Suicide Squad: Take My Hand

Chapter 11 - A Secret From The Past

I got up to find that the ground was layered with a crystal blanket of snow. I figured that this would happen, we are in fact in the earlier weeks of December. I smiled knowing that the holidays would be coming up very soon, as well as my birthday. I'd finally be twenty two, not that it was something to look forward to, but the celebration was always nice. The last couple birthdays that were in my teen years were better than the ones before. I don't mention it to a lot of people because my birthday has always been a bitter-sweet thing for me. Yes, it's a celebration of the day I was born, but it is a chance for me to realize that I am still very young. However, that will not last forever, because someday I will be an old lady. At least I plan to be, but with running with J means no day is guaranteed. I guess I liked it though, while the idea of being a old lady like Darla didn't seem like a bad idea, I just didn't know what would come next.

Some people say that your past doesn't dictate your future. There is times that I agree and disagree with that. I agree because you are your own person and you choose who you will become. I disagree with it because of the past I have had and the effects that it has had on me. This brings me back to why my birthdays are bitter-sweet. Sweet because I thrive on the feeling of adventure and being with J made it no different. He always found a way to cause some trouble no matter where he was. I was actually loving the idea of doing things on a whim. It made my adrenaline rush to know that nothing was for certain. Birthdays were a sign of a new chapter in my life, a chance to discover what is to come next for me,and what my future was going to be.

Birthdays were bitter as well because they reminded me of the past. I don't tell many people when my birthday is because it still isn't something I want celebrated by a lot of people. One time I slipped up and told Gi, don't get me wrong, part of me wanted her to know, but I kind of liked keeping it a secret. My mom and sister knew, of course because they were the ones who were there for my actual birth. And the last person who knew was my father. I'd mentioned him every now and again, but nothing that was too in detail. I told J he'd skipped town after mom got sick, which wasn't an entire lie.

You see, my father had many illnesses. He was in his late thirties when he left my mother. She was older than him, which made their maturity levels much different. While he was in his thirties, mom was in her early forties. She basically raised Rhee and I by herself. She'd work all the time, from eight to seven or sometimes later. She was part of an administrator team, which basically entailed that she was needed there about as much as we needed her with us. On top of working, she'd have to raise us and buy the essentials that my father would not provide. He was a computer technician and said that he couldn't spare a dime because he had his own bills to pay. He also worked about two hours away which made him want to get an apartment where he worked so it would be less of a drive. So my mother had to make accommodations, you could say that I raised by my mother when she wasn't busy, but otherwise it was our grandparents taking care of us by driving us places and doing activities.

My father was no help to anything, and his money was being spent on everything that he wanted instead of what his daughters needed. It was because of this that my birthdays were dreaded during the years he was in our house and in our lives. My father didn't buy us things because he'd be off spending them on the many mistresses that he had kept hidden from my mother, sister, and I. My fifteenth birthday was the worst out of all of them, and I can recall the memory so vividly that you would have thought that it just happened yesterday.

It was five days before Christmas, I was heading to the wash room to drop the clothes off that I taken off before my shower. I didn't think anything of it, in fact I don't even know why I looked at his tablet, but there it flashed multiple messages from some blonde up north where he worked. Fearing the worst, I opened his tablet and saw the many messages that he had sent her promising her a future that didn't include us in it. He also told her that he loved her, which brought the whole thing to reality. I almost threw up just looking at everything, but my fear was soon replaced with boldness. I don't regret what I did, which was I sent her a message about how she was a homewrecker and a bunch of other things that are not important now. My father wasn't home, of course. So I sat and I waited for him to come home, not telling my mother or sister what he had done.

He came in, his steps filled with anger and bitterness as he entered the room. "I don't go through your stuff so why do you get to go through mine," his words rang in my head. I have to admit that my temper had gotten the best of me, "You could if you wanted too, but you won't find anything like that on it." He shook his head and came closer to me outstretching his hand, I had fear of what he was about to do, but then my mother heard the commotion and came out of her bedroom. "What are you doing to her?" She yelled at him. "Nothing we were just having a conversation," he lied through his teeth. This only fueled my rage again and my mouth spoke before my brain caught up. "He is seeing someone else, hell more than one," I told her.

My mother's face showed despair as she listen to the words that I had told her. She couldn't manage to get one word out, she just stood there unsure of what to do. I then took charge for not only my safety, but for hers. "Get out now," I screamed at him. He laughed in response, smug with the betrayal he just made, "You are such an entitled little bitch, you know that? I didn't raise you this way." My face now burned with the rage that was now filling my entire body, "You were and are no father to me, you are someone who thought you were." My father then threw up his hands and walked away, "I will go and you will never see me again. Is that what you want?" I looked at my mother who was watching me and heard everything I had said. "Yes, I do. Get out of here and never comeback. We don't need you." And with that he left leaving every one of his belongings here, to serve as a reminder of who we were no longer going to have in our lives.

I promised that day that I would be a protector for my family. I chose to defend my mother and sister, while protecting those around me if I needed to. This is why my mother is so attached to me, because I made the decision that she would have never been able to make. My mother wasn't a weak woman, but I feel that she could not have made that decision herself. Being with someone for so long and then watching them step out on you and leaving to never return was no decision anyone would want to make. And she didn't have to do what I did for her, which is why she is so close to me now. She knows that whenever something is wrong that she can come to me and I will find a way to help her. The same way for my sister, only she is a bit naive. Rhee has always wanted to find our father and bring him back to explain himself. I couldn't stop her, it wasn't my choice to make.

The fact of the matter was that J knew none of this. I hate to say it, but we both had secrets that we had kept from one another. It wasn't something that bothered me or him. We liked to keep some things private and that was it. It wasn't that we didn't trust one another, it was just that some thing are meant to not be shared especially for the one's you care for. So me not telling J may not affect too much, while some of the things he keeps hidden could probably have me killed if I knew. It was some way of saying he cared for me.

I shuttered at my flashback that I'd had and backed away from the window that I had been looking out of for awhile now. I shook my head and headed towards the shower. I just needed to get my day started and to forget that December was upon us. I needed to forget everything of my past and to just let myself look forwards to the future. Hopping in the shower I turned the temperature to the highest it could go because it was rather chilly in the mansion that would only make me feel worse about everything. I was shampooing my hair when J came in. He was wearing only the bottoms of his purple silk pajamas. "Why are you up so early kitten?" He yawned. He wasn't lying it was about seven in the morning. I hadn't been sleeping well these last couple nights, only because my birthday was only a few days away. "I couldn't sleep is all." He arched his eyebrow (or lack thereof) and combed his green hair back, "You haven't been sleeping well have you?"

"No, it was just last night. I might have been something I ate," I said trying to lie my way out of this conversation. J chuckled knowing that I was not a good liar at all, "Kitten, I know you. Something is wrong." I rolled my eyes still thinking that I could win this conversation and get him to believe that there was nothing wrong. "It's been really cold lately and I just don't like it, I'm sure I will adjust sometime soon. Don't worry about me," I said caressing his cheek as I exited the bathroom to find some clothes for the day.

J shrugged knowing that he wouldn't be able to get whatever he wanted out of me, he then followed me out into the master bedroom. As I began changing, my phone rang. I didn't know who would be calling at this hour, I mean the sun was barely even up yet and someone already needed me? That either meant two things, mom needed something or Gi finally ran out of money from her cab driving. So I walked over to my phone as J stayed at the dresser changing his clothes as well.

"I want to talk about your upcoming birthday with you. I know you are getting older, but I'd like to take you out for dinner. Let me know what you are doing and when." Mom started.

"Umm… I don't know mom," I said with nervousness in my voice.

"Oh nonsense, we will go out to dinner and we can all comeback to my house or yours. It's your choice."

"Yours will be fine. Would you like me to come over so we can discuss the details?"

"You know you are always welcome at my house. In fact you can come over right now if you'd like. I haven't seen you in awhile, I miss you dearly. I will also invite Gi too."

"Gi? You met up with Gi mom?" I said confused.

"Actually she has come over here a few times, you are not the only person she misses you know?" Mom joked.

Gi and Mom had become close over the years of our friendship. In fact, Gi's mother wasn't in her life so I guess she went looking for a replacement which is where my mom came in. Mom couldn't help but offer a maternal role in Gi's life, seeing as though she could never have too many children of her own. Rhee and her lived together, but Rhee never talked to mom much. They kind of coexisted without conversing with one another, it was rather odd. Then you had me who moved out as soon as I could, and was now staying with J. So I guess Gi may have filled some spot in mom's heart that neither Rhee or I could. It works for them, so I don't worry about it too much.

"Very funny mom. I will see you in a bit, okay?" I said.

"Okay see you soon. I love you." She said as she hung up the phone.

J turned his attention to me as he finished getting ready. He was wearing both a black dress shirt and dress pants for the day. "So are you going somewhere today?" He said coming closer to me as I took off my shirt to change. I got sidetracked from talking with my mom, so I had to just continue my routine as before. J then wrapped his arms around my exposed stomach and bra covered torso. He was quite cold, it made me jump a little bit.

"Must you touch me when I'm trying to change? You make it so difficult you know that?" I said in a teasing manner. J's embrace only got tighter as I struggled to put a t-shirt on. "My queen I must always touch you, for that way everyone knows that you are mine and mine only." I sighed, "A little possessive are we?" Joker then grunted in response to my comment, "Only a bit, which is why I want to know if you are going somewhere today."

"Just to my mom's. It's nothing serious," I said. I wanted to make sure that I didn't slip up and tell J about my birthday, it was something that I didn't want to celebrated. Honestly, I only celebrated with my family because it made my mother smile every year. And that night when my dad left, I always promised to make her happy even if it cost me my own happiness. "Nothing important then, huh? How about I tag along then. I haven't seen your mother and sister for a while," he suggested placing his head on my shoulder.

Well there is another terrible idea. My mother still was in a bit of shock about the whole Joker situation, which I understood. Your daughter comes up to you and expects you to like her green-haired insane boyfriend, and you are just to accept that? Yeah, I could see where that may cause some trouble. Rhee didn't mind as much as mother did. She was always pretty laid back about most things. And Gi had already met Joker and even went on a heist with him, so it is kind of two versus one. Rhee and Gi not caring versus my mother having a cow.

"It is nothing really, I don't want you to lose a day of working in your office. I know you are working on sending about shipments to your buyers," I said trying to make him agree. "They can wait. Now get the rest of your clothes on before I think of something else that we could do today," he said suggestively as he turned on his heel to leave and get the car. I huffed a sigh, there was no way I was getting out of this one, so I pulled out my phone and sent out a group text that was for the three people at my mother's.

"So…ummm. J is coming with me," I said typing a smiley face.

I really hope none of them would mind an extra guest. I mean I didn't mind, but we'd have to keep the whole birthday thing on the down low so that J wouldn't ask me about it or try and get me something. I already had what I wanted and that was him. I didn't need the fancy cars or the big houses, I just needed him by my side to face the world. A ding then interrupted my daydreaming.

"That is unexpected dear, but I will set the table for five then. Breakfast is almost ready." Mom typed.

"Alright just remind me not to talk about murdering and money, and I think we will have a good time," Rhee followed.

"Wait...what?" Gi typed.

"Yes, J is coming. Just no one talk about my birthday okay? I don't want him finding out about it." I typed back.

"We will talk later." Mom typed.

"Got it," Rhee said.

"Oh shit, I knew I forgot something about this month." Gi typed.

"Good! Now keep forgetting."

"Kitten the car is running. Can we go now?" Joker yelled from the hallway. "Yeah I'll be right there," I said slamming the bedroom door and hustling down the stairs.

The one thing that I wish I could control sometimes was my anxiety. I was always doing something to control it and in this very moment I was bouncing my knee up and down at a quick pace. It didn't make me feel any better, but it was just a habit that I had. If I was unsure of a situation my body went into nervous mode and sometimes would make me tune out everything around me. I couldn't help it, it was just the way I was.

"Would you please stop bouncing your knee, doll. It is getting annoying," J said with his blue-stricken eyes staring into mine. I grumbled a bit and then willed myself to stop. If I would have kept it up he would have suspected something and lord knows I did not need that. So I stared to watch the city of Gotham passing outside the car window. I had to find something else to draw my attention.

I then began noticing some similar surroundings coming into view. I was close to home and it made me smile. I had not been back for what felt like forever. And I know sometimes I seem like I find my mom annoying, but I do love her very much. It's just sometimes she forgets that I am my own person now. I think she still sees me as the little redhead with beautiful blue eyes and pigtails, dressed in her favorite dress with flowers.

We slowly began pulling into the drive, and I texted the group chat once again.

"We are here. Remember what I told all of you, no birthday talk unless I initiate it." I sent out.

"Right, got it" Rhee replied.

"Will do ma'am," Gi followed.

"Yes dear, now please hurry the eggs are getting cold." Mom said.

The car came to a stop and was put in park. I took a deep breath and opened the car door. I then got out and began walking to the front porch of the place I used to call home. I smiled as I heard the familiar sounds of the two dogs barking, they were always on protective duty. "This is... nice," J said trying to be complimentary. I knew he wouldn't value the house as much as he did his own.

J was used to fast cars, loud traffic, and mansions, while I was used to your early morning drives, the quietness of the environment, and the small farm house that I grew up in. I honestly believe that I like the country more than I did the city. Here you had friendly neighbors and beautiful scenery. While in the city you had friendly prostitutes and tar covered streets. The city had nothing on this place out here.

I walked up to the door and gave it a soft knock while J stood behind me observing everything around him. He was definitely out of his element, and I think he was just trying to make sense of it all. A few moments later, mom came rushing to the door with her hair pulled up and her apron still on. "Welcome, come right on in," she greeted as she let us in. I was then greeted by the two dogs who had been barking ever since we got here. "Hello, Oreo and Snickers," I said petting both of them.

"You named your dogs after food?" J asked. "Yeah, what is wrong with that?" J chuckled and brought his hand to his forehead. "You should have given them more terrifying names, something that might make people more scared of them." I then grabbed Snickers from the floor and shoved him into J's face. "You honestly think that this little guy could scare someone?"

Just then Gi came rushing around the corner, "There you are, I hadn't heard from you ever since the hie-" My hand quickly came up to meet her mouth. My mother did not need to know what I did on the side of being an office assistant for Joker. Mom then turned to look at the three of us standing awkwardly in the doorway. "Ever since what?" She asked. J shot Gi a look that could have just killed her, so she stayed silent. "Ever since we went shopping together. What was that like two weeks ago?" I asked. Gi simply nodded and took a seat at the table.

"Well she has me beat. I haven't seen you in three weeks," mom chided. I rolled my eyes at the both of them. "Why don't you sit down J? I need to go get Rhee from the living room." I told him. And it was to my surprise that he actually listened to me. I then went off to find Rhee who, when I arrived, was sitting on the couch watching her favorite show. "Mom has called us to breakfast, come on." Rhee laughed a bit before answering, "Oh how could I forget that I'll be dining with my sister and her lovely boyfriend." I gave her a light smack on the shoulder as she passed by.

"So what is everyone planning on doing for the upcoming holidays?" Gi asked as we finished up our meal. Well I did tell her to avoid my birthday as a subject, so I can't be mad at her for that. Mother and Rhee both looked at each other, I could tell they were both unsure about Christmas because of how much things had changed over the last couple of months.

A few months ago, I didn't have J by my side. I didn't live in a big fancy house or have the amount of stuff that I do now. This did change things quite a bit. I do not know what to do for Christmas. I mean I didn't want to offer the mansion as an option because I was liable to be killed for suggesting such an idea. J would have to offer if he wanted it to happen.

Joker's POV

This was the most intelligent question that kitten's friend had ever asked. Seeing kitten and the way she acted around here was very interesting. From what I could tell she seemed more at ease with the whole rural setting that I currently found myself in. I didn't like it too much to be honest. I was more of a city person myself. The city was loud and had plenty of targets for the taking when I went on a rampage. Seeing her happy here, made me want to make her more happy back at my mansion. I knew that she tolerated most of it because of me. So I figured that she may want her family to come and see her.

So thanks to Gi, I had the idea of having a Christmas celebration at the mansion. There would be plenty of room and a big enough table to fit all of us. I could also arrange for a meal to be made. Hell they could all stay over if they wanted it to. I was getting ahead of myself though. Why was I even thinking about this, I never enjoyed company unless it was under business circumstances, but now that I have someone else to look after and provide for, I find myself caring more about her than I do myself.

I cleared my throat and interrupted the dead silence that had been created, "We will gladly hold Christmas at the mansion for all of you." Everyone then shot their glances towards me, but Ruby's was definitely the most piercing. I then nudged her and gave her a smile.

Ruby's POV

Please tell me he was joking. What the fuck would cause him to think of such a disastrous idea? Was he thinking straight? Well… nevermind he was never thinking straight. As he nudged me, I followed suit with his plan just like I always did. The man had such a damn hold on me which was sometimes infuriating. "Oh yes, you are welcome to join us," I added to his comment.

Mom then shot glances at both Gi and Rhee looking for their approval. Rhee shrugged her shoulders, "Well it would be different from what we have always done." Gi nodded in agreement, "I like the idea." Mom was still in shock from such a suggestion, but sighed. "Well I guess it couldn't hurt doing something different for once." "Then it's settled. We will be having Christmas at our house then," I confirmed.

We sat for a couple more minutes before mom decided that there was something else that needed to be done. "Ruby dear, would you come upstairs? I bought something that reminded me of you when I saw it." One of my eyebrows rose over the other. "What is it for exactly?" Mom looked annoyed, "For something before Christmas that we may not be celebrating ever again?" It then clicked, she was talking about my birthday.

"I don't understand. What is before Christmas?" J asked. My face blushed a solid red, "Christmas Eve?" J was not impressed with my answer, "Couldn't she wait to give it to you on Christmas then?" Gi them decided to chime in to save my ass, "It's something that she wants her to wear on Christmas. So it would be only fitting to have before hand." Rhee shook her in agreement. "You see? Nothing to worry about." I could tell J was still not impressed, but I decided to move the subject along. "Let's go upstairs then mom," I said gently pushing her in the right direction.

Mom was not lying, she had bought me something that even reminded me of me. She had bought me a short baby blue dress. It was absolutely stunning. It had beading around the torso which also had a sweetheart neckline. It had sheer coming up to meet my neck. It was also a bit fluffy in the skirt area. I loved it without a doubt. "I knew you'd like it, now turn around so I can zip it up in the back." Turning around I awaited to be zipped so that I could show everyone downstairs, but I was instead met with my mother's scream. "What the?" I said before realizing what happened. "Oh yeah, I got a tattoo by the way," I said trying to make light of the situation. It didn't work so well.

Another thing that my mom hated was tattoos. She believed that our bodies were meant to be untouched by such ink. I think she also believed that I was meant to be a virgin forever, but that didn't happen. My body had been both touched by ink and umm… yeah you get the idea.

Everyone came rushing up the stairs. The dogs led the charge and then Gi, Rhee, and J all followed behind them. "What is wrong?" Rhee asked. She soon then answered her own question, "Baby sis got a tattoo? That is cool, I've always wanted one." Gi then decided to add in her own piece as well, "So that was what you got when… Oh." Mother then calmed herself and spoke very softly, "You are not getting a tattoo," she pointed at Rhee. Then she turned her attention to Gi, "You knew about this?"

"No, I didn't know. I would've stopped her if I knew," she said defensively. J just sat back and cackled at the mess he had created. Mom heard him and I didn't think she was the guts to even speak to him, but she did. "You, you little green-haired smug asshole. What did you do to my daughter?" I think at the moment everyone jaws dropped besides J's and Mom's. Never had Rhee, Gi, or I heard mother curse. She said it was unlady like and now look where we are. "You're blaming me for this? I did nothing," J replied after wiping a tear from his eye from laughing so hard. "That is bullshit, you put that God awful thing on her," mom yelled.

At this point all three of us besides J and mom were shaking our heads in disbelief. J had gotten my mother to cuss two times in one day. Rhee and I could never do that growing up, she was always patient with us. "Well… maybe if you would have taught your daughter some manners, she wouldn't have had this happened to her," J said gesturing to the tattoo on my shoulder. "Manners? So she did something wrong and you punished her? How old are you? You can't punish another adult for doing something wrong."

"I most certainly can, she lives with me. And if she wants for it to continue that way, she'll do as I ask of her." This only fueled mom's anger and the two of them continued arguing for the next hour. In that time, Gi, Rhee, and I all headed downstairs to watch some television. We all didn't feel like we could add anything to the conversation, so we just left. It was nice to hang with my sister and best friend all together despite the circumstances. We all laughed at the same parts of the show and all grew quiet when the shouting from upstairs got louder and louder.

It must have been about two more hours before we all heard footsteps coming down to the living room. Rhee shut off the television as we all waited for mom and J to enter the room. It was nerve wracking just sitting there and waiting. Then finally they both appeared in the doorway. It was silent for a moment, until Gi decided to open her mouth.

"So is Christmas still on? Because if we do have to go to seperate houses, that's cool. I just need to know." I think everyone in the room gave Gi a nasty look before her question was given an answer. "Christmas is still going to be at our house at noon," J spoke calmly. Mom then nodded her head in agreement. Awkward silence then filled the room again, everyone stirring their own thoughts in their heads. What the hell just happened? One minute there was a screaming match and now it was as if nothing happened. I think it would be best if none of this was ever brought up again. "I'd think we'd better leave. I have some decorating to do before the get together."

I then put on my coat and kissed my mom goodbye and hugged both Gi and Rhee. It was a bit less awkward, but there was still some tension in the air. J and I both walked out the door and headed towards the car. He opened the door me which was unusual because most of the time I just got the car door myself.

He then joined me and turned on the car, but didn't move to take us home. I waited a few minutes hoping that he just wanted the car to warm up, but it wasn't that. No, something was definitely amiss and I wanted to know what. "What's wrong?" I asked him. J broke from his trance and stared at me, "Nothing. Your mother just mentioned something."

Well, I knew someone was going to slip up and mention my birthday. Silence was my only response in this moment. "Why didn't you tell me about your father before?"