She's Worth It ch. 11
I never thought that I would be back in the band again after quitting and I wasn't expecting the guys to forgive me for leaving them high and dry but I couldn't be more grateful that they wanted me back. They didn't ask any questions which I'm glad that for because I don't want them thinking less of me for letting Brittany have that much control over me as I've never been that person but I was naïve and too blinded by love to see what was happening. Seeing Artie, Tina and Puckerman after so long is amazing, falling into old habits but I was surprised to find out that Cohen-Chang manage to started up dating with her high school sweetheart Mike Chang (no relation). I know that they had broken up when he went to college but he switched schools in hopes to get close to her and they had started talking as the rest was history much to Wheel's dismay.
I know that he and Gothic Lolita had history during freshman before breaking up but hoping that they would eventually get back together although the likelihood of that happening now went down the drain. The self proclaimed see shark hasn't changed much since class as he's still plowing girls but as not as many now although what surprised me to find out is that the guy now has a four year old daughter that scarily looks exactly like him but with dirty blonde hair. I knew that he would eventually get someone pregnant but seeing a picture of the kid is mind-blowing and surreal that I'm still having a hard time imaging it but I could see the love that he has for that little girl. I know that there's nothing that Puck wouldn't do for his kid and she's gonna have him wrapped around her tiny finger if she doesn't already. I miss this group of nerds, this time I'm not letting them go because before I had left the group, I had consider them my family even though I never told them because I had to keep up my reputation of being a badass at the time.
We look for a new guitarist, easily finding one in a guy named Sam or Trouty Mouth because homeboy's mouth is gigantic but boy sure could play as he was able to pick on the music that we used to play back in the day and planning on playing soon. He's a bit of dork with all those stupid impressions and Avatar speak but he's okay. We'll see if he can actually keep up with me. I've writing a lot lately while going to Quinn's Creative Writing class, helping further helping me to flush out my ideas and giving me some actual direction as for the first time in a long time, I feel like I have some fuckin' control over my life. Working at the diner is a bit of a bitch but at least I have some cash in my pocket and I could starting rent because if anything, I'm gonna be able to pull my own weight around the apartment because there's no way that I'm gonna keep mooching off the Hobbit and Malibu Barbie.
I know that the Broadway star says that I'm not mooching off them but I know that I have since they've been taking care of me since I got outta the hospital a month ago, making sure that I was taken care of. They've there for me in ways that I should've been doing for myself but incapable of doing but I want to be able to repay them in some way even though I don't have the slightest clue of how to do that just yet. I'm gonna do it but things seem to be looking up for me right now and I'm actually happy… really happy and it's thanks to Rachel and Quinn but I don't want to get too attached to them. I know that I have my room which I should probably start using because I shouldn't be sharing a bed with people who are together and I don't want to come between them because in the past, I had no problem with breaking up happy couple by sleeping in the same bed as them.
At first it was because I would wake up in a cold sweat because of my nightmares which makes difficult to go back to sleep as the two would climb into bed with me, trapping me between them as the singer would hum some random to lull me back to sleep. I've never slept better when I'm sandwiched between as they seem to protect me from the boogeyman that plagues my dreams but I guess that I've been using it as excuse cause I didn't wanna be alone at night anymore. I don't want to that to the tiny diva and the badass because I'm not that person anymore and I actually like them, more than I should be plus I'm damaged goods as I don't know how to be in a healthy relationship. I run my hand through my hair because I don't understand where all of this is coming from all of sudden as I know that the Hobbit or Malibu Barbie wouldn't do anything to hurt me.
The thought of them rejecting me or the look of disgust on their faces scares the shit outta me as I finally found somewhere that I feel safe and I can't risk losing it if they don't feel the same way and why the hell would they. I got nothing to offer them that can't get from each other and why would they want someone like me moving on their relationship as all I would be good for is a good lay as I slowly make my way back to the apartment, only stopping to pick some more notebooks. I feel my phone buzz in my pocket, pulling it out to see that Puckerman letting me know that he was bring his kid to rehearsal tomorrow because he couldn't find a babysitter to watch her in time. I let him know that it was cool and that he better show up on time because the guy's horrible with keeping track of when we're supposed to rehearse and the badass responds with that he's looking forward to showing off his kid.
I roll my eyes as I make my way through the front door and up the flight of stairs, leading up to the apartment before walking through the front door to get hit by the smell of food as my stomach growls hungrily. I already got burnt out on food from the diner as the tiny diva started sending me to work with lunch that she made herself and I was touched that she would even bother as I know that she's been busy with school and rehearsal for her upcoming show. She's gonna be amazing with the huge voice that she has after listening to her singing in the shower at six-fifteen every morning like clockwise before going around the apartment to get ready. I swear that I could set my watch by this chick sometimes. I'm pulled out of my thought by someone calling my name to see Rachel's head peeking out from the doorway of the tiny kitchen, letting me know that dinner was going to be ready soon and that I should wash up.
I roll my eyes, heading towards my door to put my stuff before grabbing some stuff so I could take a shower to wash off the smell of work off me because I swear that I smell like of chicken nuggets and fries. I shower and wash my hair before throwing on a grey tank top and sweats, walking into the kitchen to find the Hobbit and Malibu Barbie already sitting at the table, waiting for me as I take a seat across from them. The tiny Broadway star wants us to share at least one meal together because of our conflicting schedules during the day which I don't really mind as the writer asks me about my day at work. Conversation flows easily as I pile food onto my plate but I nearly chocked on my carrot when the singer asks me about my mom as Quinn pats me on the back to make it go down easier.
"Excuse me?"
"I just thought that it would be a good idea to get in contact with her as it's been a long time since the two of you have talked"
"There was a reason for that" I said frowning.
"I know but you're in a good place right now and it could be good for you to reestablish your relationship with your mother and I know that you miss her" Rachel points out.
"Look San, you don't have to do anything that you don't want to but it could be good for you and we're only bringing of something to think about" Quinn said putting her hand on my shoulder. "Whether you do it or not is entirely up to you and we'll support you in whatever you decide to do"
Rachel looks like she wanted to say more but decides to keep her mouth which I'm thankful for because I don't know how to feel about this conversation because the reason that I haven't talked to my Mami is cause of Brittany. The dancer wanted to be the most important person in my life and she hated how close me and Mami were as she didn't think my girlfriend was good enough for me as I wish that I had listen to her but there's nothing that I can do about it now. I'm not under Brittany's thumb now but I'm afraid of contacting her because we haven't spoken in so long and I'm scared that if I talk to her now that she'll pick up or even worse, want nothing to do with me. I get up from the table, saying that I was tired before heading to my bedroom as I close the door behind me then flopping down on the bed but unfortunately sleep didn't could fuckin' easy for me because I haven't slept in here the first night.
Fuck, what the hell am I doing? I'm so worried about a conversation that I haven't even had yet. Why did fuckin' Rachel have to bring up my mom now? I haven't thought about her since I've been here and not she's seeking me out either. Maybe she doesn't care anymore since I chose Brittany over someone that cares about me and I went ahead and fucked that up. Maybe Mami doesn't want to talk to me anymore, thinking that I'm too much of a disappointment. Just the thought of disappointing Mami is enough to twist my stomach in knots and bring tears to my eyes because in my entire life, all I ever wanted was to make her happy and be proud of me but I haven't done a single thing for her to be proud of. I didn't hear the door opening and closing or know that anyone else was in the room until I feel a pair of arms wrap around my stomach, pulling me close as fingers start massaging my scalp.
"I'm sorry Santana, I didn't mean to bring up your mother to upset you" Rachel said kissing my forehead.
"It's not your fault. It's just…"
"Just what, San. Talk to us" Quinn said kissing my shoulder.
"I'm afraid. I'm afraid that my Mami wouldn't want anything to do with me because she warned be about leaving with Brittany but I didn't listen and she hates me now" I said barely above a whisper.
"I don't know your mother personally but I don't think that she couldn't possibly hate you for something that and if you decide to tell her what happen, she would want nothing more to take you in her arms and never letting go" Rachel said smiling reassuringly.
"And she can't understand then screw her because you have the band, Blaine and us now and we'll do everything to protect you because we're your family. We love you, Santana" Quinn said tightening her hold on me.
"More than anything in this world" Rachel said kissing both of my cheeks.
"I… I love you guys too"
~Nicole The Dragon Rider signing off
End of ch 11