In the weeks following Liam and Elsa's visit, Killian hadn't been able to spend much time with Emma. Her workload had suddenly increased, and she always put all she had into making her the kids were taken care of.
New cases were being given to her, and her established homes weren't doing well. She felt like everything was going wrong at once, but she was still trying to find time to spend with Killian.
Emma had been so busy she didn't notice the day that was approaching until she woke up that morning. She felt like a heavy weight was keeping her from getting out of bed.
She finally realized what day it was when she picked up her phone to shut her alarm off. It was the anniversary of one of the worst days of her life, the day she had the miscarriage.
Emma forced herself out of bed, to call in sick, before burying herself back in the dark. The first couple of years it felt like she was reliving that day over again, until she forced herself to try and move on. She was relatively fine for a few years, today however, she was feeling everything all over again.
Her phone kept going off all morning, her brother and friends trying to get ahold of her. She was so shaken by the depression that seemed to settle over her, that she easily ignored them. She was reliving that day every time she closed her eyes.
Around lunch time she heard a knock at her front door. She ignored it, willing whoever it was to leave her alone.
David used his 'emergency key' to unlock the front door. Emma hadn't shown up for their usual lunch date, and he was worried about his little sister. It wasn't like her to not to let him know if she couldn't make it.
Emma pushed out of bed, wrapping her blanket tightly around her shoulders. When David saw his little sister, he immediately wrapped her in his arms.
"Oh, Emma." He cradled the back of her head and held her tightly. "I'm here.." He whispered.
She buried her face in her brother's chest, the tears she'd been holding back all morning finally falling down her cheeks. "David.." She whimpered softly.
He knew she wouldn't be able to move now that she'd started crying, so he just settled them against the wall and held her.
"I'm here.. You're okay, you don't have to talk, just know I'm here." He rocked her gently, and rubbed her back soothingly.
Emma cried silently for a while, tears streaming down her cheeks. David took on the opportunity to send a text to Mary Margaret, letting her know he was going to stay with Emma for a while.
When Emma seemed to calm a little, David brushed the hair from her face. "Hey, have you eaten today? How about I make you something?"
She closed her eyes, shaking her head slightly. "No.. I.. I don't know if I can.." She blinked at her brother.
"You need to eat, Emma. I'm not going to leave you, but I'm not going to let my only little sister starve herself." He wiped her cheeks with his thumbs.
"Yeah.. okay.." she mumbled, tugging her blanket back around her shoulders.
Her brother helped her up from the floor, kissing her forehead. He sat Emma down at her counter and made her a grilled cheese.
David knew better than to push his sister to talk when she didn't want to. Emma played with her blanket quietly before starting to talk.
"I'm sorry I missed lunch.. I um.. It's not a good day for me.." She looked up at him.
"It's okay, I was just worried when you didn't show up and then didn't answer my messages, and I asked M&M and she hadn't heard from you either.. I just wanted to be sure my little sister was okay."
She nodded a little. "I.. I'm sorry for worrying you. I kind of was um.. distracted today.. Um, it's just the.." She tried to tell him about today but couldn't get the words out.
David shook his head. "You don't have to tell me.. But if you'd like I will stay for a while, so you don't have to be alone."
"No, you've got to get back to work, David. I'm not worth it.. I'll be fine."
He shook his head. "You've been my sister for over ten years and you still can't get it through your head that I would do anything for you." David set the plate in front of her and kissed her head.
Emma sighed. "But I'm.. I'm not worth it, you shouldn't have to take care of me. I shouldn't even be this upset but I can't help it."
"I don't have to, but I want to. When you came out of your room, I barely recognized you. You look like you haven't slept, like you haven't been eating well. But you're family, I love you, and I'm not going to let you suffer through this alone."
Emma hugged her brother tightly again. "Can we eat in the living room?" She asked softly, sounding like a little kid.
David chuckled softly and nodded. "Of course, get settled and I'll grab your phone. I texted M but she won't be content until she hears from you."
"Oh, yeah.. Thanks." She sighed softly.
Emma wasn't feeling as overwhelmed by her emotions now that her brother was here, but she still felt the weight of the day. She needed to tell David, but she was worried he'd tell her to talk with Killian.
She nibbled at her sandwich, staring blankly at the wall. She was so lost in her thoughts she didn't realize David had sat back down next to her. She shook herself out of her thoughts when she felt him rest his hand against her back.
"If you want to talk about it, I'm here to listen.. I'll keep my mouth shut.. I just know you, and I know you need to let it out before it eats you alive." He tried to make it sound like no big deal.
Emma leaned into her brother's chest and sighed were quiet for almost ten minutes before Emma spoke. "Today.. It's.. It's the day I lost the baby.."
She spoke so softly, David wasn't sure he even heard her. He just pressed a kiss to her hair and held her closer.
"If I had known I would've taken all day off to spend with you.." He said softly. "Does um.. Does Killian know?"
She shook her head. "No one does. Except you now.. It just.. I was so busy with work lately that I didn't realize what day it was.."
He nodded, and just held his sister. Emma didn't speak for a moment but then she sighed. "I don't know if I can tell him, David. I'd handled this day so well the last few years, but with him back in my life, and everything he makes me feel.. I just.. I don't know if I can."
"It's your choice whether you talk to him or not.. But you've come a long way lately, and I don't want you to let this push you from him." He said softly.
"I may be your overprotective big brother, but I can tell that you want to be with him, and I've already had my second, more threatening, big brother speech with him. I don't think he's going anywhere this time around.."
Emma shifted so she could look at him. "What? Since when are you Killian's biggest fan?"
"I'm not necessarily his biggest fan, especially after how he hurt you. But that doesn't mean I don't think he's good for you, or that I can't see how happy he makes my little sister.."
Emma could feel tears coming again, whether they were because of what David said or because she hadn't cried all of her tears yet, she didn't know.
"Look, I.. Just." She wiped at her cheeks. "Please, it's too much. I've handled this anniversary and the actual event on my own. I don't want his help."
David shook his head. For someone so good at spotting a lie, Emma was a terrible liar. "I understand."
Emma curled up against his side, burying her face against his shirt. David could feel her tears soaking his shirt.
They stayed there together for awhile before there was another knock on the door.
"Swan? Please tell me you're okay.." Killian's voice sounded from behind the door; voice broken and full of worry.
"It's open, Killian." David called back, he knew Emma needed Killian.
Killian opened the door, and ran his fingers through his hair at the sight of Emma buried against David. "Oh, Swan." He breathed. "Is-"
Before he could finish his question, David shook his head quickly. "Stay.. She'll never admit it but she needs you." He spoke softly.
Killian nodded and sat on Emma's other side, reaching out and gently rubbing small circles against her back. He knew just what to do to help calm her down.
Emma's sobs slowly subsided and she pulled away from David slightly to look at him. "K-Killian?" She hiccuped.
"Aye, Love.. I'm here.." He brushed her hair behind her ear.
She closed her eyes at his touch and instinctively moved to cuddled against him. She tugged on his brace, pulling his arms tighter around her.
Killian was surprised, but just pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead and held her. David gave Killian a reassuring pat on the shoulder.
He wanted to ask, to understand what had upset his Swan so much. "I'm here, Swan.. I've got you.." he whispered to her.
Emma was shaking, but her tears weren't coming as much anymore. "Why'd you come?" She whispered.
"I stopped by your office with coffee, but Ruby said you weren't there and she hadn't heard from you since yesterday afternoon. I was scared, I suppose, Love."
She nodded a little and sighed. "I need to tell you something.." She bit her lip nervously.
"Anything, Swan.. You can tell me anything." He assured her.
David got up and moved to clean up the kitchen to give them some privacy. Emma adjusted herself on Killian's lap knowing this was something she had to do. He deserved to know.
"Um.. T-today is uh.. I.." She couldn't seem to form the right words, all she could think about was how she'd been alone. At a time when she'd needed him most.
"Take your time, Swan.." He whispered, his fingers combing through her hair, gently working out the knots.
Emma wiped hastily at her cheeks. "It's.. Today.. I um.. I lost our baby.." Her voice growing quieter with every word.
Killian pulled her in closer. "Oh, Emma.. That's what's upset you?" He closed his eyes, the weight settling on him. "And you've gone through this alone for years.."
She shook her head. "I didn't want to tell you, Killian.. I've been able to handle it for a few years now, but this year.. I.. I guess it all just got brought up again because you're here now.."
"I can't imagine how difficult of a day this is for you, Love. I feel enough pain just from you telling me, and I wasn't around when it actually happened. I wish I was, I wish I had been here for you then.."
New tears fell down her cheeks, and she buried her face in his neck. "I-I.. I just, I didn't think anyone cared enough to come look for me today."
Emma pulled away from him, getting up and moving towards the window. She hated that it was so easy for her to open up to him, even after everything he'd put her through.
Killian followed her, wanting to still comfort her. He knew he'd hurt her, but he'd never imagined she'd still feel this much pain so many years later.
"Swan, I know we're still getting used to each other again.. But, I thought I'd been honest that I would always be worried about you.." He spoke softly, wanting to reach out and hold her.
She took a deep breath. "I.. Killian, you have no idea how mad I am at you. I'm pissed. And I hate that I'm pissed. I don't like feeling like this. Angry, and hurt, and.. and ugh." She groaned, turning and smacking him in the chest.
"I hate you for what you did to me, to us. But I also can't help but fucking love you. And your dumb face, and. Damnit." She kept hitting against his chest, finally letting everything out that she'd been holding in.
Killian could tell she'd been pushing everything down for a while, and that she needed to just let some of it out. Even if it meant hitting him repeatedly.
After a few minutes she felt better and rested her forehead against his chest. "I hate you, Killian Jones." She mumbled.
Killian wrapped his left arm around her waist so he could run his good hand through her hair like she likes. "You're allowed to hate me, Love. I deserve it, but that doesn't mean I won't do anything I can to make sure you're okay."
Emma wrapped her arms around him and sighed softly. "I'm sorry for freaking out just now.. it's been a lot today.. but I'm glad you came?"
"Is that a question?" He teased gently.
She rolled her eyes dramatically, and smacked him again. "Stop it, Jones. I'm trying to apologize here."
"My apologies, Love. You don't have to thank me though, I'm glad to be here with you. Even if you already had Dave."
She nodded and pulled away. "We should probably find my brother.. He took off work for me, and I'd feel bad."
She took hold of Killian's hand and dragged him to the kitchen where she knew David was hiding. "Sorry about that.."
David looked up from his phone and shook his head. "Don't worry about it, I'm just glad you're feeling better. It gave me a chance to assure my wife that you were going to be alright."
Emma nodded a little and glanced at Killian. "Um, you both don't have to stay.. But, I um.. I'd rather not be alone.."
Killian nodded a little. "I've got to teach in an hour, but I can come back after my class, if Dave doesn't mind staying with you until then.."
David nodded. "I'll be glad to stay until you get back, Killian. I'm sure you'd rather have him here than me, Emma."
She shrugged. "I don't particularly care.. But I know you've got a wife and my painfully adorable nephew to get home to."
David smiled a little. "Yeah, well, I'll stay as long as you want me here. And I promise you won't be alone today.. I'll be here for you."
Emma nodded, finally letting go of Killian's hand. "I'll see you later, yeah?" She asked, looking up at him.
"Aye, I'll be back in a couple hours. And I'll bring dinner." He kissed her cheek. "I'll have my cell phone on me if you need me during class."
She squeezed his arm gently. "Thank you."
Killian gave her a small smile as he left. David watched Emma's eyes as they followed Killian out the door.
"Do you want to watch a movie? I promise I won't try to bring up your feelings for Killian." David spoke, shaking Emma from her thoughts.
"Oh, uh, yeah.. a movie. That.. that's good." She bit her lip, curling up with her blanket again on the couch.
David put on The Princess Bride, knowing it is Emma's favorite movie. Over the rest of the afternoon, Emma began to feel better. David knew better than to treat her differently than he normally would.
Killian came back to her apartment as quickly as he could after he finished teaching, only stopping briefly to pick up their dinner. He was greeted by the sounds of Emma's laughter as he opened the door.
"Swan, I'm back." He said as he moved to the kitchen.
She was grinning when she came into the kitchen. "Hey, thanks for bringing dinner."
Killian smiled back softly. "Of course, Love. I'm glad to see you with a smile on your face. I picked up your favorite from the Thai place you used to love.. Um, I hope that's alright?"
"It's perfect, I love Thai." She squeezed his arm and turned to her brother. "Go on, David. Get home to your family.. I don't need to be monopolizing your time." She kissed his cheek. "But thank you. For everything." She said softly.
David gave Emma a firm hug. "Alright, alright.. Let me know if you need anything, okay? I'll always be here for you."
Killian and Emma settled onto the couch to eat. Killian could tell she still wasn't quite her usual self, but that she seemed to be feeling better. Emma curled into his side after she finished eating, and ended up falling asleep shortly after.
He let her sleep on him for a while before carefully moving her to her bed. She woke up just after he laid her down, and reached for him.
"Thank you, Killian.. And I'm sorry about the baby." She breathed, still half asleep.
He kissed her forehead. "It's not your fault, Love. Thank you for telling me, and call me if you need anything at all."