###
"Can I ask you something?"
"Anything," said Will, his eyes blown wide, darting from Sonny's eyes to Sonny's mouth.
"I, uh…can I have your number? Maybe…"
Will's gaze wandered over to his friends, and Sonny looked as well. There were two girls, he recognized vaguely from the party. The one sitting, wrapping herself in a jacket, sprawled on the floor, was clearly still struggling with party-recovery. The other girl sat cross legged next to her, texting. Both were obviously not interested in what Will was doing.
However, the male friend, the shorter, brown haired guy who was sitting on a bench nearby the girls, stared at Will and Sonny so intensely he might have been trying to set them on fire with his eyes. What the hell, wondered Sonny, briefly. He shook it off and looked back at Will.
Will looked back at Sonny, saying nothing.
"No?" asked Sonny,trying to prompt a response from Will.
Complete and utter silence from himl, and Sonny was at a loss. Okay, then. He had perhaps, read way too much into one kiss and a chance meeting at a party.
But Will looked hopelessly at his friends again, who were now getting to their feet and gathering their bags to board the train.
"Will!" called the less hung-over girl while standing with the guy staring them down and extremely-hung over girl. They motioned him over, indicating the train's arrival. Will nodded at them agitated and sharp, and then they started moving towards loading the train without him.
"You gotta go," said Sonny plainly. "They're waiting for you." Oh, for crying out loud. Will wasn't interested in more, Sonny was a fool, and that sums it up, he thought.
"I hope you had a good time," said Sonny. The sadness, seemed to be enveloping him now. ' I am way overtired', he reasoned. He mumbled, 'Enjoy that bagel'. ' Safe trip home.'
Sonny said, "I think I'm gonna leave now."
###
Boarding.
Lugging overnight bag, heavier somehow than it was in the beginning of the trip. Slinging it on the rack, wondering if it fits. It has to fit. It fit on the way here.
Sitting.
Hanging partly in the aisle, next to Gabi, across from T. Hating the scrutinizing eyes on him while fiddling with a closed up bakery bag, getting more won between his fingers as the trip goes on.
Regretting.
Getting further and further away from what he wants. What he could have. What he should have. Wondering, what if.
That's only if Will would have went on the train. He saw it all so clearly in his mind, all the details.
But Sonny said, "I think I'm gonna leave now."
Will, finally speaking, said, "Well, I can't let you go yet."
# # #
"Don't worry about it," Will said to a baffled, speechless T whose questions hung unanswered. The last person he wanted to talk to about anything with was T; he avoided even looking at him as he turned to Gabi.
"I'll explain later," he said to her, but her face said she had a head start. Her hands were fairly full so gave him a one-armed hug and said she'd somehow cover his shift tomorrow at The Pub. If she was still alive, she said with a smile.
"No, I'm fine," he said to a confused Sierra when he went off in the opposite direction, with, in her estimation, a stranger.
"I traded my train ticket now for the latest departure," Will said to Sonny. "For tomorrow."
"Okay," said Sonny, staring at him, almost cautiously, Will thought. "Okay."
# # #
For just a moment he had to think about where he was.
The strong smell of stale beer and the unmistakable ribbed tweed material under his fingers confirmed for him that he had fallen asleep on their living room couch. But he was enjoying someone's lap as pillow and gentle fingers carded through his hair.
He was with Will. Just the thought of him made him feel like knots he didn't know he had inside of himself, were coming loose.
"…but then see, it was all just because he had this awful breakup," said Linnea. "I mean, devastating. He was a mess."
Sonny peeked open his eyes and looked at her. She sat across from them on the rocker, talking to Will.
"That fuckin' asshole Todd, I wanted to kill him. Sonny deserved better than that shit by a mile," confirmed Mark, coming from the kitchen and handing Will a beer for the hand that wasn't in Sonny's hair.
Sonny sat up, blinking in disbelief at his friends.
"Oh, hello," said Will.
"Um, hello. " He said, pleasantly as he could to Will. Already missing the feeling of Will playing with his hair.
He looked sternly at his friends. "For future reference, I'd appreciate if everyone refrained from talking about me behind my back. " Linnea should particularly stop, seeing as it had not worked out well in the most recent past, with this exact person, actually.
"Oh, not behind your back, you were right there," said Mark. "We were just letting Will know what's he got himself into." He smiled pleasantly at Will and at Sonny.
Sonny tried to ignore his roommates. "I'm sorry I fell asleep," said Sonny to Will. "I can't believe I did that."
"Well, that's what you get for waiting around since 6 am in a train station. I didn't mind. I slept some, too, just woke up before you."
Sonny had driven the two of them back from the train station, an almost wordless ride. Will ate half the bagel and offered the other half to Sonny; out of the corner of his eye he noticed the satisfied smile on Will's face as Sonny took a bite.
Sonny was not at all surprised to find that the amount of cleaning Mark and Linnea had done for the many hours he had been gone had been almost none. They were just getting started trying to clear the front porch, street and front yard of the party litter. Sonny and Will immediately helped and the four got the outside clean fairly fast. Inside was a bit more of a challenge.
They cleaned some, but then quickly decided to take a break. Will and Sonny sat on the couch, talking about everything from how hung over Will's friend was exactly, to what the one beer delivery guy at the pub is like—even funnier than the bread guy, it turns out—to what other bands they both liked. Sonny had been telling Will about his Econ class, and a paper that he had to be working on, and that must have been his mistake. Econ was so dull, he put himself to sleep.
Now that they were both up, the four of them ordered some pizza. A handful of friends dropped by and they ate, talked, laughed and played cards. He loved how easily and seamlessly Will blended with his friends. They played Hearts and Bullshit, but when a game of Miox broke out, Sonny decided they should break away from the group.
"If you guys would just tell me the rules, I'm sure I would have figured it out," said Will, playfully arguing with him.
"That's the thing. You're not allowed to tell anyone the rules, that's supposed to be rule number one. You just have to play to figure them out. And also, they change. But I shouldn't have told that. I've said too much, already."
Will poked him in his side. "If I ask you to tell me how to play, you'd tell me wouldn't you? Break all the rules for me, right?"
Sonny smiled broadly. How could he not, when Will was so incredibly gorgeous. "Yeah, I would." Then Sonny traced a finger along Will's hand and looked at him. "You want to take a walk…or a movie…or go to my room…or…"
"Your room," said Will.
# # #
Sonny's lips captured Will's easily as one hand cupped Will's face and the other slid around the small of his back. Will returned the kiss instantly, his tongue on motor memory from the last time he and Sonny had been standing in the middle of the room.
Only this time as they kissed, Will's mind replayed the conversation with Sonny's roommates. Their words haunted every tender meeting of the lips.
Sonny had hated himself, Linnea had said. He wanted to give himself six months, boyfriend-free, relationship-free. Time to get over the heartbreak and let himself heal. It was what he needed. Sonny had been shattered before.
Will frantically peeled off Sonny's shirt and began kissing and licking at his chest, as if he could mouth the heartache clean. His hands desperately roamed his upper body as if Sonny had been broken and Will could put him back together.
How exactly could Will tell Sonny the truth without hurting him? Would he forgive him for being a liar? Will hating lying to him. Why had he done it in the first place? He could hardly remember.
"I don't know whether I'm coming or going," Will admitted, lifting his head up and looking Sonny in the eye, panting.
"It's having that effect on me, too," murmured Sonny speaking in between kisses that he now set upon Will's neck, up his jawline, all the while unbuttoning Will's shirt, and letting it fall to the ground.
They kissed for what could be ages, until Will thought his mouth was raw.
"I lied," said Will as Sonny's hands caressed his shoulders, his chest.
He didn't want to hurt Sonny. He had to give him honesty, truth. Part of not hurting him had to be coming clean. He was a closeted high school kid, that was the truth of it. Damn. Maybe Sonny didn't want a kid barely able to call himself gay. Maybe he rightfully should protect his heart from Will who didn't know what the hell he was doing. At all.
"I've noticed you didn't exactly tell the truth," said Sonny. He guided them to the wall of his room, and pressed into Will, chest to chest, skin to skin, eliciting a moan from deep within Will. "I take it you WILL kiss on the first date." He said it light-hearted, and that twisted at Will even more.
Will felt unbelievably hard and let out a breathless, "fuck" when he could feel Sonny, in the same condition, rocking into him. Will squirmed and found the right angle where he was pushing his cock against Sonny's through the denim. Even through the layers of clothes, the heat seeped through and Will could feel Sonny against every thrust. He had never felt anything like it.
"I'm so close," Will stuttered, his legs growing shaky, feeling helpless and out of control. "I'm gonna…I'm gonna…"
Sonny bit at his ear. "I've got you."
Will bucked into it and the rhythm, the pressure, Sonny, all led to Will's breaking point, as he shuddered and came with a single high pitched sound, while gasping for air. With dark-eyed awe Sonny watched and then he pushed his cock against Will once, twice, three times, closing his eyes shut and coming, his mouth silent but open wide with wanting. Will kissed him, deep and passionate and Sonny held him tight and close.
# # #
Sleep came easily after that.
Waking in someone's arms was a new experience for Will, too. It was something he had always wanted, but never knew, he realized.
"I'm crazy about you, already," said Sonny in the morning, arms wrapped around his waist. Sonny's head rested on Will's chest and Will used a hand to stroke the dark knots of his hair.
"I'm sorry," blurted Will. He could feel Sonny tensing up at his side.
And he had to tell Sonny the truth. And after this if he turned to Will and said that there would be no chance at a relationship Will would have to take it. He didn't want to cause Sonny heartache. He didn't mean to hurt him. If Sonny told him it was over, he would accept that. He owed Sonny that much. If Sonny had to put Will off to protect his own heart, Will wouldn't blame him.
"I have to tell you the truth."
# # #
I need to just let him go, thought Sonny.
He was mad at him for lying sure, but Will was so sincerely sorry it hurt to look at him. As he sat up in bed, propped up at the pillows, his eyes were glossy, and he apologized for maybe the twentieth time.
"It's okay," said Sonny, sitting at the foot of the bed. He was a high school senior. Who was not out, to anyone. Had never even so much as kissed someone before Sonny. At least he was 18.
"I'm sorry I let it go so far," said Sonny, somberly and motioning vaguely to the wall, Will thought. "I—"
"I'm not," said Will, cutting him off "I swear."
Sonny shook his head, clenched his jaw. "You should be taking this slower…" He would have let them kiss, maybe. God, how he hoped Will wasn't regretting anything he had done.
"Slow? I've been taking it too slow, I have been living in a box, hiding away, waiting for life to start. When I should have just been myself all along. I've got to be honest about who I am with everybody," said Will. "I'm going to go home, I'm going to tell everyone I'm gay, and they'll have to deal."
Sonny looked at Will sympathetically. The truth was, Sonny knew Will probably had an uphill battle ahead of him. It was going to be a process. A long, arduous process, most likely. Jumping into anything with Sonny wouldn't be what he needed at all.
Honestly? It would be selfish for him to keep Will. Selfish, when what Will really needed was freedom, and room to breathe, room to grow. Right? No one should come out and start a long distance relationship with an older guy ten seconds later. Sonny would feel like he was taking advantage. Will was so good and clean and innocent, still, with a long journey ahead of himself.
"Are you sure you're okay?" asked Sonny.
"Yes," he said. But after that the air in the room was strained. The conversation halted.
Will stood up and riffled through his bag. The two of them, took separate showers and changed, then ate cereal at the table together all without speaking.
Will looked up, from the cornflakes. "Do you think we can just forget about it?"
Oh. OH. "I guess, yeah," he said, slowly. "We should probably just let it go," said Sonny, continuing to talk about forgetting the possibility of any kind of relationship that would continue for the two of them. "It's probably for the best."
# # #
Walking in the lobby of the train station, Will and Sonny nervously glanced at one another. Then Sonny looked away and motioned to Will that they should move to the boarding platform where the train waited.
Standing there, Will couldn't believe there had been a time at the beginning of his trip that he had not wanted Sonny to notice him. Now he wished he could have Sonny's eyes on him indefinitely. How he wished Sonny just wanted to forget about the lying and get right back to where they were before.
"So," said Will, dropping his bag at his feet and staring into Sonny's eyes. Sonny who needed to protect his own happiness, right now, more than anything. "So it's for the best?" For you, Sonny? That's what you really want? he wondered. It wasn't fair to ask for more; Sonny needed to put up defenses for his own heart.
Sonny said, "You need time." To come out, he meant, will knew. Oh, God, thought, Will. That MIGHT take time. That's going to be its own giant drama wrapped in a bow, isn't it? He shook it off.
"I need time," Sonny continued. To heal? Will's shoulder slumped thinking about Sonny in pain and reached over and pulled at the collar of Sonny's shirt, smoothing it. If he could have smoothed everything for him, he would.
Sonny glanced at his hand. He said, "So, how about we just….say goodbye…"
Will shook his head no, but he said the words he thought Sonny was looking to hear, the words Sonny was just having trouble saying, "Of course. You're right. We'll just say goodbye now. The timing isn't going to work out."
"Timing can be everything."
Passengers were beginning to board, around them. Sonny picked up Will's duffle bag and held it out. Will reluctantly took it. "Thanks," said Will. "So, see ya." Which didn't mean see ya, at all. It meant goodbye.
"So long," said Sonny, although farewell would have been more fitting, Will thought. Sonny turned to leave. Will turned to go through the open train doors.
But then Will went to reach back, and turned on his heels; he found Sonny had turned, too, so that now they were face to face again.
"Only…" said Will. Screw it, he thought.
"Only what?" asked Sonny. Hopeful, Will thought. And the way his voice, went up just that little bit, Will was gonna ride that to the end.
"Only I still believe there could be something there, okay?" said Will. "Is that stupid? I don't care. I can't make any promises about how any of this is gonna go. But I think we should just try, do you? I'm going to be really selfish here and just ask for what I want. I want you. I want you to give me a try."
Sonny said, "Will. Oh my God. So, yeah, I know it's going to be hard for you, but maybe we can make it work. Maybe I'll even be able to help guide you through it? And then you can just come back and visit me. And I wanted to travel this summer, so maybe, well, I want maybe to come spend some time in Salem with you…"
"Yes," Will said, and then he plunged ahead, "And I guess I don't know what my future is going to be like, like at all, like even more than usual, but I think I'd like if you were in it, okay? Maybe you can be part of my future?"
Sonny pulled him in for an urgent kiss, and relief flooded Will.
Maybe it could work out, who knew. Will knew he wanted to find out. Will was going to get on the train and go home to Salem and start with telling someone he was gay; Sonny was going to stay here, finish an Econ paper, continue to mend. And all the while they would try with one another.
As the train departure time loomed, Will and Sonny continued to kiss and hold on to one another, for as long as they could, like it was even more than just something—like that something could become everything.