EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED

DISCLAIMER: The story and all characters are the intellectual property of Cassandra Clare and her book series "The Mortal Instruments"

I was sitting on the marble bench in the middle of the greenhouse thinking about everything that had happened. It had been a week since the fight with Valentine and the pain caused to me that day was still there as strong as ever. That's why for the past week I had spent most of my time here in the greenhouse wanting to be alone.

I was having a hard time coming to terms with the revelations Valentine had revealed about my past. Everything I'd believed about my past and who I was had been lies. My whole identity was ripped away from me causing me to feel lost and confused. It didn't help that Valentine had eventually escaped back to Idris through the portal which he destroyed once he was through. Before he destroyed the portal, he tried to bait me into following him by showing me where I'd grown up with him. I almost went after him wanting to go back to the one place I'd felt complete and happy but Clary stopped me. That's when Valentine destroyed the portal shattering it into thousands of pieces of shard glass. I ended up keeping one of the piece which I was holding in my hand right now.

If you looked just right into the glass, you could still see my childhood home. Even after everything I'd learned, I wanted to go back there more than ever. With so much uncertainty about my future, I just wanted to escape not wanting to deal with it. But deep down I knew I couldn't escape from my feelings, not even at my childhood home.

I couldn't help feeling a sense a dread about how other Shadowhunter's mainly the Clave and the Lightwood's would react to me being the son of Valentine. Alec had contacted his parents in Idris and finally told them and the Clave everything that had happened and that Valentine was now in possession of the Mortal Cup. The Lightwood's were on their way back to the institute to deal with the aftermath. Alec didn't say if his mom had told him how the Clave reacted to the news.

I had the strongest feeling the Clave wouldn't take it too well. There was nothing that frightened the Clave more than Valentine and his rebellion against them. That's why I felt they would now see me as a threat to their power even though I'm not my father they wouldn't see it like that. Family Lineage was everything to the elites in the Clave and since Valentine's blood ran through my veins they would just see me as an extension of him and no matter what I would do to show loyalty to them they would never trust me. But I there was nothing I could do to change that.

The anguish I felt about the Clave and what they would do didn't compare to the excruciating despair I felt when I thought of Clary. Of course me spending most of my time here in the garden, didn't help either. Just being here in the garden, reminded me of the first kiss I had shared with Clary. The way her face lit up when the flowers bloomed. How she looked at me with her green eyes emblazoned. And of course the way it felt when my lips touched hers sending a warm electric pulse coursing through my body causing sensations and emotions I'd never felt before. That night had been the happiness night in my life.

Now the memory just caused an excruciating ache in my chest and despair knowing it would never happen again. I still couldn't accept Clary as being my sister even though no matter how many different angles I went over Valentine's story, I couldn't see how she couldn't be my sister. But even after finding out Clary was my sister, it didn't erase any of the feelings she caused me to have whenever she was near. The feeling of longing and wanting something so bad it takes all you have to resist the urge to act on your desire.

I hadn't seen or talked to Clary since that day with Valentine. I missed her so much and would have given anything to hear her voice but I wasn't sure what to say to her. Plus she was occupied with trying to wake her mom up. Something else I was avoiding. I hadn't accepted that Jocelyn was my mother either and I didn't know if i ever would be able to. It wasn't that I didn't want a mom, it was the belief if I accepted her as my mom then I would have to accept Clary as my sister & I wasn't ready for that.

Even though there was a constant ache in my chest from wanting to see Clary. It was for the best she had stayed away. I could only imagine how being in the same room would feel as my despair would intensify swallowing me whole. I hope with time the pain would decrease to where I could stand to be around her but only time would tell.

At that moment, Clary walked in the door and just like I knew it would my despair engulfed me. But seeing her still caused my pulse to quicken just like it always had. Reminding me that everything had changed except for one thing, my love for Clary.