Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stefenie Meyer. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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Monday

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On her way to work in the morning, Edward asks if he can take her to lunch. She agrees, although she doesn't really relish the idea of him staring at her while she eats. It's bound to be awkward anyway. He knows she's been thinking about Jacob constantly, and he knows how inappropriate some of those thoughts have been. Similarly, she knows he's been hiding the threat of the rogue newborn from her, not to mention the fact that he must have known Jacob had left, and he didn't say anything. She no longer knows exactly what it is that she wants from Edward, but the truth would be a good place to start.

The day crawls along. Mike is animated as usual, keeping up a running commentary of chatter, talking about his plans for the fall. She wishes she could be as enthusiastic about her own future. For months, she couldn't even contemplate having a future without Edward in it. But upon his return, her relief at having him back was overshadowed by Victoria and the newborns, and she wasn't even sure she would have a future. Now all of eternity itself stretches before her, and she doesn't know if she actually wants it.

It's tempting; how could it not be? Edward's feelings are unchanging and static. He has declared that he will love her forever. He has waited for her for a hundred years, ignoring the advances of women much more alluring than plain Bella Swan. She has spent her entire life being firmly ignored by the entire male gender. But this model of perfection has declared her to be his one and only, ignoring the advances of his equals, vampires whose faces and bodies are perfection, even spurning Rosalie. Who is she to turn him down, having caught his eye? He says he will never leave her, will never love another. His perfect golden eyes will never wander to another woman. He will only ever want her. If she turns, she'll even be worthy of his attentions. Her human life is a collection of sad uncertainties. Edward Cullen has offered her a guarantee.

Moreover, she wants invulnerability; of that she is certain. She's sick and tired of being afraid. It's bad enough that Edward had to save her from Tyler's van and from the men who threatened her in Port Angeles. Worse yet that the Cullens had to rescue her from James. She is weary of sending her loved ones off to the front lines, of shielding her body with the lives of others, huddling in fear while she waits to hear whether they survived. Bad enough that Jacob was hurt. She couldn't live with the guilt if a wolf died for her. They're young, and brash, and bold, and they are supposed to have their entire lives before them. They're supposed to get married, have children, and grow old. She can't stand the idea that one of them might not have that future, all because of her. If she is turned, she will protect herself. She will never ask anyone to put themselves at risk for her again.

There are other perks too, of course. She won't mind being beautiful or eternally young. She has spent her entire life feeling plain and uninteresting; the opposite will be nice for a change.

And she could do a lot worse for a family. She truly admires Carlisle, Esme is more of a natural mother than her own, Alice is one of her best friends, and Emmett already feels like her big brother. But those reasons are honestly not why she's chosen Edward. If he turns her, she can stop being scared.

But this time, her choice hasn't made Jacob safe. She thought that after the newborn battle, he could finally rest. She has broken his heart and her own in the process, and for what? She could live with the idea that she's lost him forever, that she hurt him irreparably, if it was for a reason. If it was for his future. That he would someday meet his imprint, fall in love, and make a life. She could watch from afar and know she had done the right thing. Instead, he has run off after yet another vampire hell-bent on killing her. He barely survived the last battle, and during that one he was surrounded by his pack and the Cullens. This time, he's alone, and rushing headlong into the unknown.

She is trapped in these thoughts when Edward arrives to take her to lunch. She only has an hour, so they pick up a sandwich from a local deli and head to a nearby park. The sky is overcast, but there is no rain, so they can sit outside. She doesn't know what to say, so she says nothing. He is looking at her with a pained expression on his face, and is smart enough to start with an apology.

"I'm sorry, my love, I didn't want to worry you. You've had so much to handle lately. I couldn't bear to add to your burden."

She wants to yell at him, to be angry for keeping her in the dark. To remind him that his misguided attempts to protect her do not always end well, and are not appreciated. Instead, she stays silent, and waits for what he has to say. She takes a bite of her food.

"You've been safe the whole time. I promise. You know I don't like the wolves, but they won my respect during the battle. I know they will not leave you unprotected. Neither will I."

He waits for her to respond, and when she does not, he continues, "Alice is watching out for the newborn who escaped. She doesn't actually know who it is, so she's not having much success. She doesn't know what to look for. But it seems to be gone for the moment, at any rate."

She's really not worried about herself right now. There is only one vampire, so far as anyone can tell, and between the wolves and the Cullens, over a dozen powerful creatures are watching out for her.

She swallows, and the food feels like rocks in her throat and in her stomach. She gets to the point. "Where is he?"

Edward frowns and looks at the ground. "I haven't spoken with the wolves, Bella."

She glares at him, "We both know you don't need to talk to them to find out what's going on."

He sighs and looks away. It hurts him to speak of Jacob. "Canada. He's in Canada." He gives away as little as possible.

She waits, and when no more information is forthcoming, prompts, "And?"

Like Seth the day before, he won't meet her eyes. "He's shielding his thoughts from the pack, which he can do because of the distance, to some extent. I know that he's following the trail of the newborn who escaped. I know that he ran into some trouble last night, but he made it out. The pack was in an uproar. They saw him killing a male vampire."

Oh God. He put himself in danger. He fought a vampire all by himself. She knows this isn't how the wolves are meant to attack. They are supposed to work in a pack. They are supposed to be able to see an opponent from their own eyes, as well as the eyes of their brothers. They are supposed to fight with multiple set of jaws and powerful claws. If one is rendered incapacitated, another is supposed to be right there to stand over it and defend it.

Jacob has no one. Jacob is alone. Jacob, who threatened to get himself killed during the newborn battle if she would not recognize her feelings for him, the ones he saw in front of him all along. Jacob, who kissed her more passionately than she had ever been kissed, who showed her with that one kiss the fullness of the life she is turning down. Jacob, her other love, her other life. Jacob has gone off by himself to protect her, right after she tore out his heart. Again.

She tore out her own heart when she tore out his. The space is gaping and bleeding. But unlike when Edward left, and Jacob filled the hole in her chest with his love and light and laughter, Edward cannot fill this emptiness, no matter how much he wants to.

He sees the grief and terror written plainly on her face, and tries to reassure her. She is hyperventilating, her lungs gasping for air, her hands trembling, her chest heavy with pressure. "He's all right, Bella. I know he made it out alive. He didn't even feel a scratch."

She steadies her breathing. "Is he coming back?" Is he coming home to me?

He shakes his head reluctantly. "Not yet, my love. I don't think so. The vampire he killed wasn't the one he was looking for."

The panic is back. She knows he won't stop now. He could still get hurt. Could still die, alone and far from home, without his brothers by his side. Her last words to him could be of her sending him away.

She needs to get away. She even has a good excuse; her lunch break is nearly over. She stands, unsteadily, drops the remainder of her sandwich in the trash, and starts walking back to Newton's. Edward chases after her, his words of comfort changing as he becomes defensive. They never talked about her dreams again, never acknowledged her feelings for Jacob which are eclipsing her feelings for him.

"It only goes to show how dangerous he is, Bella. A wolf who can take down vampires on his own, without his pack around him, is a dangerous beast indeed. It's best that you're not near him right now. It's for the best that he's gone." This argument, that she is safer with Edward than she is around Jacob, has always been patently absurd. She has always recognized this, even while being otherwise blinded by Edward.

She spins on her heel so quickly that he nearly walks into her. She points a finger at his chest. "Don't, Edward, just don't." She opens the front door to the store.

"He can take care of himself, Bella!" he calls out as the door shuts behind her.

She looks up to find Mike staring at her, his curiosity entirely unmasked. She knows her skin is flushed and she has a scowl on her face, but thankfully her panic attack consisted of terror without tears.

"He's not letting you go see your friend, is he Bella?"

She frowns more. "What?"

Innocent, open Mike Newton, Mike whose life consists of no monster and no magic, sees right to the heart of the matter. He shrugs, "I mean, if I was your fiance, I'd be jealous too. Of your friend, Jacob? Who got hurt in that motorcycle accident? I mean, I'd be jealous too, but I'd have the good sense to be a little less obvious about it. Come on, he just comes off looking possessive and controlling this way, right?"

Is this so obvious to everyone but her? She hides in the storeroom doing inventory for the rest of her shift. She can't bring herself to face Mike, or any customers. She's too angry at Edward, but more angry at herself, and too terrified for Jacob. And she still doesn't know what she wants. If Jacob were here, she could talk to him. He'd probably make her see things more clearly. But he's gone, and he might never come back.

Until then, she's just going to have to figure out what she wants. She knows she wants him now, needs him now, loves him now, is in love with him now. But despite being mad at Edward, she really does think he means well, and she isn't prepared to walk away. She isn't ready to give up invulnerability, his family, or the promise of eternal love. Most of all, she isn't ready to give up her dream of never being afraid ever again. An (ever shrinking) part of her wants to be turned immediately, not to wait for the wedding. If she was a vampire, she could go to Canada herself, fight the newborn herself, and bring Jacob back home. Only he would never speak to her again. And she would have truly lost him, forever.

Her black thoughts consume her until she climbs in bed that night. Edward has the good sense not to come to her before she goes to sleep. She prays for relief. She prays that when she falls asleep, he will be waiting for her in the little red house, in room 128. She prays that he can push away her fears with his warmth, with his love, and with his body.

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Jacob wakes in the middle of the day, the sun still high in the sky. He recalls no dreams. He was so tired after dismantling the vampire in Stanley Park, and then spending all night disposing of its remains, that he forgot to eat dinner. His stomach is completely empty. It feels like it's trying to eat itself. He flips on the television as he dresses, and looks for a weather report. He wants to know how long he has until it rains again and washes away any fresh trails. Why couldn't the vampire have run south, to sunny, dry California? Where it would be easier to track? He's tempted to start at the school again. He will doubtless find vampires if he returns to Stanley Park and waits long enough, but he's not sure he'll find the one he's looking for. So he might as well go back to the only place he knows it has been recently. According to the weather channel, he should have a few hours before heavy rain sets in.

He quickly makes up his bed and heads out for food, and then walks to the school. Unfortunately, there is no evidence the vampire had been back. On closer inspection, however, he realizes he missed the scent of the vampire on the fire escape. It's pretty far above his head, which is why he didn't notice it the first time. He smacks himself for missing something so obvious. The rain didn't even wash the scent away since the ladder is protected somewhat by the wall of the school. He should have learned to check everything overhead after climbing the tree in Forks near Bella's home that proved the vampire has figured out to evade him by sticking to heights. He quickly checks for spying eyes, sees none, jumps up to grab the ladder, and hauls himself up to the rooftop. On the roof, the scent is washed away, but he has learned his lesson. He needs to pay attention to escape routes other than the ground. There are old oaks around the school, which backs up onto a wooded area. It may have left by way of the treetops rather than running along the ground.

He thinks he could actually travel the same way, absurd as it is. It's broad daylight, and he really doesn't want anyone to see him jumping from tree to tree like Tarzan. But if he waits until nightfall, the rain will have started, and then he may lose the trail entirely. He doesn't have much of a choice. Luckily, the wooded area is in the back of the school, away from the main traffic and prying eyes. He grits his teeth, checks quickly for observers, and jumps from the rooftop, agilely catching a sturdy branch and pulling himself into the tree. He was right. The scent is faint but present in the middle branches. The tree itself is somewhat protected from the rain by its own foliage. He can easily figure out which way it went from here, and starts jumping from tree to tree. Maybe he should phase into a monkey now. Or a chimpanzee. Those things are fierce.

Now he's sure it knows he is on its trail. There is no other conceivable reason that it would be traveling in this manner, if not to get away from him. He must have gotten so close to it. Maybe that first night he was just moments away from it. Why else would it have fled this way? If only it hadn't been raining. He would probably have killed it and been on his way home by now.

In this manner, he makes his way through the small forested area and emerges in a residential neighborhood. Here it returned to the ground. He can't follow its meandering path directly, but much of this neighborhood is made up of three story apartment complexes. The carparks are sheltered somewhat from the rain, and there are walkways between the buildings which also afford some protection. He is able to piece together a rough path. How creepy. It stopped along more than one apartment on the way. He doesn't approach any closely enough to tell, since it is still daylight, and he doesn't want to get arrested for being a peeping tom, but he's pretty sure it went right up to windows in the same way it went up to the school, and pressed itself up against the glass to look in.

The trail ends in a bus shelter on the main intersection at the edge of the neighborhood. Crap. If it got on a bus, he'll never figure out where it ended up. He waits long enough to realize that there is only one bus line that stops here, and it leads downtown. He can hop on, and explore each stop along the way to see if he can figure out where it got off. It'll be slow going, but it could be done. What he really needs is to obtain a transit map, and explore each stop on its own. But It's starting to rain. By the time he gets what he needs, and heads back into town, the scent will be washed away. Again. The best he can do is ride the bus to the end of the line, make note of the stops, and see if there's any likely places the vampire might have gotten off. He can return and explore more tomorrow when the rain has let up.

He spends the next hour riding the bus to its final destination. He passes plenty of stops, and really, the vampire could have gotten off anywhere. But as he approaches the end of the line, he becomes increasingly certain. The end of the line is Stanley Park.

By the time he gets there, the sky is pouring. He can't tell anything in this weather, but his instincts tell him that there are no vampires afoot here tonight. There is no acrid smell, and the hairs on the back of his neck aren't standing up, so he decides to head back to the motel. He will come back tomorrow when the weather improves.

He picks up dinner on his way back, determined not to starve himself for a second night in a row. He settles into his room to eat and call his father. Billy knows he can take care of himself, but his father is still his father, and still has every right to worry about his teenaged son alone in a distant city, quite literally off looking for trouble. And after he nearly died in the newborn fight, his dad's sense of Jacob's mortality must be at the forefront of his mind. He actually feels really guilty about not checking in sooner.

He dials collect, the first of his three half pound burgers already settled in his stomach, the next already halfway eaten. His mouth is stuffed, so when the operator asks him to identify himself so his father can agree to accept the charges of the phone call, all that comes out is, "Aakuh Aak". Billy's voice rises with concern, "Jacob? Is that you? What's wrong?"

He tries to swallow, but his mouth is dry, and all he does is choke and cough. After a few seconds of sputtering, he answers clearly, "Sorry dad, I'm just eating. You know me, bottomless pit."

Billy laughs, "Oh, thank god. I thought maybe you were choking on your own blood or something."

"Nope, still alive and kicking. Sorry I didn't call sooner."

"It's okay, son. I know you're busy. I know it's important. But next time you skip town, don't wait so long to check in, okay? Be kind to your old man. Where are you, exactly? Sam filled me in on what he knew, but it was pretty incomplete."

"I'm in Vancouver, staying in some ratty motel. I think he told you I caught the trail of the newborn that escaped, the one that's still after Bella? It led me to Canada. Unfortunately it rains here all the time, just like home, so it's really hard to track the scent. It keeps washing away. But I have a couple good leads on it."

"That's not what you were doing last night, though, is it? Sam said you killed a vampire, but that he didn't think you were heading home just yet."

"Uh huh," Jacob pauses to chew and swallow. "I just happened to run across one. It was about to kill this girl, so I had to take it down. It was embarrassingly easy, actually. Not like the ones we fought. I don't think it ever had to defend itself before."

Billy's voice turns serious. "Don't get cocky, son. You're by yourself, without backup."

"I know. I wasn't looking for a fight, honest. But I wasn't gonna let the girl get killed, you know?"

"What happened? She didn't see you, did she?"

"Not my wolf. She saw me as a human, when I yelled at it to get away from her, but then I led it away and took it down in the woods. It was in a big park. The biggest problem wasn't killing the damn thing. It was figuring out how to burn it after. I'm in a city, right? In a public park? So I can't exactly light a giant, stinking fire in the middle. What was I gonna do, pretend it was the worst barbecue ever? At midnight? So I had to find an incinerator in the city."

"And the girl?"

"She's fine. I saw her after, but she didn't see me, when I went back to get my clothes. She had called the cops, actually tried to send them after me. She probably thought I was getting murdered in the woods by the guy who assaulted her. She didn't know what he was. Just that he was a creep. I hid in the trees with the body parts until the cops passed through."

"Wait, wait," Billy stops him, "What's that about your clothes? You didn't rip them up when you phased? You didn't have to walk through the city buck naked?"

Jacob laughs, "No, no, that's the best part. I think I slowed down the leech by stripping in front of it. I was running off in human form, right? So it was clearly gonna catch up with me quick. And I didn't want to end up naked after, like you said, stuck in the park in the city. So I took off my clothes before I phased, while I was running. Between the nudity and the phasing, the damn thing was so stunned that it didn't move quickly enough. I got its hand off before it had a chance to make a move, and then it was only a few more seconds, and I got its head off."

His dad is laughing hysterically. "That'll be your new strategy, Jacob! I'll tell Sam. The next time you guys get in a fight, he should alpha order everybody to strip down to their birthday suits to distract the enemy. Oh, that's rich!"

They don't want to run up their telephone charge too much, so the conversation ends quickly after that. Billy reassures him that Sue is taking care of him, and the wolves have been stopping by as well, and Jacob promises not to wait so long to check in next time, and to be careful.

Billy has the final word, "You do what you have to do, son, but do it carefully. Remember, you're not Batman, and your job isn't to protect Gotham City. You stay safe, and then you come home."

Afterward, he feels a little better. He really doesn't like being stuck up here all alone. But there's a reason he's up here, and he needs to accomplish it before he can leave.

And his subconscious is doing a damn good job of making him think he's not alone, at least when he sleeps. He hasn't had a dream about Bella every time he has fallen asleep, but when he does, they're mind blowing. He's torn. On one hand, the dreams are wonderful. They fulfill his deepest fantasies. They're more explicit than anything he's ever experienced. And they feel so very real, like she's really there in the room with him. Like she's really kissing him, and touching him, and sliding her hot little body against his own. But even better, not only does she love him physically, but she loves him with her whole heart. But each time, he has to wake up. Wake and be startled by the lack of her, by empty arms and a cold room, and his all-too-real memories of rejection. Of her denying him, denying her own feelings, denying what they both know to be true. Waking up breaks his heart all over again. Each and every time.

As he showers, he can't decide if he wants another dream tonight or not, as if he has a choice in the matter. He climbs into bed thinking that if he has any chance of getting over her, of getting over the love of his life who's about to leave him forever, he needs the dreams to stop. But the only way he knows to stop them is not to sleep, which isn't an option.

He sits on the bed to wait for her. He wants her. He needs her. He knows she feels the same. Here, in this place, she is open with him, and honest. She is clear about what she wants. He loves her, she loves him, and they are together. So he waits for her.

He has no idea how much time passes before he senses her presence at the door. She's hesitating for some reason, so he jumps up to let her in, and yanks the door open to her face startled expression.

She looks up at him with her big brown eyes.

He grins at her. It's her favorite Jacob smile. "Where have you been?"

She grins back. "I'm right here."

He steps back to let her in and opens his arms. "You're here?"

"I'm here." She jumps into his embrace, he squeezes her tightly to him, and he spins her around.