Disclaimer: D. Gray -Man is the property of Hoshino Katsura
Chapter Eleven: Sweet Desire
'How are you feeling, Master?'
'I can breathe better now. I mean, I felt like I've been hibernating.'
'Most likely that is the closest description to what you are doing now.' His Innocence agreed.
'Do you know how long I've slept?' Allen asked.
'That I cannot answer for the flow of time does not affect us Innocence,' Crown Clown replied.
'Where is Rutherford? And what happened to Ren?' Allen was curious about his two others.
'Rutherford is sleeping. He will not come out unless it's absolutely necessary for him to do so. Ren is resting after our struggle. I might have hurt his pride, but he would not be very hostile towards me anymore. Nor you, for the matter.'
'That's good to hear. I wouldn't want any harm to come to him. After all, he is a part of me.'
Allen felt like his whole body was filled with lead. The senses have returned to his body, but he was unable to move from neck downwards. What he could do was possibly just turning his neck and moving his legs slowly. His lungs are working much better now. "You're finally awake, Allen-kun," Lenalee was by his bedside, with a relieved smile.
"Good morning, Lenalee. If you don't mind me asking, how long have I slept? I feel like a log," Allen tilted his head slightly to get a better look at the young girl.
"You've been sleeping for five days. I've just sent Kanda to get some breakfast before he ends up in here too. Your boyfriend is very protective of you," Lenalee teased and giggled when she saw a blush spread across Allen's face. "L-Lenalee, that's not funny! Yu hasn't even said anything yet!" Allen stammered.
"You're calling him by first name already, how adorable. I think Kanda will like that very much," Lenalee poked fun even more.
"Lenalee!" Allen whined.
The girl laughed again, before her expression turned serious. "Allen-kun…Is the Heart with you?"
Allen knew that the news would hurt her, but he couldn't hide this fact. "Yes, I can feel it resting within my body. I'm sorry Lenalee, but Crown Clown has reasons for taking your Innocence. He says that it helps keep my curse under control. And that the Heart chose me because I would be able to protect it," Allen answered grimly. Lenalee seemed to perk up.
"It can control your curse?"
"That day, the curse spread all the way to my arm and my Innocence retaliated. That's why Crown Clown went berserk. The Heart's influence as an Innocence weakened my curse and Crown was able to contain it. Now, I don't have to worry about the curse taking over me," Allen replied.
Lenalee seemed very happy at the news. "Really, is that true?!" Allen smiled reassuringly at her. "Yes, it's true."
"Now you don't have to go anywhere!" Lenalee exclaimed joyfully. Allen's stomach growled in response. Allen chuckled bashfully. "Oh, I should go rush Kanda about that breakfast from Jeryy-san," Lenalee offered. Allen returned it with the look of a sick puppy. "I'd love breakfast, but I haven't enough energy for my arms. The only parts of my body that can move now are my neck and legs, but they move slowly."
Lenalee thought for a while, before a smile crept up her lips. "I know what to do. Just leave it to me. I'll tell him to get the usual from Jeryy-san then?" "Um…Please tell him to add fried noodles, lasagne, tandoori, ten pancakes, earl grey tea, biscotti, treacle tart and melon pudding. I'm actually starving. Can you get anyone to prop me up?" Allen asked.
"I'll help you up," someone interrupted.
"Tyki, are you alright?!" Allen exclaimed at the sight of his guardian. Tyki dryly grinned. "I'm staying here too, but I woke two days earlier than you did. I heard all about you. You have to learn not to give me a heart attack."
"I'm sorry," Allen apologized, a little downcast.
"You're safe, so it's okay now. Come on," Tyki gently pulled Allen's upper body up and used his other hand to angle the pillows. Then slowly, he laid Allen back so that he sat upright in his bed. "I'll go first then," Lenalee waved and left the infirmary.
"Tyki…what happened the other day? When you met the Earl?" Allen tentatively asked. If it proved to be a sore subject he would immediately drop it. "Oh…It wasn't good, but not as bad either. I was just afraid that I could've hurt Komui," Tyki mumbled, looking rather regretful.
"Do you…have any special relationship with Komui-san?" Allen quirked, making Tyki jump.
"What gave you the idea?!" Tyki exclaimed.
Allen gave him a curious look. "Why are you so jumpy then?"
"To be honest, we are just friends. I'm sure that Komui is thankful that I didn't blow a hole in his heart like I did you," Tyki muttered dejectedly.
"Tyki…I know that you never meant for that to happen. Komui-san must be feeling the same way. He wouldn't blame you," Allen persuaded in a gentle voice.
"Allen…Is it okay to be scared?" Tyki suddenly asked. Allen felt really useless for not being able to move his arms. He really wanted to comfort his guardian.
"Yes, I think it's okay to be scared, to show that you're scared because it means that you're vulnerable. Everyone has their weaknesses, but someone will come along and protect you from your weakness. I'm afraid of being weak, but I think I can accept it now. After all, I have so many people supporting me," Allen smiled brightly. Tyki had a small smile at Allen's optimism.
"Maybe I can learn to depend on others…Someday…I'm afraid of burdening someone with my fear. Everyone has their own share of fear already," Tyki stated. "But perhaps in letting someone protect you, you may be able to protect someone from their own imperfection," Allen replied wisely.
"So wisdom comes with white hair, huh?"
Allen immediately pouted. "I resent that remark!"
"Resent what?" A cheerful voice popped out in between their conversation. "Lavi, you surprised me!" Allen exclaimed. "We brought you breakfast," Lavi chirped, and showed the cart of food. Kanda was standing beside it looking rather pissed.
"But I can't use my arms," Allen pouted as he looked longingly at his breakfast. "Don't worry, Yu will feed you!" Lavi replied, looking very eager.
"I will do no such thing!" Kanda snappishly replied. Tyki wisely went back to his own bed to make space for the argument to come.
"…Is it just me, or is Yu angrier than usual?" Allen curiously asked.
"Don't call me by my name, moyashi!" Kanda yelled.
"If you call me moyashi, I shall call you whatever I see fit," Allen answered and childishly stuck his tongue out. Kanda bristled as Lavi held him back. "Remember, you shouldn't be hurting patients," Lavi reminded.
Kanda harrumphed. "Well, consider yourself spared…For now."
"So, what happened?" Allen asked. "After the scene we made, everyone seems to think that Yu has a soft spot in him. They're getting bolder in approaching him and it's annoying him," Lavi explained.
Allen frowned. "That's wrong! Yu is not gentle to anyone!"
Kanda raised a questioning eyebrow while Lavi looked confused. Then Allen smiled and said, "He's only nice to me, but even that takes a lot of effort since Yu is after all a rough person by nature." "You're right, Allen!" Lavi agreed wholeheartedly. "What does that mean?" Kanda glared but he was met with a softer smile from Allen. "Though you are rough, you are kind. I guess that's good enough."
"…Hmph, you should stop saying such naïve things, moyashi!" But for all the scowls he had, Kanda could feel his cheeks growing hot.
Lavi grinned listening to the conversation. "For your own good, Yu, you should stop calling Allen moyashi. It would do no good for your reputation in other countries," Lavi advised. "What do you mean? I'll call moyashi how I want to," Kanda snorted. "Though I'm not really keen on the meaning, I won't pick a bone with it since it's Yu's pet name for me," Allen cheerfully stated.
"Who says it's a pet name?!" Kanda spluttered.
"So you actually had no problem with the nickname from the beginning?" Lavi quipped. "Yes, the protests were done because it's amusing to stoke the fire," Allen answered.
Lavi gulped. 'This sounds like the Black Allen talking,'
"Moyashi, you had better stop talking nonsense," Kanda growled in embarrassment. "Yu, you're the one who's saying bold things. Do you know that moyashi means my woman in Serbia's language?" Lavi purposely stated.
Even Allen looked shocked and blushed. "You were actually saying that the whole time?" He stared at Kanda suspiciously. "O-of course not, you baka moyashi! I'm talking about the Japanese meaning!" Kanda yelled in reply, trying to throttle Lavi for mentioning completely unrelated topics.
"Aren't you going to eat? Your food's going to grow cold," Tyki decided that it was time to play peacemaker.
"That's right, Allen! Since Yu isn't feeling up to it, I'll feed you!" Lavi happily answered.
"No!" Tyki's outburst surprised everyone. Allen blinked at his Guardian. His mind was moving into an unnatural path, but he came to surprisingly the correct conclusion.
"Ah, did you want Lavi to feed you instead?"
Tyki never wished for dark skin more desperately, as it would have done well to conceal his pink face. He rapidly shook his head, backing away from the trio. "N-N-No, of course not! Ahaha, what are you saying, Allen? I can move just fine you know! And Kanda, you really should do your job as boyfriend properly or I won't give Allen away to you on his wedding day!"
"What do you mean, give me away?! Why am I the bride?!" Allen protested, but was silenced when a spoon of soup was at the tip of his lips. Kanda looked away as he held the spoon up. "Eat, moyashi. It doesn't take you forever to do it, right?"
Allen thought he imagined the flush on Kanda's cheeks, but Lavi's mind was reeling.
'Y-Yu...He's really planning to marry Allen!! I can see it in his eyes!'
"Oh, Allen-kun, you're up!' Komui bounded cheerfully into the infirmary, announcing his presence
Kanda only rolled his eyes and sat on the bedside. "What are you doing here, Komui?" The Japanese asked him warily.
"I heard from Lenalee that Allen-kun is awake, so I came to check up on him. After he finishes breakfast, we'll be holding a meeting in here. There are a lot of matters we have to run over with the remaining exorcists," Komui answered in an unusually serious manner.
"What kind?" Allen asked in between bites.
"General Cross," Komui promptly replied.
Allen immediately started choking, Lavi hurriedly helping him. "W…What is wrong with Master this time?" Allen cautiously probed. Ugh, just by thinking of his Master he felt sick…
"We'll have to wait for the others before we can discuss that," Komui answered, holding up a pot. "Coffee, Tyki?" "
Sure," Tyki answered and received a mug of black coffee from the Chinese man. As usual, Allen finished his food quickly and they waited for the others to arrive. Komui surveyed the room. "…It seems like everyone's here. Let's start now."
"Due to the run-in with the Earl, I have discovered something important. It seems that General Cross has met up with one of our female exorcists. With our limited numbers, he could only have met General Klaud or Miranda. Miranda, have you seen him?" Komui asked. Miranda pondered for a while.
"How does he look like?"
"Eh, you don't know?" Lavi quipped. "U-Un, though I was part of the team sent to retrieve General Cross, I do not know how he looks like," Miranda answered a bit guiltily.
"Messy long red hair, a strange hat and half his face is masked," Allen supplied. Slowly, Miranda turned deathly pale. "That was General Cross?!! Oh no, what have I done?! What stupidity have I incurred?! I'm sorry, forgive me!!" Wailing loudly, she was on the verge of throwing herself out of the window had Krory not stopped her.
"Eeeehhh, so you did meet him?!" Everyone with the exception of Kanda exclaimed.
"Y-Yes, I met him at the outskirts of the headquarters when I was training," Miranda informed.
"What?! He hates this place!" Allen stated with a conviction.
"Okay…Did he tell you anything of importance?" Komui asked.
"Um…He didn't say much. He helped me with my training. Then he told me to tell his 'stupid disciple' to look out for his new students…" Miranda racked her brains, trying to recall their short conversation. She felt that she was missing something. "New students?" Allen echoed.
"He's talking about Miranda and Krory. Since you, as Cross' disciple recruited them, by default they are his pupils as well," Komui explained. "Oh no, I nearly forgot!!" Miranda suddenly exclaimed and left the infirmary in a flash. "Huh?" Was Lavi's intelligent question.
A while later, Miranda burst back into the infirmary, clutching at a white envelope. "H-He…told me to…give this…to you…" Miranda gasped, all out of breath. Komui eyed the envelope curiously. He tore it open and read the letter. His smile widened immensely. "Hou…This is interesting."
"What is written in there?" Krory asked inquisitively. "Your Master is quite the player after all, Allen-kun," Komui commented vaguely. Allen let out a squeak and asked in a dreading voice," What…is it?"
"He picked up another lady…a Noah, in fact. And he's provided us the chance to infiltrate her home," Komui stated. "Isn't that great?" Lenalee said. "
By the way, he's sent you his bills, Allen-kun," Komui added.
"M-More debt…?" Allen felt faint.
"A-Allen!" Lavi panicked.
"So, what's the plan now?" Kanda asked.
"You all are going as débutantes. The lady has a débutante party and General Cross has gotten us an invitation. Allen will need a disguise though. All Noahs seem to recognize you," Komui informed.
"Débutante?" Allen was unfamiliar with the term, having grown up with very little exposure to society.
"It's like a coming-of-age party where people of age who are still single show themselves to get a chance to snare a good partner," Lavi described. "We have to go to such a ridiculous function?" Kanda growled with a dangerous voice.
"It is only an undercover task, Kanda. I'm sure even you can accomplish it. Our main mission is to try to investigate to see if there are clues to their plans," Komui explained, "As for the roles…Allen, you will be…Earl Rutherford. Krory is of course, going as Baron Krory. Then we have Lady Miranda, Count Lavi and…Ah, Kanda as their guard. Looks like General Cross has it all planned out."
"At least I'm just a guard," Kanda was satisfied with his role. "Earl…Rutherford…" Allen mused. "Why the worried face?" Lavi noticed the sullen expression on Allen's face.
"Why would Master know my true name? He hasn't been here for all that's been happening," Allen stated. He was beginning to become suspicious of his mentor, that he was hiding something from all of them. But more than others, he felt that Cross was hiding facts from him. Facts that he needed to know.
Suddenly his vision swam before his eyes. Allen's body swayed, but Kanda caught him in a secured embrace. "I'm sorry…Can you all leave? I think I need more rest," Allen whispered. "……" Kanda wordlessly tucked Allen into his bed. He sat down and glared at the rest. "Leave. Now." Lavi smiled apologetically and ushered everyone out. Tyki drew the curtains around his bed to give them some privacy.
"Are you worried about something again?" Kanda muttered. He knew Allen often wasted his time thinking of unnecessary things.
"I'm not worried," Allen replied quietly, his eyes closed.
"You're a bad liar," Kanda pointed out.
"I'm not lying. I wasn't worried. It's just…My heart was wavering, that's all," Allen said.
"Wavering…?" The swordsman didn't understand what Allen said.
Allen opened his eyes. "How can I say it? I've already decided to walk on, no matter what. Even if I get hurt, even if I fall, I will stand up and walk. I accepted the fact that I am weak and I have to be stronger to protect others. And because I'm weak I know that at times I have to rely on others. But…I just hate myself. I hate myself for being weak. I hate it when I am helpless. I hate it when I cannot protect anything. This feeling vexes me until I feel like I'm rotting away."
Kanda's eyes softened. "Baka moyashi, you don't have to force yourself. Everyone has weaknesses."
"I understand that. I understand…"
"We have our own shortcomings. Sometimes, there are things that you can't accomplish."
Allen suddenly sat up and grabbed his shirt's sleeve. "I never ever thought about my own weakness! Because I had nothing to lose, nothing I cared for! But it's different now, because now…I have something important to me! I have something that I want to protect at all costs! That's why I…hate…this…feeling…" Allen fell back onto the bed, unconscious. "You're always such a baka moyashi...Really, you need someone to look after you," Kanda stated.
He lightly kissed Allen's forehead. "Goodnight, moyashi."
Again…
I've come here again…
I wonder why?
The moon is always…
Always so black.
'This is the reflection of your heart.'
Who…is that?
'Your reflection.'
But…I can't see you.
'Because can't you see? You need not see me; you need only to see beyond me.'
Beyond…? Ah…I see…
'Do you really?'
I see Yu…But…
What are he looking for?
'He…is looking for someone.'
I…must go to him.
'No.'
Why…not?
'Do you recall where this is?'
Where…
'Do you know what he wants to find?'
What…
'Do you remember who you are?'
Who…
Who am I?
'Do you know who I am?'
No…
Where is this?
What am I doing here?
Who are you?
Who…am I?
Allen jerked awake, his eyes wide and bewildered as he looked around. The pristine white of his surroundings told him that he was still in the infirmary. "Allen, are you okay?" Allen turned to Lavi, who was watching him.
"You were moving a lot in your sleep. For the five days," Kanda added. Allen lightly gripped his head. "It's alright. It was just a nightmare I haven't seen in a while."
"Was the nightmare that bad?" Tyki tentatively asked.
Allen stared at the palm of his hand. "The funny thing is…It didn't seem like a nightmare. In this dream, I find myself in a desolate place with only a large pool in the centre accompanied by a few barren trees. It's always night there. The moon is white, but the moon's reflection in the water is always…black. Ruins that are nowhere to be found around me appear in the reflection. Sometimes…I will see someone amongst the ruins. The first time I had this dream, Lenalee was crying. I would go closer, and look into the moon's reflection. The darkness swallows me, yet I kept looking."
"What were you looking for?" Kanda questioned.
Allen looked at them. "Answers. When I wake up, I remember that I dreamt. But I cannot recall what I did, where I was and who I was in that dream. Just the ruins, the moon's reflection and the darkness. I even cease to remember the people who appear in my dream, no matter how close they seem to me. In this dream, there were two of them, but I can't recall who…" Allen's grip on his arm tightened. "That's when I get scared. Because I cannot remember, and it feels like losing myself."
"You think too much, moyashi," Kanda scoffed, but he leant down to kiss Allen. Allen was surprised, because this was the first time Kanda physically displayed his affection. He tilted his head up and savoured the feel of Kanda's lips against his. He smiled. "And you think too little, Yu," Allen teased.
Kanda hmphed and sat down on the bed. "The débutante party is tomorrow. We have to prepare. Are you alright now?" Allen stretched his arms. "Yes, I'm fine now. Not moving for ten days makes me tired." "This is a pretty big mission, if you ask me. We might get exposed for all we know," Lavi mused. "Then we will fight, if the worst happens," Allen simply stated as he climbed off the bed.
"You guys better be careful. I'm stuck here playing housewife since neither sides know I'm here," Tyki made a face, clearly not liking the monotony of his life right now.
Allen chuckled. "Anyway, I'm going to take a bath. Do you guys want to follow?" The three others nodded and followed Allen's lead to the baths. They made light banter as they went down to the baths. Allen looked up into the sky as he stepped into the springs.
"I don't think I've ever been in the baths this late. Look at the moon," Allen smiled as he pointed at the silver crescent that rested against the inky black sky. "Allen, wash my hair?" Lavi made big puppy eyes as he pleaded. Allen chuckled. "You're such a child, Lavi, but I'll do it."
Kanda shook his head. "No, get your own!"
"Aww, come on! Don't be such a stingy person, Yu! Allen's really good with hair-washing!" Lavi protested.
"You got your chance last time, so this is my turn. And moyashi is mine!" Kanda growled possessively.
"Break it up, boys. I'll wash your hair, Yu. What do you use to wash your hair, then?" Allen questioned.
"…Soap."
"What?!" Allen squealed in shock. Allen turned to the young Japanese. "Yu, soap is bad for your hair!" He reprimanded almost immediately, taking Kanda by surprise.
Tyki totally supported Allen. "Yeah, it's amazing that your hair can remain soft after all the soap sessions."
"What do you suggest I do?" Kanda questioned. Allen smiled. "Let me deal with it."
Lavi steered Kanda towards Allen and forced him to sit down. Allen emptied a bucket of water over his head while rummaging through his personal toiletries. "I think this will do nicely…" Kanda eyed the peach coloured liquid Allen was pouring into his palm warily. "What is that?" The swordsman managed to ask.
"Won't tell you," Allen sang playfully in return.
"I don't want you to…" Kanda's protest went down in a strangled tone of bliss when Allen worked his magic. "Now you know why?" Lavi stated superiorly. Kanda wanted to snap at Lavi but all he could manage was a sigh of content. Allen was massaging his scalp softly but firmly. Kanda shivered a bit when Allen's gentle fingers brushed past his ear. Slowly going through the long ebony tresses, Allen treated the hair like gold. "Like it?" Allen asked sweetly to which Kanda was unable to protest, too relaxed.
Black Allen cackled in the background. 'Kanda Yu's weakness one, found!'
After rinsing his hair, Kanda and his lover went for a dip in the hot springs. Tyki and Lavi were already in, for some inexplicable reason they were seated quite apart. "A warm soak on a chilly night is heaven," Allen sighed happily. "Hn, I'll admit putting hot springs in place of baths was one of the few good ideas Komui had," Kanda stated. The moonlight made Allen's hair reflect a snow-like glow and his normally fair skin was coloured with a pale pearl sheen. His silver-gray eyes sparkled with mirth. Kanda's long hair was plastered to his wet body. There was a certain lively glint in his dark eyes. Water rivulets ran down the chiselled contours of his body. Lavi certainly thought they made a good bishounen couple. They would break the hearts of many an unfortunate young lady.
"Hmm…"
Allen was staring at the water's surface and sniffed lightly. To the horror of Tyki's imagery of Allen's purity, Allen licked his fingers. Kanda seemed to be feeling the very unwanted emotion Tyki had dreaded Allen's actions would incur, for he shouted, "Moyashi, what are you doing?!"
Allen turned to Kanda with a very curious expression. "The water is sweet. You want to try?" Tyki stared at the proffered fingers and snatched it away. "No, Allen! That is a very BAD, BAD thing to do!"
"Of course not!" Kanda yelled, also trying to control himself.
Allen seemed surprised with their outburst, but shrugged. "You both don't have to react so violently, you know." Things took a turn for the worse, because Allen started suckling his fingers and licking his palm. "I like this sweetness. I'm not sure what's making it so sweet though…" Fearing that he might snap, Kanda grabbed his fingers.
"Stop, moyashi. Just…Stop."
"Y-Yeah, it's dangerous, you know? I heard that Komui puts strange things in the water sometimes. Who knows, what if it's one of his abysmal creations you're tasting?" Lavi quickly added. He could tell by Kanda's expression that the Japanese was going to snap any time soon. Unfortunately, Allen seemed to have missed Lavi and Tyki's well-meant warnings.
"You're right…But something this sweet can't be bad, right?" Allen laughed in a naïve manner and coyly licked a droplet off Kanda's chin. The next moment was chaotic. Kanda pounced onto Allen who fell back with a shriek of surprise. Tyki was shoved away and he ended up toppling into a heap on Lavi. "OI, that's my godson you're harassing!"
Tyki's protests were left unheeded by the beastly Kanda.
"Yu, stop! What are you doing?!"
"Moyashi, you know too little," Kanda drawled as he bit Allen's neck. "Ahh…Not there…" Allen gasped at the sudden pleasant feeling that sent shivers down his spine.
"...As much as a criminal I feel like for watching it...That is pretty hot," Lavi mumbled in a daze. Tyki frowned at the redhead. "AHEM. That is my godson you're talking about."
Suddenly, Lavi pouted. His change in demeanour confused the Noah. The following outburst didn't help either. "You're always going on about Allen! You don't have to pretend to be chummy with me just because I'm Allen's friend. I don't really care whether you're a Noah or not! Don't be friendly if you don't mean it!"
"...You really don't care if I'm a Noah...?"
"Well, yeah...I'm a Bookman. We don't take sides."
Somehow that excuse didn't make Tyki happy. "Oh, really? Right, I completely forgot. I thought you were a sweet young kid, but I guess the world is crueller than I remember it to be. So you're letting me befriend you since it benefits your position as a Bookman, is it?" Tyki snatched Lavi's hand up, catching Lavi by surprise. Now, neither couple could afford to give attention to the other. Lavi shook his head, trying to think how in the world did they end up in this argument.
Kanda, on the other hand, was not relenting in his assaults. It was Allen's fault for tempting him after all. Allen gave a start when he felt Kanda's hand slip under his towel. "We can't…not here…" He managed to push his words through even as he was about to melt from the embarrassment. They were caught in an ungainly manner by a certain innocent man.
"Ah, this is where you were…"
Arystar Krory, twenty-eight years old. This is his first experience in learning intimate gestures.
"A-Ah…S-Sorry for interrupting your d-deflowering!! I'll le-leave now!!!!"
With that, the poor innocent Romanian hightailed it out of the area. Cheeks aflame with mortification, Allen smacked Kanda's face with all his might and ran away. Lavi let out a yelp when Tyki refused to let him go and kicked the man's shin, before he ran after Allen out of the baths.
"Damn, he kicks hard..." Tyki cursed a bit.
"At least you didn't get punched," Kanda muttered. They both had to agree on one matter.
"...Bottoms are such trouble."