Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

gerbilHunter put the closing scene of this chapter into my head. If you make interesting suggestions in reviews you have only yourself to blame if they appear in a chapter. A phrase from Vercingetorix appears, seconded by Thomas Linquist. (Apologies to those who make interesting suggestions that don't appear in this chapter... Actually, I'm pretty sure that several ideas from Thomas Linquist appear in other stories. But more often TL correctly predicts where I'm going planning to go before I post a chapter.)

I started this story without a clear ending in my head. There were several ways it could have gone. One of them had Kim with more of a feisty response to Shego's announced seduction plan. That was the idea which gave rise to the title, Hit Me with Your Best Shot. "Go ahead, you think you can make me love you? Do your worst, hit me with your best shot. I'm not going down easily." Doesn't seem to be working out that way. Meanwhile, this chapter title comes from Gilbert and Sullivan's Ruddigore:

In sailing o'er life's ocean wide
No doubt the heart should be your guide;
But it is awkward when you find
A heart, a heart that does not know its mind,

A Heart that Does Not Know Its Mind

Monique tossed about in bed, unable to sleep. Why should she care if Shego ended up hurt when her pursuit of Kim failed? It wasn't Monique's fault if Shego made a fool out of herself, was it? Okay, there was the pragmatic angle. Shego was a super-powered criminal, and while she had been on her best behavior for the last couple months it wasn't clear how she would respond to rejection. Would she sink into a deep depression? Would she simply slink back to Drakken and sulk? Would she go ballistic and burn down half of Middleton? She had behaved like a friend while staying with Monique, but it was a little like playing the Stock Market. How a stock had behaved for the last several months didn't predict what it might do tomorrow. There was an additional factor to the confusion. Monique also felt a deep sense of gratitude to Shego. Shego watching her brothers had kept Monique on track for her college funding, it had helped her mom care for her sister, and the thief's talk with her father had even helped get her mom and dad talking again. Monique realized she owed Shego. She owed Shego big time.

And perhaps getting Shego out of Middleton as fast as possible, before she could be hurt worse, was the best way to repay her debt of gratitude to Shego.

Was there any chance Kim was developing feelings for Shego? Kim had originally been pressured into dating Shego. Now the redhead was inviting Shego out; inviting her to things Kim considered important and confessing she enjoyed the green woman's company. That was not normal Kim behavior. What did it mean?

The phone call from Kim didn't relieve Monique's anxiety.

"Kim?"

"Monique... Um... Did Shego say anything to you about kissing on the Ferris wheel?"

"You kissed Shego on the Ferris wheel yesterday?"

"No! Of course not!"

"You're asking if she said the two of you did?"

"No, we talked about kissing on the Ferris wheel."

"You planned to get on the Ferris wheel and kiss?"

"Of course not. You're not paying attention."

"GF, I am not the problem in this conversation. That's what you said, you said you talked with Shego about kissing on the wheel."

"Yes, but... Oh, okay. What I meant was Shego and I were on the Ferris wheel and talked about kissing– Not kissing each other! We didn't talk about kissing each other! We talked about people we've kissed before. Guys! Guys we've kissed."

"Kim, I need to get to work. What are you talkin' 'bout?"

"Okay, I'm just asking if Shego told you... And apparently she didn't."

"Didn't what?"

"Didn't tell you the story of something I did."

"What did you do?"

"Just something dumb... It was years ago. I didn't want... Never mind."

"Wait, so you opened up with Shego and were talking about some story that I don't know about, and now you're wanting to know if she blabbed to me? You trusted her with some embarrassing story that you couldn't tell your BFF?"

With perfect logic Kim pointed out, "You and I have never talked about kissing on a Ferris Wheel."

Her self-defense classes over at the Y, Shego took a shower and stopped by to see the director before she collected Steve and Nelson. "Looks like I've got about a month left before I leave Middleton."

"I'm sorry you're leaving. All the women you've worked with have raved about how wonderful you are. I hope they're telling you that too, and not just me."

Shego grinned, "They tell me. It's nice to hear." It was very nice to be told she was doing a good job. Her private students were even more effusive in their praise, but they might have been doing that to justify the high price they were being charged. If you thought you were getting a great teacher you didn't mind paying for a great teacher. Praising Shego was a way of saying, 'I didn't make a mistake taking these lessons.'

Drakken paid few compliments. If you did your job well, he simply credited it to the fact you were doing your job. When Kim started showing up, and kept Shego from doing her job the green woman had been enraged at first when Drakken blamed her for his plans failing. Shego had learned that Drakken's plans usually failed not because of any failure on Shego's part. Drakken's plans failed not because of any success on the part of Kim. Drakken's plans failed because Drakken hadn't thought things through well in the first place.

Shego was done with being blamed for Drakken's shortcomings, but her years with him had limited the options available to her.

Steve and Nelson were watching wrestling on television as Shego went into her room. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. If she remembered any prayers she would have said one. Was there any chance this could work? Was it really what she wanted? It was a dive into the unknown, and could fail utterly. Would she be any worse off if she failed? The answer to the last question was no. She dialed Wade's number.

"Shego?"

"Yep. You sound surprised."

"You don't call me, I call you – remember?"

"I was just thinking, I've been awfully hard on you, and I want to offer you a favor."

"How good is the speaker on your phone? Can you hear the disbelief in my voice?"

"Don't be a cynic. I'm offering to do any job you want. Any. I don't care how hard."

"And?"

"And what?"

"And what do you want in return? As you may have noticed we aren't friends, our relationship is strictly quid pro quo."

"Could you fast remind me what that means?"

"Latin phrase. Roughly translated it means you wash my back, I'll wash yours. I don't call you unless I need a favor – and you charge me. You don't call me unless you need a favor, and I charge you. I'm asking what you want, and it better not be more stuff you can use to blackmail Kim."

"I never used blackmail on Kim! That was... I think it was extortion. And I feel guilty as Hell and want to do you a favor to soothe my guilty conscience."

"You feel guilty? I guess that makes sense."

"You're being sarcastic again. But as long as you brought up how you can thank me, I have a tiny little favor to ask, really nothing for a man with your talents."

"If it's really nothing, why don't you ask Drakken to do it for you?"

"Three reasons, I'll give you two. First–"

"You'll give me two of the three?"

"A girl has to keep some secrets. Now, first, he would probably fuck it up – and you can do things right. Second, I'm considering life post-Drakken. Maybe try and go legit."

"Who is this really, and how did you get ahold of Shego's phone?"

"It's really me. And I got tired of spinning my wheels working for Drakken. There are enough warrants out for my arrest that my options are limited. So I'm thinking maybe Shego disappears. You could create an identity for Paris Green. You know, the works – school, former places of residence, jobs held... Companies that have gone out of business or where my supervisor died so the new company can't call the old one up and ask for references."

"All of which is illegal."

"So is your hacking. Deal? Any job you want, no sarcasm."

"And you're going to go straight?"

"I'm going to try. I'm starting to like having a place to come home to at the end of the day that Princess and Doofus aren't going to blow up."

"Let me think about it," he countered. "Having you do three big jobs for me would–"

"Three? I said..." Shego sighed, "Yeah, I said three. You'll do it?"

"I told you, I need to think about it. It might not really be so hard. You know, the best way to create a new identity would be to pick up an abandoned identity – find out the details on someone who disappeared and take over that person's life. I heard of a seventeen year old from Chicago who disappeared around six or seven years ago. She'd be just about your age. Large family, four brothers. Parents were killed when–"

"You son of a bitch. How long have you known?"

"Oh, just a piece of information I filed away a couple years ago. I thought it might come in handy some day. I can give you her identity. Bingo, you've got your own Social Security number, residential history, and everything else you had when you left your brothers. What do you want for job experience and life since then? I mean, you don't want Drakken mentioned on your work résumé."

"Let me think."

"Oh, and want your old name back, or stick with Paris Green?"

"How about at eighteen I petitioned the courts and had my name legally changed?"

"From your original name to Paris Green? I can work with that. But I'm curious what brought this on?"

"I told you, I want options for my future. Drakken doesn't hack it for me any more. You really didn't tell anyone? Why didn't you... Hoping to use it against me at some point?"

Wade hesitated, "Yeah. Hadn't found a way to use it yet."

"And you didn't even tell Kim?"

"She might have let it slip. I needed to keep it secret until I found a way to use it. She called a few weeks ago and asked where you went to college."

"She did? Did you tell her?"

"No. What difference would it have made?"

Shego hesitated, "Maybe none. But, like I said, a girl wants to keep her secrets." She chuckled, "I like you. You're a SOB, but you're my kind of SOB. You plan ahead, and you keep your mouth shut. Keep me updated on my new identity?"

"Remember, I didn't say I'd do it. I didn't say no. I told you to let me think about it. But getting you straight would be worth–"

"Who said anything about straight?"

"You said you'd go straight!"

"I said I'd be legal. Never mind. Stupid little inside joke."

Kim was awakened by a hand over her mouth. When Shego released her Kim responded, "I thought you weren't going to touch me."

"That was unless you touch me first, remember? So when you woke me up in my bedroom it meant I could wake you up the same way."

"I... Okay, I should have remembered the rules... You just did this to see if you could catch me asleep, didn't you?"

"Of course not, I'm not trying to prove I can be as sneaky as you. I'd never be that competitive. I had a vital question to ask at two a.m., one so important it couldn't possibly wait until morning."

"Important, huh? So, wassup?"

"Our boyfriends would like to go bowling one more time before they head south for family. Since you beat me once at bowling, and I beat you at dart toss I thought–" '

"You're on," agreed Kim. "And loser... Whoever loses pays for the movie Friday night."

"Deal."

"I thought you said you weren't that competitive?" Kim started to ask, but Shego was out before the question was finished.

Thursday morning Kim called Shego, "I'm coming down with a cold. I don't know if I should go bowling or not. I might be contagious. What if I get excited and kiss you or something? I wouldn't want to infect you."

"Three word answer, Cupcake. So worth it. Practicing your excuse for when you lose?"

"No, I really have a cold."

"Okay. Take it easy. I think I can manage the boys without you."

Kim sighed, "I'd hate to disappoint them. And I can beat you bowling. It's just a little cold. But separate boxes of popcorn tomorrow night at the movie theater. I don't want to risk infecting you."

"Yeah, if you're going to give it to me, I'd much prefer you spread it by kissing me."

Kim brought a box of tissues with her to the bowling alley. "Should I turn in the ball when I turn in the shoes so they can disinfect that too?"

"Probably a good idea," agreed Shego. "Wouldn't want the Possible plague sweeping through the bowlers of Middleton." She looked with mild disgust at the footwear, "Here's an idea for some venture capitalist. Sexy bowling shoes."

"I happen to like these ugly ones. They keep you from hitting on me while we're bowling."

"My dear Princess, it will take something more than ugly shoes to keep me from hitting on you. I never had a foot fetish anyway." Shego glanced over to make sure Steve and Nelson were too busy putting on their own shoes to pay attention. "I stare at your ass," she admitted in a whisper, "and you look amazing as you throw the ball."

Kim blamed the cold for doing worse than she had in her prior outing at the bowling alley. Kim blamed Shego's comment for distracting her and causing her to bowl worse. Shego had no excuse for the fact she was bowling worse also.

The fact each did worse than their last time bowling, while trying harder, created the frustration that was probably the biggest handicap for both of them. Nevertheless, Kim appeared headed for a narrow victory. If she could knock over a single pin on a 6-7-10 split she would win. The ball slipped into the gutter, leaving the competition tied for the day.

"Did you throw a gutter ball on purpose?" Shego demanded. "I don't need charity."

"You think I'd give you charity?" Kim retorted, and blew her nose again. "But isn't it nice for the two of us to tie rather than one of us having to beat the other?"

"Well... Yeah. I still think you... Okay, you didn't lose on purpose. You tied on purpose. I can live with... So who pays for the movie tomorrow?"

"We'll flip a coin when we get to the theater. Tomorrow's winner pays for the movie after that."

Shego looked at her phone at breakfast. "Text from Kim." The green woman read the message. "I was afraid of that. She wants to skip the movies tonight. Says she still has her cold and needs to rest to make sure she's fine for the concert tomorrow."

"I don't remember you and Kim planning to go to the movies," Monique commented.

"Sorry, must have slipped my mind. It came up a day or two ago. Kim suggested the movies. She said we'd flip a coin for who paid tonight, and winner would pay for the next one."

"That was Kim's suggestion?"

"Yeah, it seems fair to me. Why?"

"Oh... Nothing. Just curious." Except it wasn't nothing. Kim was suggesting movie dates with Shego, making plans to spend time with the thief instead of being pressured to accept dates. In Monique's mind this was not Kim's normal behavior. What was going on in Kim's head?

Monique felt certain that Kim was not teasing Shego, playing with the older woman's emotions. That was totally un-Kim. Could Kim be starting to see Shego in a romantic... That didn't seem possible either. The most logical scenario was that Kim was starting to accept Shego as a friend. That made sense. Under Shego's cynical exterior was a person it was easy to like. It had taken Monique a month of living with Shego to realize that. Kim must have realized the same thing. "What Kim doesn't realize," Monique reminded herself, "is that Shego is getting major crush on her." Kim wouldn't play with Shego's emotions on purpose, but could mess up Shego just as badly by not realizing the older woman's feelings. Perhaps a call to Kim would be a good idea.

Kim's voice was slightly raspy as she answered the phone, "Hey, Mon, what's–" A fit of coughing kept her from finishing the question.

"Shego got a text saying you're sick. You feel as bad as you sound?"

"No. Tiny little cold. I'll be fine tomorrow."

"You don't sound fine."

"I'll be fine tomorrow for the concert. Taking it easy."

"Uh, great. Get well. Look, maybe it's none of my business. Shego said you asked her out for the movies tonight?"

"The text said we couldn't go."

"I know, that was what the text said. It was just that, well, you asking her out was kind of weird. The concert, you really want someone to go with... Okay, maybe I could understand... But just asking her out on movie dates?"

Kim coughed before answering, "She's a lot of fun. If she were a guy, I'd be in real trouble."

"Trouble?"

"I'd fall for him in a minute."

"But she's not a guy."

"I know." *Cough* "And that's all that keeps me safe."

"So, no interest in her, romantically, at all?"

"Monique! How can you even ask! Of course not!"

"Just that you asking her out and talking about kissing on the Ferris wheel was–"

"You misunderstood that."

"Okay, sorry to bother you. Hey, plenty of rest and lots of fluids."

"Thanks."

The call partially eased Monique's mind. Surely Kim would have told her if there were any kind of romantic feelings for Shego. So, best solution to Shego's crush was to get the older woman out of Middleton as quickly as possible to keep her from getting hurt worse.

Shego drove the brothers to the airport. "Okay, you two are what is known, in airline lingo, as unaccompanied minors. So–"

"What does that mean?" Nelson wanted to know.

"It means we don't have a grownup with us," Steve explained.

"Exactly," agreed Shego. "And it means the airline will be very careful about what they do with you. It's, like, really, really bad luck if you're supposed to go to Mississippi and they accidentally put you on a plane to Ireland. You wouldn't like Ireland. The food's terrible. As far as I know even the Irish don't eat Irish food if they can avoid it. I'll stay with you in the terminal until they start loading. They'll probably take you on first. You got a layover in Dallas, and–"

"Layover?" asked Nelson.

"They stop the plane and we get on another plane."

"They don't stop it in the air," Shego assured the younger brother. You'll land in Dallas. There should be someone to take you to the next gate. If there isn't call me and I will call the airline and give them bloody hell. Monique says you're going to have a bunch of people waiting for you at the airport in Mississippi."

"An' you'll be gone when we get back? I like you," Steve commented.

"And I like the two of you. But you'll come back with your Mom and I need to be out of the way by then."

"Will you see us sometime?" asked Nelson.

"Maybe. I'm really lousy at predicting the future."

At the gate Shego knelt down to give her final instructions as a flight attendant came to escort the brothers onto the plane. "I have to worry about you until you're in Mississippi. Once you're there you've got uncles and aunts and cousins and your dad to worry about you. Stay together in Dallas. Don't play hide and seek with the flight attendant, it annoys them. Have fun."

The younger brother gave her a big hug, then took the flight attendant's hand and left.

Shego waited at the terminal until the plane departed, then texted Monique, 'Safely off'.

Monique responded, 'Good. Get red wine 4 dinner tonite.'.

'We're having wine for dinner?'

'Herd red wine goes w steak.'

Shego considered asking if the liquor store had a brand of wine called Herd, but settled for a red that came with a wonderful combination of high rating and moderate price.

As she paid she asked, "Temperature? I hear there's tons of debate on the subject."

"Not here there isn't," the clerk told her, "our designated expert has all the answers." She shouted, "Theo! Temperature on a hearty red?"

"Sixty to sixty-five.* An hour in the fridge before serving."

"See," the clerk explained, "an easy way to avoid debate. If you have a question on imported European beers I'm the store's designated expert and everyone else is required to agree with me."

Before heading for the Y Shego stopped at the apartment to change, and puzzle about the wine. How much did the temperature matter? Put it in the fridge now, and it would be cooler than the expert advised. Wait until she got back and it wouldn't have time to chill properly. "Wine snobs are nuts," she thought and put a note on the bottle instructing Monique to put it in to chill when she got off work.

Shego returned from the Y and inhaled deeply as she entered the apartment, "Honey, I'm home... It smells great in here. What's up, Kate?"

Monique came out of the kitchen, in a nice outfit, "Would that be the dinner that smells so nice, or me?"

The green woman frowned slightly, puzzled. "Okay..." she said slowly. "I know I'm in the right apartment. Do you have some hot date lined up? Do you want me to go watch a movie for a couple hours or something? I can find a place to crash tonight if he's really special."

"This is for you," Monique told her and gestured for Shego to come see the table, with the company china and silverware and candles in place.

"Table looks lovely. You look great. Food smells terrific. Can you give me a clue?"

"I'm paying my debt so you can go back to Drakken."

"Debt?"

"I owe you more than fifty kisses. I'm supposed to wine and dine you first, but I can't order wine and it's cheaper to buy a really good steak and cook it here than spend a fortune at a restaurant."

"Something stinks here... I mean that figuratively, I... Why are you doing this?"

"You've been saying Drakken's after you to come back. It's been selfish of me to keep you here watching my brothers. Selfish of me, wonderful of you. Now that Steve and Nelson are gone we have sex, and you go back to Drakken."

"You're that anxious to get me back with Drakken?"

"You said when you came you'd go back to him. I feel like I'm holding you back."

"And that still doesn't make sense. But right now we're going to enjoy the dinner and see if the bottle of wine deserves its rating. Then we'll get comfortable and–"

"Have sex so you can go?"

"If I really thought you wanted to make love I'd be flattered as Hell, but I feel like you're doing it to get rid of me. I'm feeling like we're friends and–"

"Friends pay each other what they owe."

"Drop it, Kate. Let's enjoy dinner. I'm hoping half a bottle of wine will get the truth out of you and I won't need to use extreme interrogation techniques."

Dinner was wonderful. "That steak would have been fifty bucks at the restaurant. Was that rice thing something your Dad taught you?"

"Yeah. Like it?"

"Everything's wonderful. And the guys who rated the wine nailed it. This is good."

"I've got kind of a buzz."

"Half a bottle of wine can do that to a lightweight. Leave the dishes. Now we go lie down on your bed."

Monique hesitated a second, then undid a button on her blouse.

"Leave your clothes on," Shego instructed her. "We're just going to talk. And we're doing it on your bed in case the wine puts you to sleep."

Shego stretched out on one side of the bed, Monique on the other.

"Let's start by clearing the air," Shego told her. "I'm going to be honest, then I expect you to be honest. I never intended to have sex with you. I was going to be here maybe two weeks before I went back to Drakken. I was playing with your head when I said I could exchange fifty favors you would owe me sex. It wasn't going to happen. Then, well, you know, my stay got extended a lot longer than I planned."

"Wait a minute! You had me all– And you never intended to have sex with me? It was just a joke? I don't know whether I should feel relief or rejected."

"Okay, let me amend that a little. When I said 'fifty favors and you owe me sex' I was kidding. When you took it seriously I switched over to, 'She's hot. This could be fun.' Does that make you feel any better?"

"Maybe."

"Oh, remember that day you were tickling me?"

"Yeah."

"If your brothers and Ron hadn't been sitting there right then I'd have really given your downstairs neighbor something to really complain about."

"I was just kidding around!"

"I figured that out later. At the moment I thought you were coming on to me. Now, I've been honest with you. I want to know what's really going on."

Monique sighed, "I... I agreed to have sex with you. I've had it in my head it was going to happen. And I owe you! You've done so much for me, for my brothers, for my mom. You've done stuff for my aunt by letting Mom stay and help her, and you don't even know my aunt. I figure I owe you so much that this is the least I can do."

Shego looked thoughtful, then made a humming noise and announced, "My built in truth-o-meter, patent pending, says that's not the whole story."

The black woman took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Okay, I'm worried about you feeling really hurt and rejected when Kim says no. I'm offering myself as a consolation prize. Accept your prize now and go back before you hear Kim say she's not interested in you that way at all."

"You would make a wonderful consolation prize, but I'm not accepting a consolation prize yet. And if Kim tells me to drop dead... There was some album of an old Broadway musical my dad used to play... Some song with a line about 'without a hurt the heart is hollow'. Maybe Kim turns me down. And I get depressed. She's still the person I've wanted to make love with more than anyone in my life."

There was a moment of silence. Shego glanced over, wondering if Monique had fallen asleep. The black woman had a frown, as if thoughtful or fighting the urge to say something, and Shego had another thought. "Is this about me, or Kim?" she demanded.

"About Kim?"

"Yeah. Kim's your friend. You don't want her hurt either. You think she's falling for me and you want me out of town? That's... Or you offer me sex, tell Kim, and figure that will keep her from... This is about Kim as much as me, isn't it?"

"I... I guess so. I know what's going on in your head. I don't know what's going on in Kim's head."

Shego sighed, "And so, you figure sex with me would be what's best for me and Kim both, huh? How about yourself?"

"Myself? You mean helping my friends?"

"I mean, you might have liked it too... Look, Kim shoots me down; maybe I can take you on as wing-man."

"Wing-man? Was he a DC character?"

"No, that's Hawkman. Wing-man is a throws-himself-on-the-hand-grenade best buddy."

"I don't like the job description."

"Not exactly. Two guys in a bar. They spot two chicks having after-work drinks. One is gorgeous, so alpha-male tells wing-man to play border collie. He'll go over and separate the plain-looking friend from the gorgeous girl – ask her to dance or something. This allows alpha-male a clear shot at gorgeous girl."

"I don't know if border collie is exactly what–"

"I do recall, back when you thought I really was demanding sex, that you offered to try and set me up with someone nice as a substitute for crawling into bed with me."

"Fine," Monique agreed. "I'm wing-man for your alpha-male."

"A new dynamic duo," Shego laughed, "the sidekick in my quest to fascinate someone gorgeous." Shego held up her fist, offering a fist bump.

Monique accepted the offer. "But you're still trying for Kim first?"

"Yeah. Oh, piece of good news for my wing-man."

"I'd like one."

"In the romance movies? More than half the time gorgeous-girl turns out to be air-head or klutz, and the plain Jane turns out to be witty, rich, or a genius, or all the above."

*Kim Possible is set in America, so temperatures will be in Fahrenheit. In the rest of the world a hearty red is ideally served 15° - 18°

The song Shego quotes a line from is Try to Remember, from the world's longest running musical, The Fantasticks, which enjoyed a 42 year run beginning in 1960. Shego's memory was a bit faulty in calling it a Broadway production, it ran off-Broadway. Quite likely the album her father played so often was from an original cast recording.