11
The next morning, I don't hear the alarm, shuffling feet, or conversations as the other initiates get ready. I wake to Christina shaking my shoulder with one hand and tapping my cheek with the other. She already wears a black jacket zipped up to her throat. If she has bruises from yesterday's fight, her dark skin make them difficult to see.
"Come on," she says. "Up and at 'em."
I dreamt that Peter tied me to a chair and asked me if I was Divergent. I answered no, and he punched me until I said yes.
"You have such positive dreams," Zeke says.
I woke up with wet cheeks.
I mean to say something, but all I can do is groan.
"That's what she said!" Uriah yells. Tris picks up the spoon Zeke used to eat his Cake and throws it at Uriah, hitting him in the middle of his forehead. "Bad Uri," Marlene scolds. Uriah just scowls and rubs his forehead.
My body aches so badly it hurts to breathe. It doesn't help that last night's bout of crying made my eyes swell. Christina offers me her hand.
The clock reads eight. We're supposed to be at the tracks by eight fifteen.
"I'll run and get us some breakfast. You just. . . get ready. Looks like it might take you a while," she says.
I grunt. Trying not to bend at the waist, I fumble in the drawer under my bed for a clean shirt. Luckily Peter isn't here to see me struggle.
I unbutton my shirt and stare at my bare side, which is patched with bruises. For a second, the colors memorize me, bright green and deep blue and brown.
I change as fast as I can and let my hair hang loose because I can't lift my arms to tie it back.
"Was anything broken?" Caleb asks worriedly. "No," Tris says dismissively.
She's extremely lucky nothing was broken. Peter is ruthless.
I look at my reflection on the back wall and see a stranger. She is blonde like me, with a narrow face like mine, but that's where the similarities stop. I do not have a black eye, and a split lip, and a bruised jaw. I am not as pale as a sheet. She can't possibly be me, though she moves when I move.
By the time Christina comes back, a muffin in each hand, I'm sitting on the edge of my bed, staring at my untied shoes. I will have to bend over to tie them. It will hurt when I bend over.
"Why didn't you just tie your shoes before you put them on?" Zeke asks. "Because that's just weird," Tris says. "Yeah, but it isn't painful," Zeke points out.
But Christina just passes me a muffin and crutches in front of me to tie my shoes. Gratitude surges in my chest, warm and a little like an ache. Maybe there is some Abnegation in everyone, even if they don't know it.
"Aww, thanks buddy," Christina says.
"Wait," Caleb says, "Everyone has a bit of Abnegation in them? Even Peter?" Tris ignores him.
Well, in everyone but Peter.
"Hey," Caleb says. He and Tris do some weird handshake thing in perfect sync. Siblings freak me out.
"You call that a handshake?" Uriah scoffs. "Shall we show them how it's done, bro?" Zeke asks. "Let's," Uriah says. "We challenge you to a handshake dual!" Zeke yells. Caleb and Tris look at each other and then yell, "It's on!" simultaneously.
Uriah and Zeke get up and stand in the middle of the circle. They do a complicated array of hand movements and then end their convoluted handshake by jumping and then bumping chests. "I'd like to see you guys try to top that," Zeke says smugly while returning to his seat.
"Then pay close attention," Tris says. Tris and Caleb now stand in the middle of the circle. They do some hand movements, then clap the other person's feet while jumping and shouting, "One! Two! Three!" Then they turn in a circle, do more hand movements, and finally end by shaking hands. It was actually pretty cool.
"Lynn! As the most neutral person in this room, who won?" Zeke asks. "Tris and Caleb," Lynn says automatically, "There was really no contest." Tris and Caleb high-five each other and go back to their seats while Zeke and Uriah mope.
"Why don't we have a special handshake Four?" Tris asks once she is sitting on my lap again. "Because I can't remember something that unnecessarily convoluted," I say bluntly. Tris pouts. "You're no fun," she mutters while picking the book back up.
"Thank you," I say.
"Well, we would never get there on time if you had to them yourself," she says, "Come on. You can eat and walk at the same time, right?"
We walk fast toward the Pit. The muffin is banana flavored, with walnuts. My mother baked bread like this once to give to the factionless, but I never got to try it. I was too old for coddling at that point.
I ignore the pinch in my stomach that comes every time I think of my mother and half walk, half jog after Christina who forgets that her legs are longer than mine.
"If we had gone your speed we would have been late," says Christina. Tris shrugs.
We climb the steps from the Pit to the glass building above it and run to the exit. Every thump of my feet sends pain to my ribs, but I ignore it. We make it to the tracks just as the train arrives, its horn blaring.
"Cut it pretty close there didn't you?" Caleb says disapprovingly. "We still made it," Tris says, rolling her eyes at her brother.
"What took you so long?" Will shouts over the horn.
"Stumpy legs over here turned into an old lady overnight," says Christina.
"Like you could have gone faster in the same situation," Tris mutters. Christina ignores her.
"Oh, shut up." I'm only half kidding.
Four stands at the front of the pack, so close to the tracks that if he shifted even an inch forward, the train would take his nose with it.
"Don't they teach you guys to be safe around trains?" Caleb says, "Getting run over by a train is a pretty dumb way to die." (A/N: Sorry. Couldn't help it.)
He steps back to let some of the others get on first. Will hoists himself into the car with some difficulty, landing first on his stomach and then dragging his legs in behind him.
"Tris! You're making me sound bad," Will whines. "That's probably because you sucked at getting on trains," Tris says bluntly. Will makes a dramatic gasping sound and places a hand over his heart. "How can you be so cruel?" he says dramatically. "I'm not cruel," Tris says, "I'm honest."
Four grabs the handle of the car and pulls himself in smoothly, like he doesn't have more than six feet of body to work with.
"And now you're making me sound even worse by comparison," Will complains.
I jog to the next car, wincing, then grit my teeth and grab the handle on the side. This is going to hurt.
Al grabs me under each arm and lifts me easily into the car. Pain shoots through my side, but it only lasts for a second. I see Peter behind him, and my cheeks get warm. Al was trying to be nice, but I wish people didn't want to be so nice. As if Peter didn't have enough ammunition already.
"Feeling okay there?" Peter says, giving me a look of mock sympathy- his lips turned down, his arched eyebrows pulled in. "Or are you feeling a little. . . Stiff?"
"Wow. He's so clever and original," Caleb says sarcastically. "That's one of the nice things about Erudite, at least when the people insult you, they do so with a larger vocabulary than that of an ant." "Oh man," Tris says, "I'm going to go transfer to Erudite right now just so I can have more intelligent insults thrown at me."
He bursts into laughter at his own joke, and Molly and Drew join in. Molly has an ugly laugh, all snorting and shaking shoulders, and Drew's is silent, so it almost looks like he's in pain.
"We are all awed by your incredible wit," Will says.
"Yeah, are you sure you don't belong with Erudite, Peter?" Christina adds. "I hear they don't object to sissies."
"Yeah," Caleb says, "But they do object to idiots." "True," Christina says, nodding. "I guess Peter is just out of luck then. Poor him. No faction wants him."
Four, who is standing in the doorway, speaks before Peter can retort, "Am I going to have to listen to your bickering all the way to the fence?"
"Yes," Uriah says.
Everybody gets quiet,
"Pansycakes," Uriah mutters.
and Four turns back to the cars opening. He holds the handles on either side, his arms stretching wide, and leans forward so that most of his body is outside the car, though his feet stay planted inside.
Tris starts to blush and I smirk. She's always cute, but she's even cuter when she blushes.
"Tsk tsk Four," Caleb says, "You aren't really being safe are you?" Zeke nods. "Yeah! That's not the sort of example you want to set for young impressionable initiates."
I roll my eyes. "Like you ever set a good example, Zeke." "Hey! I'm a great role model!" Zeke says. Shauna snorts. "Sure you are," she says. "Well at least I'm safe around trains!" Zeke says. "I'm fine!" I huff, "It's not like I stand on train tracks and try to hug trains." "But you're still not completely safe around them," Caleb says. I huff. They're not going to let me win this argument.
The wind presses his shirt to his chest.
"I didn't need to know that, Tris," Zeke says. Tris leans over to Zeke and flicks the side of his head. "And I don't need your sass," she says. "Yes mom," Zeke mumbles.
I try to look past him at what we're passing- a sea of crumbling, abandoned buildings that get smaller as we go.
Every few seconds, though, my eyes shift back to Four. I don't know what I expect to see, or what I want to see, if anything.
Uriah gasps. "That's because Four is really a monster in disguise!" "What do you mean in disguise?" Zeke asks. Zeke and Uriah air-five while everyone else laughs. Even Tris laughs. Whatever.
But I do it without thinking.
I smirk. At least the whole staring at the other person thing wasn't just me.
I ask Christina, "What do you think is out there?" I nod to the doorway. "I mean, beyond the fence."
"Argh! There be pirates out there matey!" Uriah says. "Uriah," Lynn says, "Is it possible for you to say something intelligent?" Uriah pouts while Lynn and Tris air-five.
She shrugs. "A bunch of farms, I guess."
"You aren't curious at all?" Caleb asks, sounding quite appalled. "Not really," Christina says.
"Yeah, but I mean. . . past the farms. What are we guarding the city from?"
I'm glad Tris doesn't just believe what the factions tell her to believe. She actually thinks for herself.
She wiggles her fingers at me. "Monsters!"
"What would Four be doing outside of the fence?" Uriah asks Zeke. "Dunno man," he responds. I hope they're having a good time mocking me.
I roll my eyes.
"We didn't even have guards at the fence until five years ago," Will says. "Don't you remember when Dauntless police patrolled the factionless sector?"
"Yes," I say. I also remember that my father was one of the people who voted to get the Dauntless out of the factionless sector of the city. He said the poor didn't need policing; they needed help, and we could give it to them.
But I would rather not mention that now, or here. It's one of the many things Erudite gives as evidence of Abnegation incompetence.
"I just don't understand how they could see trying to help people as incompetent," Caleb says.
"Oh, right," he says, "I bet you say them all the time."
"Why do you say that?" I ask, a little too sharply.
"A little?" Will asks. "I felt like you were going to bite my head off!" "Oh poor baby," Christina says, "Are we scared of Tris?" "Everyone is scared of Tris," Will says, "Even Four!"
I don't want to be associated too closely with the factionless.
"Because you had to pass the factionless sector to get to school, right?"
"What did you do, memorize a map of the city for fun?" says Christina.
"Yes," Will says, looking puzzled, "Didn't you?"
"That's not weird, is it?" Caleb asks. "Yeah, it kinda is," Uriah says. "It's not weird," I say, "It's smart." "You've memorized the map haven't you?" Zeke asks. "Of course," I say, "And while you may be making fun of me now, you won't be when I dump you in a random part of the city and leave you to try to find your way back." Zeke stops laughing.
The train's brakes squeal, and we all lurch forward as the car slows. I am grateful for the movement; It will make standing easier. The dilapidated buildings are gone, replaced by yellow fields and train tracks. The train stops under an awning. I lower myself to the grass, holding the handle to keep me steady.
In front of me is a chain-link fence with barbed wire strung around the top. When I walk forward, I notice that it continues farther than I can see, perpendicular to the horizon. Past the fence is a cluster of trees, most of them dead, some green. Milling around on the other side of the fence are Dauntless guards carrying guns.
"Follow me," says Four. I stay close to Christina. I don't want to admit it, not even to myself, but I feel calmer when I'm near her. If Peter tries to taunt me, she will defend me.
"Of course I would bestie!" Christina says, "And of course, you would do the same for me. Or at least sic Four on them, right?" "Of course," Tris reassures her.
"Sic?" I ask Tris, "What am I, your dog?" "Pretty much," Tris says, picking the book back up. "I'm a dog?" I ask. "Yes, you are," Tris says, giving me a look that says if I don't drop it I'll be in trouble. "Woof woof," I say. "That's better," she says, smirking.
Silently I scold myself for being such a coward. Peter's insults shouldn't bother me, and I should focus on getting better at combat, not on how badly I did yesterday. And I should be willing, if not able, to defend myself instead of relying on other people to do it for me.
"Yes, how dare you require assistance," Zeke says.
Four leads us toward the gate, which is as wide as a house and that opens up to the cracked road that leads to the city. When I came here with my family as a child, we rode in a bus on that road, and beyond, to Amity's farms, where we spent the day picking tomatoes and sweating through our shirts.
Christina wrinkles her nose. "That sounds so lovely," she says.
Another pinch in my stomach.
"If you don't rank in the top five at the end of initiation, you will probably end up here," says Four as he reaches the gate. "Once you are a fence guard, there is some potential for advancement, but not too much. You may be able to go on patrols of Amity's farms, but-"
"But then the monsters will get you!" Zeke says.
"Patrols for what purpose?" asks Will.
Four lifts a shoulder. "I suppose you'll discover that if you find yourself among them."
"Hey, why didn't you chew out Will for interrupting you?" Christina asks. "Because Will actually had an intelligent question," I say.
"As I was saying. For the most part, those who guard the fence when they're young continue to guard the fence. If it comforts you, some insist it isn't as bad as it seems."
"Yeah," Zeke says, "but others constantly complain about it and say it's the worst job ever." "I was trying to make them feel like they didn't have to get in the top five," I say. "Wow," Christina says, "So, you were actually being nice?" I scowl. "I can be nice," I say insistently. Christina gives me a disbelieving look.
"Yeah. At least we won't be driving buses or cleaning up other people's messes like the factionless," Christina whispers in my ear.
"What rank were you?" Peter asks Four.
I don't expect Four to answer, but he looks levelly at Peter and says, "I was first."
"Why wouldn't I have answered that?" I ask. "You kind of dodge around questions a lot," Tris says. Everyone else nods and mutters some form of agreement. Ok, I guess that's kind of true.
"And you chose to do this?" Peter's eyes go wide and round and dark green. They would look innocent to me if I didn't know what a terrible person he is. "Why didn't you get a government job?"
"I didn't want one," Four says flatly. I remember what he said on the first day, about working in the control room, where the Dauntless monitor the city's security. It is difficult for me to imagine him there, surrounded by computers. To me, he belongs in the training room.
I know what she means. It's difficult for me to imagine her as anything but Dauntless.
We learned about faction jobs in school. The Dauntless have limited options. We can guard the fence or work for the security of our city. We can work in the Dauntless compound, drawing tattoos or making weapons or even fighting each other for entertainment.
"Who would want to fight for entertainment?" Caleb asks. "Peter," Tris says. Peter has been the only one in a couple of years to fight for entertainment. Well, I guess that's good for the people who run that thing. They needed fresh meat.
Or we can work for the Dauntless leaders. That sounds like my best option.
The only problem is that my rank is terrible. And I might be factionless by the end of stage one.
"You said you were an ambassador, Tris?" Caleb asks. Tris nods. "So that means that you at least got in to the top five..." he says, trailing off at the end. I guess he's still trying to figure out what rank Tris got.
We stop next to the gate. A few Dauntless guards glance in our direction, but not many. They are too busy pulling the doors- which are twice as tall as they are and several times wider- open to admit a truck.
The man driving wears a hat, a beard, and a smile. He stops just inside the gate and gets out. The back of the truck is open, and a few other Amity sit among the stacks of crates. I peer at the crates- they hold apples.
"Beatrice?" an Amity boy says.
"Whoa," Uriah says, "How did he know your real name?" I look over at him to see if he's serious. He is. "It's Robert, idiot," Zeke says. "Well, how was I supposed to know that?" Uriah asks defensively. "It's pretty obvious," Lynn says. Marlene nods. "It is," she says.
My head jerks at the sound of my name. One of the Amity in the back of the truck stands. He has curly blonde hair and a familiar nose, wide at the tip and narrow at the bridge. Robert.
"See?" Zeke says. "Whatever," Uriah huffs.
I try to remember him at the Choosing Ceremony and nothing comes to my mind except the sound of my heart in my ears.
"Well, you also couldn't see him," Shauna says fairly. "Yeah," Tris says, shrugging.
Did Susan?
"Of course not," Caleb says.
Are there any Abnegation initiates this year?
"I think I heard that there were about twelve," Caleb says. "Where do you get all this info?" Tris asks. "Well, unlike you I'm not a shorty, so I could actually see what was happening," Caleb says, ignoring the glare Tris sends his way, "And I happened to run into Susan one day." "Oh really?" Tris says, "How is she?" "Good," Caleb says, shrugging.
If Abnegations is fizzling, it's our fault- Robert's and Caleb's and mine. Mine. I push the thought from my mind.
Robert hops down from the truck. He wears a gray T-shirt and a pair of blue jeans. After a second's hesitation, he moves toward me and folds me in his arms. I stiffen.
I feel jealous. I didn't get to hug Tris until after Al died.
Only in Amity do people hug each other in greeting. I don't move a muscle until he releases me.
"Rude," Uriah says. "Uriah," Tris says, "The first person I hugged that wasn't related to me was Four. I just wasn't used to physical contact. Just like you aren't use to not being an idiot."
His own smile fades when he looks at me again. "Beatrice, what happened to you? What happened to your face?"
"Yeah," Uriah says, "It looks so much better now!" I glare at Uriah, and out of the corner of my eye I see Caleb doing the same. "What was that?" Tris asks with the fakely sweet voice she uses when she's threatening someone. Uriah looks between Tris, Caleb, and I and seems to realize what a mistake he made. "Nothing," he says hurriedly.
"Nothing," I say. "Just training. Nothing."
"Beatrice?" demands a nasally voice next to me. Molly folds her arms and laughs. "Is that your real name, Stiff?"
I glance at her. "What did you think Tris was short for?"
"Pablo," Uriah says seriously. I decide not to bother figuring out how that makes any sense.
"Oh, I don't know … weakling?" She touches her chin. If her chin was bigger, it might balance out her nose, but it is weak and almost recedes into her neck. "Oh wait, that doesn't start with Tris. My mistake."
"That was supposed to be an insult?" Caleb asks. "But that just made her look like an idiot." Tris shrugs. "Molly's not the brightest."
"There's no need to antagonize her," Robert says, softly. "I'm Robert, and you are?"
"Someone who doesn't care what your name is," she says. "Why don't you get back in your truck? We're not supposed to fraternize with other faction members."
"Why don't you get away from us?" I snap.
"Right. Wouldn't want to get between you and your boyfriend," she says. She walks away smiling.
It's a good thing Molly and Drew never found out who her actual boyfriend was. They probably would have spread rumors about Tris only getting first because she was with me.
Robert gives me a sad look. "They don't seem like nice people."
"Some of them aren't."
"That's true wherever you go," Caleb points out.
"You could go home, you know. I'm sure Abnegation will make an exception for you."
I frown. He really didn't know her that well.
"What makes you think I want to go home?" I ask, my cheeks hot. "You think I can't handle this or something?"
"It's not that." He shakes his head. "It's not that you can't, it's that you shouldn't have to. You should be happy."
"Are you happy?" Caleb asks sincerely. "Yes," Tris says without hesitation. Caleb studies her face for a moment, and when satisfied that she gave him a truthful answer says, "Good."
"This is what I chose. This is it." I look over Robert's shoulder. The Dauntless guards seem to have finished examining the truck. The bearded man gets back in the driver's seat and closes the door behind him. "Besides Robert. The goal of my life isn't just to be … happy."
"Wouldn't it be easier if it was, though?" he says.
Before I can answer, he touches my shoulder and turns back to the truck. A girl in the back has a banjo on her lap. She starts to strum it as Robert hoists himself inside, and the truck starts forward, carrying the banjo sounds and her warbling voice away from us.
Robert waves to me, and again I see another possible life in my mind's eye. I see myself in the truck, singing with the girl, though I've never sung before, laughing when I am off-key, climbing trees to pick apples, always peaceful and safe.
"No," everyone but Tris says simultaneously. "What?" she asks. "You wouldn't fit in Amity," I say. "Yeah," Uriah says, nodding. "You're too mean." "That's true," Tris says, shrugging.
The Dauntless guards close the gate and lock it behind them. The lock is on the outside. I bite my lip. Why would they lock the gate from the outside and not the inside? It almost seems like they don't want to keep something out; they want to keep something in.
I push the thought out of my head. That makes no sense.
"Maybe they're not protecting us from the world," Uriah, "Maybe they're protecting the world from us." We all look over at Uriah, shocked. "What?" he says. "I have a brain." Well that's news to me...
Four steps away from the fence, where he was talking with a female Dauntless guard with a gun on her shoulder a moment before.
"I am worried you have a knack for making unwise decisions," he says when he is a foot away from me.
I cross my arms. "It was a two-minute conversation."
"I don't think a smaller time frame would make it any less unwise."
"Someone's jealous!" Uriah says in a sing-song voice. I decide to ignore him.
He furrows his eyebrows and touches the corner of my bruised eye with his fingertips.
Zeke nudges me in the side and waggles his eyebrows while Shauna, Marlene, and Christina aww. I roll my eyes.
My head jerks back, but he doesn't take his hand away. Instead he tilts his head and sighs. "You know, if you could just learn to attack first, you might do better."
"Attack first?" I say. "How would that help?"
"You're fast. If you can get a few good hits in before they know what's going on, you could win."
"Sounds like somebody was watching closely," Caleb says dryly. I shrug. He's right.
He shrugs, and his hand falls.
"I'm surprised you know that," I say quietly. "since you left halfway through my one and only fight."
"It wasn't something I wanted to watch," he says.
What's that supposed to mean?
"Really, Tris?" Christina asks incredulously. "What?" Tris says defensively. Christina rolls her eyes. "It was pretty obvious what that meant," she says. Tris huffs. "Whatever."
He clears his throat. "Looks like the next train is here. Time to go, Tris.
"You're awfully lucky that train came when it did," Zeke says. "It would've gotten really awkward, really fast." I nod. I don't even want to think about what would have happened if the train hadn't shown up when it had. I probably would've stuttered my way to disaster.
"That was the end of the chapter," Tris says.
"My turn!" Zeke yells, grabbing the book from Tris. I swear, he has the brain of a five year old.
"Chapter 12…"
Author's note: I know I say this every chapter, but thanks for reviews and stuff. To clear some stuff up; I WILL NOT abandon this story. It may take me a while to update sometimes, but I am working on it. And it's not like I look at the story and then say "Nah." I have stuff I need to do. Like homework. So much homework. I actually should be doing homework right now, but nah. Instead, I decided to work on this because I wanted to make sure and update today.
Anywho, please review. I like to know what you guys think.
Edit: Some really inconsequential changes just happened, but whatever. It was bugging me. Ok, so I wanted you guys to know that I am going to be doing the knife throwing scene from Free Four; it will be after they finish Divergent. Also, I won't do Insurgent or Allegiant, but I do have something planned for that stuff. Y'all will just have to wait a while to find out what that is.
DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN DIVERGENT