It had taken less than thirty minutes to pack his cloths and the things he'd arrived with into a bag and return to the kitchen. Lisa was sat at the table pale skin and red eyes staring blankly into space and Dean felt like a complete bastard all over again.
She looked up and glared at him. "Is that everything?" she asked coldly.
"Just what I need… everything else… well you can do what you like with it, charity, garbage…"
"Bonfire." She finished resolutely and Dean nodded his head.
With the duffle bag in his left hand, Dean reaching into the back pocket of his jeans and pulled out an envelope, sliding it across the table towards Lisa. "For Ben… if you decide to give it to him."
"What is it?"
"A letter, saying goodbye and apologizing for having to leave so quickly."
"What did you tell him?" she asked more softly, running her fingers over Dean's rough penmanship.
"Nothing, I said you'd explain. – I just said that an emergency had called me away."
She looked up at him and saw the tears filling his eyes. She didn't think she'd ever seen him cry, she'd know he did, when he'd arrived his eyes were red and raw and swollen, but to actually see it was…. Disheartening.
"I see." She pushed the letter away and sat silently staring at the tabletop.
Dean shifted on his feet for a few minutes in silence. Trying to figure out what to say. Goodbye? Thank you? I love you? Unable to decide he choice silence and headed for the back door.
"Dean."
He turned swiftly. "Yes?"
"Just tell me something… honestly…"
"What?" his hand rested on the knob as he waited for her question.
She looked down again, shifted in her seat, took a few short breaths before looking him dead in the eye. "That guy… do you….. Love him?"
Dean's mouth fell open, his eyes were wide and his heart was pounding. He knew the answer he was meant to give. Of course not. But for some reason the words wouldn't leave his throat. He closed his mouth, swallowed and opened it again.
"Just tell me Dean. – I need to know."
Dean looked down at his feet, his mind spinning with the question. "Lisa, honestly…." He looked up and fixed her with his gaze. "I don't understand what I feel towards Cas… and that's the truth… He's my best friend in the whole world. He's seen me thought so much. We just work well together…. So I suppose …. Like a brother."
Lisa didn't believe that. She'd seen them together, the looks that passed between them. She watched the ease with which Dean had smiled… a proper smile… and all of it in only a single short meeting…. Or maybe she just wanted to believe that's what was going on here, because then it would have been either of their faults, it would have been just one of those things.
No… she knew what she knew.
"Dean…. It's alright if you love him…" she couldn't believe she was saying this. She was giving the man she loved permission to love someone else… another man. What was wrong with her? "Dean there's nothing to be ashamed of."
Dean shot up to his full height. "I'm not ashamed…. And I'm not gay."
Lisa felt herself smile despite her hurt and anger. "Dean…." She sighed and rolled her eyes. "You carry his picture in your pocket, you think about him all the time…"
"How did you…"
Her breath caught and she swallowed hard. "Lucky guess. – Beside I saw the way you looked at him up stairs, the smile you gave him, it was the same one I've seen pass across your face on and off over the last few weeks. I can only assume you were remembering something. – I knew you were thinking of someone else…. I just didn't expect for it to be…. Well him."
Dean hung his head guiltily, "I'm sorry."
"You don't have to be. You can't help what you feel or who you love Dean, I understand that more than you think…" because I love you. She thought.
"I honestly don't consider myself gay." He said with a sigh. "But I can't control these feelings… I'm not even sure when they started."
"'Absence makes the heart grow fonder.' So they say." Lisa announced with a sad smile. "Maybe it was because he wasn't here that you were able to…" she had to swallow again to stop her throat closing up on her. "…sort out what those feeling were? – now you just have to find a way to deal with it."
That's easier said than done. Dean thought as he dropped the bag and marched over to Lisa, wrapping her in a bear-hug, fresh tears streaming down his face. "Thank you….." he kissed her sweetly. "I love you….. Goodbye."
Letting her go he left the house and headed for the garage, leaving a tearful Lisa to begin to put her life back together.