Sorry it took a while. We're back with a brand new update. Continuing where we last left off, both Kyle and Cartman came to a somewhat tentative truce so let's see where it takes them. Read and review like always.

"Are you for real, dude?" My best friend Stan says over the phone. "You're going to give Cartman lessons on…what was it again? Attitude adjustments?"

That night after a big dinner and a hot shower, I was sprawled out on my bed in my pajamas with my cell-phone in hand. I wasted no time filling Stan in on what happened between Cartman and me. He agreed that the whole thing seemed like funny business. No doubt about it; Cartman's strange behavior was really starting to raise a lot of red flags.

"Why did you agree to it, Kyle? What could you possibly hope to gain?" Stan asked me out of curiosity.

"The real question here is what does Cartman have to gain? I know he's up to no good. I'm going to do whatever it takes to expose him! Just give me three days and I'll figure out what the hell Cartman is trying to do!" I explained.

Then I heard Stan snicker under his breath on the other end, as if he thought the whole thing was hilarious. What he said next was shocking. "You know, you can be just as obsessed as Cartman sometimes."

I totally resented that. Who was Stan to compare me to the fatass? I don't get obsessed. It's not like that at all. I was perfectly sane and I knew what I was doing. I was already starting to formulate a plan. "Starting this weekend, I'll give him the lessons that he wants. But I'm going to prove once and for all that he's faking amnesia. I know there's something he's not telling us!" I declared.

Silence on the other end of the phone. When Stan finally spoke, I recognized the uneasiness in his voice. "Maybe. But there is something you should know. I overheard a conversation between my mom and dad talking about Cartman's medical condition. Not only has Cartman suffered a concussion to the head but he also had a black eye, nearly suffered a broken rib and not to mention the bloody gash at the back of his head. He actually had to get stitches."

It's hard for me not to feel compassion toward poor Cartman. That's the kind of person I am. Even so, it didn't stop me from having doubts. Something happened to Cartman on that mountain cliff…something terrible. If only I could find out what was really going on. Why was Cartman acting so different all of a sudden? But those bruises…Cartman didn't do that to himself. Those weren't self-inflicted injuries either. Could that mean…?

"Thanks for the info, Stan. I'll try to bear it in mind when I'm interrogating the fatass," I said guiltily.

Waking up bright and early on a Saturday morning, I cleaned up my room in order to prepare for the lessons. I told Cartman to swing on by around 12:00PM. While getting ready, I started to wonder what I could teach Cartman. Maybe I should just play it by ear. Right on schedule, I heard a knock at my bedroom door.

Opening the door, Cartman stood there awkwardly before me. For a moment, we didn't say anything as he walked by me and entered the bedroom. Firmly closing the door behind me, I turned to watch Cartman sit himself on my bed where he looked around my room while avoiding eye-contact with me altogether. It occurred to me for the first time that we were acting like total strangers. In order to break the tension, I tried thinking coming up with something friendly to say.

"So where do you want to start?" I asked him.

Cartman didn't bother to beat around the bush. "You can drop the act, Kahl. I know you don't like me, but I really don't give a shit. This is strictly business. I'm here to learn, that's it."

Finally something we could agree on. Now that that was out of the way, class was now in session. I went over to take a seat at my swivel chair and peered curiously over at Cartman. "What do you want me to teach you?"

Cupping his hands together in his lap, Cartman looked down at his knees. "I want you to teach me how to feel things again," he said softly.

When he saw that I didn't fully understand, he launched into a further explanation. "It's just… I think there's something wrong with me. I can't explain it, but maybe you can help me. I heard you're the smartest kid in our class."

I didn't say anything, instead I listened. I try to be modest when it came to being a grade-A student. Not exactly something I brag about. This whole time I've been watching Cartman's facial expressions, his choice of words, and his behavior. I was determined to catch him in a lie. But so far, it seemed that my rival may truly have good intentions for once. However I did notice Cartman doing something strange.

For some odd reason, Cartman kept placing a hand over his chest as if to feel his own heartbeat. Then he'd frown as if dissatisfied about something. Why did he look so troubled? Was this apart of his memory loss? Catching my watchful stare, Cartman now stopped what he was doing and sat up straight to face me. I wonder what was really on his mind.

"Kahl… I think there's something wrong with my heart," Cartman said at last.

"Your heart?" I said slowly. "What's wrong with it? Does it hurt? Are you getting chest pains around there? Do you think you might need a doctor?"

Cartman looked uncertain as if trying to think of the best way to phrase the problem to me. Finally he let out a sigh before finally spitting it out. "The problem is… I can't feel anything. What does that mean? Do you think it might be some kind of disorder?"

I stare at him for minutes before swinging my chair around so that my back was toward him. "You've got to be kidding me. How dumb do you think I am, Cartman? Do you want to tell me what you're really up to?"

"Jesus Christ, you stubborn asshole! I told you, I need help! Something is wrong with me! My heart feels like a dead stone. I don't know why but it's starting to bother me. What is wrong with me? Do you know or not?" Cartman was already losing his patience with me.

Honestly I didn't know what he wanted from me. It's no surprise that Eric Cartman didn't know how to use a heart. Clearly suffering from amnesia has made him forget what an evil sociopath he was. He really couldn't understand… When I thought more about it, suddenly I found myself coming up with an idea. Maybe I could teach him. Anyone with a heart was capable of learning how to be human again. Cartman here only needed help with that. Perhaps I shouldn't be too judgmental. Swirling around in my chair, I looked back at Cartman and made up my mind.

"Alright then. I know what your problem is…," I started. "It seems to me that you lack human experience. You have no sense of morals because it's been poorly developed in you. This stripes you of your ability to relate to people as well as with yourself. In other words, its leaving you with a void feeling."

Cartman stared, stared and stared some more. I thought he was mulling it over in his mind until he blurted out… "Dat fuck?"

Typical. Should have expected getting that kind of response. Getting off my chair, I approached Cartman and tried to explain it better. "All I'm saying is that the heart is the most important part in your body. It was believed 350 years ago that the heart was the seat of emotions or feelings. The emotions of love were supposed to come from the heart and so people came to use the word "heart" as another word for love, compassion and sympathy."

Yet no matter what I said, Cartman scratched his head from confusion and the headaches seemed to only get worse. I watched him trying his hardest to understand what I was saying to him. Was this all so foreign to him? I don't think I've ever met anyone who knew so less. Now he was starting to sound frustrated because his voice broke and he became more upset.

"I don't get it! Why can't I get any of this? What the hell is the matter with me? How did this ever happen? I can't understand any of it," Cartman said irritably.

Then I heard a voice in my mind speaking loud and clear than ever. Maybe it's because your mother treated you more like a friend and not a son. A promiscuous mother who was constantly spoiling you, doing drugs and sleeping with so many men that it felt like she was always choosing them over you. You never had any real discipline and as a result you have no control over your life. You've hardly ever had any human contact when you were growing up. Your mother was never around and your other family lived miles away. You can't even understand the concept of family or friends because you've never learned how to bond. Who knows when you've started to become an empty shell…but you can't remember any of that, can you fatass?

Of course I didn't have the balls to admit all this to Cartman. I couldn't reveal such damaging information to him; he was already screwed-up in the mind as it was. Looks like this was going to be a tough lesson all right. How do you teach someone how to be human again? With a low sigh, I figured I could at least try a few warm-ups with him.

"It's actually simpler than you think, Cartman." I stood over him where he looked up at me uneasily. "All we need to do is help you rediscover your emotional self. There are all kinds of ways to make someone feel again. It's not like you've lost your sense of touch. Let's try something easy like…"

"You see a poor man with Parkinson's Disease slowly losing the strength to walk, talk and live a normal life. When you see this, how would you feel?"

Cartman stared blankly for a few minutes before giving his head a mental shake. "Uhhh…I'm sorry. Was this the part where I was supposed to "feel" something?"

"Dumbass…," I was back to believing that Cartman was a big phony and this was a total waste of time. I should just throw him out of my room and be done with it.

Seeing my annoyed frown, Cartman became nervous at once. "Whoa hang on! Give me another chance, Kahl! I can do this, I know I can! Just try another one on me. I'll be ready this time!" he promised.

Rolling my eyes at him, I came up with something a little easier this time. "Okay, how about this? A little girl has just been murdered by her own father and her body tossed around a river in a park. Don't you feel angry, sicken or grief-stricken?"

Once again, the blank look returned which meant Cartman still didn't know how to react the normal way. "Well it depends…was the girl giving the father too much crap?"

The scowl on my face showed him that that wasn't the answer. "My god, don't you know anything?" I snapped. "Are you telling me you don't get it? What about sympathy, compassion, kindness, generosity, honesty, remorse or even modesty?"

I got nothing. Cartman only stared as if I'd just grown a second head. He really didn't get it. He grew up without learning about any of the important traits that make up a person's soul. Somehow this was starting to have a profound effect on me. Now I was determined more than ever to make him know what all those words meant. Time to make him see what he's been missing all these years. It would be hard work, but I like a good challenge. However this was Eric Cartman we were talking about here so don't expect any miracles.

"Get off your fat ass, Cartman," I commanded. "I'm going to take you out and make you understand!"

This was not a bad chapter. In a way, it makes you feel sorry for Cartman's situation. He may seem like a sociopath on the show but he doesn't seem to have completely lost his heart as we do sometimes see a weakness or a show of emotion from him. Do you think it's possible that Kyle can restore his humane side in him? Watch out for the next update!