Ch. XI: What about trust?
xxx
Here´s the next chapter! :D Finally! Sorry it took so long, writer´s block :S
Thanks to my dynamos for making me write it! :)
And to my soul sis!
Loves xxxxxx
xxx
"Dear mama:
I love you so much! And I know you´re going to miss me. Please don´t. You will be fine. I really hope you will be happy hence fore.
So many things had happened I never told you about. And I don´t want to talk about it now neither. It doesn´t matter. It´s all past now and it must be forgotten.
You´ve always been so good to me, you gave your life away for me mummy, and it´s my turn to do something in return.
I… am giving you a second chance. Be happy, do it for me.
I know Sam loves you, I know you love him. Jump into it and for once, give you a chance to enjoy love.
Have more kids with him, give them all your love. Don´t leave lovely Athos alone.
I will always be by your side, even when you can´t see me.
I will always love you, beyond words.
I wish I could hug you now.
Don´t wonder why I did it, don´t blame yourself. I am fine, I will be fine. And it is not your fault.
You will always keep me alive.
I don´t know how long will you take to find this, but whenever it is, nothing will change.
I will always be your baby girl, You will always be my mummy. And you were perfect.
Be perfect to Athos too, and to your other kids to come.
Find a place tonight and go have a nice dinner with Sam, make love to him, have a good time.
Make it a moment you will never forget.
Go wherever you want.
Follow your dreams.
And have the life you never had.
Your Soph
xxxxxxx"
Donna´s hand was shaking when she put the letter down. She literally couldn´t breathe and constant tears were cascading down her cheeks. She was absolutely shattered.
Scared, Azaria cuddled up to her and hugged her "What's wrong aunty Donna?"
"I… I… " she babbled, not knowing what to say or how, immediately bursting out crying bitterly.
Yes, losing Sam have hurt her way beyond words can describe, and getting him back made her heavenly happy, but not all the pain she ever felt before together compared to the hole she felt in her heart. It physically hurt. Unaware of her actions she raised her hand to her burning chest and screamed loudly.
No. My own daughter. No. I killed my own baby.
"Noooooooooo!"
The word was barely audible below her sobs, she had no air in her lungs, no strength, but yet the pain, so easily perceivable, was terribly heart breaking.
Azaria looked up at her and crawled back confused. She left the room to look for Sam.
Donna never thought she would really get over Sophie´s death, never, but now, knowing she was responsible of it in that way, knowing her hands were stained with her daughter´s still fresh blood was something her mind couldn´t bear.
She couldn´t breathe, she didn´t have the will to. She didn´t want to live with her death over her shoulders. The pain was deeply maddening and all she could do was cry and scream, no logical words coming out of her.
She hugged a pillow and continued crying, rocking back and forth over the bed.
She can´t be death. She can´t be gone like this.
"I want my baby girl, I want my baby girl"
Hours later, her river of tears slowly became a quiet sob, and Donna very lightly started to doze.
She wanted to sleep.
And never come back.
It was then when Sam came in, with a sleeping Athos in his arms. He smiled to the child peacefully sleeping and kissed his head.
Seeing Donna lying so still he thought she was asleep, and walked in quietly. But looking at her a second time he noticed the swollen eyes, the tears in her face, her absent gaze and the way she didn´t even flinch hearing him come in.
He carefully placed the child down on the bed and went to her.
"Baby?" he whispered softly, placing his hand on her arm.
Pushing his hand away violently, she stood and faced her back to him, not speaking a word.
Completely confused, he wrapped her arms around her waist and placed a tender kiss on her neck "Are you okay, princess?"
Pushing him away again, Donna turned to face Sam and narrowed her eyes, with such hatred and despite in her look, he should have taken it as a sign to retreat.
"D-Donna…" he frowned, trying again.
Biting her lips, she slapped her hand across his face harshly.
"How do you dare…?"
He looked up at her in disbelief, starting to get annoyed at her attitude and rubbing his face with his hand "What the hell is wrong with you Donatella?"
She frowned, knowing he only called her Donatella in that tone when he was upset.
She took the letter and crumpled it up in her hand, throwing it to him.
"You bastard!" she started crying again "You killed her, you lied to me, you knew it and you didn´t tell me… you allowed her to do it"
Still quite unaware of what was she talking about, he straightened the piece of paper in his hands and started reading, as his face gradually turned more and more white with every word. He never thought Donna would find out.
He never knew Sophie could have written a note.
He… never knew she was planning to kill herself.
It was a fucking accident!
Did she jump in front of that car on purpose…?
The driver certainly said she did. Of course Sam didn´t believe it, he killed his daughter and, Sam wasn´t going to forget it. For him, he would always be the one responsible for Sophie´s death.
But why in this world is she blaming me?
With a sigh, he run his hand through his hair and opened his eyes, to look at her, just to notice all the while Donna had been throwing her things into her small blue travel suitcase –the very same he bought for her the first time they went to New York together-. She pulled the zip close hastily and picked up Athos, not with her usual tenderness but with a force that startled and woke the peaceful sleeping toddler, who tiredly looked up at her.
"Ma-ma?"
"What are you doing?" he exclaimed once again in despair, only for her to turn her back at him "Can you give me a fucking answer woman?"
"Leaving" she hissed in a low tone, ever more upset at the fact he used a swear word with her, something he had never done before.
"What, Donna, wait, can you cool down?"
"Don´t tell me to be cool, I am cool!"
"You can´t just take him away from me"
"I´m his mother Sam, he´s coming with me"
"I am his father, I have rights too" he frowned, for the first time wanting to slap his hand across her face –or his own-, wanting to wake up. Someone must have been sleeping, it was all a nightmare "Stop this right now Donna"
She can´t be seriously leaving me, after all the time we waited, after everything we shared…
"Sue me" she muttered, slamming the door shut behind her
He stood motionless, staring at the door in utter disbelief. He couldn´t believe his beautiful loving wife had just left. That wasn´t like her at all. Something was wrong. Really wrong.
"Where are you going Donna?" he sighed.
After picking up Athos bag and descending the stairs like a bullet, Donna rushed through the reception area and left the place, as a very confused Pepper followed her with his eyes. He had never seen her so mad, so sad, so upset. This certainly wasn´t good. And for a moment he thought about following her.
Donna was completely capable to hold herself together as she boarded the ferry with Athos and they reached the mainland. All the way long he had his big blue eyes fixed on his mother. That wasn´t the sweet loving mummy he always knew and he started to feel scared.
"Oh baby" she sighed, holding him close and running her hands softly through his beautiful golden hair "I love you"
"Ma-ma" he smiled, hugging her.
Donna hugged him back tightly, taking deep breaths to prevent the sobs that were making her chest raise and fall from becoming into tears. She hated to cry, but trying to stop was simply useless.
Once they arrived, she hastily descended from the ferry and headed to her favorite Hotel in the town, the one she was working in when she had Sophie. It wasn´t Sophia´s anymore-it had been bought by a huge company-, but it still brought quite good memories to her. And she didn´t have any other place to go to. She had no other family but her baby boy and her friends were too far away –not to mention, they sure also knew about the whole situation and didn´t tell her neither-. And since the day Sam Carmichael abandoned her and her mother told her not to bother coming back, Donna Sheridan had never felt so helpless as she did that night. In the middle of the way she took her blackberry out from her pocket and looked at the black screen. She had turned it off after the first time Sam tried to call her.
"You´re everything I have now little man" she whispered softly, kissing his head
She sighed again, replacing the phone on his pocket. It was Sam´s first Christmas gift to her and staring at it wouldn´t make Donna feel any better. Just then, it started to rain.
Donna rushed in, escaping from the increasing waterfall and bit her lower lip worriedly, taking her tiem to look around. The place had changed so much! Even the name… it wasn´t the same anymore. But she should have known, she hadn´t been there for ages.
"Good morning Mrs…" the receptionist smiled, not knowing her last name.
She´s certainly new.
"Carmichael…" Donna tried to smile "Carmichael. Do you have a free room?"
"Yes madam, a suite on the tenth floor. Single rooms are all taken"
"It´s fine. I´ll take it"
"That´s two hundred dollars Mrs. Carmichael"
Taking her wallet from her Prada black bag, Donna handed her a credit card, the one Sam helped her to get to herself and under her own name. She knew there wasn´t enough cash in her wallet to pay such amount.
The blonde receptionist passed it on her machine and it beeped an error. She tried a second and a third time. Same result.
"I´m sorry, Mrs. Do you have another card?"
"Shit!" Donna cursed under her breath as the woman passed the card back and Athos cooed trying to grab the shiny plastic. Sighing deeply, Donna put it back into her wallet and handed her the other one, that was actually under Sam´s name.
Oh, my God. How could I forget it? That stupid decision of re stocking the bar like that and getting Pepper his wedding present as soon as she heard about his engagement to a local young girl. She hated it when she had to ask Sam for money, that wasn´t the reason she married him, and everything he had paid was or present he bought for her or something they needed for Athos. He was her only reason to ask her husband for money and she wasn´t planning to do it in any other circumstances whatsoever. And now she forgot to ask Tanya for the loan she needed to pay that bill. Shit, shit, shit.
"Welcome to the Greece Inn, Mrs. Carmichael. Here you go room 1024" she smiled handing her the card back and the keys "You can have your breakfast from seven to eleven and you have to check out by noon, unless you´re staying for another day"
"Thank you. Please don´t let anyone know I´m here"
As the girl nodded, Donna entered the elevator with her baby and her luggage and they reached the indicated floor. It was all new for little Athos and his eyes were wide open looking around
She put the "No disturb" sign on the door and collapsed on the bed, unable to restraint her tears anymore. Her heart felt so heavy on her chest… She just wished she could bury it, and don´t feel a thing. Don´t miss her daughter, don´t love her husband. Don´t feel like drowning in all that pain.
"Why did you do it Sophie? Why did you leave me?" she sobbed bitterly, curled up into a ball "I hate you, I hate you, why did you let her do it? Why didn´t you stop her? Why did you lie to me? I… can´t do this anymore. It´s too much… It´s too much…"
Unaware of her mother´s suffering, Athos reached for his bottle inside the light blue bag and handed it to her, asking to be fed.
"Ma-ma?" he said softly, showing it to her.
Wiping her tears, Donna picked her broken heart up together for him and tried to smile, grabbing the bottle and reaching for the formula milk to mix it up. She had to stay strong for him, so she just walked to the minibar and got herself a shot of brandy. Finally, once the warm sensation of the liquid running down her throat started numbing her senses, she heated the milk for her baby boy. After changing his diapers, she cuddled with him on the bed, leaning on the headboard and fed the child.
He eat happily, unaware of everything around him and the pain in her mother´s heart. He grabbed her hand and played with her fingers, hungrily drinking the milk. The sweet sight of her adored baby in her arm was a light relief of the devastating pressure inside her chest.
Donna placed a sweet kiss in his head and slowly, they both fell asleep, exhausted.
….
That was the last thing Donna remembered when the constant banging on the door woke her up the next morning. Her tired eyes fluttered open slowly and she walked to the door, placing little Athos –who was still asleep in her arms- down on the comfy coach on the anteroom and unlocked the door, pulling in open.
"I specifically asked not to be disturbed…" she started, as Sam pulled the door opened further and walked in "W-what are you doing here? H-how did you find me?"
"You used my card Donna, I only had to check. Baby, I came here to get you back because I love you, and our son"
"I asked them not to tell where I was" she frowned, walking back into the room.
He immediately followed, closing the antechamber door behind him.
Donna intended to tell him to leave, but the word died on her throat as the need to cry strangled her. The love she felt for him was still so strong.
Taking advantage of her silence, he wrapped his arms around her waist to pull her closer and kissed her neck seductively.
"I meant what I said Donna. I love you so very much baby, I would never hurt you"
Silent tears damped her cheeks, and she actually opened her mouth to reply. But quickly enough, before any word came, he turned her around in his arms and kissed her passionately.
Donna didn´t have the strength to fight. She loved him, she needed him, she wanted him. And her heart would always belong to him, even when her mind could tell her otherwise. So she responded forcefully, as her arms quickly snaked around his neck.
He slid his hands down her back, and squeezed her rear, making a soft moan escape her lips as his growing arousal pressed against her inner thigh. It was obvious she couldn´t resist.
His charm had an overwhelming power over her she couldn´t deny. The way he kissed her, the feeling of their tongues tangled together, the delicious sensation of his hands exploring every inch of her skin, the incredible pleasure when he finally fulfilled her. Only the thought of it made her weak at the knees.
In just a few minutes, he had succeeded making her surrender to her deepest lustful desires. Her sexual drive was completely awake when her lips opened to him and soon enough their tongues were fighting for control. Donna was barely aware from it when her hands cascaded down his chest to his waist, pulling the zip down until the pants pooled at his feet. There was nothing in her head but the deep urge of him
Sam stepped out of them and picking her up, he pinned Donna against the wall, feeling how her legs wrapped instinctively around his waist.
"You´re so beautiful my love" he whispered, trailing his kisses down and unbuttoning her dress until her bare breasts where exposed to him. He flicked his tongue out, determined to take his time with her, but the way she yanked his boxers down and her heavy irregular breathing pushing on her chest told him she wasn´t in the mood to make her wait.
"F-fuck me Sam" she moaned breathlessly when he carried on the ministrations on her breasts, taking her nipple on his mouth and his fingers slid inside her panties. Her body writhed at his touch, and her lips immediately found his again, in a hungry kiss that managed to distract his attention.
"I´ll… make you… come… baby" he moaned too, adjusting her slip
"Take mee" She moaned, when her legs instinctively tightened around his waist and his solid length brushed her entrance. But unable to wait, she grabbed him herself and slowly led him to fill her completely.
"Oh Doonnnaaaaa" he groaned, kissing her deeply.
She responded, equally lost in the moment and completely guided by her sexual desires sent to overdrive by the only man that could have such an effect over her.
Her legs tightened even more around his body when his slow thrust didn´t speed up fast enough.
"Go deeper… I need you hard" she moaned loudly.
"I will baby, I love you… so much… my goddess" he moaned too, obeying to her wish.
Her back arched as he took her closer and closer to the edge and his kisses trailed down her neck again.
"I´m.. so… Oooohhh"
Her words were interrupted as she reached a mind-blowing climax and collapsed into his arms, barely breathing.
He followed soon after, releasing himself onto her with a last long moan.
None of them spoke, as he just held her close and kissed her head. His hand was soothingly running up and down her back.
The autumn breeze coming in from the open window was cooling the room and a few moments later Donna started to shiver, unwilling to move but already regretting what she just did.
God, what did I do? I have to leave him… It´s all his fault… Why, oh why is so hard for me to resist him?
Donna looked up at him to say something, but he pecked her lips to stop her and gently put her back down.
"Go dress sweetheart, so we can go back home"
She slowly put her panties back on and slid into a pair of tight jeans she got from her suitcase.
Sam smiled, eyeing her up and down as he slowly redressed himself too. He was absolutely in love with his wife and couldn't conceive to spend a single day apart from her. She was sweet, loving, perfect… and the previous night had been a stupid misunderstanding. Everything was back to normal.
Or so thought he.
She clipped her bra and slid a black sweater on, then turning away to face him. Her clothes hung gracefully on her slim womanly curves and she was certainly looking gorgeous. He always found her beauty breath-taking and he was still bewitched by her just as the very same day.
"Where not going anywhere Sam" she stated, resting her hands on her hips
"W-What?" he asked in a whisper, looking up at her again when his belt was finally done.
"I´m not going back. Just because you fucked me it doesn´t mean everything is alright. I want a divorce"
"Are you nuts Donna? I´m not going to divorce you"
"Go away Sam, it´s over. Don´t make me lose my temper"
"Lose your temper? Donna, you´re my wife, I adore you, and Athos is my son, I love him too. We can´t be over"
"Sam, I´m nothing like yours. I can´t believe you did this to me, you broke my heart" she whispered between tears.
"What have I done baby?" he asked softly, walking to her, wanting to sooth her, his heart breaking too at the thought he could have hurt her.
But the quiet tone just made her worst.
"You let her die!" she shouted "You killed her! And you let me have her heart! I… hate… you!"
"Donna, I, oh my god, she…" he started, walking closer to her, taken by surprise and unsure about what to say. We wasn´t expecting such a reaction from her, he thought she would have calmed down.
"Go away!" she shouted again, giving a step backwards and grabbing a glass from the night table which had contained the scotch she drank the night before to fall asleep.
She screamed in angst, despaired, when he didn´t move, and her plaintive voice sounded like a wounded animal grieving. She firmly grabbed the glass and threw it against him, but he moved and it crashed against the wall, next to his head.
"Leave me aloneeeee"
"No" he firmly said, walking quickly to her so she was baked against the wall. He wasn´t going to abandon the woman of his life, he wouldn´t let her go.
Furious, Donna raised her hand to slap it across his face again, but he grabbed her wrist firmly to stop her, yet not tight enough to hurt her
"Donna, you need help"
xxx
O.o Donna needs help! Click the buton if you want more!
A/N: I know you´re reading, please post a comment! It will mean a lot! xxxx 333