Hello my friend we meet again
It's been a while where should
we begin…feels like forever
Within my heart are memories
Of perfect love that you gave to me
I remember
Slipping further into the warm embrace of the tub, Buffy pushed the bubbles along the surface of the water. She was supposed to be relaxing but it was proving impossible. Tilting her head to the side, Buffy strained to hear the conversation being held outside the confines of the bathroom.
"If your wrong about this Jinx, I'll..'
Spike's voice carried loudly from the bedroom portion of the suite he had found for them. Buffy didn't bother to hide the sneer of disgust from crossing her face at the girl's name. She had been in the bath for about two seconds before Spike had called Jinx's cell phone.
"How are you so sure she won't be turned?"
"Well I don't know a bloody thing about that cells and nucleus crap"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean of course I'm a vampire"
Buffy was trying desperately to control the giggles gurgling up in her chest at the irritated tone to Spike's voice. Leaning over the side of the tub she shamelessly eavesdropped on the one sided conversation.
"Listen you stupid bint, If I find out you lied to me I'll rip out your…….What? NO!.. I don't want to talk to her…….Jinx, don't you dare give her the phone……Jinx you little bitc……Hi Red…….. She's fine…..taking a bath…….What do you mean she's not supposed to, it's just water…..Oh Bloody hell!…..I'm going………..I'll tell her……Yes I will…….Yes I will………I said I'll tell her…….Okay then, bye.
Buffy dived back under the water as she heard a distinctive beep signaling the end of Spike's phone call. She pushed desperately at the swiftly fading bubbles trying to assume a modicum of decency, as she heard his footsteps approaching the door. Jumping in spite of herself as he strode into the room, she struggled for a nonchalance she was far from feeling. Glancing up she barley had time to register the hostility rolling off him in waves, before he was hauling her up and out of the tub.
Buffy stared dumfounded as he whipped a towel off the rack and shoved it at her. Fielding the scrap of terry cloth she slowly started to wrap it around her body as she watched him bend and yank out the plug with a vicious twist.
"You know if you wanted the bathroom all you had to do was ask. I was almost done anyway."
Buffy found herself abruptly trapped between the hard edge of the vanity and the harder edges of Spike's body.
Buffy took the briefest of moments to drink in the sensation of his body pressed intimately with hers, before she let her gaze slide up to his eyes. Releasing a shaky breath, she licked her suddenly dry lips and attempted to speak.
"What did Willow want you to tell me?"
Buffy felt his gaze drop from her face to rake across her wet and partially clad body. Buffy let a delicate shiver rock her body as he leaned closer to whisper softly into her ear.
"She said……"
Buffy felt like her knees were going to collapse as his cool breath teased the sensitive skin on her neck .
"to tell you…"
A slight moan caught in her throat, when his tongue shot out to flick the vulnerable area just below her ear.
"that she…."
She was drowning, he was barley touching her and she was going up in flames. Rolling her head to the side, Buffy gave him full access to the thousands of nerves and veins scrambling wildly for his touch.
"…will be here in an hour."
Buffy blinked dazedly at the sudden and abrupt withdrawal of Spike's body. She realized, belatedly, that his last words had been said from across the room, where he now stood arms crossing his chest, a smirk planted firmly on his mouth.
Pulling the towel closer to her body, Buffy glared malevolently at him.
"Get out"
"Now, now, pet. Not my fault you can't control yourself. Guess I'll just have to be strong enough for both of us."
"Momentary insanity. It's been a while, any body could do the job. Remind me next time to pick one with a pulse."
Spike pushed himself up off the wall and ambled towards the door. Pausing at the opening he glanced back at her and perused her stiff figure. She watched as an evil grin formed on his lips and braced herself for his next words.
"Sure, slayer, whatever gets you through the night."
Spike paced the room aimlessly and paused yet again to glare at the bathroom door.
What the hell is she doing in there. This is getting bloody ridiculous. Just go in there, pull her out by her hair, bite her and be done with it. You're a vampire. You're William the Bloody. One tiny little, pregnant girl is not going to bring you to your knees…….again.
Cringing at the thought, Spike threw himself on the bed. She had almost done it to him again. The sight of her standing there naked and dripping, moaning softly in the back of her throat, had almost had him on his knees begging her forgiveness. He had always thought pregnant women were supposed to be fat, ungainly, undesirable not soft and glowing and utterly irresistible. The memory itself was playing havoc with his body. Rolling to his stomach, Spike buried his face under a pillow trying to erase the image.
It had taken every ounce of strength and will power he possessed to step away from the gift she had obviously been trying to give him. He couldn't bite her like that. Not when it was all wrapped up in sex and trust and…….love. It had to be cold, it had to be clinical, it had to be completely impersonal. Spike peeked out from under the pillow checking the still closed bathroom door.
It just had to be.
When you are with me
I'm free…I'm careless…I believe
Above all the others we'll fly
This brings tears to my eyes
My sacrifice
The small hand towel made short streaks on the mirror as Buffy pulled it across the surface trying to dispel the mist formed there from her bath. Tugging and straightening her skirt she twisted to try to get a better view of herself. Peering at the foggy reflection, she tilted her head to side and struck, what she hoped was, an alluring pose.
Well this isn't working.
She grumbled at the pregnant woman staring back at her in the mirror. Not going to be dazzling him with my stunning good looks anytime soon. What am I worried about, he's only going to be looking at my neck anyway.Flipping the toilet seat down she sat gingerly on the edge. It would really suck if she ended up breaking the stupid thing and had to call Spike to get her out.
It's not like I'm some fat disgusting mess or something, I'm just very, very pregnant.
A lot of guys would go for a large, round, awkward, uncomfortable, hormonal, swollen……..DAMMITBurying her face in her hands, Buffy searched her brain for some perspective.
Why do I care what he thinks, this is stupid. This isn't about me and Spike. This is about the baby. Good one Buffy.. Go with that. He's only here for the baby. And that's good cause…. that's what I wanted…... Nothing to be nervous about. Just go in there and let the father of my unborn child drain me dry. No problem…
…….I am soooo not leaving this room.
Buffy really wished there was some other way to do this. Seeing Spike again had been enough of a shock to her already vulnerable system, without having to share this latest level of intimacy with him. The taking and giving of blood was a line neither of them had been willing to cross before. He had never wanted what she hadn't been willing to give.
Which is why he left you in the first place.
Buffy cursed the persistent voice that had seemed to take up residence in her head. Especially since it always told the truth.It hadn't been her inability to tell the world about them, it wasn't even her drunken indiscretion. No it was quite simply that she hadn't loved him enough. She was still waging war on her emotional ghosts.
Just one ghost, actually, and he came in a package much darker than Spike's.
She had never even come close to giving Spike the level of intimacy she had shared with Angel, she just didn't have it in her to be that open anymore. In fact she had wrapped him up in the same box she had put Riley in and had thought it was enough. It was almost like her heart had decided that she'd suffered enough. That part of her soul had shut down and fought like hell against any intrusion.
It had taken yet another man leaving for her to finally understand. The moment the door had shut behind him, she saw the truth he had already realized. Friendship, lust and affection were emotions she had mistaken for love.
Denial ……not exactly a new concept in the Buffyverse.
There had been more than one battle of wills in her soul after that. Buffy still wasn't entirely sure if she had finally beat her demons or if her heart had just got tired of the fight. Which ever one it was the result was the same. She had lied awake the night he left, cursing them all. Angel for leaving in the first place, Riley for not being enough , her mother for dying and even Giles for not being there when she needed him most. In the morning, the tears having dried, her throat raw from screaming, she had finally found some peace. Or rather knew where her peace had always been.
Spike. Her rock, the only real port in a wild and turbulent storm, but even he hadn't been strong enough in the end. As much as she wanted to she couldn't even blame him for it. In those final moments as night gave way to day Buffy knew, for all his past and all his denial, Spike was the most human person she had ever known. He wasn't perfect, far from it, but he knew her like no other and still loved her. Flaws and all. He was an integral part of the person she was and wanted to be. If he had been there, he would have recognized the moment she fell in love with him. So now that she was finally ready to give herself completely, it was his choice to turn away.
Love was an ironic bitch.
Sighing at the injustice of her life, Buffy rose. Checking herself one last time in the mirror, she reached for the door. She could do this, it was just a bite. For a few moments maybe she could even pretend he still loved her.
We've seen our share of ups and downs
Oh how quickly life can turn around in
an instant
It feels so good to reunite
Within yourself and within your mind
Let's find peace there
"You're not gonna screw this up, right. You know when to stop, right. Make sure you don't make too big of a mark. I don't want a big vamp hickey. How long is this gonna take. My feet hurt. I can't stand upright for too long. Do you think they have this wallpaper in all the rooms. I should ask, I need to redecorate. "
"Bloody hell, Buffy. Would you shut up for two seconds. You're ruining the mood."
Spike's patience had far surpassed his normal level of tolerance. She was making this extremely difficult. Ever since she had stepped out of the bathroom she had been dancing around the room like a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. He wanted to get this over with…..quickly. Not wanting to examine his haste too closely he shifted into 'game face' and reached for her again.
"What mood…there's no mood. This is mood free. It's a get in, get out kinda thing."
He couldn't help the smirk forming on his lips or the sexual innuendo that poured past them. After all he was no saint.
"You didn't always think that way, luv."
Pleased with the remark, he silently congratulated himself for the green effect it was having on Buffy's face. His delight quickly faded, when she doubled over in front of him, grabbing at her belly.
"I need to lie down."
Stumbling over to the bed, Buffy sank down and started rubbing her forehead with her fingertips. Feeling a unexpected bout of compassion , Spike followed to perch on the mattress beside her. At a loss for how to help, he reached over and patted her clumsily on the back. Staring at her pinched and drawn features, Spike felt the first moments of panic grip him. She was in pain and he didn't know how to stop it.
"Is it bad, luv?"
Buffy didn't respond just curled up on the bed and moaned into the blanket.
"What can I do……should I call Willow, maybe she can…"
The small sounds coming from Buffy were half words and half moans of pain, but he understood.
"No…….hurts……just…..stay…….with me"
Biting back a curse for his continued inability to deny her anything, he lied down and spooned his body around her. Leaning on his elbow he began brushing her hair back from her face in small smoothing strokes. At the first touch of her body against his, Spike knew he was screwed. What good were long drawn out lectures on the follies of loving her up against the reality of her small warm body curled next to his. He had violently tried to deny his heart and ,as usual, had failed miserably. He knew he was never going to stop loving her and it was probably going to kill him.
Staring down at Buffy's tiny hunched figure, Spike's knew he would do whatever it took to save her. Leaning forward, he whispered soothingly into her ear.
"Everything's fine, luv. Just relax. I'll take care of you. I'll always take care of you."
At the slight release of tension in her muscles Spike let out a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding. Sliding one hand down to her stomach he began to draw a pattern of small circles. She was in pain ,she was suffering and it was all his fault. He had done this to her. If it had been the hall monitor's baby, this never would have happened. For the first time in more years than he could count Spike cursed the fact that he was a vampire. He never should have touched her. She was pure and good and he had tainted her somehow.
Oh well that's bleedin perfect, now I'm starting to think like peaches.
Wincing at the truth of his own admission, Spike's hand tightened on Buffy's stomach. Reversing his thought pattern he approached it from a different more comfortable angle.
Okay mate, you may not be her soddin perfect, one true love but you're all she has.
She doesn't love you and you've spent enough bleeding time coming to grips with that. But whether she likes it or not she needs you. The real you, fangs and all.It was the monster she despised that was going to save her and he couldn't help the tiny thrill that coursed through his veins at the thought. He had tried so hard to distance the demon from the man for her, but there was really no denying what you were inside.
Sighing he wondered if Buffy really knew what she was getting into.
Almost as if she could hear the turmoil rushing around in his brain, Buffy tilted her face up to his and lifted a hand to cup his cheek.
"I trust you."
The words were barley above a whisper but they went straight to his heart.
The quietly spoken affirmation brought a sheen of tears to his eyes. He had waited so long for just those words, but now they seemed a bitter pill to swallow. He had tried to be a man she could count on and now all she needed was a demon she could trust. Burying his face in her neck, he choked hard on the sob rising in his chest. He would do what she wanted, what she needed. And once and for all he would prove he was nothing more than the monster she always told him he was.
Acceptance weighed heavily on his heart as he shifted his body slightly and moved his arm to pillow her head. Watching her face closely, he reached across her and drew a long gash in the veins across his wrist. Gripping her chin in the other hand he turned her head to face the undeniable evidence of what they were doing. Placing his wrist next to her mouth, he whispered quietly in the silent room.
"When I tell you, drink."
He felt her give a slight nod, but also felt the slight tremor of disgust that rippled through her body.
"It would be over before you know it, luv"
Resigning himself to his fate, Spike let his fangs descend and stroked her hair from her neck. He knew he should have been happy, his inner demon was sure getting a jolt at the unexpected treat. But it had been too long and too much had happened to him for this act to give him the pleasure it should have. Spike wondered if ever, for one tiny moment, he would be able to get something right.
Staring at the smooth perfection of skin before him, he noticed it was untouched by previous scars. She was still keeping Angel's bite safely enshrined on the other side. He let out a slight whimper of defeat just before he slid his teeth into the vulnerable expanse of her neck.
It took every ounce of self preservation she had not to scream out loud when she felt his teeth slide in. The pull of his mouth was like molten lava through her veins. Buffy stared resolutely at the wall and tried to think of something…anything to stop her from lashing out at him. Her slayer instincts were screaming at the injustice she was subjecting them to. Biting back the urge to run, she desperately tried to relax. Using every technique Giles had taught her, Buffy willed her body into a tranquil state. It didn't take long for the room to get an almost hazy quality, as her blood flowed into to him.
It was with a rather detached feeling that she felt her mind fog and her heart beat start to slow. After the first initial shock, she conceded that it wasn't too bad. Not an activity she wanted to participate in on a daily basis, but all in all not too horrible. Every single nerve in her body was on fire, yet she felt like she was floating above it. She even began to wonder idly what it would be like to do this during sex. Drifting into pleasant scenarios in her mind she almost didn't hear him talking to her.
"Buffy……Slayer……Come on, luv……Wake up"
The last was said with a note of panic and that was what she found herself responding to. Shaking her head slightly Buffy realized his wrist was pressed to her mouth and he was commanding her to complete the ritual.
Oh yeah……this part…..can't we go back to the Buffy sex dream part
Giggling quietly and mourning the loss of her stupor, Buffy tentatively reached out her tongue.
Okay, kind of metallic, but not so bad……..Oh who am I kidding this is gross.
Wrinkling her nose Buffy latched onto his wrist and swallowed. She almost choked when she heard him moan. It was in no way the 'oh help someone is hurting me' moan. It was definitely more of the 'oh yes don't stop' variety.
Hello Buffy……vampire…..quite familiar with the whole sex and biting thing.
Steering far away from the sounds of Spike's increased excitement and her own less than angelic thoughts, Buffy concentrated on the effects the exchange were having on her body. She had no idea how much she was supposed to take, but she knew it was working. Strength and power seemed to be flowing through her limbs. The cramping was still acute but it was much more manageable now.
Lifting her mouth, Buffy let Spike's wrist drop and wiped her hand across her mouth. Sitting up, she turned to regard the vampire lying motionless on the bed next to her.
"Are…..are you…… okay"
She hated herself for the slight breathless tremble in her voice but she couldn't do a thing about it.
"Just peachy, pet. Just give us a minute though would you"
Buffy let her gaze stray from his tightly closed eyes, over his smooth hard chest and down to the prominent bulge in his pants. Obviously the effects were taking a while to go away.
"See something you want"
Buffy's gaze flew back up to the now open eyes staring at her with an amused expression.
"No…..I was just…….no"
"Well that seems to be a word your familiar with. What's the matter, luv. A little too much monster in your man."
Spike reached out for her arm and startled at the sudden movement, Buffy jumped. A sneer twisted Spike's features as he mistook her reaction for disgust.
"What's the matter, pet, truth hurt. I'm an evil disgusting vampire and you're the pure perfect slayer, everything as it should be. Or almost as it should be. "
Spike stared pointedly at Buffy's stomach.
"Maybe from now on you should practice keeping you legs together."
Buffy scrambled to her feet and glared down at him.
"Don't you fucking dare. Who the hell do you think you are. Preaching to me about morality. I may not be a saint but I am hell of a lot closer than you could ever think to be."
Rising from the bed, Spike brought his face inches from her hers and Buffy could feel fury roll off him.
"Oh yes, perfect little Saint Buffy. Tell me, how's the view from that pedestal you put yourself on….. Or maybe it wasn't you, who put you there, pet….. Whitebread?….. No, even he got tired of you in the end. I know, it must have been the grand poof…… Where is he now?….. Oh yeah, he's left you too….. I seem to be detecting a pattern here."
Buffy sank slowly back to the bed, staring vacantly at the wall, her fears and inadequacies laid out in the harsh light of the truth. He knew what buttons to push, always had.
"Personally, I find the truth healing. Gives a person a whole new perspective when they can admit their mistakes."
Wounded beyond comprehension by his words and blinking back tears, she didn't even bother to look up as she answered his callous statement.
"Is that what I am to you….. A mistake."
"You're the slayer, I'm a vampire…. What else could it be?"
Buffy couldn't help the indelicate snort from escaping at his attempt to reduce their relationship to a senseless screw.
"Oh don't worry your empty little head. I'm sure some poor sod will happen by sooner or later. One willing to take you and the new bit on….. Well once you get your body back anyway."
Buffy felt like he had slapped her, it probably would have hurt less. Did he honestly think she was just going to run off with the first loser who gave her the time of day.
"Do you have the slightest clue what I am going through? Could you take even one second out of the poor Spikey pity party to think about someone else for a change."
Quelling the urge to rip out his tongue and feed it to him, she settled for screaming instead.
"Look at me Spike….. I am about two minutes away from giving birth to a…… I don't even know what for sure, but it's coming. How am I going to explain anything to him. How am I supposed to tell him that mommy's just going to pop out and turn your uncles to dust. I don't even know how the hell I am supposed to buy diapers. I can barley remember to make Dawn lunch. What am I going to do with someone who needs constant supervision. My life sucks. So don't think you can even begin to make me feel worse than I already do."
She stared in shock as he grabbed his coat and headed for the door. He was leaving……again. He was supposed to yell back, fight with her…..not just walk away.
"You said you'd never leave me."
Buffy couldn't keep the tears out of her voice and didn't bother to try. She'd had more than enough of hiding what she was feeling. Letting them flow freely down her face, she watched as he paused briefly at the exit. With one hand on the door, Spike tilted his head back into the room to look at her.
"And you said you loved me"
Buffy squeezed her eyes shut as the door clicked quietly shut and his final words echoed softly in the room.
"I guess we both lied"
Buffy sat for a full minute before deciding to go after him.
This is not over. He's going to listen to me even if I have to sit on him.
Shoving herself up from the bed, Buffy started for the door. Only to find herself right back down as a vicious cramp tore through her gut.
Not right now kiddo, we've got things to do.
Gritting her teeth against the pain, Buffy tried again to stand, although much more gingerly this time. She made about two steps before an enormous pressure seemed to release in her stomach.
Staring down at the puddle of water forming at her feet, she reached blindly for the phone. Once again fighting her tears, Buffy pushed redial.
"Jinx…………my water broke"
(Author's notes: There are two parts left to this story and they are pretty much done. Rest assured people, I like happy endings too.)