Hello, readers! Thank you for all those wonderful reviews! This chapter is going to be a bit special 'cause its in the past so yeah... So enjoy! (Just a reminder: WE DON'T OWN VAMPIRE KNIGHT)

Aidou, age... whatever age he was that made him look like nine years old.

Aidou's diary.

Dear Diary,

In a little bit, It will be my birthday party! I don't even know some of the guests. Well, daddio says Kaname-sama, Ruka, Shiki, Akatsuki, Rima, Ichijo and Kaname are coming. He told me one of our guests are really stupid, and emo, whatever that means. Anyway, write to you soon

-Aidou the sexy beast

One hour later.

Aidou's dad: Hanabusa, get the door.

Aidou: (opens the door to see Kaname standing there.) Hi, Kaname-sama! *squeal* Is that really you?

*BITCH SLAP*

Aidou: Yep. That is definitely you.

Next came Ruka.

Aidou: Hey Ruka! Did those ugly thighs grow again?

Ruka: And did Kaname bitch slap you again?

Aidou: ... I take that as a 'yes.'

Next was Rima.

Aidou: Wassup, Rima my homie! Can I get a- URGH! (Lightening hits him.)

Next is Shiki.

Aidou: Hi-

Shiki: NO TIME TO WASTE, I GOTTA GO TO THE LOO.

Rido: Just a reminder, Senri; ladies in the house, put the seat down.

Shiki: Psh, like you do that.

Ichijou comes.

Aidou: ...Oh I won't even bother.

Ichijou: That's right, sister!

Next came Kain.

Aidou: Hey Kain! Haven't been burning your undies again have you?

Kain: Look down.

Aidou: (looks down).. AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! IT BURNS!

About 10 minutes later.

Aidou: And you must be that retarded emo daddy was talking about.

Zero: (pulls out his gun) Did he mention life threatening?

Kaien: Kiryuu-kun, thats enough. Come along, Toga. (Starts uh making out with him.) *he was also holding baby Yuuki, who cried at the sight of whatever just happened.)

Toga: (Looks at Aidou and squints at him. This was right after he lost his eye and his face was covered in bandages like a mummy) Hmph. What a little squirt.

Aidou, apparently did not like this comment.

Toga: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, MY EYE!

So maybe if Aidou never did anything to Toga, his eyeball could've been saved. COULD'VE.

A little while after, when we all calmed down.

Aidou's dad: Hanabusa, I would like you to entertain these people while we prepare dinner.

Aidou: Um, okay. So... (starts doing a little dance and singing.)

I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH

I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH

I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH...

(and on and on)

Kaien: -As I have heard so, in a woman is a resting swan ready to spread its wings and burst out...-

Zero to Ichiru (under his breath): It looks like somethings about to burst out of Aidou but I'm pretty sure its not a swan! (snicker)

Kaien: ...and in every man is a lordly lion ready to prance. Zero?

Zero: Yeah?

Kaien: Would you be so kind to dance with this fellow?

Zero: No, would you?

Kaien: OK! (walks up to Aidou) Alright, Hanabusa, let's dance PROPERLY. Put your hand around my waist.

Aidou: W-what?

Kaien: My waist.

Aidou: Um... sure.

Ichiru wolf whistles.

Kaien: Now then off we go... 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3...

Everyone was trying hard not to laugh. Zero had his video camera out but Kaname snatched the camera from him and got a better view to video tape it himself.

Kaname: I'm NEVER going to let him forget this.

Zero and Ichiru: Never.

Kain: I'm bored. I want to entertain 'cause I take singing lessons! (goes up and pushes them out of the way. Kaien landed on Aidou.)

Kaien: I've landed on something rather soft-

Aidou: *gasping for breath* Thats... ME.

Kaien: OH, good.

Kain: ~Yo my name is Kain

And I hate the damn rain

That makes me stuck with him (points to Aidou, who's still smothered by Kaien.)

Its such an F-ing pain

And I'm starting to go insane

So I'll pull down my pants and wane!~

( A few years after in the future

Aidou: (in the bathroom reading Pregnancy for Dummies.) OH, NOW I remember why Kain's rap sounded familiar! (A/U THIS WAS ALL IN THE CHAPPIE OF VK IDOL FOR KAIN'S TALENT))

Back to Aidou age nine.

Aidou's dad: Dinner is still not ready so i think the kids should go outside to play.

In Aidou's backyard.

Ruka: I've got an idea! Let's play house!

Kaname: I can be the daddy. Ichijou is the mommy. Kain is the uncle. Shiki is the grandpa. Ruka is the maid. Yuuki can be the newborn baby. Kiryuu is the always-drunk-and-retarded Great Grandmother. Rima is the bratty older sister. Ichiru is the bad ass gangsta son. And Aidou is the dog.

Aidou: WHAT?

Zero: Ugh, I gave birth to him? (points at Shiki.)

Kaname: GRANDMA! JUST SHUT UP AND EAT YOUR FUCKIN' PRUNES!

Ichijou: *in a dreamy voice* Since I'm the mommy, can we make out?

Kaname: Aw hell no!

Ichijou: *disappointedly* Oh... *in a motherly voice* Hanabusa, go to the market and get some milk... literally.

Aidou: What? But you said I'm the-

Kaname: You heard you're mother; get some milk.

Rima: (in an obnoxious voice.) Yeah, brat, go gets some milk

Shiki (with a slouched back and a hoarse voice.): Get some milk or else I will-

Aidou: Okay, less talk. Goodbye! (runs to the supermarket. Well, it was really a 7- Eleven.) Lets see... 1% or 2%... oh whatever. (gets some orange juice instead. After purchasing it, he stopped by the arcade and tried one of those weird fortune teller things that has a crystal ball.)

Aidou: Well, I know one thing; it's gonna be REALLY foggy tonight.

Later he played against someone in Tekken, that weird game where you play a character and try to KO the other player.

Aidou: Yeah! I beat you!

Guy: Ugh. You fuckin little piece of shit. (Apparently this guy was a teenager.)

Aidou: You said a curse! Give me a dollar for the swear jar.

Teenager: (starts charging at him. But Aidou was too quick for him, being only nine.)

Aidou: Titty TWISTER! (grabs them ugly titties and squeezes really hard, but to our disappointment, he did not freeze them.)

About ten minutes later.

Aidou's dad: Its time for dinner, where have you been?

Aidou: Getting orange-

Rido: Hey look! Orange juice! Thanks, DAWG! (Opens the carton and drinks it all in 3.14159265 seconds.) Ahhhh... Much better! Wait... *burps and farts at the same time* ahhh...

Aidou's dad faints.

Ichijou shows up: Honey! Where have- Whoa, I think I smell... Channel No. 5. Anyway, where have you been? And why do you have a bruise on your head?

Aidou: Oh ummm... I got into a fight...

Ichijou: *gasp* Aidou! Wait till your father hears about this-

Kaname: Hear about what?

Ichijou: Your son got into a fight.

Kaname: (looks surprised) YOU WHAT? Hmm... (leans closer to his face and Aidou is shitting in his pants from the fear of Kaname's slap attack) Did you win?

Ichijou: Honey!

Aidou: Um... yeah, I... guess so.

Kaname: Was it a teenager?

Aidou: Yeah.

Kaname: Did you BREAK his neck?

Aidou: No-

Kaname: NO! You must go back there and BREAK his neck!

Shiki: What's that? My grandson in a fight?

Kain: What? That scrawny little bag of bones!

Zero: You guys are all *hic* scrawny bags of *hic* bones!

Kaname: SHUT UP, GRANDMA!

Kain: SHUT UP, GRANDMA!

Rima: STUFF THEM PRUNES IN YOUR MOUTH, GREAT GRANDMA!

Shiki: SHUT YER MOUTH, MOM!

Ruka: (annoyed) Masters, you mustn't speak like that.

Ichijou: Shut up dumb blonde!

Aidou's mom: Dinner's ready!

Aidou's dad: Welcome to Hanabusa's 73th birthday!

Kaname: Its his birthday? I don't have a present... Oh wait I do. (grabs a napkin from the table and hands it to Aidou.) Happy Birthday, dirtbag son!

Shiki (still in a hoarse voice): Hanabusa, when i was your age I- (takes a piss since he's an old man that has malfunctioning kidneys and a weak bladder)...ahhh...

Rido: Oh, that's my baby boy! He follows in his fathers footsteps.

Zero: Well, like father like son.

Everyone: SHUT UP GRANDMA!

Rima: Hey, brat, Merry Kwanzaa! Uh wait, I don't have a present. Oh wait, I do! (Gives Zero to him) You can keep it forever. No refunds.

Rido: And my gift is a- HUHHH!

After dinner.

Aidou: I hate your dad.

Shiki: Try staying at home with him.

Aidou: But you acted just like him!

Kaname: I'm bored. I don't wanna play house. Let's go to the garage.

Zero: Finally something to do-

Kaname: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO SHUT UP, GRANDMA? (Ichiru punches Zero to shut up)

Aidou: Going to the garage isn't really a good idea.

Kaname: Why?

Aidou: You'll see...

At the garage door.

Aidou: Its not too late to turn back, you know.

Kaname: Just open the door.

All hell broke loose after the opening. Everything went out of place and fell to the ground and stuff. Rido apparently came sometime during the scene.

Rido: So what're you kids doing down here? (goes inside the garage. At that precise moment, a set of antlers above the door fell on Rido. It sorta landed on his CHEST.)

Kaname: That is the end of Rido Kuran...

Shiki: I would like to say a few words. Don't Rest in Peace, Rido Kuran, awful father, stupid uncle, farting machine, and a drunk retard who ran around in circles and many such things. Would anyone else like to say good bye?

Ruka spat on him, Rima sprayed him with windex, Aidou froze the antlers to his chest, Kain waned on him, Shiki put makeup on his face, Ichijou drew a mustache, unibrow, and beard on him with a sharpie marker, and Kaname kicked him in the balls until they heard a really loud squish. Zero and Ichiru had trouble thinking about what to do.

Zero: I think we should shoot him.

Ichiru: I think we should cut out his tongue.

Aidou: Shoot him AND cut out his tongue then shoot his tongue. And take a crap on his face

Zero: Hmm... good idea.

So after that, Little Baby Yuuki took a crap on his face. Then they all left.

Rido suddenly wakes up: Hmm... I taste a crushed Cheeto Puff! Wait a minute... *sniff sniff* URGH! (HE DIED. But hey, he DID ressurect for a second and many years after.)

About a good solid ten minutes later, when they were eating cake.

Everyone ( in a crappy mood): Happy Birthday to-

Suddenly a cop breaks down the door.

Aidou's dad: Hello?

Cop: We need to give a cavity search to that young man. (points to Zero.)

Zero: Uh whats a cavity search?

Cop: We have to search your body for drugs or illegal weapons.

Zero: Crap. Oh, I mean... 'I don't have any crack!'

Cop: Ready?

Zero: Uh do we have to do this in front of everybody?

Cop: If you'd prefer the bathroom...

Zero: Sure...

In the bathroom

Zero: Right, so just keep it above the waist- URGH!

back to the birthday party

Everyone (in the crappy tone): Happy Birthday to-

*BANG BANG*

Zero: (Runs out of the bathroom followed by the cop which had been shot but not effected because he's not a vampire.) YOU PERVERTED EMMETT!

Aidou: What's an Emmett?

Shiki: You don't want to know.

An hour later, while everyone was leaving. Shiki had to wait a little longer for his mom to come because nobody could track down Rido.

Aidou: I'm bored. We should find a way to pass the time.

Shiki: Lets talk about stuff.

AIdou: Video games? 'Cause I like pokemon

SHiki: I hate all the new Pokemon they have now. They should've just stuck with the original 151.

Aidou: Fuck that. Bidoof is my favorite Pokemon.

Shiki: Bidoof is retarded! He looks like testicular cancer... with a mouth. Probably so it can suck dick.

AIdou: What is your favorite Pokeman?

Shiki: Gengar, hands down. Gengar will fuck your shit up.

Aidou:... Why do you think Brock's eyes are closed all the time?

Shiki: Two reasons

1) He probably gets sprayed with mace all the time since he's like a borderline rapist.

2) Chicks dig blind people. Or that's what Toga said.

Aidou: Oh yeah you told me what happened...

-FLASHBACK-

Shiki: Toga, why do you wear a metallic eye patch?

Toga: Cause chicks dig blind people. (turns to a OLD lady on the street) Hel-lo, lady!

*SMACK*

Ichiou: Stupid gaylord...(*walks away*)

-FLASHBACK END-

-awkward moment of silence (wind swirling by)-

AIdou: ... I love Twitter.

Shiki: Twitter's stupid. BTW I noticed you update it every time you take a shit. As if anyone cares...

Aidou: ... I'm worried about the swine flu BTW. Its killed at least 3000 people.

Shiki: Yeah and the plagues that no one really cares about has killed millions. Why do you even care? You're a-

Aidou: Say it. Say it out loud.

Shiki: ...a vampire?

Aidou: no, HOMOSEXUAL.

Shiki: really? Wait you don't even know what that means! (suddenly) That word haunts me to this day.

Aidou: Why? Because Rido died today? Wait, if he died today, you'd mean it haunts you to this hour.

Shiki: I don't need a grammar lesson! I'm just worried that he'll survive.

Aidou: Pff. Like that would happen. Think of it this way: In a few years when we move out of this old dump we'll have to clean out the garage. Then dad will be like 'What is an ugly hobo covereded crap and smells like Windex and piss with jacked up balls and my antlers doing in our garage?' That way no one would come to buy this place cause the garage smells like crap, windex, and piss at the same time.

Shiki: Yeah. But if they do, they'll be thinking that the constipation sensation is gripping the nation, or something like that.

Suddenly...

Aidou: Shiki, are you crying?

Shiki: Look...(points) ...a taxicab.

Shiki's mom came out.

Shiki's mom: I told him not to lose that Porsche!

Shiki: Or as he calls it Porsche-uh

Shiki's mom: Where is he anyway?

Aidou: Long story short, he's dead.

Shiki's mom: Yes! No more naked karaoke nights! Oh and happy birthday Aidou. (hands him a spork.)

Aidou: Yay!

Epilogue

3.14159265 hours later, in Fuchu Prison, Tokyo. (Weird Prison Break theme song starts playing from no where. You can check on youtube.)

Guard: Here's your dinner. (gives Zero a bowl of guacomole and a spork.)

Zero: Thanks!

Guard leaves.

Zero: (starts digging) Mwahaha... MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Guard: I don't want to KNOW what he's doing