Chapter 11

'Being a nice guy isn't a good enough sell Dean. It's just not.'

'Do you remember Sam?'

'Remember what?'

'Everything?'

It wasn't my intention, it was supposed to appeal to him, but my own words hit me like a ton of bricks. There was nothing I could do to stop my eyes from welling up with those Godforsaken tears. Sitting right across the table from me was the body and mind of the kid who meant everything to me. Yet it wasn't him. It wasn't the person I'd helped raised. It wasn't the guy who used to annoy me with his emo crap; always careful not to hurt feelings, too polite to have a joke at some weird dude's expense, never wanting anyone upset in any way. The cold, hard glint in this Sam's eyes had dissolved awhile ago and if he didn't speak, I could see my brother sitting opposite me… but it wasn't him. It wasn't really anybody.

'I remember.' Maybe it was wishful thinking, but I swore something flickered in him. It was a strange combination I thought; memories, but minimal - if any, emotion tied to them. How does one gage anything when that is one's being? How does one break through that? It was time to try once again.

'You remember the time we skipped school and spent all day racing the Davis brothers' old beat up cars around that track?' I asked forcing myself to smile at him.

'I remember not wanting to skip school.'

'And I remember you having a ball man. I'd never seen you smile so wide for so long.'

As he turned his head to the wall, leant his elbow on the table and rested his chin on this hand, I swallowed the brick in my throat. If it meant he didn't have to see me breaking, I would gladly talk to his profile again. 'If dad had've found out…'

'He would've kicked our asses. Stealing cars and taking off alone in the middle of nowhere in a town he didn't really know…' He let out a laugh. 'He would have killed us.'

'You were freaking out thinking the school was going to call him.'

'Can you blame me?'

'And what did I tell you?'

'Not to worry because you'd take the fall for me.' He sighed while I took a second out by glancing up at the ceiling. There was nothing I wouldn't have done for that kid and he knew it. Even if he couldn't feel it, he knew it.

'And what did you tell me?'

'I forget.' He lied quickly. This kind of made me happy. That, as stupid as it sounded, gave me promise. He was reacting. And at the moment, it was all I could ask for.

'You told me you wouldn't let me.'

As much as I would have done anything for him, Sammy was the same with me. We had each other's backs, even back then. There was no way he'd let me get in trouble and take the blame for something he did as well. Not if he knew. Not if he could stand up and take it. He was right; dad would have gone ballistic but every time he did, every time one of us was dealt with by him, we always knew there was someone else standing by who had our back.

I continued when he didn't say another word, 'You were such a strong kid Sam and you never really lost that. Not all the way to the end.'

'I'm stronger now.' He said softly, knowing exactly the kind of response I was going to give.

'Even if that was true, which I don't think it is, you can't really claim that anymore.'

A few seconds of intense silence filled the air giving me an inkling of hope. 'Dean,' He finally turned back to me and spoke. 'Can you please just give me my stuff back?'

'We had a deal.'

'Yeah, well, deals off.'

'No such luck man.' It shocked me right to the core when he didn't stand up and take off. Even full of soul that would be a classic Sam move, but then, when I thought about it I guessed it was still only because I had what he needed and to get it all back, he knew he had to stay. At least he kept his logic, that was something. Something making him stay. It was only a matter of time he'd understand just whose need was greater though, I was confident. So I went on.

'I know what you'd face if you took your soul back and I do understand why you don't want to. I told you myself I wished I couldn't feel anything when I came back. Sometimes I still wish for that. So I'm not denying I wouldn't be the same, but you have to trust me on this Sam. You are strong enough to take it-'

'Dean!' It made me jump when he thumped the table so hard. 'Tell me where my stuff is so I can go and get it.'

'No. You said you would discuss it. It hasn't even been ten minutes yet.'

'Did you walk back here?'

'No.' I lied. The Impala was parked not more than a twenty minute walk away. In thick scrub yes, but knowing Sam he'd find it in a heartbeat. There was no way I could risk him knowing it was so close. He'd be out that door before I could even blink.

'I'll take that as a yes.' The smart ass said and stood up.

It was time to kick it up a gear and bring it all around to where I intended to take it eventually. Much earlier than I wanted, but before I lost him for good, I had to go there.

'You remember that day?' I turned to him just as he took his first step towards the door. 'When you took control of Lucifer?' Again I swallowed. This was hard. Hard for me. I wondered if it was at all hard for him as well. I supposed so when I saw him close his eyes. 'You never really told me. How did you come through?'

'Dean shut up.' He said but didn't move. This told me all I needed to know.

'If you remember anything man, remember what we had.'

And with that he took his second step which this time led him right out the door.

oOoOoOo

I slumped back into the chair and rubbed my forehead as I listened to Bobby's words through the phone. As much as the man knew me, he sometimes just didn't. And it frustrated me. My head was beginning to pound and even though I thought I needed to talk to him about this, it was becoming clear to me that I really didn't. It was doing more harm than good and I wanted off the phone...and now. While I waited not so patiently for a break in his relentless lecture, I massaged the tightness out of my neck and rolled my head back. It was then something caught my eye out the window. To say it surprised me was a collosal understatement, so much so that I had to do a double take. But as plain as day my brother's usual walk was making its way across the car park directly towards our room.

'He's back!' I exclaimed at Bobby and straightened up.

'Already?'

'He didn't find the car.' He had nothing more on him than the clothes he left with.

'Did he have time to?' Bobby asked me.

'Not on foot.'

'Could be a good sign.'

'I doubt it.'

'Call me back. Let me know.'

A total of sixteen minutes had passed since he slammed the door behind him. Sixteen minutes of Bobby telling me it could be time to finally just give up on him and let him go. Sixteen minutes of another kind of hell.

My eyes wouldn't leave the window until the very last second. Once he reached the step, I stood up and he burst through the door.

Our eyes locked and he spoke.

'You know it was you.'

And there it was. The truth. The most joyful truth I'd heard in too long.

'I know.'

He shook his head and with a frown asked: 'Why did you go there?'

'So you wouldn't die alone.'

'But you went up against the devil himself. I wasn't even there then. Not really.'

'You were inside him.'

'He could have killed you… I could have killed you.'

'But you didn't. Your soul came through. You beat him and you saved the world.'

'You did too.' He stated still standing as straight as I was. 'You caring about me and being there saved the world as much as I did jumping into that hole.'

'I know.' I repeated and nodded, feeling those built up tears escape even though I let out a smile.

'So maybe I should care again as well.'

'Maybe you should.'

'And maybe I should be as strong as you.'

'Just be as strong as the old you Sam.' When he gave me his own kind of determined smile, I added. "We beat the devil. We can beat this.'

(To be continued...)