YAY! UPDATES GALORE! Nothing to say here besides I was really bored and just decided to type this up. Thanks to all of the reviewers!
Disclaimer: I. Do. Not. Own. Hamtaro.
This chapter is dedicated to my friend, Kennedy, because she read this whole story even if she doesn't have a clue what Hamtaro is. Thanks so much! You're the best friend I could ever have!
Chapter 11:
The Moral of a Story
"C'mon, kiddos, it's story time!" Kennedy announced as she clapped her hands together. Everyone stopped what they were doing and rushed over to one corner of the room where Kennedy sat in a big recliner. A few bookshelves lined the sides of the walls and they were filled with different picture books and kid's stories.
"Hey, why do you get the big chair?!" Cappy yelled at Kennedy who had just sat down.
"Because I'm the one who's telling the story," Kennedy explained and whipped out a thick book filled with fairy tales. She looked around and counted the number of kids… 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9… There were three missing. That's when she realized that the three kids who were on the Sharpie hunt were still scourging for Sharpies.
"Hey, where are the other three kids?" Kennedy asked the children. They all shrugged.
"Uh, I don't think that we can start without them-"
"IGOTTHESHARPIE!!!"
"GIMMETHESHARPIE,IT'SMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!"
All heads turned to the doorway were Maxwell, Sandy, and Stan were fighting to obtain one Sharpie. Only it wasn't exactly a Sharpie.
"Hey!" Kennedy called over to them. "That's not a Sharpie, that's a fish!"
Maxwell, Sandy, and Stan all whipped around to Kennedy. Sandy, who was currently in possession of the fish, swung the animal at Kennedy's face.
"Nuh-uh! This is, like, a Sharpie! And it's mine!" Sandy spat and waved the fish in Kennedy's face.
"IWANTTHESHARPIE!" Maxwell screamed.
"GIMMETHESHARPIE!" Stan hollered and Sandy stuck her tongue out at both of them.
SMACK!!!
She had slapped Stan and Maxwell with the fish in the face and the two rubbed their heads, looking a little dazed.
Maxwell blinked twice before gazing around the room. "Ugh, where am I? The last thing I remembered was the blue Sharpie I picked up."
"Dude, I feel your pain… And whoa, is that a fish?" Stan pointed a finger at a twitching Sandy, holding the fish in front of her like a sword.
"Sandy, give me the fish," Kennedy ordered and held out her hand.
SMACK!!!
"NEVEREVEREVER! IT'SASHARPIENOTAFISHY!" Sandy screeched and pointed her fish at Kennedy's face. Everyone stared.
"And you!" Sandy yelled at Pashmina, whisking around towards the cowering girl. "YOUWILLSUFFER!"
"What did I do?" Pashmina squeaked.
"LIKE,IJUSTDON'TLIKEYOU!"
SMACK!!!
Pashmina held her head after what seemed like a pound of bricks pummel down onto her face, eyes spinning. Sandy huffed and puffed, throwing her fish at anyone in sight.
"WE'VE GOT A FISH SMACKER!" Cappy screamed before getting slapped in the neck by the fish.
"RUN, RUN, FOR OUR LIVES!" Hamtaro yelled and Sandy smacked him down. She was now wearing a military helmet and camouflage clothing… I wonder how she got those.
"OMIGOSH, SAVE MY CUPCAKE!" Oxnard shouted and clutched his cupcake to his chest, retreating to a corner.
"Hey, you can't do that! It's so uncool to hit people with fish!" Kennedy scolded and wagged her finger in shame at Sandy.
SMACK!!!
"YOUCH! GAAAAAAH! THAT IS IT!" Kennedy hoisted a complaining Sandy onto the table, ripping the fish from Sandy's clutches.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! IWANTCHUCKIEBACK,GIVEMEBACKCHUCKIE!" Sandy wailed.
SMACK!!!
"Ugh, where am I?" Sandy said as she swayed from left to right as Kennedy put the fish down.
"That's it! The cure for Sharpies is fish!" Kennedy squealed and whipped out her cell phone. She dialed a few numbers and brought the phone to her ear, waiting for an answer. Finally, she could hear a "Hello?" at the other end.
"Hello? World Health Organization? This is a fellow American citizen to tell you that I have found the cure of Sharpies! It is… fish!" Kennedy yelled happily into the phone. A huge grin stretched ear to ear, but it faltered at the answer.
"What do you mean there's no such illness called Sharpies?"
All of the ham-hams rubbed their foreheads to get rid of pain from the fish while they listened to the conversation.
"What do you mean that I might be lying?"
Sandy rubbed the back of her neck in embarrassment at slapping all of her friends and tilted her military helmet a little.
"What do you mean to stop repeating everything you say?"
The phone clicked and Kennedy puffed up her cheeks, screaming, "Well, at least I don't talk to my mother with that mouth!"
Kennedy slammed her cell phone on the table even though all she needed to do was stuff it back into her pocket, but she regained herself. "All right, who wants to read some stories?"
"I DO! I WANT TO HEAR SOME… stories?" Maxwell's outburst shocked everyone and they raised their eyebrows at the bookworm. Maxwell nervously laughed and said, "Yeah, well, we don't have to read."
"Um, let's read 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf', okay?" Kennedy pronounced. All the kids nodded and sat on a pillow or the rug as Kennedy fished (Ha, fish…) out the storybook. She wiped the liquid known as fish juice off of the cover and cleared her voice.
" 'Once upon a time-"
Hamtaro raised his hand. "What time? Because if it's happening right now, we should go get 9News to film this story."
Kennedy shot a warning glance at him and continued.
" 'Once upon and time, there was a boy who herded sheep-"
"Is that boy poor? Because if you're herding furballs, your life kind of sucks," Boss interrupted. Kennedy ignored the boy and kept reading.
" 'The boy who herded sheep was a trickster-"
"Was he well educated?" Maxwell interfered.
"OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? HE HAD PURPLE HAIR, HE HAD BUCK TEETH, HE LIKED TO SING ALONG WITH THE WONDERPETS, AND HE HATED CRANBERRIES! ARE THOSE ENOUGH DETAILS ABOUT THIS STUPID BOY FOR YOU?!" Kennedy screamed at them all, shutting her book.
"Yes. Please continue," Pashmina excused and waved her hand for Kennedy to go on. Kennedy coughed and ripped open her book again, every now and then glancing up at the kids.
"As I was saying… 'The boy was a trickster and loved to prank people. One day, he grew bored of watching over the sheep-"
"You said that he herded sheep," Cappy pointed out.
Kennedy took in a deep breath. "When you are a herder, you also watch over them. Kapeesh?"
"No kapeesh, just go on with the story," Dexter snapped. Kennedy looked up at the ceiling and sent a small prayer before turning her attention to the book.
" 'As a prank, he cried "Wolf!" to all of the villagers. They came running from their houses to see if the boy was hurt. However, when they got there was-"
"A HUNGRY BUFFALO!" Howdy called out.
"A NOODLE!" Stan shouted.
"A BLADE OF GRASS!" Oxnard yelled.
"No, there was 'nothing. So when the villagers asked the boy where the wolf was, he laughed and said, 'There is no wolf! I tricked you! And-"
"Okay, that dude is just an idiot. When you pull a prank, you don't tell people if you lied or not," Stan huffed. Kennedy rolled her eyes.
" 'And the villagers left, angry that they were tricked. Then, the boy grew bored and then cried out "Wolf!". The villagers came again and-"
"Like, those guys are so gullible," Sandy laughed. She turned to Bijou and said, "Hey, Bij! Like, you know that if you say 'dolphin' real slow, it sounds like 'gullible'."
Bijou tilted her head a little and started to pronounce dolphin real slow. "Do-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-"
"BUWHAHAHAHAHA!" Sandy laughed hysterically. "You sound so gullible right there!"
"Hey, Sandy, did you know zat you 'air is turning pink?" Bijou giggled.
"GACK! I HATE PINK!" Sandy screamed and grabbed a fistful of hair while it was Bijou's turn to laugh. Kennedy sighed and held the book in front of them. And this story was to help them stop lying, she thought.
"Do you want me to finish this or not?" Kennedy questioned with deep concern.
"No, not really, but we don't have a choice," Sandy said. Kennedy sighed again and Laura called out from the police station "You sigh too much! It's weird!" (1)
"Anyway," Kennedy said and flipped to another page. "'The villagers came once again to find that they boy had been lying again. They all were very angry and went back to their homes.
" 'Then, a little while later, a real wolf came out by the boy. The boy cried "Wolf!", but no one came because they thought that the boy was just tricking them again.
" 'And so the wolf ate the boy. The end.' "
It was very quiet then. Kennedy rested her chin on her hands and said, "So what was the moral of this story?"
Sandy was the first to answer. "That people are, like, idiots and have no lives?"
Kennedy sent a small smile at her and shook her head 'no'.
"That if you lie, you'll be eaten by a wolf?" Maxwell guessed.
"Gasp! I've lied bunches of times before so that means that I'm going to be eaten by an oversized Chihuahua?!" Panda gasped. and started to run around the room in a panicked state.
"No," Kennedy said. She looked around for any more guesses and then declared, "The moral is that you shouldn't lie because it just brings you trouble."
Boss's face scrunched up. "That's stupid. I lie everyday and I haven't gotten eaten by a wolf."
Just then, a giant wolf came bursting through the room and the others just stared. The wolf cleared his voice and said, "I'm looking for a Mr. Boss. Has anyone seen him?"
No one answered and the wolf sighed, then left.
"I take back what I said," Boss mumbled. He looked up and said, "So the moral is that you shouldn't live anywhere near wolves."
Kennedy gazed at him a long time before nodding her head.
"Yes, the moral of 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf' is to not live near wolves."
She flipped to another page and said, "So, what do you guys want to read?"
"Oh! Can we read something violent and gory?" Stan suggested.
"No… Let's just read 'The Three Little Pigs'," Kennedy said slowly and tossed the page to a new section. Eyeing the awaiting ham-hams and taking a deep breath, she started.
" 'Once upon a time-" She looked at Hamtaro, but he was busy moving his eye in front of his finger. "There were three pig brothers that left their home to start their own life and decided to build separate houses. The first pig decided to build his house with hay-"
"BUWHAHAHAHA! HAY?! HOW DID HE GLUE THAT TOGETHER?!" Boss cackled.
"Indeed. A house of hay would be easily knocked down," Dexter agreed.
Kennedy flashed them an irritated look and mumbled, "I'm getting to that part."
"HAY?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! THIS IS THE FUNNIEST STORY I'VE EVER HEARD!"
"Shut up, Boss," Hamtaro snapped. Boss topped laughing and sent a glare out to Hamtaro.
"Please?" Hamtaro smiled. Kennedy rubbed her temple and leaned back into her recliner.
" 'The first one made his house with straw-"
"I thought you said 'hay'," Maxwell observed.
"They're basically the same thing!" Kennedy wailed.
"No, the straw could be bendy. You know, bendy straws," Panda huffed.
"Hey, boyfriends will stab you in the heart, friends will stab you in the back, but only best friends poke each other with bendy straws!" Pashmina laughed.
"Anyway, 'The first one made his house with straw because he would built his house much more quickly and could have more time for fun. The second one built his house with sticks for the same reason-"
"And the third one lived in a cardboard box, didn't he?" Pashmina sighed.
Kennedy ignored her and continued, "And the third one built his out of bricks even though it was such hard work."
"Finally!" Maxwell gasped. "A guy who actually knows the difference between a sidewalk and a catwalk!"
"While the first pig was enjoying the day and playing, he didn't know that a wolf was nearby and was ready to eat the pig. But the pig figured out that the wolf was by his house and rushed inside. He locked the door and the wolf said, 'Open up, pig' and… UGH, THIS STORY IS WAY TOO LONG!" Kennedy threw down the book and looked at the kids.
"So what happens is that the wolf hacks into the pig's house, blows it down 'cuz it's built of straw and then blows down the second pig's house. Those two pigs go to their brother's house and it's made of brick and stuff and the wolf tries to blow it down-"
"That guy's demented," Maxwell said snobbishly.
"What's demented?" Sandy questioned.
"Mental."
"Ahem, if I could continue," Kennedy said, coughing purposefully. She smiled uneasily and resumed telling the story. "So the wolf tries to blow it down, but he can't so he tries to get through the roof and eat the pigs there, and blows up."
…
" 'E blows up?" Bijou whispered.
"Like Boss was about to do?" Oxnard murmured.
"Say what?" Kennedy gasped. "Boss was about to blow up?"
"Yeah! I can show you a demonstration. Boss just needs to swallow another elephant…" Hamtaro's voice drifted off as he searched for another stuffed toy. But Kennedy didn't know that…
"Uh, I'm fine," Kennedy mumbled and turned her attention to the others. "The wolf blew up because, well, he fell down the chimney and landed up in a pot of boiling water. And the pigs kind of ate him.."
…
"This is a children's story?" Pashmina said in disbelief.
"Yeah, well, that's not the point. So what's the moral here?"
Everyone thought for a while before bringing up a bunch of ideas.
"Be well prepared."
"Don't be a pig."
"Are you kidding me? Dude, don't be a wolf."
"Never build a house out of straw or you will get blown away."
"Stories like zhis waste our time."
"Once upon a time, there was an ugly duckling. He was so ugly that everyone died."
"Cappy, that's not a moral," Kennedy said bitterly and Cappy hung his head down in disappointment.
"Bricks are fun to throw."
"Pigs are retards. Same with wolves."
"We shouldn't take these stories seriously because no evidence states that there were ever talking animals."
"Like, live sucks. And pigs suck too because they could have swine flu and we will all die."
Kennedy clapped her hands together and laughed, "Well, those were all very good. But the moral is that even if it might take hard work, it's all worth it in the end."
"Wait, that can't be right," Maxwell said. "If I took notes on some stupid Dr. Seuss movie when it was the last day of school, that wouldn't help me at all."
Kennedy's smile disappeared and she admitted, "Yeah, Laura just told me to read the stories to you guys so Oxnard couldn't jack any more cupcakes."
Then, she wondered what Laura was doing right now.
In a prison…
"I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" Laura squealed and quickly dug under the barbwire fence off to freedom.
"NO!" Jim Gaffigan screamed and fell to his knees. "We weren't done with her rap sheet! We still need to write down 'eating ramen for breakfast' and 'wearing plain socks'!"
"Chief, just let her go," a person sighed.
"Why?!"
"Because the cells are already full… She didn't do anything," his comrade explained while crossing his arms.
"You idiot!" Gaffigan spat. "She had a sentence! A sentence, I tell you!"
"Yeah, for five minutes in prison…"
"JUSTICE WILL BE SERVED!!!"
"Oooooh! Can I get fries with that?" a second officer squawked.
Back at the Daycare…
"I now know what Laura meant when she said that these kids are evil!" Kennedy sobbed as Boss rolled out of the kitchen with a couple of matches.
"Now you're doing great so far with the whole crying like a baby thing. To continue this game-"
"Vhat game is it, 'Amtaro?" Bijou wondered.
"Cowboys and Indians, Bijou!" Hamtaro replied cheerfully and faced Kennedy. "All you have to do, cowboy, is scream while we burn you at the stake!"
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"
Then, Laura burst through the door, out of breath, and cracked her knuckles. "Wow, that was my exercise for today. Hey, Kennedy, what's going on?"
"What's going on?! WHAT'S GOING ON?! These kids are going to burn me alive!" Kennedy cried out, struggling to get out of the ropes that attached her to the stake.
Laura blew a lock of hair away and said, "Oh, please. We don't have matches."
"Yes, we do!" Boss called out and lit one match. Laura stared at him for a while before screaming her head off.
"BAD, BAD CHOKING KID! DON'T PLAY WITH FIRE!" Laura screeched and yanked the match out of Boss's clutches. She lifted the match dangerously close to her head as she disciplined the kids.
"You should never, ever, ever use these matches. See, it says for ages 7 and up. You guys aren't 7, so don't you even DARE touch this and…"
"Uh, Laura. Hate to interrupt your rant, but you might want to take a look at your hair," Kennedy disrupted.
"What are you-OMIGOSH, HOLY MOTHER FLIPPING CRAP, MY HAIR'S ON FIRE!" Laura took the lock that was on fire and blew on it heavily, trying to put the fire out.
"I'LL SAVE YOU! THIS LOOKS LIKE A JOB FOR DOCTOR/LAWYER HAMTARO!" Hamtaro announced and bolted for the dress up closet.
"N-No! You're not supposed to play doctor!" Laura protested, but was a little too caught up with her hair.
"Did she say holy mother flipping crap? I want to flip holy crap!" Cappy cheered.
"PUT IT OUT, PUT IT OUT!" Laura screamed, jabbing her finger at the fire that already burnt an inch off of her hair.
"I'LL GET CHUCKIE!" Sandy declared and grabbed Chuckie the Fish. She swatted Laura's hair with Chuckie the Fish, despite Laura's protests, and seemed to enjoy it.
"I thought that Sandy wasn't high!" Pashmina bawled as Sandy almost slapped Chuckie the Fish at her face.
"I don't know, she just always acts like this," Stan shrugged. Laura was screaming and screaming until Hamtaro came around, hauling a pail of water.
"GIMME THAT WATER!" Laura demanded and Hamtaro screamed at the outburst, spilling the water all over Laura's head, and ran.
"OH, THANK YOU LORD!" Laura gasped as the water soaked into her eyes. She rubbed them and then they started to burn. Slowly, and closing her eyes, she turned to Hamtaro. "Was that water?"
"I don't know. I just found some stuff in the cabinet and poured it into the bucket," Hamtaro said innocently. Laura nodded and then let out the biggest gasp.
"See? And you say that I sigh too loud," Kennedy huffed.
"THAT IDIOT THREW VINEGAR IN MY EYES! HOLY SALTINE CRACKERS OF SATURN, VINAGAR. IN. MY. EYES! I'M GONNA DIE!!!" Laura sprinted out of the room towards the bathroom while Sandy chased after her, still using Chuckie the Fish as her cure for 'hair on fire' syndrome.
Kennedy looked around and then coughed, "Anyone going to untie me?"
Another person burst through the door and, believe it or not, it was Jim Gaffigan and a bored police crew. Laura came out of the bathroom, still wiping her eyes a bit and then turned to Kennedy.
"Yeah, well, you better get yourself untied," Laura mumbled.
"GASP!!! She's holding someone hostage! Put that on her rap sheet, Joey!" Jim Gaffigan and Joey took out a REALLY long piece of paper, scribbling something down.
"No, wait, she wasn't-" Kennedy started only to be interrupted.
"Hey! That's not a hostage! That's her accomplice!" Jim Gaffigan shouted and pointed at Joey, opening his mouth but Joey spoke.
"I know, I know. Write that down," Joey mumbled and wrote that down.
"Get 'em!" Jim Gaffigan ordered.
"YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE COPPERS!" Laura cackled, untied Kennedy, and the two ran out the door.
Two minutes later in a jail cell…
"Oh, damn, that was FUN!" Kennedy laughed in cell 786. "Let's do that again!"
"Idiot," Laura muttered in cell 785.
Back at the daycare…
"Hey, there aren't any old people here anymore," Hamtaro noticed as the policemen left.
"Who's going to take care of us?" Bijou gasped.
To babysit or not to babysit, THAT is the question. Who's ready to babysit for $4.50 an hour?!
Was that funny? I don't think that it was funny… Anyway, this chapter was pretty hard to write because of all the craziness. If word didn't get out, I'm DONE with Ribbons of Change, so you might want to look at that one.
OH, OH! ANYONE CAN SEND IN A REVIEW IF THEY WANT TO ENTER THE NEXT CHAPTER! IF YOU WANT BE THE POOR IDIOT THAT IS GOING TO BABYSIT THESE HAM-HAMS, JUST SEND ME A PM OR SAY IT IN YOUR REVIEW! THE CONTINUATION OF THIS DEPENDS ON ALL WHO DECIDE TO ENTER THE NEXT CHAPTER!
(1) I'm not kidding. Kennedy ALWAYS sighs, even to break the silence. I'm the only who gets pissed about it so I just had to put that.
Read and review. NOW. CLICK THE BUTTON, DANG IT!