#11: Of Comic books and Codenames
Summary:
"You will address me as Eagle 1" Lance flashes a flirtatious smile to the rest of his teammates.
Hunk takes a deep breath, "Lance, please close your mouth before you say anything else."
"Yeah maybe zip the lips together too." PIdge adds.
Disclaimer: I do not own Voltron - Legendary Defender
A/N: Next chapter is going to take a while. Life just became more difficult since school decided to roll around! Nevertheless, I thank you all for your support! When I see a notif of someone favouriting, following or reviewing I smile like an idiot it's embarrassing. You all are too sweet.
TIME: 17:02PM - EARTH TIME
LOCATION: DETEA - PLANET
"I'd be lying if I haven't thought about it! Watch out!"
"Lance, please, I know I gave you the green light for this, but isn't it hard for you? Just refer to me by my given name!"
"No can do! No names on the field! That's the first rule in superhero work!"
"Lance, we aren't superheroes!" Pidge yells at the top of their lungs before hacking a Galra door open. "Ah Shit."
Another wave of attacks - courtesy of Galra sentries - cause Pidge to double backwards to hide behind Shiro.
"Eagle two!" Lance exclaims, positively damaging the red paladin's hearing considering how close the two were standing.
"Lance I swear to god!" Keith grumbles, "what's wrong with just calling us by our names?"
TIME: 07:28AM - EARTH TIME
LOCATION: LANCE'S BEDROOM
"Pidge you can't just crawl into my room via vent all the damn time."
"That's the greatest joke of the century." The green paladin retorts. "I'm here because I finished reading The Comics."
Lance's eyes shoot open, the brightest smile present on his face. Pidge is certain it's the same face he made when he got his first astrology book on Christmas when he was five. Pidge doesn't know how much of that was true, but Hunk seems like a reliable source.
"There are over 900 issues," Pidge explains, "and it'll ruin your life." Lance scoffs at the statement. "It's not funny" Pidge snaps, "and I'll send it to you because I don't like the idea of you using my laptop."
Lance gasps, "Pidge, I thought we were friends?"
"Acquaintance seems like the better word."
A knock on the door from a sleepy Keith indicates that breakfast is ready if Lance wants it. The pair walk outside and trail behind Keith to the dining room. Hunk is face flat on the table, and Shiro is helping Coran distribute the food. Allura is yet to be seen, but Shiro predicts she's in the cockpit setting a route for the castle. Coran sits the paladins down before going to look for the princess.
Hunk is stirring, the voice of Lance and Pidge discussing eagerly is something he tends to wake up to every morning back at the Garrison
"-are over so many characters in the series, you practically have to name them with your own nicknames." Pidge says.
"Dude, I'm the best at picking nicknames."
"I don't even know half the names of the crew from the Rebellion. I can't even remember the actual names of Dress Casual Detective, Holmes Wannabe, Discount Winter Solider because the arm, and Alcoholic Gunman." Pidge says, their eyes glued to the pages of said comic on their laptop.
"Ohhh dude, this kid looks pretty cool." Lance praises, "Love his choice of combat uniform."
Hunk blinks dumbly. What are they even talking about. What Alcoholic Gunman? Did they know them? Are they from the Blade of Mamora? They didn't have detectives though...not that he knew of. Maybe Keith would know.
Unfortunately Keith is also looking at the pair like they were insane. Although Keith was accustomed to getting up early and dealing with an extremely giddy Lance, such a pumped Lance at this hour was unholy. His ears were ringing from his squeals and Pidge's rapid-fire explaining of whatever the hell they were looking at. Keith looks over to Shiro, to his surprise Shiro is smiling fondly at the blue and green paladins. Keith's eyes meet Hunk's sleep deprived ones, although tired and seemingly blank, they hold the same confusion Keith's does.
"OH OH OH AND WHEN YOU GET TO ISSUE 179, DUDE, DUDE YOU WON'T EVEN. YOU CAN'T EVEN COMPREHEND WHAT HAPPENS!" Pidge screams with hands gripping in Lance's shoulders, shaking him. Keith scoffs at the sight of Pidge shaking Lance, he looks too much like a limp noodle.
"AND ISSUE 243 IS EVEN WORSE."
"Why is everyone yelling in the morning." Allura raises an eyebrow, Hunk sighs and plants his face on the table once more. Shiro is done with breakfast and he puts the dishes in the sink, he ruffles both Lance and Pidge's hair before nodding to Allura, excusing himself.
Allura looks to Keith for answers, the red paladin shrugs. The princess opens her mouth to ask her youngest (and possibly high) paladins, before a squeal from said Paladins break her trail of thought. Hunk jerks up and falls off his chair, a sharp 'ow!' accompanying the thump. Coran chuckles, "Quite the energetic morning, don't you agree, princess?" Allura only smiles forcibly, and nods uncertainly.
Keith's eye starts to twitch at the loud paladins. One peaceful morning is all I'll ever ask for…
"OH AND LONG HAIR BLOND BOND IS JUST THE BEST!"
I should've never left that shack.
"And this guy, well, he's a prick but he's one of the good guys. I just call him Cactus™." Pidge explains.
"Cactus?" Lance questions, eyebrow slightly raised and the top left of his lips quirking up ever so slightly, clearly intrigued by his friend's choice of nicknames.
"Yeah. Because he's such a fucking prick. I honestly would not be able to tell the difference between this asshole of a human being and a cactus from the deserts of Cali and Nevada."
"Long hair blond bond?" Keith says, head cocked to the side, "Cactus t-uh-m?"*
"Hush, Mullet-Man, you will never understand our passions." Lance says with a sort of pride Keith doesn't really recognise.
"Yeah, I really don't understand giving weird nicknames like 'Mullet-man' or 'Cactus t-uh-m'* to other people. Fictional or not." Keith says shaking his head, he pulls Hunk up from his chair and walks out the kitchen.
Lance and Pidge are silent for a moment before both simultaneously open their mouths : "Cactus t-uh-m?"
A roar of laughter sends a chill down Coran's spine - and he's far away from the kitchen. He chuckles and continues cleaning the castle. The paladins of Voltron had always amused him, regardless of which generation of paladins, they all had somewhat similar personalities to his old friends, and yet, so different. Nevertheless, Coran is happy to hear the castle alive with laughter.
TIME: 14:24PM - EARTH TIME
LOCATION: COCKPIT
A distress call was sent from a nearby planet heavily occupied by the Galra. They've taken up almost 80% of the planet, transforming it into some type of base. Allura reckons that it's for gathering raw materials or resources, perhaps a similar situation to what they've done to Shay's Balmera. (Hunk's ears go pink at the mention of a certain balmeran)
Four of the paladins are suited up, waiting in the cockpit for their residential drama queen the one and only, Lance McClain. Allura sighs at Lance's tardiness as Shiro taps his feet rhythmically, as if trying to distract himself. Hunk and Pidge wear similar bored expressions while Keith groans at the absence of their final paladin.
Before Keith can decide whether he should march to Lance's room and drag him out to the cockpit or just try to fly two lions at once, Lance slides in, eyes wide and slightly red. He's wearing the biggest smile on his face and he makes a beeline for Pidge and says "dude. We're practically superheroes."
Allura's head tilts sideways with confusion, if you looked close enough, you would see a seemingly invisible question mark hanging around her head. Shiro closes his eyes and breathes in and out. Keith's right eye twitches.
Hunk sighs, "Lance," he starts, "why were you late?"
Lance smiles "I've just finished issue #52, wow my life is such a wreck, but you know what?"
"Wha-"
"WE'RE PRACTICALLY THE SAME AS THE PROTAGONISTS OF THE SERIES! ALL WE'RE MISSING IS WEIRD-ASS NICKNAMES-"
"Aliases." Pidge clarifies.
"FOR THE FIELD!"
"Field?" Keith repeats. Lance nods enthusiastically.
"Everyone knows rule#1 is no names on the field, duh, Keith."
Pidge sighs and steps up to Shiro, Allura and Keith (and Coran at the back), "I apologise for having the rest of you see Mr McClain at this state of instability, trust me, this is a normal reaction, however I do not have an estimate of how long this would last."
"What were the symptoms?" Shiro asks, playing along, "How did this come to be?"
"Well," Pidge clears their throat, "If you see Mr. McClain seemingly high on oxygen, put him in his room, preferably without technology. What you are witnessing is an aftereffect of a comic book series published on Planet Earth. I have introduced Mr. McClain to said series and now he's high from it. Which is normal, as I have mentioned before. His adrenaline is higher than usual, also expected of, and he may say things that will lower the IQ of the galaxy we are travelling in. Please forgive him, he has little to no self control at the moment."
"I think you mean all the time." Hunk mutters as Lance is clung to his leg.
A gasp is heard from Lance, "I've made nicknames for all of you!"
Pidge groans, "They're called ALIASES."
Lance shakes his head violently, "No, they're nicknames, like you give those characters nicknames! Remember? Dress Casual Detective, Holmes Wannabe, Discount Winter Solider and Alcoholic Gunman! Cactus™ and…and…"
"Long Hair Blond Bond?" Keith offers.
"YES!" Lance shouts.
Shiro decides that they've delayed the mission long enough and sends them to their passageway to their respective lions. Pidge only slightly regrets introducing Lance to The Best Comics Ever In The Universe, but then again, having another fan on a ship of seven people sounds better than none. Keith is overly exhausted, usually he can function properly without sleeping but the thought of dealing with Lance McClain being high on oxygen sucks the life out of him. Hunk is worried about his two best friends. Although he and Lance weren't too close with Pidge, when the two find a common interest, nothing good ever happens. He's surprised that the staff at the Garrison even grouped the three together, because one Hunk isn't enough to control two maniacs that get high on smelling newly unwrapped comic books.
TIME: 14:58PM - EARTH TIME
LOCATION: URKSILE - PLANET
No one finds it surprising anymore when the paladins of Voltron manage to get in an intense battle in a matter of about ten to twenty minutes. It's almost expected of them to pick fights with Galra upon their arrival now.
Lance hasn't been any quieter, he rambles on and on about a series that no one else has any clue about. Occasionally dropping in names like "Discount Batman" and "Was-Chill-But-Then-Wasnt-Chill-Girl". The only two people talking on the intercoms are Pidge and Lance. Shiro is somewhat convinced Keith's hard of hearing or completely deaf now and is just worried Hunk isn't too distracted to fly Voltron into the forest of gigantic trees surrounding them.
Keith tries to get a word in to tell Lance to shut up, but is always cut off or dismissed by the two residential crazed fans. Shiro only sighs at the two Paladins as they bicker back and forth about a comic book series even Shrio himself hasn't heard of. That's near to impossible - not that he'd admit it aloud. The only living being that knows of his secret obsession with graphic novels, superheroes and such is Matt Holt. Only god knows where in the universe he is now.
"Paladins, great job! Could do with less talking, but we've gained ourselves a new ally!" Allura informs.
Shiro internally thanks the fact that he's managed to pull through flying Voltron on his Auto-Pilot mode. He's also very proud that Team Voltron is so in sync he no longer needs to shout orders every two seconds.
TIME: 16:35PM - EARTH TIME
LOCATION: DETEA - PLANET
"The Galra station here isn't as impressive as the one back in Urksile, as Coran debriefed." Shiro reminds. The Paladins are sat in the seating area of the Green Lion. Hunk anxiously waiting for their arrival, hand to hand combat always scares the living soul out of him.
"Hey Pidge," Lance starts, "you know what this planet reminds me of?"
Hunk can practically feel Pidge smirking despite not having a visual on them.
"DETEAR-TION KID!" The blue and green paladin scream in utter synchronisation.
"How did you? Oh...the first half of the name. Yep. Got it." Hunk says lamely.
"For a kid so badass given that he can beat the living shit out of Alcoholic Gunman, DETENTION IS THE THING THAT MAKES HIM CRY? IM WHEEZING." Lance exclaims.
Keith groans and lets his head fall on Shiro's shoulder, Shiro takes this as a cry for help.
"Okay, you two need to set your priorities straight." Shiro says.
"Actually-" Lance starts, but Shiro's deadpanned face cuts him off.
"The mission is our top priority, I can't have any of you being distracted and get hurt. That goes for all of you, by the way."
A chorus of 'yes, dad' is heard. Coran is chuckling at the paladin's reactions on the other side of the intercoms.
"Honestly though," Keith says, voice a little more rougher than usual. Hunk hopes he isn't feeling under the weather - whatever weather is supposed to be on this particular planet. "Why are you so obsessed with making nicknames for fictional people? They're fictional."
Lance chokes and sends himself coughing and gasping for air. "YOU!" Lance says, his index finger just 5cm from Keith's forehead, "you don't get to decide what's fiction and what's not!"
"Oh?" Keith challenges. It is now Shiro's time to groan in frustration.
"Yeah! This coming from you? Mr. 'I'd Marry Mothman If I Could'?" Lance says accusingly.
"Enough with the nicknames!" Hunk pleas. Lance mutters a small sorry to his bestie, before turning back to Keith, who is surprisingly silent after Lance's new nickname. Normally he'd speak up about it, or deny Lance's claims.
Oh. Oh. Lance knows what's going on.
"I see, okay, Keith, I know what's got your briefs in a twist." Lance says smugly, leaning backwards coolly and folding his arms.
Pidge's "how do you know he wears briefs instead of boxers?" Doesn't go unnoticed as Lance's ears turn pink. His face is unnaturally relaxed though.
"You're just jealous Pidge and I didn't make new nicknames for you!"
Keith splutters, "Why would I ever be jealous of that?"
"Approaching drop off"
"I don't know, but something tells me you want attention!" Lance says, an evil expression gracing itself on Lance's face.
Keith rolls his eyes. Shiro and Hunk exchange glances.
"You guys are gonna get kicked off Green in 5 ticks." Pidge says. The Paladins stand. "4." Shiro makes his way to the opening. "3." Keith takes his place behind Shiro as Lance and Hunk follow. "2." Lance cracks his neck, while Keith his knuckles.
"1."
Helmets on. Door opens. The four Paladins jump, jet packs blazing, the gravity of this planet pulling them down faster than they expected. But the thrill of it made them more alive, maybe except Hunk. The poor guy was screaming.
An idea strikes Lance's brilliant mind. "From now on, we will have codenames. It is crucial for us to not use each other's given name as we are now on the field." Hunk stops screaming, mission Distract My Best Friend is a success! Kinda. "You will all address me as Eagle One." Lance says, flashing a flirtatious smile to his falling teammates.
Hunk takes a deep breath between his panicked panting, "Lance, please close your mouth before you say anything else."
"Yeah maybe zip the lips together too." PIdge adds. "I've parked Green. Hacking into Galra station now."
"Good work, Pidge" Shiro comments.
The Paladins land semi-gracefully. Lance forgot to shut off his jet pack hence falling face first, but he bounces back up within a blink of an eye. They casually stroll around the evacuated town, looking for clues of exactly what this planet used to be. Pidge finishes downloading intel on the nearest station and meets up with the rest of the Paladins.
"Okay, I guess this hut is safe." Shiro says as he locks the door. There place is a mess, papers and withered plants sprawled on the floor. Dust collecting on every other object in sight. The ceiling is a little low, but this hut was the only place inconspicuous enough to hide for now. Pidge debriefs them on the structure of this station, and what it's transporting. Surprisingly it's the food supply for a quarter of Zarkon's ships. The population that used to inhabit the planet have decreased in the last however many years, and intel says they're either slaves or hiding underground (although it fails to specify where).
After Pidge and Shiro have finished giving out the mission details, Lance clears his throat. "I wasn't kidding when I said we should use codenames."
Shiro smiles and pats him on the back. "Sure, Lance. Just...make sure we know who it is you're referring to."
"All right!" Lance says, rubbing his hands together. "You all know I'm Eagle One. My right hand," he says pointing to Hunk, "Been There Done That."
"That's just rude, Lance." Keith says.
"Keith! My buddy, my man!" Lance says, "Currently Doing That." He winks before Shiro and Pidge high five. Keith turns as red as his suit before muttering a soft "fuck you." Hunk smirks at Shiro as the black paladin mouths 'I'll pay you later'
Back on the ship Coran hands over some cheese they'd bought on their last shopping trip to the mice, and returns Allura's confiscated sparkly scrunchie with a sigh. Must Lance do this while everyone was listening? Many of them placed bets and had much to lose!
Coran also makes a side note on reminding the princess when she should and shouldn't be wearing the scrunchie. The rare moon gems could blind a person and wearing such an accessory at a meeting with the Blade of Mamora or a meeting with councilmen of other planets would not be ideal.
Pidge's voice comes through the intercoms "Princess, you owe me a couple of technology stuffs."
Allura sighs, "well it's only fair."
"I can't believe you guys made bets." Keith snaps.
"Oh yes! How could I forget our beautiful princess? Allura, sweetie, If I Had To Pick A Chick." Lance says proudly.
"Gross." Pidge whispers. Hunk giggles. Shiro raises an eyebrow at the blue paladin.
"Coran!" Lance shouts into his mic. The mice and the ginger Altean jump at the sudden volume. "It Happened Once In A Dream."
"Double gross." Hunk says. Keith nods viciously in agreement.
"Pidge!"
"Oh god no." They mutter.
"Eagle Two."
"Oh thank god."
"Okay Number 3, you're playing favourites!" Coran says.
"And finally, everyone's favourite." Lance says pointing to Shiro, "I'd Be Lying If I Hadn't Thought About It." A wink and several groans later. Shiro sighs, the smallest smile evident on his face.
"Okay guys, lets go." The eldest say. The Paladins spring into action.
TIME: 21:03 PM - EARTH TIME
LOCATION: CASTLE OF LIONS COMMON ROOM
"Could you also fetch me a drink? Currently Doing That?"
"No fetch it yourself" Keith says, taking Shiro's cup for a refill of water.
Lance pouts, but returns to scrolling on Pidge's computer. He's proud to admit that he reads faster than Pidge - but that's because he doesn't have as many mental breakdowns or try to calculate whether the comic was realistic enough like a certain someone did. Certain Someone is perched on the couch next to Lance, tinkering with several Altean devices. Lance tried to get Pidge to talk about them but a mention of the codename 'Eagle Two', Pidge's mouth falls shut, pouts, sighs and ignores Lance. They're not mad at Lance though, or else they wouldn't be in such close proximity, and wouldn't let Lance come 20 meters close to their laptop.
"Don't you think we should drop the codenames, Lance?" Hunk suggests.
"I'm not responding to that."
"You just did, ya idiot." Pidge says.
"Eagle One." Hunk tries again.
"That's better," Lance says, "and well, I suppose we could since we're not on the field."
"I think he meant permanently." Shiro explains, "Although today's mission was a success, it took us twice the amount of time to complete it. Not all of which was due to the incorrect and confusing codenames, but also because we unfortunately underestimated that station. But also, the codenames confused us all."
Lance pouts at Shiro's statement, but the door slides open revealing Keith, Allura and Coran. Coran holding trays of snacks and nicer tasting space juice. The pout is replaced with a smile.
"Keith, babe, should I drop the codenames?"
Keith quickly exclaims a "YES!" Before following up with "please don't call me babe ever again, I will strangle you."
"Sure babe."
Keith only growls.
*Keith trying to pronounce TM was inspired by my friend literally reading it as "t-uh-m"
TO:
The Best Guesst : Oh my gosh you're too sweet! I'm glad that everything has settled down for you! Seeing your reviews really makes my day!
KnightOwl247 : I know right? I gotta say, deaging fics are low-key my guilty pleasure.
Star-The-Writer: Thank you!
Guest: Pidge in the vents is also my favourite thing ever, I feel like they'd use it as their form of transport to avoid other humans, and I relate to that a lot.