Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction.
AN: Man oh man, these chapters just keep getting longer and longer. Haha. Okay so newly aged Jim for you.
Chapter Seven
"Look it's him."
"Now let's not jump to any conclusions." Bones voice grumbled over the hopeful whispers, but the smile could be heard underneath the gruffness, "And if y'all wake Jimmy up I will make sure you feel my wrath. Flu shots are coming up so don't test me."
"He iz not injured, zhat is good sign, yes?"
"It is a fact that is as gratifying as it is alarming."
"How iz this bad?"
"I think Spock is trying to say that it all seems a'lil anticlimactic. Seeing as we found Jim turned into a child, and all. Add to that we had been warned that Jim wouldn't be able to handle what happened to him. They changed him so that he could cope with whatever happened to him. Why would they go through all that effort just to have him returned good as new?" Bones clarified and all the members in sickbay turned to the sleeping captain.
To all eyes, Jim looked back to normal. He was the right size once more and seemed to be back to the captain they knew and loved.
However, it was a concern because he appeared to be in perfect condition. There were a few bruises but they had practically faded away, and thus had to be a week or older.
"God, Bones…go talk elsewhere….m'head is killin' me…" Jim grumbled silencing the crew as he shifted rolling on the small bed to throw the pillow over his head.
It was the first time he moved in days and the relief of the crew seemed to drain all the tension from the room.
"Well, how 'bout you roll on over and I'll see if I can fix your headache." Bones replied softly moving to the bed to push at Jim.
Jim allowed himself to be rolled over, the pillow flopping to the ground with the action. He blinked slowly only to wince at the light.
"Seriously…Bones I think I drank too much or something." Jim grumbled, "This is the definitely the last time we talk our shit out over drinks…" He huffed and tried to push up, his eyes opening again to try and take in his surroundings. The actions were sluggish and he seemed slightly disoriented.
"Take it easy Jim, don't push yourself. Beside the headache, is there anything else bothering you?" Bones asked as Jim blinked more. He pushed meekly at the younger man's shoulder but Jim seems determined to sit up.
Finally upright he tries to get a hold of his bearings.
Jim visibly flinches, as if noticing something and blinks further, going so far as to rub at his eyes. Though the action seemed to be taking quite the effort, it seemed to not accomplish whatever Jim wanted it to.
His eyes scanned the room, looking past the crew first to take everything in around him. His eyes then turn to take in the worried glances of the crew before brushing past them to send an outraged glance at McCoy, a hint of fear hiding deep underneath the surface.
"B-Bones….is this the Enterprise?" Jim breathes out and receives a bewildered smile from his friend.
"Yah kid, your back." Bones states a sigh of relief as he claps a hand on Jim's shoulder squeezing it reassuringly.
However, his smile drops as Jim tenses up almost instantly, and the relieved validation is not received by his friend in the manner he had hoped for.
"What did you drug me and drag me back here? God, Bones! I thought I said I wasn't going to accept!" Jim hissed out not caring who was being witness to his outburst.
Something seemed to click and Bones seemed to finally take notice of the fear and panic beneath Jim's rage. "Shit, okay…you are not back yet." Bones muttered and turned to the crew, "Out! Everyone get out of my sickbay."
All the confused and overwhelmed faces of the crowd turn to those of protests, "Wait, but what does he mean? Accept what? Captain you're back and we all were so worried." Nyota is the first to voice the protest and Chekov happily nods along.
"We vere wery vorried keptin!"
"Not now damn it, this isn't Captain Jim." Bones hisses pushing them towards the door. "I'll explain later, but you all being here is not what he needs right now."
The crew seems reluctant but they leave sending final farewells and good wishes to their captain before the doors slide shut.
Bones turns to see Spock standing idly beside Jim's bedside, and Jim glaring off at the wall; his eyes brimming with hurt and confusion. Seeing as Jim will need more than just a quick discussion, Bones turns to Spock first. "Spock, you too. This doesn't concern you."
"As I have been present for all of the Captain's changes I do not see how this is the case." Spock refutes and turns to look at Jim who only tenses up and turns his gaze further away, "Though, if my presence will only cause distress than I will return to my quarters for some meditation. You may comm for me if my presence is required." Spock states his posture visibly straightening as if returning to his old self.
"Thanks Spock I will." McCoy says and it seems almost out of character as he watches Spock bow slightly before turning to leave.
As soon as Spock is gone, Jim turns his accusing eyes on Bones.
"Alright, you need to calm down and let me explain to you. Because you are not aware of what's going on-" Bones began trying to speak pacifyingly but was cut off as Jim pulls him into the argument anyway.
"God, Bones….captain?" Jim's voice cracks on the word and the hurt is now visibly obvious in those brilliant blue eyes. "I told you I didn't know if I was going to accept or not. C-Captain? I mean really? They all think I'm some god damn hero. What a hero!" He hisses turning his eyes to his lap where his hands bunch forcefully against the sheets. "I used mutiny and forced everyone's hand…so much more was destroyed because of me than saved, and yet it's like I saved the world!"
"You did save the world." Bones huffs recalling this conversation from the first time they had it. It hadn't been pleasant than, and he expected much the same now. "Jim you can't let her words drag you down like this, you know that is not how it is-"
"How can I not? She called me Bones. God, she-she actually took the time to call me. It has been years…I've been in Starfleet for three whole years and just now she realizes this is where I am. What the hell am I even doing? That's what she says. What am I doing?"
Jim pauses to laugh brokenly his voice choking on a sob, "Like it's my fault all over again, that saving Earth is degrading to her. I don't belong in Starfleet, Bones. I knew that…I was just chasing shadows. Like everyone says, I just wanted to prove I wasn't just George Kirk's son. Some broken little boy playing…." Jim's gaze grew cold and distant as the word kept tumbling past his lips, "Can't save my crew…can't save the kids…Sam…my dad…"
"Hey! Hey, Jim that is enough! Snap outta it, kid!"
Jim blinks at Bones' outburst and finally lifts his gaze as if recalling who he had been ranting too. "Why we back on the Enterprise, Bones?" he breaths out, his voice a sad sigh full of dissolution and exhaustion.
"You're the Captain, Jim, and as much as you might oppose to that, you are wrong. This is where you're supposed to be…Where so many people want you to be. Did you not see all those who were standing here for you, waiting for you to wake up? You got people who care 'bout you now kiddo, hell even Spock has been concerned for you. He joined to be your first officer, Jim. On his own request. That's saying something."
Bones said taking a seat and grabbing Jim by the shoulders to get his full attention, "Take your blinders off Jimmy because you no longer have to prove your worth. We are all behind you, because we chose to be—You, James Tiberius Kirk, not your dad's shadow. So you better damn well snap outta this mindset so that I can hug you damn it 'cuz you scare the crap outta me sometimes kid, and I'm just so glad your back and not hurt."
Jim was roughly pulled into a hug and seemed to allow Bones this moment to break down. They stayed like that for hours until finally Bones pulled away and looked up at the younger of the two. "I know you don't remember yet, but I'm so glad this time you aren't hurt."
Jim seemed to be mulling over what to say. He didn't seem to be finished with their earlier conversation, but he was too exhausted to fight more over it and now too wrapped up in what Bone's was saying. He had allowed the hours to pass to try and collect himself and decided to push his earlier concerns to the side for now.
It was obvious that some things were missing from his memory. That in that timeframe he had officially agreed to be captain and during that time had somehow won over not only the entire crew, but had gone so far as to pull Spock in as well.
Than some time recently Jim had been hurt enough to frighten Bones, who had been patching him up for years. Though not even that seemed to be truly bothering him. It was what was slid in among everything else Bones had said. He said he was glad that Jim hadn't been hurt this time. Like he had been waking up often without remembering and each time was a different degree of hurt.
Spock had also mentioned that he had been around for all of Jim's changes.
"Bones." Jim muttered as the two met gazes once more. Jim could see the hope in his friend's eyes and couldn't bear to make matters worse. "I'm sorry I worried you." He breathed out sending his best smile and raising his hand to grasp ahold of McCoy's forearm, squeezing it reassuringly. "Whatever, is going on…I'm sure we'll figure it out."
"Yah, Kid. I'm sure we will." He smiled and ruffled his hair, an action he had recently picked up from being around the younger forms of Jim Kirk and one he apparently hadn't broken yet. "So, you're not going to throw more tantrums about being back on the Enterprise?"
"Not for now, no." Jim muttered wording each word slowly as if testing the sound of it on his tongue. "You want to explain to me why you said everyone was so concerned for me and yet they had all been waiting excitedly after I had woken up? Why you said that you were glad I wasn't waking up this time without being hurt? I mean I know I'm one to find trouble, but this sounded different Bones…what's going on?"
"Perhaps for now you should rest, Jim. I'll grab Spock and we can explain better what's going on." Bones said clapping Jim on the shoulder and going to stand.
Jim reached out and grabbed him, forcing Bones to stop mid sitting up. "Why, Spock?" He asked confused, "I mean I can bypass my own disbelief at him even giving two shits about me, but what does he have to do with this. Why can't you just explain?"
"Jim. This is bigger than you know it, and right now I think we need someone who can explain everything without emotions getting in the way. Add to that Spock has been with you through most of this mess…he's just….he should be here."
Jim's brow furrowed at this but he just shook his head and released his hold on his friend. "Whatever happened to green-blooded hobgoblin?" Jim asked with barely a whisper to the words.
"Things change when you're gone for over a year, Jim. It's because of Spock that you're even with us at all. Add to that your….never mind. Just, we'll explain everything later. Rest for now and let me go comm Spock to come on back."
"Bones."
"Yah, Jim?"
"Just not right away, okay." Jim mumbled and settled back onto the bed, "My mind needs to catch up, I think."
"Alright kid, I'll just let him know that when you wake he should be here."
"Thanks."
"No problem, get some rest." Bones spoke softly and gave Jim's leg a reassuring pat before moving out of the room. Leaving Jim to his thoughts.
AN: Okay sorry I didn't update recently been working on the ending, and I had a mini break through. Came up with a big scene change that will tie everything together better I think. So, I have to rework some of these last chapters to fix it. Plus I have a couple battle scenes I'm struggling with (spoilers sorry). Add to that my break is over so back to college. Life will probably get hectic so I'm trying to type as much of it out as I can now because it'll be hard pressed to find time later.
I'm excited though because I'll still get to keep my original plans for the aftermath of it all. Stick with me because I'm sure it'll turn out pretty great : )
Oh also…things were getting a little angsty and depressing writing this so I wrote a quick oneshot with some Spirk slash. If anyone is interested I am more than willing to post that up to read. Let me know. Also reviews are great and urge me to write more and update sooner. So, review please 3?
I'll maybe even throw in a pre-slash scene between Kirk and Spock at some point in these next few pages….chapter seven is a long one and there are plenty of openings for some leeway with our boys. Till next time. Hope you enjoyed.