Hey, so thank you to everyone who has been reviewing, it is so nice to hear all of you again. A few readers messaged me saying they wanted Sizzy and Malec, but it was only a few. So here's the deal. Everyone who want Sizzy review Sizzy. Just that one word. Anyone who wants Malec review just the word Malec. I will count them up and if 10 different people vote for a ship then I will start writing them in. Enjoy the chapter!
Finally, I got my book back from Jace. Do you all realize how heavy he is? It's freaking ridiculous. He is like a bear. I thought I was going to suffocate under him. Either way, it is finally me back, at least for now, because Alec is sitting near me and watching me as I write, so he might try to take it from me later. We shall see.
I thought it was pertinent to say that none of you should ever feel bad for Sebastian. Or Jonathon, or whatever you want to call him. He isn't Jonathon anymore, so don't pull the "it isn't his fault he was captured and changed" card on me. It wasn't his fault, but Sebastian is a new person and he is an asshole. Glad I got that out there. I'll shut up and continue now.
Once I teleported I only saw blackness. Good. I had been experimenting with my teleportation for a while, and I had figured out that I could stay in the space between realities for a while.
So here I was, in a loophole in time, sobbing over my… boyfriend? Cheating on me. Well, ex-boyfriend now, but either way. I thought about everything he had said to me and done for me. Was it all a lie? Was I just a toy for him to play with?
Jokes on him then if he thinks he can cheat on me and get away with it. I was Clarissa Morgenstern. And he was completely and utterly screwed. And I was the one who was going to screw him over.
Once I had that revelation, my sadness turned to anger. Anger at my life and how unfair it was, anger at Jace for playing with my emotions, anger at Jonathon for becoming Sebastian, and anger at my parents for liking Sebastian better. Anger at myself for not trying harder to be Sebastian's sister. Anger for never realizing what was happening.
I was so stupid. I hadn't even realized it. How could I not have? I had seen Sebastian hit Jace before I surrendered to this place, and I had seen him be kind to me in the past. The only times he was terrible to me were the Thursdays. Because Thursday was a changing day for him.
For those of you who don't know what a changing day is, which would be most of you, it is a day that holds significant value in a person's past, and on that day, the person changes into a different version of themselves. They can go from kind to demonic. Demonic to kind. So, that was why I couldn't believe that I hadn't connected the dots before. My brother Jonathon was captured on a Thursday, and his changing day was Thursday. So basically, on Thursdays he changed into a monster, rather than just being bad with emotions.
Shit. So he didn't know. Shit, shit, shit. Some all-powerful thing I am, not knowing that he was changing. I focused then, closing my eyes and imagining the weapons training classroom, and pulled myself out of the blackness.
When I appeared it was the middle of the night. Time worked differently in the loophole, so I should have expected it to be later. Sebastian was sitting at his desk, his head in his hands.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I whispered to him.
His head shot up. He bolted out of his chair and hugged me. It still wasn't a Jonathon hug, because even without changing, Sebastian still had trouble with emotion, but it was a hug nonetheless.
"I didn't want you to feel bad for me, the way you do now. I would rather you hate me than pity me." He replied, somehow just knowing what I was asking. I nodded into his shoulder and started crying again.
"Clary. Clary. You have to be brave and go back to your dorm. You can't be here right now." He whispered to me.
"Why not?"
"It's Wednesday night Clary. But almost Thursday morning. I'll change soon." I pulled away from him, nodding already, steeling myself to go back there. I was just about to turn and leave when the clock hand hit twelve.
Then it began. I watched my first change. Sebastian's skin rippled, turning itself inside out. Then an evil grin took over his face and I knew the Demonic side was upon him. I still couldn't believe I hadn't realized sooner.
I ran out the door, and then teleported to my room. When I got in I slammed the door behind me and locked it.
Jace and Alec were just waking up, although I noticed a few bruises on Jace's face. Form Alec and Sebastian probably.
Jace's eyes widened and his mouth opened but I cast a quick spell and he couldn't move or talk.
"He changes. I just saw it. Sebastian has a changing day!" I blurted out to a now awake Alec. His eyes widened and the worry left him face before returning.
"Lucifer. How couldn't we have known?" he asked, trying to get over his shock still. I told him I didn't know and recounted the night's events.
He just nodded and I watched Jace's eyes flicker around, trying to break the spell. I finally finished, and tired of watching the boy try to squirm I released him and then threw him out the door.
"Go stay with Kaelie tonight!" I spat before locking the door again. Then I leaned back against it and slid to the floor, letting my head fall into my hands in the same position that my brother had been in earlier.
"What do I do Alec?" I asked him, letting defeat slip into my voice. Alec came over to me and sat down next to me against the wall. I rested my head against his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around me. I broke down then, tired of holding everything in, and began to silently cry.
We just sat there, him holding me as I cried, for a while. Then he spoke. "You avoid him. Don't go near him on his changing day."
I looked up at Alec and saw him looking at the ceiling, deep in thought. "Alec. He's my teacher. I have to spend a lot of time with him in a classroom full of weapons. I can't avoid him," I replied, trying to pull myself back together.
"I'll protect you Clary. You know that. You know I will," he told me, making me look at him.
"I know Alec. I know you will," I said, leaning my head back against his shoulder as he rubbed circles on my back. It was moments like these that made me wish Alec wasn't gay, because he would be the best boyfriend for me. The opposite of Jace.
Jace. Oh, Jace.
I didn't even know where to begin with Jace. He told me that he loved me and then he kissed Kaelie. Or she kissed him. I wasn't sure what to think anymore. I wanted to hate him so badly. I wanted to feel contempt when I thought of him, but all I could imagine was the smell of him, and the way we fit together. I wanted to let go of him, and live my life without him, not weighed down by him, but I couldn't. I couldn't imagine a life without him in it.
Whenever I would imagine my future before I came to school here I would imagine the beautiful and cold throne in my family's palaces throne room. The throne that would one day be mine. I imagined ruling with an iron fist, Jonathon, or Sebastian by my side. I imagined the life of a born Demon royal.
Now I couldn't picture anything. It was all grey spaces and black outlines, emptiness. Except Jace. Now, no matter how I imagined my future unfolding, I could only imagine Jace next to me. He was the only constant.
"Clary?" Alec asked after a long while, probably wondering if I had fallen asleep.
"Yeah?" I asked back, our tones hushed, befitting the quiet of the night.
"I still ship Clace," was what he said. I opened my mouth and then closed it again, and opened it, and closed it. I probably looked like a dying fish. I didn't know what to say to that. And then Alec's breathing evened out, telling me that he was asleep.
I drifted off too, still trying to figure out what to make of Alec's comment.
-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
I woke up with a crick in my neck. I sat up and rolled my head around, trying to work it out. Then I realized where I was. On the ground.
The events of last night came flooding back to me, threating to drown me with their emotions. But I had resolved last night to ignore all of them until they started making sense to me.
So instead of trying to understand my life, I woke up Alec. He started awake. "What? Where?" he asked groggily.
"Late for class. Against our door," I replied, answering his questions exactly. He stood up, suddenly awake.
"We're late! Shit! Hurry up Clary!" he started running around the room, changing quickly and getting his bag together. It was quite entertaining to watch him forget that he had magic.
I snapped my fingers and was in our uniform. I caught my bag as Alec threw it to me and we walked out the door.
Right into a sleeping Jace.
"Whaa?" Jace asked, being woken up. I hated to admit it, but his sleepy voice was super sexy.
I rolled my eyes at him lying on the floor outside my door and we continued walking. Once we were outside earshot though, I immediately began speaking. "He stayed. He stayed and he slept outside our door. What does that even mean?" I rambled to Alec, trying to keep my calm.
"It means you need to give him a chance to explain himself," he replied, always the wise one.
"When did you get so good at girl talk?" I joked with him, a million thoughts running through my head at once.
"I didn't. I just read a lot of phycology books," he told me.
"Why?"
"Because I love fucking with other people's minds!" he said back, his voice turning comical. Then we both broke down laughing in the middle of the hall, forgetting everything else we were talking about.
"Shit. Class!" Alec said, remembering where we were going. Then we sprinted.
The rest of the morning went by in a haze, along with lunch, the comments of the Angel girls not effecting me as much as they used to, or making me want to snap something back at them. No, I was too busy being scared witless for Weapons Training with Sebastian.
Then, just as we were waiting out in the corridor for Sebastian to arrive, I had the best idea. The water. I was still head of class, so I could use it to help me spar against him.
"Cover for me!" I shouted to Alec as I visualized the cavern.
"Clary! N-" the rest of what he said was cut off as I teleported to the cavern. Then I filled my water bottle and chugged the whole thing. I repeated this two more times, using the techniques I learned for harnessing the power it gave me as I went.
Then I hurriedly teleported back to the hallway, arriving just in time to see Sebastian open the door to the room. He narrowed his eyes at me. I smirked sweetly back, trying to hide my glowing hand. He let everyone in then and I took a seat in the back, Alec sitting next to me.
I showed him my glowing hand and his eyes widened. "That's cheating! You don't know what that much water will do to your skills," he whisper hissed at me.
"I know. But I need the advantage. I'm going to challenge Jace to a hundred cuts duel," I said, steel creeping into my voice as I hardened my heart.
At that Alec put his hand over mine and looked into my eyes. "I don't agree with this, but if it helps, then I support you."
I nodded my head gratefully. I couldn't have done it without his blessing. "It will help. I need to get this wave of emotion out of me, and since he caused all of them…" I let my sentence trail off, knowing that Alec already knew what I was going to say.
"Care to share with the class? Or are you just so much better than us that you don't have to follow the rules?" Sebastian called from the front of the room, a sneer filling his face.
I stood up, my heart growing a stone casing. "I am better than all of you, but sure. I'll share. I was just talking about how I challenge Jonathon Herondale to a hundred cuts duel." The whole class gasped in unison, but I was more focused on how Sebastian flinched when he heard the name Jonathon. My brother is in there somewhere.
"Are you final in your decision?" Sebastian asked me in a deadly calm voice.
"I am."
"Well then. Mr. Herondale. Step into the circle." Sebastian said, gesturing at the circle of runes carved into the floor of the training room.
Jace slowly walked into the circle and he looked utterly confused. Of course. He was Angel born. They didn't do hundred cut duels. I kept a stoic expression on my face as he looked at me, a pleading in his eyes.
"I assume you don't know the rules Jonathon?" Sebastian asked Jace.
"Jace, sir, and no."
"Okay then Jace. Here is how it works. You cannot cast spells in this circle. You get a single weapon, or you're choosing and once the duel begins it is not over until one opponent has one hundred blood drawing cuts. Do you follow?" Sebastian explained.
Jace looked horrified. I didn't know why though. He cut my heart a hundred times by kissing Kaelie, so why not cut my body as many.
"Clary? You really want to make me do this to you?" he whispered to me. I scoffed. Didn't he learn anything last time? He was no match for me.
"I'm sure."
"Yes. I understand," he turned to Sebastian. I noticed his Adams apple bobbing up and down though. He was nervous. How endearing.
"Clarissa. Step into the circle." I stepped inside the circle and felt my magic being taken from me temporarily.
"Choose your weapon," Sebastian ordered the two of us, a table of swords appearing beside us. I choose a short sword quickly, wishing for Heosphorous. Jace picked a katana blade, his hand shaking. I saw him close his eyes and take a deep breath before turning back to me. His eyes looked dead.
"Begin!" Sebastian shouted and a ring of fire leapt up above the runes. I launched myself at him as if I was aiming for his chest, but turning my body midair and cutting his shin. A small line of red appeared and a number popped up above his head. His cut count.
He stared me, shocked. He hadn't even had time to raise his blade against my attack. Then the fight really started.
He threw himself forward, looking sad, but also determined to regain the lead. He lashed his sword out at me, aiming for my left arm, but I brought my booted foot up to knock his sword out of the way, using the opening to make a small cut in his abdomen. That was the strategy for this fight. Make a bunch of small cuts and then a few big ones, and then more small ones, that way I could spread out the pain more.
His number 1 changed to a 2.
We circled around some more, Jace being more cautious this time. I saw and kicked off the edge of the circle, using the force field as a wall, and came down over him, making a long deep slash down his back.
He arched backwards, a shout coming from him. My heart gave a lurch, but I shut it down. He didn't deserve my love.
3.
The fight continued, progressing somewhat quickly, and soon Jace's number was 88 and mine was 5. He had gotten a few lucky cuts in, but they were super small. Jace, on the other hand, was soaked in his own blood, a few of my cuts going deeper than intended. Nothing life treating though.
I still had tons of energy, my power tripled by the water, but Jace was barely staying upright. He rushed at me, and I side stepped and kicked him in the side. He fell to the floor.
I knelt down beside him. I stopped the tears prickling at my eyes. He didn't deserve them. I took my sword and his arm in my hands. Then I made twelve small cuts on his arm, watching his number hit 100. Then the force field came down and I looked around. Everyone was still, watching with rapt expressions. I ran to where Alec was and we left the classroom, leaving everyone else to get Jace to the infirmary.
"Why was it so hard to hurt him Alec?" I practically sobbed as we got back to the dorm room.
"Because you still love him Clary. You still love him," Alec responded, sadness tinging his voice.
I laid back, my head in his lap. I thought for a while, going over the duel. Then I finally spoke. I spoke the few words that broke me all over again.
"I know."
I'm super happy right now, because Alec didn't steal my book from me. Something about not wanting to write about the worst decision I ever made. Whatever.
Hey, so nothing more to say really. Till next chapter! Bye!