Chapter 11

A/N: Oh, hey guys. This fic's still here?

Leonardo sat alone in the Dojo. Truthfully, he was becoming used to the absence of his brothers. That wasn't to say that he liked that fact, but the emptiness didn't wear away at his insides as it used to.

Deep in meditation, he sat upon a plane surrounded by a multitude of colors, all of them beautiful in their own way, each representing a different element of thought. If he waited long enough, he felt he could eventually deduce the meaning behind each cirrus.

He didn't have time for that tonight. Raph's mind had gone AWOL on them, something that happened often these days. And yet, he thought he could sense something different in the air, and was currently investigating that. Or waiting to. Master Splinter had always said that answers were found rather than pursued in meditation, and Leo had found that to be true on more than one occasion.

Upstairs, a bedroom door slid back on its hinges. Feet padded to the edge of the balcony; the scrape of calloused heels across the hall betrayed reluctance to use the stairs, as April might jokingly say, "like normal people." Focusing lightly on the swirling hues of Donatello's aura, Leo felt him pause, spot him through the open doorway to the dojo, and continue on in to his lab.

Apparently, there was no news in the Raph department. Much less anything Don felt like mentioning.

April was still here. She'd come out of the kitchen shortly after Raph's rampage holding a bag of frozen peas wrapped in a kitchen towel. She hardly glanced up, stepping gingerly around the mess as she followed Don's trail to the bathroom. Soon after she'd gone back to the kitchen, and after some loud rummaging, Leo could smell something delicious cooking.

She'd been quiet for a good twenty minutes. Everyone in the lair had been, with the exception of Mike's music. But his door was shut tight; no matter how loud he cranked those speakers, the heavy stone and cement would hold most of the noise.

He meditated for a while longer. Nothing was becoming clear. If Leo wanted to be honest with himself, he'd admit that he was probably a little too worked up at the moment.

A short and rather unsatisfactory meditation session, he was just beginning to come out of it when he felt April approach. She hesitated in the doorway, then came to sit across from him.

He breathed in and out, long and steady, before opening his eyes. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

She was slouching, her eyes dull and off to the side, stray hairs sticking out of her pony tail. He throat worked, and she said, "I put supper in a big tupperware in case you weren't hungry right now. It just has to cool before you can put it in the fridge. I cleaned the pans I used."

"I appreciate it. Really."

Silence stretched a few moments. Finally, she shook her head. "I should be down here more."

"April, we don't expect-"

"No. I'm not the only one suffering. You guys are too. I mean, you were even before… I'm sorry. It's like I forgot about you."

"We'd never think that. We know you're busy."

"Busy, but there's always time for family. There's no excuse." Truthfully, he was a bit taken aback by the bitterness in her voice. "You've all been stewing here. And it's not like I didn't know. Shit, Don needed me, and I just… I waited for him to come to me. I waited until he would get so stressed that he had to leave, to come to my house just to get away, and I convinced myself my talks were helping him."

She sighed heavily, finally looking at him. "But bitching about my wrongs still isn't helping you, now is it?"

"You've helped us plenty. April, the whole reason anything happened to Casey is because of us. And yet, you still bring us groceries, you still get Don the medicines he needs… we know you're there."

Her look sharpened. "Leo, I'm not one of your brothers. You don't have to protect me. I know you're angry."

"I'm not. I'm trying-"

"You're not acting the least bit upset. Don says you've been the calmest of the four of you… but you've distanced yourself."

"Is that what he says?"

"You're angry. Not at any one thing or person. And you know what? Your anger doesn't even have to make any sense. But that's what you're wrestling, isn't it? When you disappear during daylight?"

He was able to remain neutral for a solid ten seconds before his expression cracked incredulously. "Forgive me, but I really don't understand where this conversation is coming from. Two minutes ago you were talking about your lack of excuses for not being here, and now you're trying to dissect me?"

She shook her head. "You have a right to be angry. It's not fair. Your family adheres to it's honor; it doesn't deserve the turmoil you've experienced." A tear slid down her cheek, but somehow, she kept her voice steady. "You've done so much good for those who wouldn't give you a second thought as anything but an animal. Your only reward is to lose one of the most important people in the world to you."

"April, that's enough."

"On top of it all, you feel the need to carry the weight of all of this. You're caught in the middle, because in doing to, you worry the others. And whenever Don tries to pick up slack, you feel guilty for that, too."

"Stop!"

She flinched. He sat back immediately, forcing himself to relax. He'd been unaware that he had shouted to begin with, let alone the fact that his muscles were wound so tightly his bones ached.

"You don't know what I'm thinking or how I've been."

She was considerably less confident now, meek. "Are you saying I'm wrong?"

He growled low in his throat. Was she?

"Leo," She sighed. "I just… you don't have to talk to me. I don't deserve it. But honestly, you need to talk to somebody. If not for yourself, then for your brothers. I don't think you realize how much anxiety Don has worrying that… you might crack, too."

He stared at a point in the wall beyond her, blank again, until she stood up. Approaching him, she crouched down to his level.

"I love you." Her voice finally cracked. A drop of wetness hit his hand as she leaned in to kiss his forehead. "And I'm sorry."

She left. The door to the lair closed firmly behind her, and even with her gone, he still couldn't breathe.