The Earth Kingdom Revisited
Chapter 11 - Conversations and Explanations
Ursa and Zuko climbed the hill with Katsu following. When they reached the crest, a devastating sight met their eyes. The ground was littered with broken, burned and bleeding bodies. Piandao stood at the centre of them, looking dazed. Running down the hill, Zuko reached for his friend, silently asking if he was alright.
"I'm fine, Zuko," Piandao stated wearily, meeting the Fire Lord's eyes. "But this," he said quietly, gesturing at the corpses, "this is….."
"I know," Zuko agreed solemnly. "But we had no choice, Piandao."
The sword master nodded in agreement. "Is your mother alright?" he asked, voice concerned.
"Yes, thank Agni. Meng slipped away from the fight. He found her hiding and was just about to kill her when one of his own men, Katsu, killed him instead. He was the guard stationed outside my mom's room. If it weren't for him, my mother would be dead. I owe him."
Ursa and Katsu joined the Fire Lord and Piandao. Their eyes scanned the ground and the bodies covering it. Katsu left the huddled group and wandered among the fallen soldiers, looking for a particular one. He knelt beside a body and said a few mumbled words.
Turning to Zuko, Piandao and Ursa, the young man said, "Most of these men were my acquaintances. This man was my good friend. We were wrong to follow Meng but most of us felt that we had no choice. I have to ride back to Sen Si and tell everyone what happened."
Zuko looked pained. "It was us or them. You understand, don't you?"
"Don't worry, Fire Lord. Everyone saw how crazy Meng was acting before we set off after you. You are not to blame and the rest of the world will see that."
"I'm not worried about all that, right now. How can we help you?" Zuko inquired of the downtrodden man.
"I'll take care of everything. You should get your mother out of here. I suppose you will report these events to your people."
"Yes," Zuko acknowledged. "I have to report what happened here, what Meng did to my mother and what he hoped to gain."
"Of course," Katsu said, nodding respectfully. "Be on your way, Fire Lord. Take good care of your mother. She's a fine woman."
Nodding gratefully in return, Zuko took Ursa by the arm and guided her to an ostrich horse. Piandao followed and they proceeded on their way to the rendezvous town.
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Though they were no longer in danger, Zuko still rode hard. He felt a sudden and distinct longing to see home again, to see Mai. He was sick of the Earth Kingdom.
"We'll ride until nightfall, okay Mom?" he asked Ursa. "Then we'll stop for the night. Hopefully we'll be on that boat home by tomorrow evening."
"Zuko," Ursa whispered in her son's ear. "We need to talk about that."
The Fire Lord turned around quickly, catching his mother's eye. "What's wrong, Mom? It almost sounds like you don't want to go home. It's alright. No one will harm you. You're not banished anymore."
"Stop, Zuko," she implored. "We'll talk when we make camp."
"Fine," he replied, sounding slightly surly.
Ursa smiled to herself. Though Zuko was generally a happy child while she was around, he did have his moments of temper and sullenness. His tone brought her back to those moments. "Some things never change," she thought.
The further they rode the more lush the landscape became. Gone completely now were the dusty, dry and barren hills, covered only with rocks, more rocks and brittle clumps of grass. Palm trees appeared along with large shade trees and intensely green plants with colorful flowers.
"It's lovely here," Ursa observed.
"Hmmm, I suppose," Zuko agreed.
"It is beautiful, Ursa," Piandao said, gazing around approvingly. He had pulled up beside Zuko and Ursa in order to talk. "It reminds me a bit of my home in the Fire Nation. I'll be glad to get back there."
"How long have the two of you been gone?" the former princess asked.
"About two weeks, I suppose, right Zuko?" the sword master replied, looking to Zuko for consensus.
"Yep, that's right," the Fire Lord stated. "Mai's probably wondering what's going on," he added as an afterthought.
"Mai?" Ursa said quizzically. "Do you mean Azula's friend, the quiet, lovely one who had a crush on you? Wait, you had a crush on her too."
"That's the Mai I'm talking about, yes," Zuko replied, his cheeks turning slightly pink. "We're together."
"Together?" Ursa asked.
"I'm going to ask her to marry me, Mom. I love her."
"Zuko….that's, that's wonderful."
"Why do you sound so surprised?" Zuko asked his mother.
"Well, you were always awkward around girls."
"I'll tell you all about us when we stop, okay," Zuko sighed.
"I can't wait," she grinned.
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Evening finally came and the trio came to a stop. They found a good camping spot with a stream nearby and a grove of trees for shelter.
"What can I do to help, Zuko?" Ursa asked her son.
"Don't worry, Mom. Why don't you just relax? Piandao and I have put up these tents many times already."
"Well, if you're sure that you don't need me, I think I'll freshen up in that stream."
"I could use some freshening up too," Zuko agreed. "In fact, I could use a bath," he said, sniffing at his clothing. "Maybe I'll just jump right in after our meager supper."
Ursa walked off toward the beautiful clear stream while Zuko pitched his small tent. He planned on sleeping by the fire and giving his mother the shelter for the night. Piandao busied himself with his tent and then wandered off to gather firewood. Poking around in his bag, Zuko looked at their food supply. He decided on dried fruit cooked with rice. "I don't have much of a choice, do I?" he asked himself. Using the dry wood and bits of brown grass that Piandao brought him, Zuko started a fire and set the rice to boil with the fruit. He also started some mint tea.
Ursa came back from the stream, her hair wet and her face and hands clean. "That feels better," she declared. "I think I was wearing a complete coating of dust."
"Nothing like the palace, is it Mom?" Zuko asked, hoping for some hint regarding his mother's obvious unease about returning home.
"I've been away from there a long time, Zuko. Palace life and all its luxuries is just a memory."
"I understand, Mom. I was away from home for a little more than three years. I was nervous about returning too."
"Please, Zuko, tell me everything that happened after I left."
"Okay," said the Fire Lord, stirring the pot that sat atop the flames. "I'll give you the abbreviated version now and then you can give me your abbreviated story."
Piandao joined them beside the fire. "You don't mind if I listen too, do you?" he asked.
"No, I don't mind," Zuko responded. "Do you, Mom?"
Ursa simply shook her head. "Go ahead, Zuko. I'll serve the food. You talk."
"When I woke up that morning, I thought, or was hoping, that your goodbye was all a dream. But Azula told me in that gleeful way of hers that grandfather Azulon died during the night and that you were gone, just gone. I ran over to D…Ozai and asked him where you were. He said nothing." Zuko's hands were clenched tightly and he tried to keep the pain, still present after all those years, out of his voice.
"Days, weeks, months went by and I still hoped for your return. I was so sad, Mom. I missed you so much. "
Ursa felt that old pang of guilt twist in her gut yet again. Her sad eyes met Zuko's and she nodded, urging him to continue.
"I'm sorry, Mom. The last thing I want to do is make you feel bad. Eventually, Uncle Iroh came home and things were a bit better for me. He gave me firebending lessons and always tried to cheer me up. Azula continued to be brilliant and I, as usual, fell behind. During that time, Mai and I formed a sort of bond. We didn't talk that much but we shared a lot of looks and spent some time together."
Ursa smiled at this sweet little revelation of Zuko's. Her face darkened, however, and she pointed to Zuko's face. "When did that happen?" she asked bluntly.
Zuko sighed. "I was thirteen when 'this' happened," he began, gesturing at his scar. "Uncle Iroh and I were outside the War Room. An important meeting was going on. I tried to get in but the guards blocked my way. I begged Uncle to let me in. I told him that if I was going to be Fire Lord someday, I needed to begin learning. He sighed and let me in the room, warning me that I must not speak."
Zuko took a deep breath and just stayed still for a few minutes. His listeners waited patiently. "I couldn't keep my mouth shut. One of the generals told Ozai of a plan that included sacrificing a whole battalion of Fire Nation soldiers. They were new recruits and this general wanted to use them as bait, as a decoy. I was enraged and spoke up about it. Ozai was very angry at me and said that my outburst showed a complete lack of respect. An Agni Kai was the only way to resolve things. I stupidly believed that it was the old general I would be dueling. But I was mistaken. When I protested against the general's plan, it was the Fire Lord I had disrespected. When I saw that Ozai was my opponent, I was terrified. I apologized and refused to fight him. I couldn't lift a hand against my father. I was his loyal son. I even dropped to my knees crying and begged. But it did no good. He ordered me to fight for my honour and still I stayed on my knees. Finally, he approached me and said that I must learn respect and that suffering would be my teacher. His fist became a ball of fire and he pressed it into my face. The pain was unreal." Zuko shivered at the recollection. "Later, Ozai said that by not dueling him, I showed shameful weakness. My punishment for that was banishment. I was ordered to hunt for the avatar and until I found him, I could not return home or regain my honor."
Zuko paused, taking a long swig of his tea. He looked over at his mother who had tears in her eyes. They began to trickle down her cheeks. Zuko got up from his place by the fire and sat beside her. He took her hand in his. "It's okay, Mom, really it is. I accept the scar now. It's part of me. And that banishment turned out to be one of the best and most important things in my life. Everything worked out in the end."
Still Ursa wept. "Zuko," she cried and pulled her son to her. The young Fire Lord nestled himself in her arms, enjoying her touch and her comfort. He felt like a little boy again, safe in his mother's embrace. They broke apart and Zuko, trying to lighten the mood, offered to make more tea. "It's going to be a long evening," he joked.
Zuko briefly talked of his years searching for the avatar, traveling on that small, slightly decrepit old ship, teaching himself swords and training with Uncle. "Thank Agni Uncle Iroh came with me. I honestly don't know if I would have survived without him." He spoke of their time as refugees, Azula's pursuit of them, and Ba Sing Se, with all of its life changing events."
"So Mai and Ty Lee were with Azula and you and Mai met again after you conquered Ba Sing Se?" Ursa asked.
"Yes," Zuko said, nodding his head. "I wanted to go home and be with Mai and meet Ozai again. But part of me was terrified and wanted to stay put. What if my father didn't accept me? What if the avatar was still alive? Why did I betray Uncle? What would happen to him? All these questions spun round and round my head. But when Azula mentioned that Uncle may not survive the trip home, I made my decision and got on that ship."
Continuing, Zuko told the tale of his first days back home, the anxiety and guilt he felt, the joy he felt when with Mai and finally that fateful war meeting that pushed him to leave the palace and join the avatar and his group.
"He actually tried to kill you as punishment for treason? He shot lightning at you? But you redirected it," Ursa added proudly. "That's another reason I have for thanking Iroh."
"I taught Aang firebending and eventually became friends with everyone. And then Sozin's Comet came. Aang beat Ozai and took away his bending. Katara and I faced Azula. We had an Agni Kai. She was acting so strangely, Mom. She cheated and shot lightning at Katara. I ran in front of it and partially redirected it but it hurt me badly. Katara was amazing. She trapped Azula and then healed me with her waterbending. That's where this came from," he concluded, exposing the star shaped scar on his upper abdomen.
Sucking in her breath, Ursa asked about Azula.
"She lost her mind. That's the only way I can describe it. She lost everything. Mai and Ty Lee, her power and she lost them to me. It all came down to friends and love, Mom. And she has neither. I don't mean to sound heartless. And I'm doing all I can for her. She's in a hospital getting the best care available, the best doctors. A Fire Sage talks with her frequently too. So far, nothing has changed. She just sits and looks out the window. I visit her too, Mom and so does Mai. We're trying. Maybe you could help her," Zuko suggested finally.
"My little girl," Ursa whispered.
"I'm so sorry," Zuko said.
The night wore on and still they talked. Ursa's turn came.
"That night, Zuko, do you remember what I said to you?"
"Yes. You said, 'Everything I've done, I've done to protect you. Remember this, Zuko. No matter how things may seem to change, never forget who you are.' I've never forgotten those words."
"What I said was the truth. The terrible things I did were to protect you. I felt that I had no choice."
"Ozai said that you did treasonous things. I have a pretty good idea of what he meant. But please tell me in your own words," Zuko asked.
"You remember that day, what Azula said to you, right?" Zuko nodded. "What she said was true. Your father was going to kill you. Azulon had ordered him to. Ozai had spoken to his father about becoming next in line to the throne instead of Iroh. Azulon was infuriated at his brashness and insolence and ordered Ozai to kill you, his first born son, so that he could feel the pain that Iroh felt."
"Ozai was perfectly willing to do it. I was shocked and frantic but my instincts took over and I came up with a plan to make your father Fire Lord and save your life. I knew that banishment or even death could be my punishment for my terrible actions if anyone else found out. But it was all worth it to save you, Zuko."
"I always felt that somehow it was my fault that you left. And in a way, it was," the Fire Lord said mournfully.
"NO, Zuko!" Ursa stated emphatically. "You were a ten year old boy about to be murdered by the person whose job it is to protect you. None of it was your fault."
"I understand that, Mom, but I still felt the guilt."
Ursa put her arm around Zuko's shoulders and pulled him close for a hug. "I am truly sorry that you suffered. Now, I need to continue. My plan was simple: Write a decree declaring Ozai the rightful heir to the throne, get Azulon to sign it, kill Azulon."
"There's something I don't understand, Mom," Zuko stated. "Why did Ozai banish you? Did anyone but him know that you killed the Fire Lord?"
"That was your father's cruel punishment for me. I got him the throne and killed Azulon to do it. He got everything he wanted. But, he knew that I did it for you, not for him. That fact enraged him. If I was willing to commit murder to save my son, then I would never see that son again; an ironic twist."
Piandao just shook his head in amazement at Ozai's cruelty while Zuko once again balled up his fists, trying to contain his anger. "What happened after you left," he inquired quietly.
"He put me on a ship headed for the Earth Kingdom. Ozai told me that he wouldn't give any explanation for my disappearance. He believed that people would just assume that I abandoned my family. I arrived in the Earth Kingdom with some money and some belongings. When my money ran out, I looked for work. That's all I've been doing; moving from one town to the next, staying for a few months and moving on. The years sped by. I heard bits and pieces of news, Zuko. I learned of your banishment, for instance, but not of your scar. Meng took me a week ago and that's the story," the former princess concluded.
"I get the distinct feeling that you are reluctant to come home with me, Mom. Why? You will be safe. Mai and I would love to have you in the palace with us. Everything will be fine. I promise."
"Zuko, it's hard to explain. In many ways I'm not that person anymore. I am not Princess Ursa. I'm a killer…"
"Mom," Zuko protested.
"Let me finish, son. I'm a killer. Nothing can change that terrible fact. That palace is no longer my home. I do not belong there. I just can't go home with you, Zuko."
Crestfallen, Zuko's shoulders slumped. He got up from the fire and walked off into the dark.
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Author's Note: Sorry for the dialogue heavy chapter but some things needed to be set straight. Up next is a solution to the problem and a possible Iroh appearance. Piandao will get a bit more action too. He was sort of neglected this chapter. Mai is coming up as well.