Chapter 10: Ashen Whispers
The next morning Julan begrudgingly agreed to sit on Caius's front doorstep while Llovesi went inside to talk.
"Excellent work," the Spymaster said, taking the report she offered him and Progress of Truth. "Again, give me a few weeks to digest this and decide our next steps. In the meantime, I'm promoting you to Journeyman. You're doing good work. And here are two hundred septims. Go out and treat yourself to a new pair of shoes. Or something. You smell like you've been in a sewer. Now, go do some freelance work, get some training. Come back when you're fit and rested." He handed her a pouch of money and shooed her out of the room.
Julan stood up and stretched. "That was quick," he said. He peered at the bulging coin purse. "Well, at least he pays you well."
He stretched again and grinned. "You know, Llovesi, I feel great! I think all your hard work training me is finally paying off! Thank you so much. I think I'm ready to go back to Red Mountain – I feel like I could take on anything." He adjusted his pack with a smile.
"Right! I'm off to Ghostgate!"
Llovesi felt her spirits dampen. She had thought, and she wasn't really sure why, that Julan would have wanted to spend more than a month with her. Of course he had his own life to lead.
"So, you're leaving then?" she asked.
"Well, do you want to keep me company for a little while longer? Over to Ghostgate, through the fence and to the foot of the mountain? It'll be good to have someone to talk to. I'll miss travelling with you... but I need to get on with my sacred mission."
"Okay, I guess we can head on over there. Caius has given me a few weeks off at any rate."
"Great, well, let's go right now! You didn't have anything else planned did you?"
Llovesi pushed thoughts of shopping and guild work from her mind and smiled. "No."
They travelled to Ald'ruhn then started the walk to Ghostgate. On the way, Llovesi couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. Either Julan wasn't as ready as he claimed or he was really worried about what awaited him, for his desire to talk turned to constant chatter and jokes. Llovesi didn't mind so much: it made the journey more interesting, but it concerned her all the same, especially as Julan remained evasive about what his mission involved whenever she questioned him.
As they drew closer, Llovesi put her protective chitin armour on and wrapped her now tattered robe closely around herself, but Julan refused to wear any protective gear at all.
"I need to remain focused," he kept saying.
Llovesi pressed the triangular button, thinking how it felt like only yesterday she had met Julan in the exact same spot.
He darted through the tunnel then came to a stop at the foot of the mountain. The wind picked up around them, and the path ahead was dimly visible through the swirling ash.
"Right!" Julan shouted above the wind. "This is it! Thank you for everything. I hope I bump into you again one day!" He turned to go but Llovesi grabbed his arm, pulling off her helmet to talk.
"Is that the goodbye I get then? Aren't you even going to tell me what's going on?"
Julan hesitated, then shook his head furiously. "I told you, I can't talk about it!" He turned away, but Llovesi held onto his arm still.
"So you just expect me to leave, with no explanation?"
He sighed and looked at her, but made no more moves to go. "Well, yes, I did actually. Look, why do you care anyway?"
Why do I care? Because I care about you! "I'm worried you might get yourself killed!"
"Get myself killed? Why would I do that? Look, your concern is touching, but I'm ready for this." He pulled his arm away and made to walk off.
Llovesi strode in front of him. "But ready for what?"
Julan glared at her. "Gah! You and your questions! You're not going to let this drop are you?"
"No."
"Fine! But you have to swear to secrecy."
"I swear on the Nine Divines."
"Er yes... okay. I'm going to Dagoth Ur?"
"The Dagoth Ur? Why?"
"To enter his citadel, hunt him down and kill him."
Llovesi was so shocked she couldn't speak. Julan stared at her, with his chin raised slightly, as if daring her to challenge him. Well, she never turned down a challenge.
"Are you completely crazy? Why would you want to do such a thing?"
Julan looked furious. "Yeah? And what in Oblivion would YOU know about it, anyway?"
"I know enough to know that he's the devil. Centuries old, divine power, etcetera! Julan – he'll have you on toast!"
Julan was positively fuming now. He raised a trembling finger and waved it under her nose. "Toast!" he shouted. "We'll see who has who on toast! You have no idea who you're talking to, so shut up!"
"I'm talking to an idiot Ashlander," Llovesi said hotly, "who not so long ago needed saving from Clannfear."
Julan's face was a picture. "You're never going to let me forget that, are you? Sheogorath! Well, think what you like, I'm going up there. Coming?"
"You're an idiot, you know. Of course I'm coming, I'm going to talk you out of it!"
"Hah. It's an easy journey – straight up to the top." With that he pushed past her and strode ahead stubbornly.
Llovesi jogged to catch him up. This was one argument she certainly wasn't going to walk away from. The path ahead seemed almost disturbingly quiet. Even if there were... things... around, she wasn't sure if she would hear them over the shrieking wind, or see them coming. Lost in thought she bumped into Julan.
"Er, why have you stopped?"
Julan looked at her confusedly. "What did you say?" he asked.
"I asked why you'd stopped."
"No, no, before that."
"Nothing."
"Oh... I could have sworn someone... never mind then." He carried on up the hill, Llovesi following more apprehensively than before.
Then she saw it. Coming towards them, arms raised as if it were trying to fumble its way through the air. Its skin was mottled, patchy, falling off. Llovesi had heard of the people that Corprus had turned into monsters, here on the mountain where the Blight was strongest, but she'd never seen one before. She didn't hesitate, sweeping the thing off its unsteady legs and spearing it in the gut before it could get any closer. The human look of suffering in its eyes was almost unbearable.
Julan hadn't even noticed. He had stopped again, a few feet from her and was staring wildly around.
"Look, I can't hear you when you whisper like that!" he said furiously.
"I definitely didn't say anything that time."
He shook his head like someone trying to get water out of his ears. "Don't tease me, I'm trying to concentrate."
He was off again at a surprising speed. Shielding her eyes, Llovesi marched to his side. He wheeled round suddenly and grabbed her.
"STOP DOING THAT!" he bellowed in her face.
She shook herself free angrily. "I'm not doing anything! What am I meant to be doing?"
"If you're trying to make me paranoid, it's not working!"
"You're making yourself paranoid, you're-"
"SHUT UP!" He was striding off again higher and higher. Llovesi chased him once more, her brow creased with worry. Something is going very, very wrong. She wasn't even sure if he was talking to her any more.
She could hear him shouting to the wind.
"ARGH! Shut up! SHUT UP! I am NOT listening to you!"
"Julan-"
"GAH! Get away from me! Get OUT of my head!"
"Who are you t-"
"Ugh! No! I am NOT... Argh! Stop it you s'wit!"
"Julan, can you even hear me?"
"No! That's, that's not TRUE! That, that's not why I'm... ugh. I am Indoril Nerevar reborn and you will not-"
Llovesi grabbed Julan by the shoulders and shook him, but his hair blew across his face and she couldn't tell where he was looking.
"Julan, what are you TALKING abo-"
Suddenly he hit her, a great crack across the jaw that sent her flailing into the dirt. Her ponytail flew loose and her hair whipped round her head as she forced herself to her feet. Julan looked as if he was trying to fend off invisible demons.
"No... uh... get... out... my... head!"
Suddenly his eyes rolled back in his head and he buckled at the knees, hitting the ground with a thud.
Llovesi felt herself starting to panic, felt herself beginning to lose control. She choked it back, forced herself to take one step then another. No. Not now. Not today.
She didn't know how she did it, wouldn't be able to remember it later, but she pulled Julan's dead weight onto her shoulders and stumbled back towards Ghostgate.
Ulmiso Maloren was checking the temperature of a Buoyant Armiger, when the door to the infirmary was flung upon. At first, she couldn't quite believe her eyes. A young Dunmer woman stood there, holding a young Dunmer man in her arms. Her eyes were wild, her ashen skin coated in filth and her hair was matted to her face by sweat.
"By the Three!" Ulmiso said weakly, leaning back on the bed. "Muthsera-"
"Help us," The woman said and her voice belied the strength of her body. "Please, help us." Then she too collapsed.
The man in the golden mask was speaking, but she couldn't understand a word. The harder she strained, the more difficult it became and she had to wonder if he was making a sound at all. He smiled (how do I know he's smiling he's wearing a mask and how do I know his FACE) and his body language seemed friendly. Then he reached out to touch her and terror crept over her like a wave of ice-cold water. But she couldn't move. Her flesh was creeping. She tried to scream, but her mouth felt welded shut. No sound escaped. The figure kept smiling (oh Divines that SMILE) and talking (is it some kind of spell oh why can't I wake up from this dream)
"Dream."
"Sera?"
Llovesi felt a cool hand lift from her forehead and she jerked upright. "I, what..." She tried to clear her head. "Julan, where's Julan?"
The Dunmer healer stepped back. "Your friend? He's sleeping over there. I've examined him and there's nothing wrong physically, he just keeps muttering nonsense. I think he's exhausted – sera, what are you doing?" For Llovesi had kicked off the bed covers and was moving over to the bed where Julan slept.
The healer grabbed her arm.
"Sera, please, just let him sleep. I'm sure he'll wake soon and then we'll see how he feels. I don't think you should be up and about either, we had to treat you for Blight disease... just what in Vivec's name were you doing on the mountain? The Armigers said they saw you coming in..."
Llovesi shook the woman off and sat by Julan's bed with her head in her hands.
Presently, he moaned and pushed himself up from the bed. "Uh... where am I?"
"Ghostgate." Llovesi smiled weakly then glanced at the healer. She bowed her head and left the room, leaving them in relative privacy.
"Ghostgate? But how... oh Gods my head... my brain feels like it's full of dust and ash. My memories, they're all mixed up. I think I dreamed that we were climbing Red Mountain."
"Well, that's probably because we were."
"We did climb the mountain? Oh yes... but it was so like my dreams. Except I could hear what the voices were saying this time."
"What were they saying?"
"Well, I didn't recognise all of them. But one, one was Dagoth Ur. I don't know how I knew that, I just did."
Llovesi nodded. It was like how she knew the masked man was smiling. Wait, where did that thought come from?
Julan continued. "He was mocking me. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. But what happened next?"
"You, uh, shouted a lot. Then fainted. I brought you back here." Gods know how.
"I fainted? But that's not what I – ah, so that part was my dream. Gah, it's all so mixed up."
"What do you remember?"
"Oh, not much. It's not important. So, you saved me again. That's what's important – I failed. I'm still not ready. Maybe I never will be." He sunk back on the pillow and covered his face with his hands.
"Oh, don't say that-"
"Ai, but it's true. Maybe I should just go home and herd guar. It seems it's all I'm fit for." His voice choked beneath his hands and Llovesi thought he might be crying.
She laid a hand on his shoulder. "Come on. These things take time. I know."
He lowered his hands and gave her a half-smile. "Thanks. I'm glad one of us believes in me. But, what should I do next?"
Llovesi shrugged helplessly. "I don't know. Train some more maybe?"
Julan nodded. "Well, yes, but although you have helped me and I thank you for that, I think I need a new input." He sighed and moved to a sitting position on the side of the bed. "There is another option I've been avoiding, but I have no choice. I should go home and ask my mother for advice."
Llovesi's heart sunk a little. His mother. Julan had talked about her a little, and to Llovesi's ears she sounded completely terrifying. An outcast Mabrigash, an Ashlander witch, who had forced Julan to give up any life that wasn't dominated by this secret mission. Ah, yes, about that...
"Julan, there's something else..." she asked hesitantly.
"What is it?"
"Well, when we were on the mountain and you were yelling at the voices..."
"Uh, yes?"
"You said that you were Indoril Nerevar reborn."
Julan's face was a mask. "... Did I?" he said, his voice sounding carefully free of emotion.
"Yes."
"Ah."
He was being deliberately evasive again.
Llovesi crossed her arms. "Well. Care to explain this one?"
"Not really, no. But I guess you won't let it drop. Gah! You're tenacious! Okay, okay." He drew his hands down his face in exasperation. "I will tell you. But not right now. I'm tired and my head hurts."
"All right. I won't let you forget it, though." Llovesi gave him a half-smile.
Julan smiled weakly in response, then stood up. "Okay, how do you feel about a bit of a walk? Our camp is just west of the Ahemmusa Camp, over the hills. Let's head to Vos first. It's the quickest way, and I want to stop off at the Tradehouse. I think I should get my mother a gift, to sweeten her temper. She's not going to like what I've been doing. At all."
"Ok." Llovesi said, but inside she was troubled. What kind of woman was this, to encourage her son to seek out certain death and be angry when he returned alive?
"Actually," Julan said, turning his head to one side, "let's stop by a tavern first. I really need a drink."
Llovesi smiled properly this time as they left Ghostgate. This was the Julan she knew and loved. She tried to push the images of him raving on the mountain from her mind, but she worried that they would be burnt there forever.