Happy early birthday Helenelenlenenn!

Today kids, we learn about Castiel! Yayy! *gross sobbing from writing chapter*

"Welcome to my house," Dean announced as we walked through the threshold.

I looked around and took it all in. There were pictures of Dean and Sam at different ages and family photos hung on the wall. Little trinkets were scattered across the room in a neat way, suggesting a feminine presence. The house had a warm, homey feel to the place. I felt like there was another presence that was absent from my own home.

I smiled, "I like it."

"Come on," he said, holding his hand out. I took it as he led me upstairs. He opened the door to his room and pulled me over to the bed. We sat down, him sitting a few inches away. I made a face and pulled him next to me.

"Are you ready to talk about it?" he asked carefully, placing his hand on my knee and giving it a slight squeeze. I turned my body so I was sitting criss-crossed, facing him.

I sighed heavily before starting,"so, on Saturday, Alastair took me to some bonfire Meg was having..."

"I'm gonna kill that bastard," Dean muttered.

I shook my head, "it's not gonna help anyone. He didn't even do anything."

"But he was gong to, Cas. He was going to..." he stopped, looking down. "during lunch one day, he said he was going for you because you were innocent or some shit. He was gonna 'use it to his advantage.'"

"He would've been too late," I said under my breath.

"What?"

"He just... He wouldn't've been the first one," I said, almost inaudibly.

"What?" he repeated, louder now.

I looked up at him through my lashes, "you can't tell anyone. I don't care if we break up after this, you have to promise me you won't tell."

"Cas, I-"

"-Dean, promise me," I told him sternly, my voice quivering slightly.

"Okay, I promise," he said quickly.

I opened my mouth but no sound came out. He took my hand and gave it a squeeze.

I took a deep breath and kept my eyes on our interlaced hands, "It happened a while back. I was at some party, I don't even know why. I hate parties but for some reason, I went to this one. I forgot who I went with but I ended up talking to this guy... Raphael," I muttered, the name burning on my tongue.

"He was smart but I couldn't see myself in any sort of relationship with him. He was like my brother or something.

"He would get us drinks and we would talk about stupid stuff like the state of the world. He was religious to a pretty extreme extent but I guess he was a pretty relatable guy but I disagreed with a few of his viewpoints.

"I realized how late it had gotten and I was in no shape to drive. Which was weird because I had only had maybe three or four drinks and it was supposed to be hard lemonade. The weak stuff that you don't actually feel unless you had an entire box.

"Raphael offered to drive me home. I feel so stupid for saying yes," I said closing my eyes, "I woke up the next morning with a pulsing headache. I-I looked around and I realized that I . . . I was naked in this trashy motel room. Alone," I choked out the last words. Tears were beginning to brim at the bottom of my eye and slightly blurred my vision but I fought them back.

"Throughout the day, I would have flashes of the night before. I could feel his weight on me, smell his stench, hear his breath in my ear," I shuddered, "by the end of the day, I had broke down crying and I locked myself in my room for the next few weeks. My brothers had tried to figure out what was wrong but I wouldn't tell them. I wouldn't tell anyone. What good would it have been? I didn't know Raphael. He could be from a different state, hell he could be from a different country. So I never said anything or told anyone. It was my own personal demon..."

I looked at Dean, trying to register his emotions, "I get it if you want to break up. Everyone has their baggage. Mine happens to be that I'm tainted-"

"Don't," he snapped, "don't you dare say that, Cas. What happened to you, that wasn't your fault."

"Yes it was, Dean. I was stupid enough to get in a car with a complete stranger!"

He shook his head, "your judgement was clouded. He spiked your drink or something."

"Exactly!" I cried, the tears finally falling, "I was stupid enough to trust him. I took drinks from him and guess what? He took something from me!" I sobbed, curling in on myself.

I could feel him look at me before I felt his arms wrap around me carefully. He pressed his lips against my temple, resting his head against mine.

"Why didn't you tell me we knew each other?" he asked quietly. I turned my look at his bowed head.

"If we had just stuck together, I could've protected you."

"What are you talking about?" I asked through choked sobs.

He looked at me with a solemn expression, "my mom told me about the summer we were six and you were blond or something, and we played together but then school started and you dyed your hair back and I was such an idiot because I thought you moved. I forgot you."

I shook my head, "you didn't forget me. You were preoccupied with your newfound friends."

"Well why didn't you say something?" he asked.

"You were happy," I shrugged wiping tears away.

He shook his head, "for years, I was off living this apple pie life while you were going through hell, Cas."

"And you were happy," I told him again.

"So what? Was this a "if you love something let it go" kind of thing?" he said, moving back.

I looked him straight in the eyes, "Yes."

He stopped then. He stared at me, his brows knitting together before shaking his head and leaning back against the wall in defeat, "you should get some rest. You look exhausted," he suggested, dropping the subject altogether.

I nodded silently. He held his hand out. I took it and he pulled me into him, wrapping his arms around me once more. I lay my head on his shoulder and let my eyelids fall.