More! (:

Um... there's a song in this one, not sure if it's a particularly good one but I figured seeing as Nate was inventing it on the spot I may as well just invent it as fast as I could type...

I like the end of this chapter... not so sure about the rest but it was important plotwise.

Hmmm... and I'm getting closer in posting to where I am in writing which means I might have to actually write some of this sometime soon... ulp (:

-Ekkah

Eleven

*Nate*

Maybe if I started wearing a sign around my neck saying 'Here Under Protest' people would stop thinking I might be happy to see them. Nate had hovered around the entrance to Brown's hut for ten minutes before Brown had opened the door and pulled him bodily inside with a bright grin on his face as he cried Nate's name in such a way that suggested he was incredibly enthusiastic about all this.

"I'm only talking to you because I have no choice," he opened, folding his arms and facing Brown across the cabin. "And if this is about cleaning the music huts me and Caitlyn have both agreed that we won't, whatever you say. We're prepared to protest."

Annoyingly, Brown just smiled at this. "You agree? Well, it's nice to know you agree with someone here."

Nate resisted the urge to grind his teeth by reminding himself of all the horrible times he'd had to visit the dentist as a child. Bad habit. "Yes," he agreed coldly. "We bonded deeply over our intense hatred of everyone else."

Brown ignored this, walking around him to his desk where he slid into the chair, watching Nate. "She's a nice girl."

Nate rolled his eyes instead. "Everyone's 'nice' to someone." He picked up Brown's guitar, sliding the strap over his shoulder and plucking a few notes. "Doesn't mean I have to like them."

Brown sighed. "Please don't steal my guitar again."

"The word you're looking for is 'borrow.'" He ran up and down a scale a few times. "Can I go yet?"

"We haven't talked yet."

"Sure we have."

"Nate."

"Why do you always have to say my name as though I've done something wrong?"

"Usually you have. Take a seat and try not to say anything unless it's constructive. I'm tired of hearing sarcasm."

Nate mimed zipping his lips and hooked the free chair out with his foot, sitting on it and tilting back regarding Brown with his complete, insincere concentration.

"I want to talk to you about your solo tour. No, don't walk away just hear me out."

Nate was already standing up to leave but he glanced back slightly to see Brown leaning forwards and biting his lip slightly. When will you people learn that I don't want to talk about it? It's over, done, finished.

" Please, Nate. Just listen to me, okay? You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to, just hear me out and I promise I'll leave the issue for the rest of the summer if you want me to, I won't bring it up again and I won't argue with you anymore or try to punish you. I'll convince Shane to let you leave camp if you want to."

It was a tempting offer... a very tempting offer. Slowly, he sank back into his chair, his eyes meeting Brown's straight and level. He shrugged. Fine. What've you got?

"I talked with Shane –"

Bet that was interesting.

Brown waited a few moments then, when Nate didn't interrupt, he pressed on. "He said he didn't want to try to talk to you because... well... I think your brothers were a bit put out by how harsh the responses were from you and Caitlyn..."

Did they expect us to have a wonderful time? We hate each other. Still, he rested his hands in his lap and looked at them, trying to think back to exactly what he'd told Shane. He'd just been shouting really, trying to get something out that would make Shane just leave him alone.

"You're scared, aren't you?"

Nate glanced up but Brown wasn't looking at him anymore so he turned back to his guitar, plucking a few notes and trying not to say. Yes...

"Scared of... your own fans?"

A sharp note sounded in the middle of the scale. Nate glanced down at his hands, almost in surprise. He hadn't missed a note in... years?

"You got attacked, Nate. Is that right?"

Nate played the note again, listening to it sound. Alone it sounded fine, alone it could be anything it was just in the scale... it was wrong, just wrong. For the first time it started to dawn on him what leaving Connect 3 might mean.

"I talked to Peggy but she said she'd gone home early that one night. The guys in the club just shrugged and said there was some sort of power outage. Your backing musicians just said they'd left. I might've... well, they're not talking to me now and I think I can swing it so they'll never get hired again. Is that... is that what you want?"

Someone's been busy. Even in thought the comment was lacking his usual sarcasm standards. He ran up the same scale again, listening to the notes ring out true. "Margaret," he said quietly.

"What?"

But he just shrugged. What did it matter, anyway? If he wasn't... if he never played live again. Never feel the rush again, never scream out loud again.

"You said something about being attacked to Shane, didn't you? Attacked by the fans?"

He felt something firm on his hand, holding it still, and looked down to see Brown had leant forwards, resting one of his larger, muscled hands on top of his.

He looked up slowly to meet Brown's eyes and saw them full of concern, uncertainty. There was no accusation, no threats. "I'm right, aren't I? That's why you don't come to the jam sessions, why you block everybody out because you don't want to let them get close. You're scared." A second hand folded over the first. "So there's a question now, isn't there. What are you going to do? Are you just going to keep hiding away, never letting anyone close enough to see the real you? You're a pop star, Nate. You can't hide away."

Nate looked away then pulled back, standing up and resting his hands back against the guitar strings, running across the scale. "Never feel the rush again," he sang quietly. "Never scream out loud again,

Never live this dream,

No more.

Never stand up tall again

Never set yourself up to fall again

Cause there's nothing worth

Falling for."

He couldn't look around to see Brown, couldn't do anything but face the door and play, hitting the chords for the chorus at the same moment as Brown's temperamental speaker system hit in and the noise was amplified around the hut.

"If I could go back, and do it all again

I'd tell you that I need you by my side."

He closed his eyes and, finally, let it all go.

"If I could undo the choices that I made

I know I could survive

But I'm too scared, too cold, too weak

To take that step outside

So I'll just go on, now

Never feel the warmth again

From a spotlight cross my face

Never trust to play again

Drop out at the side of the race

Never stand up tall again

Never set myself up, to fall again

Cause there's nothing left

No more

That I find is worth

Falling for

If I could go back, and do it all again

I'd tell you that I need you right behind me

If I could undo the choices that I made

I'd pull you here beside me

But I'm too tired, too lost, too alone

To take that step outside, free

So I'll just go on

Just live on

And I wish you luck

Wish you joy

As you go on strong

Without me

Wish you happiness

Through all your lives

Remember when we

Connected Three."

He didn't look around, didn't acknowledge that with the amount of noise he'd been making everyone within a hundred meter radius of the cabin must've heard. Well it's out now, isn't it. With one hand, he held the guitar strings still. It's over now.

He left the hut without looking back, ducking as soon as possible into the trees and running, running until he could just forget everything but the beat pulsing through his ears and the song he should never have sung.

It's over now.

*Caitlyn*

Caitlyn rolled onto her side in the empty teaching hut, her hands still wrapped loosely around her throat and tears drying slowly on her cheeks as her body shook. Too loud.

She'd heard the song like everyone else except she'd felt it too, felt it course through her with Nate's voice cutting her soul as it sent sharp pains through her throat. So that's it... he's given up...

And the helium had worked, worked even though Nate wasn't in her eyesight or near her or anything like that. It was like it wasn't controlled by proximity or by looks or by her choice.

It's almost as if... Her whole body grew slightly cold as the realisation crept over her. It's not me or just music. It's him. It's Nate.

The helium reacts to Nate.

Why, though? It wasn't like the helium was a fan girl too (at least, that was unlikely) and it hadn't started when Nate was nearby… had it?

So something's changed, something's tuned it to that one boy.

She pushed herself into a sitting position, unclasping her fingers and taking shaky breaths which felt like pins across her throat. She had to find him.

*Shane*

Shane knocked through the back door at high speed, arriving in time to see the front door swing shut. Ignoring Brown entirely he ran across the room, pushing at the door long enough to discover the latch had engaged and fighting with that for several moments before getting it open by which time his brother was already disappearing into the trees. "Nate! Nate!" If anything, this just made the distant figure speed up.

Shane spun around to be face to face with Brown at the same moment as the back door opened again this time to admit Jason, his eyes scanning around looking fully alert. "Nate?" he said questioningly, his eyes moving instantly to Shane.

"Nate," Shane agreed, looking at Brown for the first time. "What happened?"

"Did you hear the song?" Brown asked simply.

Jason walked further forwards. "I don't think anyone missed it." He walked up beside Shane. "What I didn't get was what it meant... did it mean anything or was he just playing?"

Shane kicked one leg of Brown's desk. "It meant," he said, stiffly. "That Nate's quitting, pulling out. He doesn't want to play with us anymore, maybe he thinks he's too good for us." Even as he said it, however, he knew it wasn't true. He knew he didn't mean it. Not after Nate had wished them luck without him.

We don't want luck without you, Nate, he thought silently to his absent brother. We want to play with you. That's what Connect 3's all about.

"You were right," Brown interrupted, his eyes crossing between the two of them before fixing on Shane. "I think he was attacked by the crowd. The power went out, the band deserted him. It was a rough crowd and everything went on from there. His confidence is completely shot, he doesn't want to see people or be reminded. Fans scare him, Shane. He doesn't want to play because he –"

"Are we talking about Nate still?" Jason interrupted. "Because I can't help thinking I'm missing something... Nate's not bad with people, he just annoys them."

Brown sighed. "You've seen him around people he knows. And he still has confidence, he just... I don't know... he won't let people get close. He won't let people in."

"So he sings his heart out at high volume," Shane raised his eyebrows. "Good plan."

"Yeah but that wasn't his fault, was it. I mean, it's Brown's system."

Brown looked up in surprise. "My system? You mean your system, right?"

Shane turned from Jason to his uncle. "No," he replied slowly. "Your amplifying system, we used it last year remember? It's radio controlled or something so we didn't have to use wires to play."

"But... that was you..."

Shane shook his head slowly. "It wasn't."

Jason looked from one to the other. "Then," he said slowly. "Who..."

*Nate*

"Hey?" The uncertain, female voice didn't annoy him as much as he'd assumed everyone's voice would. It also, surprisingly, didn't give him the urge to keep running so he just stayed there, sitting on the mud and leaning against the trunk of a large tree, resting his fingers on the guitar which had just managed to completely humiliate him.

Caitlyn took his unresponsiveness as agreement and sat down opposite him, pulling her legs up and smiling a little. "I heard your song."

Nate let out a low, humourless laugh. "Did you like it?"

Caitlyn smiled. "It needed some bass, maybe a keyboard solo. With a bit of work, could be a hit one day."

Nate found himself smiling too. "That would defeat the point. I'm done, finished, over."

To his surprise, the girl opposite him just laughed. "No you're not."

"Why not?" he struck an angry chord. "I mean, Brown's right. I'm scared of playing live, I'm scared of the fans. I don't trust the equipment not to break. Everything's temperamental and nothing ever works the way it should. That's the way of the world."

For the second time that day, a hand closed over his except this time in was smaller than his own and soft. He glanced around to see Caitlyn closer to him and smiling. "You're not going to leave Connect 3."

"Why not? I'm sure Shane and Jason would be quite happy to pull in Ele or Mitchie to replace me. Their real friends, you know. Anyway, it's not like I want to be in a band with them anymore." He pulled his hand out from under hers and she turned her face away slightly.

"I don't... I don't think they would. I mean, you're the Grey Brothers, aren't you? It wouldn't be Connect 3 without all of you. They wouldn't be anything without you." She moved slightly to sit beside him and pulled the guitar from his hands. Strangely, this didn't make him regret taking the strap off. He just watched her, curiously. "You write the songs."

"Shane writes the good ones."

"Hah." She started flicking the strings thoughtfully, Nate looked around at her, raising his eyebrows.

"Hah?" he asked. "Why 'hah'?"

She looked at him, almost in surprise. "Well you wrote the one we did in dance class."

"With your help."

"If you say so. Plus, you wrote the one you just sang."

"That wasn't a song, it was just me complaining and quitting Connect 3."

"Cool way to leave a band."

Nate turned away, pulling his knees up and resting his arms on them. "Stop trying to find redeeming aspects about me. There aren't any."

"The fan girls must like you for a reason." She started playing the song from music, her fingers slightly halting on the notes suggesting she wasn't much of a guitarist.

"They like me for the same reason you're here with me now. Shane and Jason, Jason and Shane."

The hand touched his shoulder now. "I'm not here because of Jason and Shane, Nate. You of all people should know that there is no way I'd be here just because Jason and Shane wanted me to be."

"So... why are you here?"

Caitlyn shrugged. "I dunno. I just figured after that majorly depressing number you would do something idiotic like run off into the woods with a guitar to indulge your theatrical melancholy side and I figured you might like the company. I'll leave if you want me to."

To his surprise, Nate found himself shaking his head. "No, you can stay. It's cool."

He wasn't sure how long they sat there without saying anything. Caitlyn gave up playing guitar after a few minutes and moved closer to him, leaning her head against his shoulder. He put an arm around her without really thinking about it. When he did come to notice, taking at away would've been awkward. Anyway, he rationalised. It's not like we haven't been closer than this before. When you think about it.

"What was it called?" Caitlyn asked eventually.

Nate hadn't even considered this question but he found himself answering anyway. "Disconnected." He ruffled her hair lightly. "I think we missed lunch." He broke off, reminded of what had happened. "Not that I particularly want to face anyone in that camp ever again. God, why was that song so loud? It wasn't like I wanted anyone to hear it, I hate not being able to control my instruments, not even knowing what's causing them to play like their plugged into an amp even when they're not."

*Caitlyn*

Caitlyn bit her lip for a moment then tilted her head uncomfortably until she could see the edge of Nate's chin. She took a deep breath, this could be the time. She had to find out what was so special about Nate. "I am."

Nate's head tilted too now until they managed to work out a position which could, vaguely, be described as looking at each other. "What?"

"I can make instruments play loud, I can sing solos in harmony or let other people do it and I can do it all by breathing helium. Magic helium, obviously."

For a moment they just looked at each other. Caitlyn could feel herself shaking slightly. I did it. I told him, I told him and it wasn't as bad as I was scared it might be. It was just... it was easy.

Then Nate laughed and suddenly he knocked her over until she was lying back on the forest floor with him leaning over her and smiling in such a way that his whole face seemed to light up and erase all the sulking and complaining he'd been doing. "Sure, Caitlyn," he said and it was strange how he spoke to her so casually as though they were friends. "You can breathe helium and it makes my guitar play loud."

"Magic helium," Caitlyn complained but she found she was smiling too. It was strange, when Mitchie hadn't believed her it had felt like a betrayal of trust but with Nate it just seemed like it was a joke, easy to laugh at.

"Ooooh." He laughed again, rolling onto his back beside her. "Have you ever noticed how the whole world seems different when you look at it from this position?"

Caitlyn, who had never even considered it before, found herself looking up through the tree branches to the blue sky beyond. As Nate fell silent she was suddenly aware of how alone they were. The only sounds were a few birds nearby and their breathing. "Nate," she said quietly.

"Hmm?"

"Do you... do you like me?"

"I thought we agreed we hated each other."

"Not like that." She propped herself up on one arm to look at him. "I mean, outside of what we agreed."

"You're tolerable."

Tolerable. Caitlyn sank back onto the ground, suppressing a sigh. Well, I suppose it's better than him completely hating me.

*Nate*

Nate lay there for a few more moments then sighed, propping himself up to look over at Caitlyn who had turned her face away. What was he supposed to say? If he said what he was starting to consider then he was opening himself up for... for the chance to fall again.

Cause there's nothing left

No more

That I find is worth

Falling for

Except, living like that wasn't really living because it wasn't taking risks or making friends. It wasn't lying in a wood with a girl you barely knew who claimed to be able to breathe magic helium; it was the dull, sitting in corners with a guitar playing songs you'd never perform and never knowing where you were going to go in life because you'd closed the only open door.

"Caitlyn?"

She didn't reply but she couldn't have fallen asleep that fast so she must be listening.

"I lied. I like you. I like laughing with you, singing with you. I like the way you look at me when you're not glaring." And, maybe, I like that too. I like knowing that you don't like me because of Connect 3 or the way I look. Maybe I even like that you don't like me because too many other people seem to but you know who I am and they don't. "I like that you speak your mind and that you aren't afraid to break the rules to have a laugh. I like you throwing food as long as it's not at me so, yes. I like you."

Caitlyn rolled over slightly, leaves in her hair and a small smile on her face. She didn't look like she was mocking or about to pull him apart. "I like that you aren't afraid to stand up to anyone. I like that you don't pretend to be someone you're not. You stick up for people, even if you don't do it in a particularly nice way. You know what you want and even when you're pulling out you do it in style. I like that you aren't afraid to sing in public or play a piece that you're writing as you go along. I like that you don't make people feel left out."

"I don't?"

Caitlyn shrugged, smiling. "Not specifically. You're just a jerk to everyone. Consistent." She laughed. "I like what you said about how you see things lying on your back."

"Do you still think I'm an arrogant jerk?" He reached out with one hand, brushing some of the sticks from her hair.

She laughed. "I think you can be, but you can also be a lot of other things that all mingle together to make you Nate. And I like Nate."

Nate leant closer. "I like Caitlyn," he said quietly. "With or without magic helium." They were so close that it would've been so easy to lean forwards and kiss her, just once. It would've been easy to tell her that he'd never felt like this, he'd never talked to anyone like this, never met anyone like her before.

Except that he panicked, turning away to look up at the sky and swallow down the uncomfortable lump in his throat. "It's getting late."

That was all it took to break the mood, for Caitlyn to roll back on her back and sit up, looking at the sky. "I guess. We might miss dinner as well unless we go now. If you're coming to dinner, I mean."

Nate paused then reached out and pulled a couple of leaves off her back. "Why not, I can't hide forever, can I?" For the first time he remembered what Brown had said, he could leave camp if he wanted. Did he want to? "Unless I go home."

Caitlyn leant back slightly against him. "Why would you do that?" she asked, as though the idea wouldn't even have occurred to her. "Everyone you know is here. Your band is here."

Nate bit his lip, but he didn't dispute the point about Connect 3 being his band. "I could go home," he offered.

"But you're not going to."

"Why not?"

"Because you have to record the song for the dance group and you have to judge Final Jam and you have to hang around so I'm not forced to make up with Mitchie and the others. You're needed here." She smiled, moving away and standing up, holding out a hand for him to take. "I need you here."

Nate took it, pulling himself up slowly and picking up Brown's guitar. "Okay," he said, surprisingly easily as though that had been what he was planning all along. He glanced around and saw something he hadn't noticed before. He tightened his fingers to catch Caitlyn's attention and, when she glanced at him curiously, he touched his fingers to his lips.

"Look," he mouthed, nodding at the base of a tree bout five meters away in the direction of the camp where an acoustic guitar was leaning against a tree, a small brown bird standing on the lip. Caitlyn followed his look and a small smile touched the corners of her mouth. "Who'd have thought it?" he asked quietly.

Caitlyn's fingers closed slightly tighter around his. "Ele," she replied just as softly. "And Jason. Because they believe more than the rest of us that things can turn out alright."