Candor or Dauntless Pt 2

Four(POV)

I don't like the way he grabbed her. And from her reaction, I can tell she didn't like it either. I'm glad she jabbed him in the ribs because I've never seen anybody stand up to him like that. Especially not someone like Tris.

Alyx has always been like that, thinking he can do whatever to whoever he wants because of his strength. I hate it. What really made it worse was when she grabbed Christina's hand; Tris was scared and told her so.

"Dude, stop brooding. You look like Eric and it's scary." Zeke says, slowly sitting down next to me with vodka held closely to the damage. He offers me some, but I kindly reject.

"You don't want my nut juice?" It sounds like an accusation.

"Now that you put it like that, I definitely don't want your nut juice." I chuckle. He acts offended and pretends to wipe away a tear before laughing.

"So, I notice you glaring between Trissy and Alyx. Feelin some jealousy perhaps?"

"I don't feel jealous, prick. I can just tell she didn't like the way he grabbed her ass." I say, flicking the glass vodka bottle. He flinches.

"I noticed that too. But we've got her back, she's part of the fam now." Zeke smiles before drinking a little.

I lean back in the chair. "It's been forty minutes, how do you accept her into the gang already?" I cave and pull the vodka from his hands, taking a long swig.

"Here's the thing, Cuatro, if she's really how Uriah says she is, then she's good with me. Any friend of Uriah is a friend of mine. Maybe try letting people in some time, yeah?"

I drink again in response.

Zeke gets up—with much difficulty—and goes back to Shauna. It's about time they got together. They've liked each other since they met last year, on one of our 'double dates.' Those were terrible. Most the girls he set me up with were a little slutty, some were even drug addicts. Just girls Zeke found in the Pit.

Pointless chatter flows around the room and my eyes fall on her. It's hard not to notice how uncomfortable Tris is after that encounter. And I can tell Uriah really didn't like it from the way he reacted. He got on the edge of his seat with a quickness the second Alyx's hand started to slide down. I catch him brooding, too, a few times when I look at him, but it never lasts and he covers it with his playful personality. Honestly, I never considered that Uriah and Tris might be friends. She's stubborn but quiet. I know she's hiding something; a secret she will most likely keep to her grave. Uriah is an open book, you know everything about him within the first five minutes of meeting him.

I finish off the vodka and set it on the empty chair next to mine. Uriah walks to the center of the room and quiets the talking.

"Alright, time to start up again. And this time, no loser dares like 'Say something nice to me!'" He mocks me in a weird voice and I roll my eyes. "We're not pussies! Let's go!" He screams. Dear God. How am I friends with this kid?

"I went last! My turn!" Shauna yells while raising her hand up high. Her eyes roam over the room, her mind carefully calculating her next victim. "Tris,"

"What? I just went!" She argues, gesturing to Alyx.

Shauna chuckles. "I don't care. There are no rules in this game." Tris huffs and waits for her to continue. "Candor or Dauntless,"

She sighs heavily, "Can—"

"PANSYCAKE!" The Pedrad Brothers scream it so loud that both their voices crack at the same time. She shoots a pointed glare at them and they cower behind each other.

Shauna thinks. "What is...you're biggest secret?"

Tris doesn't seem surprised by the question, but I can see the war inside her head. I know she was abused, I've seen her back. Will she tell the truth or something else? It's hard to let your guard down around people you don't know. It's hard to let your guard down when you're so used to holding it up. Hell, I haven't even told them about my past. Of course, she could lie. It's what I've done and will probably continue to do. When you get abused, lying becomes second nature. You get good at it and you can come up with the most believable story on the spot.

She looks over to me, her face full of controlled worry. What do I do? The question is as plain as day in my eyes. It's her decision. This is her secret, her demon. Her choice whether or not she wants to disclose this to these people. I know I haven't.

I shrug in response. Then she bites her lip as she looks to the floor, taking her pick. Ultimately, she removes the first layer of the game. The sweatshirt is thick, and her immediate reaction to the cool air is obvious.

"Ah, a Stiff with secrets." Lynn smiles. Again, Tris rolls her eyes.

A sudden knock rings on the door. Uriah hops up and races Zeke to the newcomers. A second later, we hear both the brothers scream 'Transfers!' Great. More initiates.

Peter, Molly, Drew, and Tori all walk in. At least Tori's here. I didn't realize this was an open invite.

"Now we can get this party fucking started!" Zeke yells. Tori moves the vodka bottle next to me and sits. She opens it to take a swig but notices it's empty and drops it to the floor.

Tori nudges my arm, "How are you doing?" she murmurs to me.

"Fine," I murmur back. I have always considered Tori a friend of mine. She made both of my tattoos and spent countless hours inking them into my skin. She knows about Marcus and is the only one who remembers my real name. She never uses it, though she sometimes threatens. Tori thinks I'm too Dauntless for Tobias and believes Four is a far more suitable name.

Peter glares at Tris as his group finds places around the room. After the beating she got from him, I would've ducked, too, if he looked at me the way he's looking at her. But this isn't the training room, and she has friends here who will back her up.

"Um, Four?" Her voice breaks me away from my brooding. "Candor or Dauntless?"

I have the odd feeling to trust her. I think I'll try Zeke's technique.

"Candor," I say emotionless. Zeke's mouth drops. I never, ever, pick Candor. Uriah is thankfully too far in shock to call me that god-awful word.

She thinks for only a moment. "Who would you bang, marry, and kill out of the people in this room?" I didn't know Stiffs knew that game. I know I didn't until I started to hang out with Zeke more.

I hesitate for a moment. "I would marry Tori because she isn't annoying and she doesn't say the word pansycake every five seconds." Zeke mocks hurt, and Uriah pretends to stab himself in the heart and die. "Kill, I'd kill Zeke, 'cause you piss me off. And I would bang..." I can't say any of the initiates for obvious reasons, even though want to, "Shauna. You're arguably one of the hottest people here." I start laughing halfway through the sentence because of the look she gives me. Thankfully, she doesn't take it seriously.

"Ec-fucking-scuse me?!" Zeke roars. "That's my woman now, Four. Show some damn respect." I can't really tell if he's joking or not. Either way, I throw my hands up in surrender.

Tris laughs, satisfied with my answer.

"Alyx," I say, my smile gone before it came.

He looks at me suspiciously. "Dauntless, brother."

"Don't call me brother. Get a tattoo of whatever the Pedrads decide on." My smile crawls back.

Alyx's eyes widen, then he gulps his beer. "Let's do this."

Uriah invited Tris, but only Tris. So Zeke, Uriah, Tris, Tori, Alyx, and I are all on our way to the parlor. Tori volunteered to do the tattoo for free because she knew it'd be hilarious.

Tris and I walk alone at the back of the pack. Everyone else is discussing the permanent tattoo.

"What do you think the Pedrads will do?" says Tris. I note that we're far back enough that no one will hear our conversation.

"Don't know. Depends," I shrug, keeping my answers vague.

"On?"

I sigh, "On who wins and how pissed they are." Tris looks at me confused. "The boys will most likely play rock-paper-scissors to decide who picks what. Alyx is a bit of an ass if you didn't already notice. He's only here because of his father's position in Erudite. His dad pulled the strings to get him here, so he thinks he can do anything he wants."

Tris huffs. "I hate people like that. Thinking they're better than everybody else simply because of money or because of their position. When it comes down to it, he's just a person."

She makes a good point. He is simply flesh and bone.

"Hey—" I rub the back of my neck, "—are you okay? I know what Alyx did make you uncomfortable."

She plays with her hands. "I'm fine, it just freaked me out. You can never be too careful with people like that. Once you let them know you won't do anything when they do something like that, then it only gets worse. They'll start getting more handsy, more violent."

"You have experience?"

Tris looks down at the floor, fiddling with her fingers harder.

"Yeah,"

Must have something to do with her abuse. My heart aches for her. I can't imagine what that must be like, having my body at someone's disposal. I'm guessing she might have been sexually abused, and you can't just shake something off like that. I bet she has a fear of men or rape in her landscape.

Even though I was abused, Marcus never touched me like that.

I try not to give too much pity in my tone. "I'm sorry, that—"

She stops and looks me in the eyes for the first time since we left the apartment. "With all due respect, I don't want your pity. Or anybody's. I just…I want to forget it ever happened."

Her eyes harden and she masks previous shyness with mad authority. Again, something inside me twinges and a different type of anger fills me.

I turn away from her and continue to walk.

"I'm sorry if I offended you in any way." She says jogging up to me. "I didn't mean to—"

"It's not you, Tris." My voice comes harsher then I meant. I calm it down a little. "I am sorry you had to go through that, it's bullshit."

"Yeah. But if anything, it made me better." She says, her head lowered.

The tattoo parlor is empty when we arrive. Tori's tattoo partner Daniel is here, but he's asleep on one of the chairs. Tris immediately ventures into the parlor, looking at designs and keeping to herself.

"Alright. Take a seat right there at my station and I'll go get my stuff." Tori smiles, pointing to a reclining chair. She heads off and Alyx begrudgingly sits down.

"Ah ah ah," Zeke says, waving a finger like he's scolding a child. "Backwards."

"Backwards?" Alyx says, his jaw open.

"Backwards." The brothers say coincidentally.

Reluctantly, he turns and straddles the chair, his arms around the back and his legs on either side.

"Take off your shirt," says Uriah, motioning the action with his arms.

Alyx starts to get up, but the boys run and push him down. It's only now that I realize that this is his punishment for Tris. And not only Tris but for everything he's been a real dick about. This is why I'm friends with this kid.

Eventually, Tori comes back with a three-tier cart filled with inks, gloves, paper, lotion, bandages, and the tattoo gun.

Both the boys pull Tori aside and whisper in a small circle.

"Hey, Four, what are they saying over there?" Alyx whispers.

I glare at him. "I'm the same distance away as you are."

"Yeah, but, like, can you hear anything?"

"Even if I could, I wouldn't tell you."

His face falls. "Aw, man, don't do me like that."

I scowl at him and walk away. He begins to protest, but I ignore it and start to look at designs.

All kinds of works line the walls, each a different style. Some made by Daniel, most by Tori. You can tell which is which because both have a different reoccurring theme that only the illustrator can do. Daniel has roses and sharp lines while Tori has swirls and the faction symbols worked into her art. You can only see them if you look for them. I've made it game to find the symbols in the most busy parts of the artwork.

The familiar sound of buzzing fills my ears and I turn to see Alyx clutching the seat while getting a lower back tattoo. He visibly clenches his teeth and squeezes his eyes shut as Tori needles in whatever design the Pedrads decided on.

Zeke walks over to me, looking at the designs as he does so.

"What'd you guys decide on?"

"That, my numbery friend, is a surprise." He says, flicking my nose.

I hit his hand away. "Numbery isn't a wo—"

"Stop twisting my arm! I can't tell you!" Zeke screams dramatically.

Playfully, I shove him away and point at a particular work that stands out to me. "What do you think about that one?"

He nods his head approvingly, not making eye contact and only staring at the picture. "It's nice. Where'd you get it?"

I shrug. The design is large, and I'd definitely have to size it down. Colossal hands, I'm assuming God's, cup together to hold a blue watercolor man and a purple watercolor woman. The man and woman hold each other tightly as if it's the last time they'll be together. God's hands create a type of shield, protecting them from the outside darkness.

"I don't know if I'd get it. But it's a really nice piece of art."

Zeke nods. "It is really cool. You know what I wanna get?"

"Hm?" I hum, glancing around at the other pieces of paper taped to the wall.

Zeke starts jumping up and down, a giddiness taking ahold of him. "A fucking cobra!"

"Yeah?" I smile. "Where?"

By the look on his face, I know he's going to say something that will both amuse and disgust me.

"Duh. A snake on the snake."

I shove him harder than last time, walking away laughing.

I go over to Tori to see what she's doing and almost lose it. Stenciled in purple on Alyx's back are four words I never thought I'd see tattooed on someone. Centered on his lower back are the words, 'Gleamin Semen' and right under it is 'Insert here'

"What? What's wrong? What is it?" Alyx says, obvious worry in his voice.

I pat his back. "Nothing. You're doing great." I fight to hold in a laugh and I succeed to some extent. Those Pedrads will have hell to pay when he finds out what's on his body forever.

Once we get back to the apartment, everyone crowds around us and asks what he got. I keep quiet, as do the Pedrads and Tori.

"You find out when he does." Tori laughs at the others. They all mumble responses and we go back to our seats.

"Four," Alyx says.

"Dauntless," I say as I sit down on the dining chair.

A devilish smile masks the sting from his new tattoo. "Play Quickie with Little Ms. Virgin over here." He grins as he jerks his head at Tris. She glares and looks like she's about to make a comeback, but decides against it.

"What the hell is Quickie?" Tris hisses.

"Basically you go into a room, normally a closet, and make out until someone bursts in," Shauna says while eyeing Alyx angrily.

Tris almost looks scared, but it's gone as soon as it came. I consider it. We wouldn't have to make out and I wouldn't have to take off my shirt. But I can tell she really doesn't want to do it. And it would be inappropriate anyways. Plus, Max might beat my ass if he found out I had inappropriate interactions with an initiate in this kind of setting.

I peel off my shirt, glad I wore an undershirt. I throw my shirt down next to my chair leg and cross my arms.

"Peter,"

"Finally!" He shouts.

"Candor or Dauntless?"

"Dauntless!"

A smile creeps up on my lips. "Go to the Pit and start a fight with the biggest guy you find." I have a feeling only the initiates will understand this dare. I know Tris does because she grins to herself.

His original enthusiasm now replaced with obvious resentment, Peter gets up with irritation.

Everyone bolts up—except for Zeke and I—and they leave the room.

Minutes pass before he speaks. "Good one, bro." Zeke laughs as he walks over to the fridge. I look down at my watch. Five minutes since they've been gone. A new record.

"You know how much I hate being called that."

"But you are my bro!" He wines. "Want a beer?"

"No, I'm good."

Zeke trudges over and plops down next to me. With two beers in his hand, I figure he brought me one anyway. I'm about to protest, but then I see him pop the caps off using the back of the chair and drink them both at the same time. The necks of the bottles fill his cheeks along with the beer.

I watch with my mouth open as he chugs down both beer bottles.

"You are an alcoholic." I joke.

"Indeed. So, my friend, I am no longer single. Which means that I've got to get your ass taken."

I groan loudly. "No Zeke. I don't trust you to set me up with anyone."

He acts offended. "Why?!"

"Because the girls you send me are bimbos!"

"Classy bimbos."

"Bimbos nonetheless."

"Fine," he sighs, "what kind of girl am I supposed to send you?"

"I don't want you to send me a girl! I can find one on my own."

"Oh come on. I don't want you to be a Single Pringle anymore. You've been dead single since you—"

I cut him off by slamming a pillow into his face. He wasn't expecting it, so he falls over onto the ground. He lies there for a few minutes pretending to cry while I do my best to hold it together.

He rubs his face before seething, "You've started war, my friend."

He's about to retaliate, but the door swings open and people poor in. That didn't take long.

"Where's Peter?" Zeke questions. It's only now I notice he isn't here.

Christina responds, a loud smile on her face. "Infirmary! He got destroyed. Didn't even get a punch in!"

"Have you?" Will retaliates. Christina gives him a glare and Tris starts laughing.

Lynn cuts in and smiles, "Dude, the guy broke his nose. That was the fucking best thing ever!" She suddenly shoves Uriah over and runs to one of the bean bags, beating him in an unauthorized race.

"Damn it, Lynn!" Uriah snaps as he pushes himself up.

"Yeah, he got knocked out cold." Tris murmurs. She almost looks sorry for him. "His friends and Al decided to stay with him. So, who's turn is it now?"

Shauna raises her hand. "I'll go for him. Tris,"

She sighs and says, "Candor."

The brothers are about to say it, but she shoots another glare their way. Everyone finds their seats and we continue.

Shauna thinks before saying, "Have you lost your virginity? And if so, to who and how old were you?"

The look of terror crosses her face immediately, it stays but only for a second. Her hesitation is answer enough, but she must give an answer or remove something.

She looks at no one as she removes the black leather jacket and the black sweater under it then she removes her sweats. Three questions, three articles.

Everyone stares at her in shock as she stares at the floor in shame.

Each one of the people in this room except for Tris look at each other, not really sure what to do. I glare at each one when they meet my eyes and mouth, Stop. At that, they mask their surprise and play calm.

"Tris," I say softly.

She looks up at me and I expect to see watery eyes or embarrassment or a shy face, but all I receive is rage.

"It's your turn." My voice hardens to mask my pity. I know from what she told me earlier that it wasn't consensual. That's what pisses me off the most.

With anger obvious in her voice, she simply asks, "Candor or Dauntless?"

I'm guessing it's meant for me. "Dauntless."

She thinks for a minute. As the time passes, I can see her anger crumble.

"I dare you to get five numbers from girls down at the Pit."

A smile crosses my face. "Pfft. Easy."

"Show me then," she challenges, a smile playing on her lips.

I get up, and she trails me. No one else follows.

The walk to the Pit is quiet and kinda awkward, but it's nice that it's just the two of us.

When we make it to the Pit, Tris shoves me into the crowd. I watch her move to the wall and stand with arms crossed.

I walk up to the first girl I see standing at the bar. She's pretty, with green eyes and light brown hair that curls to the middle of her exposed back. I'd guess she's maybe 20 or 21. Her outfit is a bit skimpy to me, but she's otherwise very pretty. She stands like she's waiting for someone.

I walk up to her and tap her shoulder. When she turns, I smile. "Hi, what's your name?" I say.

She smiles back and completely turns to me. "Marie." Marie takes my hand in hers and shakes. We make small conversation, talking about simple things.

"Excuse me, Four, but my phone died. Do you mind if I call one of my friends to see where they're at?"

"Sure," I murmur, positive that I failed. Then again, I am getting one of her friend's number. Mission accomplished. I hand her my phone and she types in whatever number she has in her mind. A second later, she hands the phone back.

"I just called myself, now I have your number. We'll talk later." With a wink, she turns and fights through the crowd, presumably to her friends.

I turn around to Tris and hold up one finger cockily. She rolls her eyes and holds up four fingers. Four more girls.

I glide through the crowd, making light conversation, forcing myself into groups. I've never really done things like this before, I'm not the partying kind. Two girls actually give me their numbers before I even get to open my mouth. I turn back to Tris and show my progress. After walking around a bit, I slowly make it back to the bar.

Suddenly, a hand grabs my wrist and I'm being pulled. A tall woman with vivid curly red hair and bright blue eyes drags me away from the bar. I try to protest, but she doesn't listen. We end up on the dance floor. I don't dance. After five minutes of arguing, I look over to Tris for help as this woman starts to grind on me, only to see she isn't there.

"Excuse me," I murmur as I pull away from her. I push through the crowd, scouring the room for a short girl with blonde hair.

I finally find her and relief fills me. Why? I watch in anticipation as the scene escalates. I see a man with her, talking to her. I try to get to her, but I'm frozen. All I can notice is how uncomfortable she looks. He orders a drink, drops a pill in it, and tries to hand it to her but she refuses. She tries to walk away but he grabs her and roughly jerks her back. The look on her face is different from the one she had in the apartment with Alyx, that one was anger and a little bit of fear. The one I'm looking at now is sheer terror. The man looks almost as if he's scolding her. Then he pulls her closer using her arm and whispers in her ear. Several emotions fly across her face; fear, shock, sadness, and anger. But anger stays. She yanks her hand away from him and pushes him away. He starts to charge her, but she grabs the cup and throws the alcohol all over him and chucks the cup at his head. That shocks him long enough for her to run, but she doesn't move.

I begin to move but I don't get there quick enough. I don't see it, but I hear the smack and the thud of her falling. I shove people away as I run to the man. He doesn't notice me, he's too busy calling her a bitch and whispering another thing in her ear. When I come up behind him, I grab the collar of his leather jacket and punch him in the face as hard as I can. He falls to the floor with a broken nose. He starts to get up again, but I punch him again and he's out.

I go over to her and grab her arm to pull her up, but she freaks out and pulls away. With her back still to me, I can hear her crying. It's only now I notice the people gathering around us. Hell, even the music stopped. I crouch down next to her and softly murmur "Tris, let's go." She nods in response. I grab her hand and pull her up. She keeps her head down as I drag her out of the Pit and into the maze of hallways.

"Did he touch you?" I say with a hint of anger.

"Nowhere inappropriate." She mumbles, her crying evident in her voice.

A halt and turn to her. "Are you okay?"

She pulls her hand from mine and crosses her arms. "I will be." Her hair covers her face as she glares at the floor so I can't see the bruise.

"Let me see," I say softly, trying not to be too forceful. She's breathing heavily, trying her best not to start crying. Maybe she's trying not to have a panic attack. Tris finally looks up at me, her face wet and red. Using both hands, I push her hair back behind her ears and find the bruise on her left cheek. I grab her jaw gently and use it to maneuver her face so I can get a better look.

"You're an idiot." I finally state, letting go of her and stepping back. I'm getting too close. Back off.

"I know."

"You of all people know not to anger people like him."

"I know."

I huff. "Then why! Why would you piss him off?!"

"What did you expect me to do, Four?! Let him drug me? Let him do whatever he wanted? I've always fought back, and I'm not going to stop."

"You're going to get yourself killed," I growl.

"So what! So what? I've got no family, I've got nobody here! Who would miss me?" Her voice sort of tapers off at the end, and she goes quiet at what she just said. I don't think she knew she felt that way until now.

"'So what?' So, if you just let go and not care about anything, they win. Your abusers, that guy, everyone who's against you wins. You said you've always fought back, then keep fighting."

Angry tears roll down her face and she wipes them away with her bare arm. I notice what she's wearing: a red shirt cut off halfway to reveal the dark grey shirt under it. Then short shorts over leggings. She was an easy target.

"What happened? Tell me everything."

She takes a deep breath and sits down on the floor, her back against the stone wall. I sit down next to her but am sure to keep my distance as to not scare her more.

"It was after that redhead started to drag you away. His name is Mark, or that's what he told me, at least. He tried to make simple conversation, but I wasn't interested. I made that very clear. Then he started to get kinda violent. He did that thing you guys do when you put your hand on the wall and trap girls in? Y'know?" I nod in response. "So I went with him to the bar. He was already angry, and I knew if I refused him again he'd hurt me. We chatted there for a bit, but then he bought me a drink. He dropped a pill in it, said it spices it up and makes it taste better. I'm not a dumbass. I knew what it was."

"Rohypnol?" I ask.

She nods her head, her eyes trained on the floor. "The fucker tried to roofie me. I said no and tried to leave, but he grabbed me. Hard. Started to berate me like I was a child. Then," she takes a deep breath, trying to calm herself, but I can see the tears threatening to fall. "Then he whispered in my ear that I'd like it, that he'd fuck me and I'd like it." Her voice betrays her stone face. "Said that it'd be best if I stopped trying to fight it. That he was going to do whatever he wanted to me and there was nothing I could to do stop it, then he bit my ear." She shivers as she thinks about it. "I was so angry. I didn't even think. I just grabbed the drink and threw it at him. Then the cup. Obviously, he didn't like that too much. So then he punched me and here we are." She wipes her face and turns to me. "Thank you. Who knows what could've happened if it was just me."

"Don't mention it," I say.

"But I will. No ones ever saved me from people like that and you did. I'm in your debt."

"No, really it's fine—"

"Shut up. If you need anything, just ask."

I laugh softly. "Okay, okay. You owe me a favor. Do you want an ice pack?"

She shakes her head, "Nah. I'm okay. Not as cool as the broken nose Peter got, but still. Has it gotten worse?"

I just look at her and grin. "Yes. It has."

She smiles in response and turns back to facing straight. Her head rests against the wall, her eyes looking to the ceiling.

We sit here for several minutes in calm silence before I speak. "Are you ready to go back?"

"I don't know. I really don't want to be bombarded with questions. Especially from Christina."

What am I doing? I'm being too nice with this girl. Who's an initiate? I'm getting too close. I can't be seen with her like this. Not yet.

I get up and harden my voice, "I'll walk you back to the dorms then."

I start walking and I hear her get up and run after me. The walk back is silent. We don't speak or anything. When we get there, she turns to me and stands in front of the double doors.

"Again, thank you, Four. I'm extremely grateful."

"You're welcome," I say, not meeting her eyes.

She looks like she's about to hug me, but instead, she murmurs a goodnight and slips inside the room. Honestly, if she had hugged me, I think I might've hugged back.

Tris(POV)

I wanted to hug him damn it. Why didn't I? He was right there.

Maybe it's better that I didn't. It'd be incredibly inappropriate and probably against some rule. He is the authority figure. That'd just be weird. Maybe after initiation? The thought brings a smile to my face. I know he's holding back from having some kind of relationship with me; friendship or otherwise. But once he's not my instructor, we can be more than we are now.

I know that these thoughts are dangerous, but I need something to distract myself. I still feel his hands on me. I can feel his warm breath against my ear. The things he said, the way he grabbed me, it all takes me back to Marcus. The bastard promised he'd always be in my head and he was right. I hate him for it.

Noticing there are only a couple people in here—all of which are girls—I decide to take a shower. Try to wash away all these feelings. Especially the ones directed at Four.

Are these feelings okay for me to have? Of course I still want Tobias, and I will always love him. A piece of me will always be his. But he'd want me to move on right? If he wanted, he would've found me by now.

The thought is almost a slap to the face. But it's true, isn't it? How hard is it to find an initiate. We're only ever in three places; the training room, the dorms, and the cafeteria. Rarely ever are we anywhere else. It's been weeks, he's had his chance. And even though the thought hurts, maybe he's found something better. I deserve to have something better. I'm not going to deny it anymore.

I want Four.

The revelation brings a large grin to my lips and makes me feel giddy, despite the cold water rolling down my back. I know I've got to be smart about this, though. First off, I need to know him better. I need to understand him. Once I get to really know him, I might not feel the same. Second, I must be careful. Even though I'm completely admitting to myself and accepting the fact that I have feelings for him, I don't want to completely let my guard down. I don't know how I'd handle giving my heart to someone and having them destroy it. Lastly, I have to be positive that these feelings are here to stay. It's possible that this could just hormones talking. He is hella attractive.

Enough of this for tonight. For now, I can't be distracted by anything because of how low on the board I am. I need to be prepared for whatever the hell it is we're doing next. A fear landscape? I have no idea what the could be or what it means.

Suddenly, something other than the cold water makes me shiver. What if Marcus shows up in my fear landscape. They told us it was a type of simulation. If Marcus is apart of my fears—which he is—then that means I'll see him there. Then Four would know who hurt me. No, no, no, no. I don't want him finding out who hurt me. Not from a simulation. If anything it should be from me.

But there's another nightmare I have. The one with my mother.

I turn off the water and dress. Slowly, I make my way to my cot and lay down. My wet hair dampens the stiff pillow, making it cold. I don't know who I will see in my dreams tonight. A man, a woman, a boy. I don't know. Maybe tonight, my dreams will take me to Tobias. Maybe I'll get to say goodbye.

Probably not.

AN: Okay, I am SOOOOOOOOOO sorry for taking forever and a day to update. I feel so bad. But here we are! Now that it's summer, I'll try my best to keep up a constant schedule.

As always, I apologize for any grammatical or spelling errors that I missed.

Please leave a review! I love constructive criticism and suggestions (of course you'll get a shout out)

HAPPY WRITING.