius! It's not your fault! He's been horrible to you, I can't believe him. I can't…I can't be with someone like him."

Tears started to form in her eyes.

"You're my best friend, Sirius," she whispered, hugging him tightly.

For the first time, a smile spread across his face.

"You have me. And Remus," she added looking up at the sandy-haired boy. "And…you have Trent." She grinned at him.

"Yeah." And grinning back, Sirius felt a little better than he had before.

Anna was walking out of the library carrying a rather heavy load of books when she bumped into James.

"Oof! Watch it, Potter!"

"Oh, sorry, Smirnov. Let me help you with those."

"Weren't you just going in the library? I'm heading back to my dorm."

James shrugged.

"Well to be honest I wasn't really coming here to study or anything. Just get away from people." People, Padfoot, same thing really.

"Oh well, in that case…here." And she dumped them all in his arms.

"Thanks, Potter!" She grinned. "So, who you trying to get away from?"

"No I just…did you know Padfoot was gay?" He suddenly blurted out.

Anna, who had been mischievously watching him stumble along with her books, stopped short.

"What did you say?"

Her mind instantly drifted back to her conversation with Lily…she'd definitely been hiding something…

"Padfoot…he's…gay."

Lily's POV

"Okay Lily, you got some explaining to do!"

I look up at Anna enters the Head dorm. This is one of those times when I wish I hadn't given her the password.

"I know, I know, I'm just angry at James, just a phase don't worry."

"No, I'm talking about Sirius. He's gay. And you knew!"

Okay. Either she'd walked in on Sirius and Trent like James and I had, or she'd spoken to Remus. Or possibly Sirius, but that's highly unlikely. They're not exactly the best of friends.

"I bumped into James on the way here."

Oh, James.

She raises her eyebrow at me, gesturing for me to offer some sort of explanation.

"He told you Sirius was gay?"

"Pretty much. And I asked you at the dance! You denied it!"

I sighed.

"I know, Anna. But I didn't want to tell anyone. James only found out because, well, he kinda caught Sirius and Trent making out in an empty classroom…"

She looks at me skeptically.

"So I'm not the last to know about this?"

I nod.

"Definietly not. And let's hope that you're the last, because if anyone else finds out he's in deep shit."

Her face breaks into a grin.

"Oh excellent! Here I was thinking I'd missed out on a valuable piece of gossip."

And she settled herself down on the floor.

"Oh, by the way, James is coming. He's carrying my books. It's kinda taking him a wihle, don't you think?"

I could see why when the portrait hole opened and a pile of books toppled through, followed by a dischevelled and disgruntled James Potter.

"Smirnov, remind me never to help you out again."

"Oh thanks so much Potter! You're a great help you know."

I look up at James as he got up amidst the pile of books on the floor. I want so much to pretend like everything is okay, but its not. So I glare at him. As much as I like him, there s no way I ill let him get away for what he did to Sirius.

"Lily, can I uh, talk to you for a sec?...In private?"

Yes please.

"No, James, I'm busy."

He quirks an eyebrow.

"Doing what?"

"Umm…helping Anna with her homework!"

I grab the nearest book I can find and begin flicking through it.

"Nice try, Lily, but I don't believe Hogwarts: A Misery is a prescribed text book for seventh years."

Oops. I look down at the page I've opened.

"During the eighteenth century, however, less torturous methods were used. Instead of the usual detention span of an entire day, the length was reduced to six hours…"

Oh, the good old days.

"Lily, please, I need to talk to you."

"Fine!" I throw my arms up dramatically, waving Anna away.

"Umm, perhaps we should go to my room?" James suggests.

"Ooh, Potter wants to get hot and heavy. Okay, I'm just getting my books, I'll be gone soon! Promise!"

I follow James to his room, plonking myself down on his bed. He sits next to me, running a hand through his hair nervously. I just sit there, pretending to be rather interested in the Quidditch players he has all over his walls. Actually, its not quite pretending, some of them are actually very good looking. No wonder Sirius loves the sport so much. I'm cut off from my thoughts when I feel James' breath on my cheek as he leans in to kiss me.

"No!" I turn around wildly, our heads almost colliding. "Oops, sorry."

He looks hurt.

"What?"

"James, you said you came in here to talk, so talk."

"Well, I did, but I thought maybe first we could…"

"No."

"But--"

"No."

I fold my arms decisively, glaring at him.

"Lily, please don't be angry at me."

Oh, the nerve of him!

"Why shouldn't I be?"

"You don't understand."

"James, you owe me an explanation. And you better give me a damn good one, 'cause if it isn't, then I'm walking right out of here and you're not going to be getting this close to me ever again, got it?"

James gulped.

"That's a little harsh, don't you think?"

That was it.

"Harsh?! Don't you think what you did was a little 'harsh'? Insensitive, stupid, idiotic, thoughtless perhaps? You just lost your best friend, James. And it's not his fault. It's yours. And sure, he's still got me, but without you, he's pretty much nothing. Did you even think about where he's going to live? Did you consider that when you told him he was no longer your friend?"

"Lily, I would never--"

"Oh, I don't want to hear it, James! You are the most insensitive prick I have ever met! To think that you, of all people, would treat him this way. He was in love with you. There, I said it. And you just discarded him as trash. Well, maybe in your opinion he is, but in my opinion, the only person who deserves to be thrown out here…is you."

He deserved that, of course he did. Oh I want to strangle him.

In the girls' dorm…

Anna was sitting on her bed, in her Muggle clothes, surrounded by her pile of books, attempting to revise the comparative uses of herbs by Muggles and wizards since the seventeenth century. She didn't notice the door open tentatively as she flicked through a battered edition of Healing Herbs, and only looked up when she noticed that a cold draught was coming her way.

"Remus! What are you doing in here, this is the girls' dorm!"

He grinned.

"I am well aware of that, you know. I wasn't exactly coming up here to find my things."

"What were you coming up here to find?"

He looked at her pointedly. She blushed slightly, but soon recovered.

"Well, you haven't found much," she shrugged, gesturing around her, and waggling pieces of parchment in his face.

"This is Anna Smirnov at the height of geekiness."

"Do you really need to be doing this right now? I mean, we still have a few weeks till N.E.W.T.s…"

"Yeah, and I haven't studied all year, so these three weeks are all I've got!" She tugged in frustration at her hair, which was hanging over her shoulder in a long plait.

Watching her, Remus couldn't take it any longer. Ever since the Hogsmeade weekend he'd wanted to kiss her again, but for some reason they were always interrupted.

"Anna?"

"Mmm?" She sucked absent-mindedly on her quill.

"You are driving me insane!"

She looked up, worried.

"What? How?"

Remus put a hand to his forehead, blushing.

"Sorry, didn't really mean to say that. Umm, what I meant was…do you think you could take a break from that for a while?"

Now she realised what he was getting at, but decided to play dumb. She wondered what it'd be like for shy Remus to make the first move.

"Oh, I'm not sure, I have an awful lot to get through." She stretched her arms above her head, something not many people could do elegantly, but she pulled it off nicely.

Remus moved a couple of books onto the floor and sat down beside her.

"I think you should take a break," he whispered.

And he kissed her, hard. Anna hadn't expected him to be that forward, but she wasn't complaining. Parting her lips, she allowed his tongue entrance and reached her arms up around his neck, running her fingers through his sandy hair.

Remus pushed her down so she was lying underneath him.

"Ouch! There's a book under there, you know!"

She reached behind her back and tossed it on the floor. Remus grinned.

"Maybe we should move these out of the way…temporarily of course." And with a wave of his wand, they were all stacked neatly at the foot of the bed.

Anna grabbed the front of his robe and pulled him back on top of her, kissing him fervently. His hands clasped her waist underneath her grey t-shirt, which she'd put on to feel more comfortable studying. She almost gasped as she felt his fingers on her bare skin, it sent shivers down her spine and she melted into him. Craving oxygen, she reluctantly pulled away, and he began kissing her neck gently, whilst rubbing his hands over her hips. After a while, she needed to feel his lips on hers again, and pulled him to her. It wasn't as passionate a kiss as she'd experienced with other guys she'd been with, but that's what made it different. Remus was gentler, somehow, and she felt as though he meant it when he kissed her.

Suddenly, he pulled away from her.

"I think you should get back to studying now," he whispered, a hint of a smile on his face.

"You're kidding, right?"

He shook his head.

"But…you came up here to have sex with me…" She looked at him, puzzled.

Remus laughed.

"No! Why would I come up here to have sex with you? I just wanted to see you, that's all."

"You…you don't want to have sex with me?" Anna didn't think she could remember any guy who had ever told her that.

Remus blushed deeply.

"I never said that. It's just that I…well you know, I'd rather just take it slowly. I've never done that before and I really like you. But what we did then was still…fun…" He looked away, utterly embarrassed.

Anna was shocked, but she'd never felt happier in her entire life. Here was a guy who wasn't after sex, but liked her for who she was. Lily had been right. All that time she'd been pining after Sirius, the guy who really liked her had been right under her nose.

"I feel terrible, Remus," she whispered, sitting up and putting a hand on his shoulder. "I was an idiot. But I hope you know that I've realised that now."

Remus smiled at her.

"In that case, do you maybe want to go out some time?"

Leaning forward, she softly kissed him on the lips.

"As long as you don't keep distracting me from schoolwork…"

They both laughed.

"But…for the time being, that's ok. But this is a once-off only!"

Remus grinned as he pushed her back down onto the bed.

Neither of them noticed Lily at the entrance to the room, quickly walking out again as she realised what was going on.

When she got back to the Heads' dorm, she noticed the light was still on in James' room, despite it being almost midnight. Highly doubting that he was studying, and wanting desperately to make things right with him again, she made her way over to his room, where his door was standing slightly ajar.

Peering in, she could just make out the figure of James on the edge of the bed, head in his hands. He let out a deep sigh.

Immediately, Lily forgot all her anger towards him. She opened the door and smiled at him as he looked up at her. She could have sworn his eyes were slightly damp, but she pretended not to notice.

He just looked at her dejectedly as she walked over, until she was standing right in front of him.

"James? Umm, I just want to say that I really don't want you to be thrown out. I'm sorry for what I said before."

She reached out, brushing her fingers through his hair, more unkempt than ever. He automatically widened the space between his legs so that she was standing in between them. He inhaled deeply, bringing his arms around her waist, burying his head in her stomach.

"Lily, I'm so sorry, I've been an utter prick. Worse than that. You were right; I deserve to be thrown out. I deserve to be thrown off the Quidditch team."

Lily continued to run her fingers through his hair comfortingly.

"Well, you were an idiot, James, but I don't think you should be apologizing to me, I think Sirius is the one you need to apologise to. You really hurt him, you know."

She felt James nod his head against her stomach.

"I know," he whispered. "Fuck, what have I done?"

"Shh, it's okay," she whispered soothingly, now moving to sit beside him, putting an army around his shoulders.

"Is it true what you said? That he…that he was in love with me?"

Lily sighed.

"Yes. It is, James. I think he may have moved on now, but he was hurt terribly by what you said to him. You were always his best friend. Even I couldn't replace you. Sure, he could talk to me about things, but not in the same way that he could with you. He could talk about Quidditch with you, discuss tactics, the latest broomsticks, plan pranks on the Slytherins. He's a fellow Marauder. And I'll tell you something else, too. The only reason I am here with you right now is because of him."

James looked at her, and she nodded.

"It's true. We talked about it. We both liked you, but he pretty much gave up on you so that you could be happy. He knew you'd never return his feelings, so he realised that the closest he could get to that would be to make you happy with someone else."

James was just staring at the wall.

"I guess…I guess I owe him a thank you too, then."

"Yeah, I think so."

Putting his head in his hands, James drew a deep breath in.

"Do you think he'll ever forgive me, Lily?"

"I don't know, James. I really don't. But you can at least give it a go. His friendship is worth it."

Making up his mind, James suddenly stood up, nodding fervently.

"I know. And I don't deserve it. But I'm going to try and get it back."

Awwwwwwww.

Pads, you're my best pal, I can't just leave you like that, can I?

Oh, you too make me sick. Please don't tell me this ever happened in real life.

Homophobic much, Moony?

That better not be a yes.

Don't worry, I'm both straight as can be. Though I can't say the same for Sirius, remember that time we found him making out with Yan Kryscenov at the Quidditch final after party?

Prongs, I was pissed. And he came onto me. Big mistake.

Sure, Pads. Deep down, you like men. We know it's true.

Sigh.

What's that, Wormtail? Got your hopes up, did you? I'm sure if Pads here were gay, he'd go for someone a little more appealing.

Are you saying I'm unappealing?

There is a reason why your Animagus is a rat, Peter.

And do you think that if you were appealing, the author wouldn't leave you out of her stories?

You don't have to be so slack, you know. I don't know why people don't like me, really. I was a Marauder, just like you lot.

Yeah, by name only. You weren't funny, you weren't drop-dead gorgeous, and…oh, you betrayed us to Voldemort.

Please, please, please review! I'll love you forever and ever!