A/N: This chapter is about professional relationships. It mentions intent to commit rape, and a few other mature situations (visiting brothels). If you do not feel comfortable with these topics, please skip this chapter.
Phantomflower and Lady Khali do not own the characters in the Akatsuki Employee Handbook.
The only exceptions are Phantomflower's Naruto OCs who appear at the end of each chapter. They should not be used without her permission.
Appropriate Professional Relations
By Karin
Edited by Madara
Edited by Konan
Sasuke's Comments
When you have a working relationship with someone, you should always take things to the next level, particularly if he's cute. I mean Sasuke is just so dreamy. Not having his baby would be the ultimate crime. Wrong, having it would be. We have a problem. Anyhow, there are many techniques you can you use to manage your relationship and escalate things appropriately.
My personal favorite is paying the hotel owner to lie and say that there are only two rooms available, and they both have single beds. In reality, the hotel is practically empty, but the guys don't know that.
Then, you give out the room keys and make sure Sasuke has a key to the same room you do. The thing is he thinks the room has two single beds when it actually has a double. This is the reason why we never send you to get our rooms. Please tell me she's not serious. Now, he's not the type of guy to sleep on the floor. No, I'm not, but I don't have problems sleeping next to dead bodies either. When I refuse to give him the bed, we share, and I mean we share everything. In your dreams and my nightmares.
At our age, virginity is overrated. I never said I was a virgin. I'm just not interested in you! Konan, have Kisame take Sasuke to the brothel we patronize and take care of this little issue. Will do. We should just go ahead and get all the awkwardness out of the way. Anyhow, you start things off with a nice massage. If that doesn't work, I have this amazing chakra proof rope that will do the trick. You have to catch me first! Strike this entire paragraph. The above does not constitute a professional relationship. I'm not certain entrapment is appropriate.
Another option is to fake an accident. When he rescues you, reward him with a kiss. If that doesn't work, you could always pay someone to attack him and then swoop in and rescue him. You won't find many people who will attack me, so good luck with that. If that arrogant boy keeps strutting around the base, acting like he owns it, she won't have to pay anyone. We'll take care of things for her. Hopefully, she'll get in the way and be accidentally killed.
Either way, rescuing your colleague will certainly get you what you want. Not in this lifetime. In general, rescuing your colleagues is advisable. However, under no circumstances will you put out a bounty or a hit on another employee of this organization. You only say that because you don't have to deal with those kids on a daily basis. If things don't change around here, there will be a three-way battle between Pain, Kisame, and myself over who gets to collect their bounties. Konan, I said don't do that and I meant it.
If none of that works, Orochimaru-sama taught me how to create this drug. It's actually a poison that's fatal in large doses, but a small amount will effectively render your subject unconscious for several hours. It's tasteless and odorless, making it perfect for a mickey. Slip it in his drink and wait.
This drug may be useful for other purposes, but it should not be used on members. I will have Zetsu analyze its properties. The only problem with this is that you have to do all the work, but just remember once you're pregnant he'll have to marry you. This is rape! Then, you'll be Mrs. Sasuke Uchiha.
Oh, I can't wait. I can. Your teammates are not interrogation subjects and should not be treated as such. As for the rape comment, Sasuke's right, and we will apply our sexual harassment penalties to females.
Another option is to give him all of your chakra, so that he has to carry you back to base. That's Jūgo's job. Be careful with this one, because if you give him too much, you won't be able to do anything for several days. When you get to the base, act really tired and ask him to help you to your room. Once you get there, push him back on the bed and seductively remove your clothes. Nature should do the rest. Only if puking is involved.
Girls like her give women a bad name. Let me make myself clear. The only time one of our employees should be naked with another employee is if they are of the same sex and in a public bath. That's a little harsh. We've always tolerated consensual relationships among our adult members.
Correction, my previous statement only applies to minor members. If you choose to involve yourself in a relationship with another member, be advised that if it interferes with fulfilling your duties I will replace both of you.
It really is a pity his brother died. I mean Uchihas are so cute! All of them. It must be genetics or something, but I would so do any of them. Even if they're old and wrinkled, imagine how cute their babies would be. Konan, place this girl in therapy before she gets herself killed.
And the Sharingan ... don't get me started. Powerful and cute is so attractive. It would be really great if we could use Orochimaru-sama's jutsu on his brother and bring him back to life. I mean we could like sacrifice Suigetsu.
No one would miss him, and I would have two super sexy, powerful Uchihas. I'd do my brother's corpse before I'd do you. It looks like we should explain the whole boy-girl thing to Sasuke. I'll have Kisame add that to the curriculum. You can't beat that. This actually sounds like a good idea. Let's sacrifice the weak idiot and bring back someone who can actually fight. No, he wasn't loyal to the Organization.
I don't care if his loyalties were questionable. The man's good in a pinch. Besides, I'd pay to see Karin try her tricks on him. Watching zombie Itachi splatter her brains out on the walls or turn her into a vegetable would be priceless entertainment. If her shenanigans continue, I'll arrange it.
Anyhow, I have to stop now and turn this section in. Kisame-san said that if I was late with my assignments one more time, he would sharpen Samehada on my back, and I don't think he was kidding. Note to self, beg Kisame to carry out his threat. That would leave really nasty scars, and Sasuke wouldn't like me anymore. That would be really bad. So bye!
Why should Kisame get all the fun? I could always use the little trollop for target practice. Imagine a wall of paper slowly cutting her to shreds while her terrified screams fill the room ... Heaven. Konan, until now, I didn't consider you one of our more homicidal members. I stand corrected.
The above is entirely inappropriate and does not constitute appropriate professional conduct. Until further notice, appropriate professional conduct will be conduct that is agreed upon by all members of the partnership or team, provided it does not interfere with your duties. If you have any questions or disputes, file a complaint with my office.
Karin smiled at the hotel receptionist. She held out a decent amount of money.
"Thank you for assisting with my endeavor. Hopefully, he will take notice of me."
The white-haired receptionist counted it out before placing it under her desk.
"I'm sure he will, sweetheart. Men are dense creatures, but once they notice they're in close quarters in a lady, they'll wonder why they didn't notice the opposite sex before."
The redhead blushed. She nodded eagerly.
"He and some friends of ours are waiting outside. I'll go and tell them about our arrangements."
With that, Karin strode to just outside of the hotel.
Jūgo's gaze was on a family of rabbits nibbling on nearby grass. Suigetsu tapped his foot impatiently. Sasuke leaned against the hotel's exterior.
He looks so handsome! He should appreciate what I've arranged for tonight.
The bespectacled teenager cleared her throat. Her teammates turned their attention to her.
"I have some news, guys. The hotel had rooms, but only two of them were left. Both of them have two single beds."
Suigetsu was the first to speak up.
"Really?! That means we'll have to bunk up. I hope I don't have to sleep with you."
Jūgo folded his hands. The large shinobi shrugged.
"That's fine. I'm happy to share a room with anyone."
The younger Uchiha brother walked up calmly.
"We will make do. Karin, pass out the hotel keys."
The redhead gave Suigetsu and Jūgo their keys first. She did it so the boys would not ruin her plans in any fashion. Tonight, she would woo Sasuke alone.
She escorted the black-haired teen to their hotel room. He gave a few soft sighs as they walked.
The hotel room was rather large. Soft velvet carpet covered the floor. A screen door led to a private onsen. But, what really stood out was the bed.
It was a double bed with plush black quilts and crimson pillows. There was just enough room for two people.
"I thought you said there were two single beds," Sasuke hissed.
One of his eyebrows rose.
The redhead stormed up a cover story for the disparity.
"The receptionist must have gave me false information," she sighed.
The spiky-haired boy accepted the explanation without a complaint.
The two teenagers grabbed dinner from the hotel restaurant.
It was a cozy place. A waiter provided them with a menu. The restaurant mainly served common dishes like tempura, soba, udon, yakitori, dishes served over rice, hot pot dishes, grilled meat and seafood, sashimi and edamame. Karin glanced hopefully at the sweeter alcoholic drinks on the menu.
The waiter shook his head at the redhead.
"Sorry miss, but even ninja must be twenty years old to drink legally in the Hidden Countries. May I interest you in fruit juice instead?"
The redhead nodded reluctantly.
"May I have pineapple juice, please?"
The blond waiter copied her order down.
"And what will you have, sir?"
Sasuke spoke without peering up from his menu.
"Oolong tea, please. No sugar."
The waiter rushed off to the kitchen.
The black-haired shinobi hid his face with his menu.
"Maybe I'll ask for curry when he comes back. Have you decided what your meal is, Karin?"
The bespectacled kunoichi glanced at her menu. Karaage, edamame, and soba sounded good right about now.
I wish they served okonomiyaki here. This place is good, but it's no resort.
Taka had to be careful with their money. Maybe she could spring a resort on her handsome teammate after they completed a few missions for the Akatsuki?
"I think I have," she chirped.
"I'm in the mood for karaage, edamame, and soba. Now, where is our waiter?"
The blond man rushed out of a set of doors carrying a glass of pineapple juice and oolong tea.
"Here are your drinks. Are you ready to order your meals?"
The two teenagers nodded. They read out their choices to their server.
"Certainly. I will bring them out as soon as I can."
The waiter disappeared again.
Karin moved her chair towards her teammate. She ran her hands over his back in a massage. The black-haired ninja stiffened.
"Karin, what are you doing?" Sasuke demanded.
The red-haired kunoichi smiled.
"Massaging you. Does it feel nice?"
The pale-skinned teenager shoved her hands off him.
"No. Don't touch me."
At some point, the waiter walked back to their table. He carried a large bowl of curry, a small dish of edamame, a plate of karaage, and a steaming bowl of soba on a tray. The blond man set the dishes on the table.
"Here is your dinner. Call for me if you need anything else."
Karin ate slowly. It wouldn't do for her black-haired teammate to be turned off because she acted like a slob.
The black-haired boy copied her pace. His eyes stayed on his bowl.
Sasuke finished the last of his curry with a smirk on his lips. His red-haired companion's food vanished from the table. They paid the waiter before returning to their room.
The red-haired kunoichi changed into a black dress inside of their hotel room's bathroom. She brushed her hair out, and then applied a little lip-gloss.
He won't be able to resist me now!
Karin stepped out into the hotel room. The target of her affections sat on one side of their bed. He had changed into a pair of dark blue shorts, and a matching muscle shirt. He turned their bedside lights off.
The redhead climbed into bed. She leaned into Sasuke's side.
"Jūgo and Suigetsu aren't here to bother us. Why don't we get a little wild?"
The dark-eyed ninja edged away from her.
"How about we not? It's late."
The redhead crawled towards the pale-skinned boy. She pursed her lips together.
"The mission can wait. Our teammates won't care if we stay until noon tomorrow."
The black-haired shinobi's eyes morphed into the Sharingan. He stared into her red eyes.
Karin dreamt of having her way with her comrade. They kissed, snuggled, and a lot more. But, it didn't feel right. She became hyper aware of her teammate's darker chakra signature. Suddenly, the black-haired boy stabbed her with his sword. She woke up to Sasuke sleeping on the floor.
While she tried seducing the Uchiha boy a few more times, the incident served as a wake-up call to the redhead. She wanted a partner who would care about her, not a boyfriend who would stab her in the back. She gradually moved on from her crush. By the time the Fourth Shinobi World War ended, her feelings had mostly faded away.
Years later, Karin married a former shinobi in a small hidden village away from the major Hidden Countries. She bore a son and a daughter, and became a high-ranking medical ninja at the local hospital.
The bespectacled woman warned young kunoichi in her village not to mirror her behavior as a teenager. Rape was wrong, as she realized later on, and kunoichi who obsessed over their crushes gave their profession a bad name.
A/N: It took me a long time to complete this. Let me explain a few bits about the omake.
I did not feel comfortable getting too graphic with Karin's activities in her genjutsu. This story is rated T, not M.
Karin's ending is something I've taken from my Naruto crossover story, Whirlpools of Lightning. It deviates from the last chapters of canon, and even in canon, we haven't been told what happened to her. As she and the other members of Taka were supporting characters, I found this to be wrong.
If I find the space, I will give Suigetsu and Jūgo endings of their own. They, Orochimaru, and Kabuto just disappear and we hear nothing about their whereabouts in the epilogue. I've already chosen Kabuto and Orochimaru's fates.
The restaurant she and Sasuke ate at is based off of an izakaya. An izakaya is an informal Japanese restaurant that is similar to a pub or tavern.
For those that don't know, edamame are soybeans, soba are a variety of Japanese noodle, karaage refers to fried meat or fish, and okonomiyaki is a Japanese pancake that may be filled with any number of ingredients. It's listed as Karin's favorite food.
Curry is a popular Japanese dish. In Japan, onions, carrots, and potatoes are frequently used in this dish. Beef, pork, and chicken are the usual choices when someone wants to add meat. It is usually served with pickled vegetables.