It's funny how the presence of one person can give you so much comfort…
How you can settle anywhere if that one person is with you… it's like that person is all you need to feel at home… no matter where in the world you are.
They're sitting by the fire again… in a dark forest again… under Dipsy's spells that keep the rain out.
She leans her head on his shoulder and looks at their entwined fingers…
Should she be scared that she feels so grounded with him?
Should it worry her that only with him she feels like the world makes sense?
Should it bother her that she still has no idea why that's the case?
Maybe…
Given all that she remembers and all that he has told her… there's no logical reason for what she's feeling.
None at all… And still here with him… is the only place she wants to be.
No book she read gave her so much as a hint of why this is happening.
But that's what's happening… and now she's here…and he's here… and by the dancing fire, she tells him everything she found out.
"We were hunting Horcruxes." as the words leave her lips, he turns rapidly to look at her.
"Are you kidding?"
But she shakes her head… and explains what she remembers.
For a moment he looks paralyzed.
"Are they fucking sick?" He then spits out so angrily she flinches.
"Granger… that's… fuck that's like the darkest magic can get."
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.
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Rage…
That's what he feels.
Overflowing, uncontrollable rage, when she tells him what they were up to when they got caught.
He wants to hit something… wants to curse people to oblivion… wants to hunt down those responsible… hunt them down and slowly strangle all of them with his bare hands.
The Death Eaters had killed her… but it had been her own people who had sent her down to her doom.
The people who were supposed to keep her safe! People who he sent her to so that they'd keep her safe!
He realizes his hands are shaking.
The side of the light… the better side… bullshit… both sides were responsible for sending kids to do their dirty work!
He had always thought the world was just black and white…divided those who are right and those who are wrong.
Up until it seems it is just all black… and everyone responsible is just all wrong!
And if he wanted her safe there's no one else he could count on.
He should just take her with him and leave… they should go somewhere… somewhere far away from this place… these games people are playing.
"We should leave…" the words leave his mouth before he's able to stop them, "Go somewhere where we don't have to worry about all of this… where they can't find us. We could leave now! Ask Dipsy to take us... I have the money… we could…"
What a beautiful dream it is… to take her somewhere where the summer never ends… To watch the sun glitter in her hair as she walks along the golden sands of a deserted beach. To lay next to her listening to the sounds of the tropical night… to wake up with the sun on their skin… To be idle and ignorant… laidback and happy… not to fear and worry… What a glorious feeling it would be when the hardest decisions of the day would be whether to drink a shake made of watermelon or pineapple.
He can easily imagine her… in a bright summer dress, dipping her toes to the blue ocean, smiling brightly at him.
"You know we can't do that…" Her sad tone snaps him back from his daydreams.
And of course, he knows… he knows even if she'd said she'd go with him… he would never have taken her… because she would never leave if she was herself… and she would never forgive him taking advantage of her not being completely herself at the moment.
So, they are back to square one.
"Tell me why we're fighting? We are just teens… why are we so essential to this war?" She asks him silently, laying her head back to his shoulder. Taking his hand back to hers, lacing their fingers together so that their marks are both facing them.
He supposes she is right…they are far too young to be fighting a war… even if they are off age now… even if they probably argued they wanted to fight… Schoolkids shouldn't worry about wars.
"I think it's Potter…" He says… looking down to their hands.
"Back with The Order, they talked about how kids are made to torture each other at Hogwarts… They said that Neville is leading the resistance... That he and Ginny and Luna are doing the best they can… Then there's us, me and Harry and Ron hunting pieces of the main villain's soul… and you were ordered to kill the headmaster… What kind of a war is it when the main players are kids and the adults do nothing but sit by pretending like they are worried but do nothing?" She sounds as angry as he felt a moment ago, "If Harry is the chosen one…and the one who can destroy the dark lord…shouldn't he have help? Other than two kids? I don't understand this Draco!"
He stares at her… now that she says it out loud, it sounds absolutely absurd in his ears too.
And there is no way he understands this any better than her.
.
.
.
He shakes his head at her… there's no answer he can give.
She puts her hand on his dark mark… it's warm… significantly warmer than his skin… and after a while, it feels like it's burning her palm.
She lifts her hand and glances up to him… he's staring to the sky gritting his teeth.
And suddenly she realizes the mark burns him… She sits back up and takes his hand in both of hers, examining the ugly tattoo.
He's still not looking at her.
"It's burning up."
He nods slowly, "It's the spell in it… He's calling for me."
One by one the pieces click together in her head… little by little she begins to understand what it really is he has done for her… what it is he endures just for being here.
"Is it… does it ever go away?"
He shakes his head and she feels like crying.
The price he pays for defying the dark lord... the price he pays for saving her… is not only that he had to leave everything behind… but also for him to live in constant pain.
He gave up everything.
"Draco…" She whispers.
But he shakes his head again, "I deserve it."
"But…"
Finally, he looks at her… and lifts his hand to cover her mouth, "Whatever you're about to say… won't take it away… and I'll never go back now. Not even if it kills me!"
She stares into his quicksilver eyes… so cold at first… but when you look a little bit closer… so full of depth and hues… all she want's to do is to drown into them.
"If there's anything I can do…" She says lifting his hand from her lips so that she can speak.
"There's not." He holds her gaze.
And suddenly she doesn't need him to explain why they are fighting… suddenly she has a fierce urge to fight… to take down everyone who dares to hurt him. To slice the dark lord in two for causing him pain.
The side doesn't matter… if they hurt him… they hurt her.
She'll fight… but she won't fight for the side of the light or dark… she'll fight for freedom…for second chances…for the possibility for kids to be kids and teens to be teens, not war dogs… She'll fight for him… because for all that he has gone through, he deserves to be happy… and free of what weights him down.
Briefly, she wonders if he'll let her fight… probably not…
But she is not going to ask him for permission… and it's not a conversation for this night.
So, she leans forward and brushes his lips with hers, "And you tried to tell me you're not brave."
He snorts but kisses her anyway.
"Miss and Master! Dipsy is sorry to interrupt, but it's nearly morning! Miss needs to head back before they notice!"
She let's go of him, "I'll see you soon?"
"Blaise and Theo would let you stay." He tells her… and she smiles at him, "Do you think it's safe?"
"They're my best friends."
Of course, she believes him! and if he believes in them… she has no reason to doubt.
She thinks of the people at the safe house… those who think they know her… "I can't just disappear… I'll figure something out!"
"And we'll meet here? in the evening?" He sounds reluctant to let her go… she has to admit she kind of enjoys it.
So, she nods… and kisses him once more… "See you soon."
.
.
.
He doesn't know why it is so hard to let her go… Like every time she leaves, he needs to be prepared that she won't come back.
It seems he can be at ease only when she's at arms-reach…only when he can make sure nothing bad is happening to her.
Now he needs to tell Blaise and Theo he's going to bring her here… somehow, he feels they are not going to be as delighted by the idea as he is.
But they already said she'd be welcome… So maybe they'll settle.
Still, he's not completely satisfied with this plan… not completely sure this is the safest place to have her.
But then again… he's the one they're looking for…And Potter… she's not that important.
It's unlikely anyone would come looking for just her.
Back at his room, he looks at Dipsy, "Listen, I'm going to bring Granger here tonight," He looks at his so-called servant…and thinks the elf is probably the only one he can trust completely… besides Granger of course, "I want you to keep an eye on her. And if something happens… if someone attacks us or something is threatening her. You save her. No matter how she fights back, you take her to safety before anything else."
Dipsy agrees happily.
So, he makes it downstairs hoping the net conversation is as easy.
Blaise and Theo are already sitting by the kitchen table.
For the days he has been here he has had this nagging feeling something is off.
He's not sure if it's between the three of them… or between his friends… but sometimes when he walks into a room it's like he's interrupting something.
This morning is one of those times… It seems they were whispering something to one another and him entering makes them jump apart.
He rolls his eyes, "If you have something to say, why don't you tell it straight to my face?"
"Morning to you too Draco." Theo gets up and pads his shoulder as he leaves the room.
He looks at Blaise who's still sitting by the table, looking almost bored.
"What was that?"
"What?" The dark man pretends like he has no idea what he's talking about.
He hates it when they do that! It makes him worried they have something serious to hide.
Given his plan of bringing Granger here, he'd rather be sure they don't…
"You think I don't notice you two whispering behind my back? Come on Blaise, are you going to sell me out or what?"
"How low do you think we are Draco? Who would we sell you to? If you haven't noticed we're in hiding too."
They've gone through this conversation before… he's not quite sure why he keeps on doubting them.
"Man, you are the only one with the mark here… if anyone should be doubtful, it's us." Blaise has gotten up too.
"I thought we agreed…"
"Yes, we did, so why don't you trust us to keep our end of the deal?"
They didn't have marks…they had no idea what it was like when you could trust no one… not even your family.
"Fine, fine!" He lifts his hands as a sign of surrender, "Let's find Theo, I have something to tell you."
They really are the only people he has at the moment… them and Granger.
So, after a while, they're all back in the kitchen…and suddenly he feels nervous.
What if this is a terrible idea? And she's not even here yet…
"Spit it out then, I have things to do." Theo drawls leaning his chin to his palm lazily.
"Like?"
"Like taking a wank… none of your business! Get on with it!"
He rolls his eyes, "Fine. Remember when I first came here, and you expected Granger to be with me?"
They nod.
"I was thinking of bringing her here tonight…to stay with us…"
Blaise lifts his eyebrows.
"If you agree." He added quickly.
"I thought you returned her to the light crew?"
"Well, I did… but the situation changed."
"And what's her take on this?" Theo suddenly looks remarkably less ignorant.
"She… she agrees." He tries to sound certain this is a good idea.
"Then fine." Blaise shrugs.
He did not expect it to be this easy… "No objections?"
"Man, you've practically drooled after her for years. And then you watched her die... it's bad, we get that." Blaise glances at Theo, "It's not like we were the biggest fans of her know-it-all attitude, but at least she's easy on the eyes."
"Hey!" He protests.
Theo snorts.
"So, if you want her here, and she wants to be here, then, by all means, take her here!"
He stares at his friend.
"Don't you think we've had enough of this darkness? People looking at us and seeing nothing but the offspring of evil?" The look on Theo's face is serious, "If she's on our side… maybe someone else will be able to see us as something else too."
He knows what the boy is talking about.
It's something they were proud of back in the days… or pretended to be when they had no other option… Back at school, year after year, they watched Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs, and Ravenclaws back each other up… spar friendly… form alliances… while they… Slytherins… the human formations of evil since birth…had no choice than to stand for themselves…and themselves only.
It's not like they did anything to change that… the power structures were built during generations… but that's what it was. They were branded… marked before their marks… ambition had begun to be just another word for ruthlessness…cunning for ignorance towards others.
"The future occupation for Slytherin is a Death Eater!" Tracey Davis… kindhearted, sweet Tracey Davis had cried against Daphne Greengrass' shoulder at the beginning of their sixth year.
He had despised her then for speaking such things out loud… even if he kind of agreed… now he understood better.
Granger being here… Granger befriending them might mean it was possible to change the way… at least some people thought about them.
He hadn't thought it that way… but when Theo and Blaise state it out loud… he does understand them.
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She sits in the kitchen listening to people talk…feeling like not really there.
The feeling of his hand in hers is still there… The weight of his lips against hers.
This has been the longest day of her life! At least of the life, she can remember.
She thought of telling them she was leaving… but decided not to.
How could she explain where she was going?
So, she is going to write them a note… to tell them she went back to Harry and Ron…
She's going to lie.
And a little voice in her head tells her she should be ashamed of it… but she's not.
She doesn't belong here… not really… Maybe if she was herself… her old self… maybe then.
But she's not… not anymore… and she thinks she can never see the world like she used to.
"Hermione?"
She snaps her head up… They are looking at her questioningly.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"We'll be leaving tomorrow… based on what we've heard, it's better to be closer to Hogwarts so we're changing position. You'll come with us."
No, she won't… but she nods, "Okay."
"Good. Now, it's late and we have much to do tomorrow. Everybody off to bed!" Molly claps her hands together.
She tells them goodnight like every night before… but as soon as she's in her room she calls for Dipsy.
"Miss is ready?" The elf squeaks.
But before she gets to answer, there's a knock on her door.
And before she gets a chance to move, the door is open…
And it's too late…
This is going to mean trouble!