Her Majesty

As she her grip on her father figure's clothes tightened, she heard a rustling sound and a grumble from insider her chamber. She shrugged it off as Anna's sleep talking and rested her head on Kai's chest. With her world spinning, somehow, she managed to distinguish her haggard breaths and Anna's panting and calls from the bed when they reached her ears.

"Elsa?" Her heart jumped, causing her to hiccup.

"Elsa?" Her sister whimpered. "Elsa!"

She rushed over to her bed, pushing Kai out the door and locking it. Anna was thrusting her hands in every direction, thumping her fists against the wall, mattress and throwing pillows around, crying with her throat still hoarse from the incident the previous night.

"Y-yes, Anna?" She asked as she sat beside the sleeping princess. She pulled her sister up and hands flung over her, and as she pushed a couple of those messy strawberry blonde tresses behind the princess' ear, she gave her a peck on the forehead. Her hooded eyes were red as she squint them open, tears streaming down her face, Anna leaned in but didn't say a word. Elsa felt her sister shake as she took a deep breath and wheezed. She rubbed circles on Anna's back and waited patiently for her sister to calm down.

"Did…" Anna bit her lips as if it held her back from saying the wrong words, "Did yesterday—"

Understanding her sister's struggle, Elsa pushed Anna to face her. The regret in her sister's teal eyes seemed to reflect hers. It was as if looking into those pair burned. Anna's eyes always held so much passion, happiness, excitement, so much emotions. And now, it was filled with pain, regret, and fear. Her heart clenched at the sight. Unable to say a word, the Ice Queen simply nodded.

What was she to say? What did she want to say? What did she even want? No, what would her parents want? Or her kingdom?

Anna gasped and tackled her sister with another hug. Her cries were louder than before and it killed Elsa to know that all she could do was be there. She couldn't tell what hurt more, her sister's cries and her not being able to do anything, or her own regret for doing what she did. That night, they had crossed two lines.

But to be honest, she wasn't sure what she felt. Did she truly feel regret? If she did, what was it that she truly regret doing? She should've felt it, right?

They stayed there for a few minutes before Anna sat up again. "I-I'm sorry I messed up your gown," she said between her sniffs, rubbing her eyes with one hand and trying to wipe her tears off the dress.

They had killed someone after getting caught making out by the hallway, had sex right after vomiting, and Anna was worried about her gown. Anna. The name rang in her head as a smile drew on her lips. Right. If anything, this girl was why she didn't feel any regret for their deeds.

She felt her heart settle and the warmth that accompanied it spread to the rest of her chest. Elsa pulled her sister's hands away and kissed the dried tears away. "It's okay, are you alright?" She asked.

Not trusting her voice, Anna nodded. She swallowed the bulk in her throat and then asked, "Do you…?"

"Hm?"

"Last night, we…" She shivered at the memory and wondered where all the guts she had last night had disappeared to, right, along with all the alcohol down the toilet. "We… you… me—"

"Judging by the kisses I've showering you with, are you really asking me that?"

Anna mouthed an 'O' meekly before looking down at herself. It was only then she felt a chill and realised she was still naked in bed and pulled the covers over her. She then peeked out and glanced at Elsa again. Fully awake and more collected now, she asked, without any pauses for sniffing or stuttering, "Why?"

Elsa pulled the cover over her as well and wrapped her arms around her sister. "Because I love you," she whispered.

"B-b-but," back to a stuttering mess.

Elsa nibbled her lips and darted her eyes to the pillow beneath them and back to her sister who had her fists clenched, eagerly yet patiently as she can, waiting for an answer. With a deep breath, she looked the princess in the eye, and said, "Because I love you." She waited for a response, but for once, her sister was speechless. She raised a hand to her sister's cheek feeling her hands grow warm and added, "Anna, last night we did… things. Things we couldn't undo."

It felt weird. As a Queen, she had done so many speeches to a table of dignitaries, traders, politicians, soldiers. She would recite all the words in her head with ease. But now, it was like every sentence took everything in her to actually say it. With every sentence, came another breath to prepare her for the next. And she highly doubted it was because of her naked lover-sister lying before her.

"Things we… I'd rather not look back on, and things I don't regret. I love you. And I know I said we couldn't and shouldn't before, but a life was lost, so I want to make this worth it."

She didn't even know where the words came from. She clearly wasn't thinking, so maybe it was her heart speaking?

Anna placed her hand over her cold hand on her cheek and another silent tear slipped from her eyes and down her nose and then she sniffed, "Do you mean it?"

"More than anything."

A gust of wind came her way. Although the clouds high above shifted, making way for the setting sun, Queen Elsa stood still. Very still. Two shadows were cast on both her sides.

If they had been alive, they would be terribly disappointed in her. In the past three years under her rule, Arendelle's trades have improved tremendously after cutting their ties with Weselton. After re-opening their gates again, upon hearing news of Weselton, many kingdoms from all over Europe had become keen and more than welcome in trading with Arendelle. It turned out not many people were fond of that old man as he believed himself to be nor did they trust his goods. Papa and mama would be pleased to hear such news, but that wasn't what she was here for.

Three years.

That was how long it had been since she last came to visit.

When the wind died down, her purple cape fell on her right. She twiddled her thumbs as the shadows beside her extended further. Ungloved. That was probably the only thing she had done her parents proud of since their death.

"Papa, mama, it's been a while. I'm sorry for not coming in so long." The dull feeling she hadn't felt in so long returned to her chest. Her lips trembled as she tried to continue, "It seems every time I come it's to bring disappointing news. Will you forgive me? Again?"

'If I said I had been scared? Guilty?' She wanted to say, but she couldn't seem to.

What would they say if they were around? Would they be disgusted? Would they have executed her without a second thought? Would they forgive her if they knew? She knew if she were them, she wouldn't forgive herself.

"Everything is still the same, except I protect Anna more than just because she's our princess, papa, mama." Indeed, nothing had changed.

"Kai and Gerda has been very… helpful, so I don't think anybody will know." Except Kristoff and the trolls. But they generally avoided people, so there was no problem in that. In fact, the trolls even supported their relationship, claiming if it was true love, there was no problem. But Elsa didn't trust the trolls and their advice. It was because of their cryptic messages that she separated herself from Anna for naught. It was because of their belief that Hans or Kristoff was Anna's true love that Anna almost froze to death if she had not been with her the moment she frozen entirely. So who was to say they were right this time?

"But I'm not here to tell you about things I told you the last time I came here."

She watched over from the top of the hill as the first sled appear in a distance to start their today. She listened to the gruff voices of men beginning to sing as it echoed over the mountains and the 'crack' sounds they made as they started to crack the ice beneath them. Taking a deep breath before she dropped the bomb on them, she inhaled the freezing cold air, fresh and crispy.

Crispy was an odd word to describe a scent, but somehow, it was perfect. It was also a perfect word to describe snow. She raised her shaky hand and with a small twist, a light burst of flurries floated up and just dissolved into thin air. She watched and sighed. She liked to imagine the sound of the snowflakes twinkling was how the stars sounded twinkling in the night. It was like music to her ears.

But it wasn't music of her kind. And that was what she had come to confess. Their daughter, now Queen of Arendelle, creator of the fluffiest snowmen, had a thing about breaking people. Literally. But how was she to put it?

Anna loved meeting people but disliked formal meetings with traders and dignitaries and preferred parties and gatherings of sorts. "Anything as long as it doesn't require me to be graceful 'cause, you know, I'm a failure at that." She remembered her sister saying. Just like Anna, Elsa liked music of most sorts, she enjoyed listening to Kristoff's solo or duet (with Sven), to the choir at the church, and even the different kinds of songs made of odd looking instruments from the east, but what she strongly favoured since the last winter, was the sound of bones snapping and the cries of her victims. During her experimental phrase, she had learned so much about these tough white matter. Which parts of the body made the loudest sounds, how the body muffled them, how to silence them, how she could hear them best.

She had grown to love them most. And oh gods, she craved them so much right now. If she could just break one she'd pick the—

"Elsa?" And with the knock that followed echoed from behind her, her confession was tossed off the hill. "Anna's here to see you."

She whipped her head around. Through the multiple walls of ice she had made, beside Olaf she saw a colourful figure and a hopeful face. She could probably wear a mask and she could still feel her sister's smile radiating from all the way there. Without even thinking twice, she raised a hand and slammed it down with a slight force, motioning the ice before Anna to collapse. When the princess walked in, she raised them back up. Her eyes widened as she saw Anna in a dress, something she hadn't seen in a while. Blue too, a colour she never thought she'd see her sister in.

"What's the occasion?" She asked.

"Oh nothing, I just thought I'd surprise you for once." Anna walked over to stand beside her.

Elsa rolled her eyes and held back a laugh. "You always surprise me, Anna."

"Kai told me you'd be here. What are you doing here?"

"Thinking."

"About?"

"You." She tried to say with a straight face. She repeated herself, "I… was thinking about you."

Technically it wasn't a lie, but Anna seemed to always somehow know when she was lying. If not, how could someone have so much faith to believe her older sister would one day open that door when they were both isolated?

Before she could ask Anna another question, the princess pulled her hand to her lips and placed a gentle peck on it, causing all the heat she thought she never had to spread from her face, however it got there, down to her neck. So maybe she hadn't totally gotten used to random public intimacy yet.

"Stop it!" She hissed, snaking her hand away. "Not in public, Anna…" She glared at the shorter girl, her eyes just an inch lower than hers.

Anna rolled her eyes, asking, "Who's going to watch us?"

Elsa shot the tombstones a glance.

How could she? Knowing her parents wouldn't be happy about this and yet rub it in their face about their relationship?

Getting the message, Anna responded with a "They don't count," before turning back to the two tombstones and greeting their parents with the widest grin she could muster.

"Hello, papa, mama!" She raised a hand in the air to wave to the sky far above. The countless layer of clouds painted the purple and glimpse of orange from the now almost disappearing sun. She took a step closer to the tombs and Elsa followed on, listening to Anna talk about the events that happened before she had last visited. Unlike the older sister, Anna occasionally still came to see their parents. Unlike Elsa, the princess felt no shame nor guilt in their relationship and hobbies.

As the sun fell behind the mountains before them, more dark blue and purple took over the view and Elsa frowned as if it was a sign of disapproval from their parents. She was never superstitious, but desperate for guidance, anything would have been better than nothing.

"So… what about me?" She turned around to ask. "Are you okay?" Bringing Elsa's hands over her shoulder and wrapping her arms around the queen's waist now that Elsa was deeper in thought.

Elsa leaned her head on Anna and closed her eyes, "I was thinking… if you hadn't frozen then, what would life have been?"

If she hadn't frozen then, Anna would've died protecting her. She would never have mastered her control over her powers without letting her emotions get in the way. She probably would've let Hans kill her; after spending thirteen years of her life protecting her, a life without Anna would've been meaningless.

King Arden's trip should have been a warning to her, why had she been so blind? Anna already had difficulty refraining from her risk-taking behaviours, yet there she was making enemies with the Southern Isles and possibly, their allies as well. Should one day Anna died because of her, she would never live it down.

She needed to stop, and her parents agreed.

"Elsa?" She felt Anna's warm skin on her head, her breath tickling her ear. It soothed her a little bit.

"I'm sorry for ruining our trip to Corona. I think I'm calmer now, now that we're back." She breathed, still feeling the heavy load over her shoulders.

"Elsa, it's fine. I'm just worried about you, you said you'd never shut me out ever again, remember?" Elsa hummed in response.

"So would you mind telling me what's going on?"

Elsa brought her hand down from Anna's shoulder and rubbed it with her other hand, "I think we need to stop what we are doing."

Anna nodded knowingly. It didn't come as a surprise as she knew her sister had seen her struggle through the last two weeks of abstinence at Corona, not to mention the trip back. "You finally want to tell me why?"

"It's for your own safety, Anna." She closed her eyes, not wanting them to give away anything. "And maybe it's time you find someone else too."

"What?!" Anna twisted her sister's body, forcing her to face her. But Elsa refused to look at her in the eye. All she saw, through Elsa's fringe was jaded aquamarine eyes. They darted at her and as soon as she realised Anna could see her, she lowered her head further.

"I can't be with you, Anna. You know that. We-"

"I've killed for you!" Anna tried to continue, her mind racing, nothing was making sense. "Even you've killed for me!"

But Elsa didn't answer.

"What's this all about, I don't get it! My memories have not been taken away from me again, has it?" Snowflakes started to float down, one landed on her nose. She swept it aside. "It's not about your powers, is it? I don't care about your snowgas-"

"Anna!" She slapped a hand over Anna's mouth and the princess almost flinched before snatching Elsa's hand away.

"Don't you 'Anna' me, I don't get it. What the hell has gotten to you in the past month? Why are you shutting me out again? Why are you doing this?!"

When Elsa cringed at the word, Anna decided to take another approach. She pushed aside her queen's platinum blonde hair and asked, "You know you can tell me anything, right?"

"You know I'm not just some dumb knight that would kill anything and everything that upsets you, right?" She forced a chuckle, one that shattered Elsa's heart. She was breaking her sister's and she could hear it.

Her queen. Her lover. Her liege. Her sister. Her world was shattering as Elsa withdrew her hand to hide them under her arm.

"I don't understand… why?" She whispered, choking on the last word. "What are you so afraid of now?!" The familiar words rang in her head.

She remembered the times she shut Anna out. That one time she ran away from Arendelle when the princess took her glove. The times she locked her door just because she had a short relapse and was afraid of hurting her.

Whenever she opened the door to receive her meal, she'd see Anna by the exit patiently waiting for her so they could talk. She would slam the door whenever Anna tried to start the conversation, but the princess never gave up. With her hand jammed in between, and the look on her sister's face was that of a dejected puppy, Elsa caved.

Anna was always the one who had courage, why couldn't she? She hated that she was afraid of everything. She hated that she was always the reason behind Anna getting (potentially) hurt.

"We just can't. Not anymore." She turned away, not wanting to see her sister in tears. Any more from Anna and her will would crumble just like they did that day. The cape hung lazily behind her, creating a distance between them. It tempted Anna so badly to just pull that god damned silk cloth but she couldn't. The last time she tried to physically stop her sister from walking out, she was left with a glove in hand and a queen in the North Mountain.

"Is this because of what Eugene said that day?" She asked, the name bitterly slipped down her tongue. "What did he say, Elsa?! I can't kill him now that we're back, Elsa, you can tell me."

"It's not about him, Anna." She growled. "It's about you. It's all about you!"

"What about me?!"

"I'm a danger to you! And- And it's not about my powers…" When Anna tried to reach out to her again, Elsa took another step away and brushed the warmth aside. If things dragged on, not just her will, she was going to melt into Anna's arm and she couldn't afford that.

"Then what is it?!"

Elsa whirled around, pushing the cape aside. "Enemies, Anna, enemies! Don't you get it?!" She threw her hands out in frustration and ice spluttered between them, creating a barrier. "King Arden was more than willing to kill you along with me when his sons were the ones who committed treason. Has it ever occurred to you that you could've died then?! Then more will come?! That—"

"Enemies?" Anna almost laughed. If it wasn't for the pain choked in her lungs, she definitely would. "Enemies?! Elsa! I've mastered at least three weapons and you're afraid someone is going to kill me?!"

"What about assassinations, Anna? Have you thought of that?! The more enemies I make, the more likely you will be targeted."

"No," She said, wiping her tears aside and added, "No, I haven't thought of that, but sure, you can stop killing if you want to. I won't stop you. But that doesn't explain why you're— you're ending— I don't even, you're ending us! Are you going to really end this? After all that we've been through?"

Elsa turned to her parents. She was doing the right thing. Their relationship should never have happened in the first place. She was doing this for Anna, papa would have been proud… right? She looked at the grave stone on the left imploringly. But nothing.

A sign, anything.

Thick silence filled the air. It fell on them like a pile of snow. Both of them were shivering, but it wasn't even cold, her powers weren't even out of control, to her surprise. There was not a moon in sight, nor wind howling in the distance. The stars twinkled in the sky. She watched hopefully for a pattern or some sort of indication what she did was right. Not a single thing.

She knew she couldn't bring herself to actually stop try or actually stop her sister from her hobbies, but she could at least keep her safe. If anyone made enemies from Arendelle, the least she could do was create sufficient distance so Anna was far from harm. Right?

"That doesn't even make sense! We're sisters, Elsa, no matter what you want to do about our relationship they're going to target me anyway!" Anna cried out. Her nose filled with liquid, she looked up at the sky her sister was watching so intently at, but for a different reason. She couldn't shed a tear. As a knight, as a princess, as the queen's lover, as the queen's protector, as the queen's pillar, she couldn't cry. "We live in the same damned castle, Elsa! Stop shutting me out, what is it do you want or need? Tell me!"

As quick as the thought came to mind, it was shot down.

"It doesn't matter. I can't be around you anymore."

Fortunate or not, another knock on the wall of ice.

"Your majesty, the Queen Dowager of Southern Isles has arrived."

"I'm coming, Kai." Elsa turned and snapped her fingers. The walls of ice melted away and she made her way to the horses that had been patiently waiting along with Olaf the entire time.

She knew she couldn't just let the matter go like this, unresolved, but it was best she did. If she let Anna go on any further, things could get out of hand. Anna needed to think about this, it was for the both of them, she'd understand.

But Anna disagreed with whatever she thought, just like any other time.

"What happened to making it worth it?!"

Her voice from the start of all these echoed in her head.

That's right, she did want to make their relationship worth it, didn't she? But… she stopped in her pace and still without turning back, she swallowed back the tears threatening to spill. Somehow without her voice shaking, she replied, "We've killed so many people do we really need to?"

"I won't give up on you," Of course. Thirteen years of isolation, and they finally became what they could call sisters again. Anna never gave up. After being intimate for two years, after thirteen years of being separated, after a year of holding back her feelings, why would she? She slammed her fists on her parents' tomb and pointed a finger at her sister, "I'll never give up on you, Elsa!"

Just like she never did.

Elsa could practically feel her sister's eyes on her filled with determination. Still unable to meet them, she got on her horse and merely nodded. "Let's go, Anna. We can't keep the Queen waiting."

"Did you do this?" Being left behind, Anna turned to her parents and asked.

Finally alone, she let her tears slip. When was the last time she shed a tear? That's right, it was two years ago when she woke up that very morning with remorse. That was the last time she allowed Elsa to comfort her, because that was when she decided Elsa need not more burden than she already had. That was when she decided if anything, she would lift Elsa up. She would make Elsa proud. She would be the one that protects Elsa, not the other way round.

She wanted so badly to kick the very ground she stood on. But no, she couldn't. She had already punched her father, defiling this place was unforgivable. After crying herself tired, she rested her forehead on the hand leaning on the tomb and whispered, "I'm sorry, papa, mama. I love you," before leaving.

A/N: Sorry it took a while. It'll be another 1-2 months (probably) before I cough up the next chapter. Plus, I'd like to try to fix the previous 10 chapters before working on chapter 12.