So, this chapter's a little different from the rest of them, considering it's basically nothing but angst. Depressing I know, but I hope that other people will find it as emotional as I do, and enjoy it all the same. It's sort of a progression in Damon & Bonnie's relationship. The difficult thing about writing Damon when he's distraught is that he doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would cry and go all Edward Cullen on us. Still, I wanted to show a bit of his vulnerability in this one, but also obviously his anger and his hopelessness. I hope I got the right amount of them all, while still allowing him to stay true to the Damon character. Hope you guys don't find it too depressing. Killerkaiser xx

Disclaimer: If I owned Vampire Diaries, Damon would come to his senses, stop being such a loser and just get over himself enough to be with Bonnie... but since I dont, I can just yell at him through the screen anyway...

Summary: Bonnie helps Damon deal with the aftermath of Katherine

Bonnie pulled off her jacket and off-the-shoulder top, throwing them on the nearest chair as she tugged down the ends of her black camisole. Dropping her bag on the floor she moved through into her bedroom, already reaching down to begin unzipping her wedge-heeled leather boots. She didn't get that far however, because the moment she stepped into her room she let out a gasp and her hand leapt to her chest. Despite her shock though, when she spoke her voice was cutting.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Damon didn't look at her. He just kept staring at some blank spot on her wardrobe door, from where he was sat on the end of her bed. Bonnie slowly moved around the wall of her room to get a look at his face, her own expression suspicious.

"Damon?" she asked sharply when he didn't say anything more. Again he didn't answer. This time, he titled his head slightly to meet her questioning gaze. Bonnie's fingers had been twitching as fire rushed towards her palm, but the heat died out the moment she saw his face. Bonnie's angry expression fell.

Damon's eyes were swimming with tears.

The usually icy blue orbs were dead, dull, obscured by tears welling up that were only just being kept at bay. But judging by his expression, he wasn't going to try much longer.

And Bonnie couldn't help it. Even though this was Damon Salvatore, the Damon Salvatore she was currently trying to kill, the Damon Salvatore she hated, the Damon Salvatore that had taken everything from her… when she saw his face, all thoughts of anger, of revenge, vanished.

Bonnie had dealt with a lot of grief in her life. She had lost her mother through the divorce of her parents. She had lost her own grams just when the pieces of her life started falling into place. She had supported Elena and Matt through their break-up, been there for Elena after the death of her parents. She had seen everyone around her fall apart, seen them all broken, shattered, filled with pain and hurt that seemed to have no end.

But Damon…

Right now, looking at him, Bonnie didn't recognize him. The anguish, the utter sense of betrayal and heartbreak – his whole world was falling apart right before her eyes.

"What happened to you?" Bonnie asked quietly, as if talking loudly would cause him to break down at that very moment.

It was a few seconds before Damon spoke, and when he did, he tried to smile, but failed. "What hasn't happened to me?"

When he didn't go on any further, Bonnie said quietly again "Damon…"

"You know that I can't remember my birthday?" Damon said abruptly, cutting Bonnie off. She looked at him with a confused expression.

"What?"

He laughed, a hollow, scornful sound. "I don't know my own birthday. I missed them all. I was so focused on everything else, so focused on my search that I just forgot about it. I mean, Stefan remembers his. But I can't remember mine." The tears glimmered brighter in his eyes, and when he spoke his voice was quiet, as if it hurt him to say anything more. "But then, Stefan's always had one up on me hasn't he?"

"Damon…" Bonnie said finally. "If you don't tell me what's wrong, I can't help you. Even if you do, I probably still can't help you. Or I won't. So you need to go."

When Damon laughed again, the grief in his voice clouded everything. "Ah, there she is. Same old Bonnie."

"Why did you come here Damon?" Bonnie asked quietly. "If something's wrong, you should go see Elena."

Damon shrugged, with no effort in the movement. "I can't. She'll try and be nice. Try and comfort me. I need someone who hates me as much as I do. I need someone who'll tell me that I'm pathetic. Stupid. That I should've seen this coming. And that they don't care. Because I don't deserve to have anyone care."

"I don't wanna help you Damon," Bonnie said shortly. "But even if I can, you have to tell me what's going on. Otherwise… leave."

For a moment, Damon didn't move. Then, he rose, slowly. He moved towards her window without looking at her, Bonnie's eyes on him the whole time. Then, he froze. Bonnie stiffened as he turned back towards her, the movement sharp, unnaturally fast. When he spoke his voice was pained, desperate.

"What's wrong with me Bonnie? What's the matter with me?"

This time, Bonnie didn't say anything. She just stood. Watched. Waited.

"I mean, I wasn't always like this was I?" Damon stopped and shook his head, as if trying to clear his thoughts. "I wasn't always…" He trailed off. "And she just… she didn't care. I could see it, when she said it. She just didn't care. Katherine didn't care."

Bonnie didn't react when he said Katherine's name. From the moment she saw Damon's face, she knew who had done this. The only person who could hurt him like this. The only person he cared about enough to be able to hurt him like this.

"I've never loved you." His voice was devoid of all emotion as he recalled Katherine's words to him earlier that night. "It's Stefan. It's always been Stefan. And it always will be." He gave a laugh, a hollow, deadened laugh. "Stefan." He nodded, as if finally understanding, making sense. "Stefan."

A moment of silence. And then…

"WHY STEFAN?" he suddenly burst out, turning on Bonnie with wild eyes. "WHY STEFAN? IT'S ALWAYS STEFAN! WITH MY FATHER! WITH KATHERINE! WITH ELENA! IT'S ALWAYS STEFAN!"

Damon gave a roar and swept everything off Bonnie's desk, sending it flying across the room. Her books clattered against the wall, her perfume bottles smashed; she was thankful that her dad was out.

"Even you," Damon snarled, rounding on her. "I mean you HATE all vampires, and yet you're still his friend!"

When Bonnie didn't reply, simply continued to watch him coldly, he swung around, gave a growl and ran his hands furiously through his hair, fisting the roots in his agony. Then, he turned on her again.

"But you know what?" he exclaimed, throwing his arms out. For the first time Bonnie saw the look in his eye, the look of reckless abandon, of a madman. "You wanna kill me? You want me dead?" He marched forward and roughly took a hold of her neck, eyes shining on the verge of lunacy. She didn't react, but watched as he closed his hand around her throat, teeth bared in a psychotic smile and leaned in close. "Then kill me," he hissed.

Bonnie didn't hesitate. Damon was thrown from her by an invisible force, slamming him into her wardrobe doors. His arms were pinned out against the wood, head forced back, the bonds pulling him tightly. It was obviously a strain on him, but he didn't seem to realize it, or care.

Bonnie strode forward, face impassive.

"Do it," Damon snarled. All the anguish, the agony, the betrayal radiated off him. His eyes shone with unshed tears, filled with hate and pain. "What are you waiting for," he hissed. "DO IT! DO IT BONNIE! SHOW ME WHAT YOU CAN DO! I'VE SCREWED UP YOUR WHOLE LIFE, AND RIGHT NOW, YOU CAN TAKE IT ALL BACK! SO DO IT BONNIE! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME BONNIE!"

And just like that, Damon broke. His crazed yells turned to sobs, the tears falling without any resistance.

"KILL ME!"

His words became choked, his body racked with sobs.

"KILL ME BONNIE!"

His head dropped.

"Kill me!"

He ground the words out, barely able to speak.

"Kill me."

His voice was raw, his eyes shining with immeasurable pain.

"Kill me."

It was no more than a whisper. A desperate plea.

And as always, Bonnie didn't listen. Instead she took a few fast steps forward. Stopped before him. His eyes met hers. Her hand came up to touch his cheek, her palm against it. The bonds on Damon vanished and he fell into Bonnie's arms.

She caught him, falling to the ground with him, onto her knees. She cradled him against her as he sobbed. He held on to her as if she was all that was holding him to the ground. All that was keeping him together. And she held onto him. Just as she had done with her father, Matt, Elena, Caroline: Bonnie had always been the strong one, the shoulder to cry on, the one who didn't break apart. Just as she was now.

She held onto Damon, and he held onto her as he cried out the remains of his fractured heart.

The truth hurt. Pain hurt. Heartbreak hurt. Sometimes, amongst all the agony, amongst the remains of a splintered world, there was just no room for the Simply Complicated Art of Enjoying Enjoyment.

And there we go, admittedly a depressing chapter. Hope you guys all liked it anyway. Reviews may just cheer Damon up...