I can't believe this is the 11th chapter! I couldn't have done it without all of you and your kind words! Hope you enjoy reading this story!

'Hey you okay?' Eliza gave me a smile and gestured me to site next to her.

'Eliza, it's okay if you don't want to do…that. I respect whatever your reason is. I thought you wanted to so I didn't ask but apparently I was wrong and I misinterpreted your reactions. I'm sorry.' I kept my gaze on the ground as I sat next to her and told her what I really thought.

'Thank you. I will understand if you want to leave. I won't stop you. I mean… who would be as stupid as me to push away Dr Arizona Robbins, who always has people lining up for her. I can't even give you what you need… you know.'

I grabbed her hand and placed ours on my lap. I couldn't believe that she thought I would leave her because she didn't want sex. 'I need you. Eliza. You're talking as if I'm some kind of desperate, needy, sexual girlfriend! I am not! It really is okay!'I squeeze her hand to give her reassurance.

'Are you sure? It's not that easy to behave. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that you can't but it's just because I find it very hard to keep my hands off of you when you are next to me. Physically it would be my pleasure to have you naked in my bed but mentally I can't. I am not ready. You are absolutely gorgeous and I know you're whom every single gay girl wants.' She furrowed her brows and looked at me.

'Why are you assuming that there're so many girls out there for me?' I didn't understand why she thought about me like that though it may be true.

'People talk. Especially the nurses in your department. They know a lot about you and your history, definitely more than I do.'

'Oh dear… look, I can't deny that I was this spontaneous, flirtatious and hot girl when I first came to Seattle but I have changed and I don't want that kind of relationships anymore. They were meaningless. I just want to be with someone that I can eventually wake up to, share my days with and maybe even share my life with. I don't know about my future but I am totally sure that I don't want to play around anymore. Plus, I am a mother now!' I turned to my girlfriend and tried to convince her. I couldn't believe she thought I was still the college girl who liked to fool around. 'I chose to be with you not simply because I wanted to have physical intimacy, of course that is hard to resist, when my girlfriend is super attractive, hot, smart…'

'Really?' Eliza widened her eyes and gave me a relieved facial expression.

'Of course, but I don't want you to do anything you don't want to. Actually, you could have told me so I wouldn't have pushed you.'

'You didn't push me. It was my fault that I didn't tell you earlier because I was scared so I tried to do that but I realised I couldn't.'

'Why were you scared?' I gave her a confused look.

'I like you so much and I was afraid that you would leave if I told you. Who would want a girlfriend who can't… Besides, you are so beautiful. I can't deny that I physically wanted you so much…' She looked at me with her sheepish eyes. They were so adorable but what she was thinking wasn't acceptable at all.

'Eliza Minnick! I had no idea I was such a bitch to you!' I raised my voice.

'That's not what I meant! It's just… it's something that I… experienced… It happened to me.' She slowed down her voice and exhaled before she sat back on her couch.

'What?' I raised my eyebrows and was waiting for her to continue.

'I was 21 when I met my first girlfriend in college. We were so in love and I thought I would spend my life with her. I loved her. So much.' Eliza smiled as she started telling me what exactly happened. 'I thought I was so lucky that I got to have a girlfriend that cared about me and really understood me. Everything seemed perfect but I was still that pure college girl who didn't want to have sex before marriage because I wanted to wait till she and I graduated and started our own family. When we had dated for about eight months, we were starting to be more intimate and I knew she wanted more from me so I told her what I was actually thinking. I was so silly that I thought she would understand and have the same thoughts.' She chuckled at herself and I knew what happened was really sad for her.

'Hey, are you okay? You don't have to tell me…' I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer to me.

'I'm fine. I'm over it, for a long time already. Anyway, she didn't respect me and she thought that I didn't love her enough so I refused to have sex with her. I still remembered she said we couldn't go any further if I didn't want to give her what she wanted.'

'I'm so sorry to hear that. Listen honey, I would never say that to you and that's not what I think about you. I swear.' I shook my head. She did not deserve that. I understood sex was important in a relationship and of course I loved it but it wasn't the only crucial thing that would connect us. I would never ever do that to her. I could tell how heartbroken that was to Eliza and no wonder she would think that I would leave. I tightened my grip on her arm and gave her a kiss on her forehead which was rested on my shoulder.

'Thank you. But if you change your mind later, please tell me. I won't blame you. Are you really sure you… we can do this? It's not easy.' She was upright beside me and looking at me with her intense eyes.

'Honestly, I have never been involved in any relationships without physical connections but I am willing to try if that's what you want.'

'I just want you to make sure that you are okay with how we will make our relationship work because…'

'Because what?'

'Because I don't want to find out later that you regret and walk out with someone else.' She said with her hesitating voice as if she tried to tell me something.

'Did someone do that to you?' I knew the answer even before she answered me. She slightly nodded.

She exhaled. 'After my first girlfriend left, I didn't date again until I was 28. She was a peds attending and I was in my residency. She was a very intelligent, smart and caring mentor. I had never thought that I would fall for an attending when I was a resident but she was too attractive for me to ignore our affection for each other. She was the one who pursued me but apparently I was still scared of dating after my past experience so I decided to tell her that I preferred not having sex that soon before we started anything. She said she was totally okay with that and I trusted her. How stupid I was!'

'Don't tell me that she… forced you do it? Violently? Eliza…' Please tell me it wasn't what I was thinking!

'No. It was probably worse than that. I found her… in bed… with my best friend in an on call room.' She exhaled again and closed her eyes. I felt like I should tell her my past as well but I was afraid that she wouldn't trust me if I told her about what happened between me and Callie. The reason why we split up.

'Oh dear, I am sure it was devastating to you.'

'It was indeed. I was actually planning on proposing to her on our fourth year anniversary. Then I found out that. I was so mad and super upset. My ex blamed me for that since I was not willing to satisfy her physically so she had to seek someone else to fulfil her needs, my best friend apparently was the best choice. All three of us used to hang out a lot and I hadn't got any hint that the two of them… They were not new when I found them in bed. I still don't know why I was that stupid.'

Oh God, she must hate all the cheaters on earth but I felt like I should tell her that I was one of them. Of course I knew I did wrong and I would never do that again. I couldn't predict Eliza's reactions if I told her I cheated on Callie but I had to tell her at some point. I would rather do it sooner than later because I knew she hated people lie as well. The table would turn. She would probably walk out. I would get it if she thought that she couldn't trust me. After all, I didn't deserve her. She was too good and fragile. She didn't need more pain.

'Eliza, I can't believe how you lived through your pain…'

'I didn't, until I met you.' She cut me off with this which was making me even more guilty and scared though these words melted me.

'I am not that good. Not as what you thought I am. Eliza… I have a confession to make.' I gently put my left hand on her knee and brought my gaze to her gorgeous green eyes. 'Remember I told you I was married?' She slightly nodded. 'You know why I got a divorce?' She started furrowing her brows. 'I cheated on my ex-wife.'

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