A/N: I cannot tell you how sorry I am for not updating, but forced myself to do so today! I am trying to get back to writing. Thank you all so much!
You feel something very soft on your cheek, a soft touch that you have not felt in a long time and for once, you welcome it. You are not sure what is going on, but you feel strangely relaxed and willing to allow yourself the warmth of the touch. It's safe, that you know, whoever the touch belongs to, they are safe.
But what scares you the most, is that you are fully awake, but paralyzed in a sense. You are unable to force your body to move, to talk, to eat or drink. You know you are very sick, but nothing seems to matter anymore, nothing.
You are in a dark place, your mind is trapped in your body and cannot escape. You are forced to sit somewhere with no chance of escape. You have even given up on trying to kill yourself. You have simply given up.
But the people who care about you, refuse to. They came in at all hours of the day to sit with you and talk, encourage, be there. But you have become a pro at tuning them out, you want to push them away, for them to leave you alone, but as the days go by you realize that it will not happen. They will not leave.
So instead of fighting against them, something else slowly begins to happen. You begin to look forward to their visits. Look forward to their ramblings, and company. And while you might not ever speak to them or make eye contact, you know they are there.
And that deep dark hole that has sucked you down, is slowly, very slowly, becoming less dark and less deep. Light is beginning to find you at the bottom and lead you carefully up and away.
And you sit on the bed, and listen as Hotch tells you about his day, his hands gently take yours and you find yourself focusing on his conversation. And for the first time in a long time, you are not just hearing sounds, you are hearing words, and sentences and language. You are hearing Hotch.
"JJ, I am sorry I am running late, traffic was not pleasant. I brought you some Cheetos if you get hungry; but don't let the staff know." You hear him rustling in a bag and a hint of orange flashes in front of your eyes, and then your stomach growls. "We miss you JJ, I spoke with your doctors earlier and withdrew consent for sedation. I spoke with Reid and a few other professionals and we all agree that the sedation is not helping you in anyway. We need to let you be you.."
It makes sense now, why things were so foggy, you had been sedated.
"They stopped it a few days ago, but you still have a fever and that is why you are in the ICU." He explains and suddenly, you feel the need to speak.
"Thirsty.." You whisper to him without making eye contact. Instead, you look down at the sheets.
"I'm sorry?" He is good and keep any element of surprise out of his voice.
"Thirsty.." You tell him again, surprised at how weak your voice sounds.
"Sure, give me a second." He turns and grabs the water pitcher, lifting the straw to your lips. Instinct takes over and you begin sucking on the straw, sighing in relief as the cool liquid falls down your throat. "Easy, JJ. You will make yourself sick.." He tries to pull the straw away from you, but you grab it back, still thirsty. "Okay, okay.." He seems to get it and allows you to drink as much as you want.
Its when there is no more liquid in the container that you allow him to take the thing away, and realize that you are tired. As if all your energy went into drinking.
"Go to sleep, JJ. I will be right here when you wake up." He reaches over and gently pushes you down so that your head touches a pillow. You do not flinch as he covers you with a blanket and then drapes his jacket over you. A comforting item, and just as you are falling to sleep, you open your eyes and look at him, making eye contact for the first time.
"Hotch?" You whisper.
"Yes?"
"Thank you.."