Title: The Biggest Heart in the World
Summary: Not angst just to add angst…not a fan of angst here. Going somewhere with this just hang in there.
Disclaimer: If I owned them… well I don't or I might have a bigger house and would not be living where my allergies bother me 95% of the year.
A/N: Sorry this took so long but I've been sick… I mean REALLY sick so anyway I took this chapter somewhere and then I had to change it because it went to a place that I didn't want to go. Will there still be some angst? Oh yes…. If you are going to just be hateful then stop reading now… you are wasting my time and yours. But for those who stick with me you will be glad you did. This chapter has a time leap with a WTH? Hahahahaha hang in there and you'll see where I'm going with this.
Chapter Eleven: Medical Fuzzies
Kate's room next morning:
Jim was sitting in Kate's hospital room when Martha, Alexis and Rick walked in. Alexis hugged her and she hugged the girl back tight, Alexis thought she saw tears in Kate's eyes when she let go. "Kate did I hurt you, I'm sorry."
"No Alexis, you didn't hurt me. Can I talk to your dad in private for just a second?"
Martha stood up. "Darling you take all the time you need, we'll be in the hallway."
Rick sat down on Kate's bed and tried to hold her hand but she moved it. "Rick I've been trying to figure out a way to say this but the only way to say it is to come out with it. We're over, I mean we had a great time and everything but we're just too different."
"Kate please tell me you don't mean that."
"I do Rick, I mean blame it on me we just went too fast and I should have put the brakes on this before it got this far. But let's be realistic we come from different worlds and I'm a cop, apparently not a great one but I am one so let's just say we enjoyed it while it lasted and leave it there."
"I love you Kate, how can you do this?"
"Easy Rick, I just did. Please take your family and go."
"They'll want to come in and say goodbye to you."
"I hope they do, I'll miss them greatly and please tell Alexis to keep the furniture I gave her for her room. I want her to consider that a gift from me."
"You gave up your apartment and moved in, something must have happened while you were here."
"I just did some thinking, being laid up with no one to talk to can make you think. I can stay with dad for awhile."
He was so upset he didn't catch on to what she said about no one to talk to but he hadn't been gone except for that last night. She had just been so medicated she didn't remember him being there. "I do love you so much Kate, we'll all miss you."
"You'll move on."
"It's not that easy, I know what you think of me but trust me it's not."
"The guys will come and get my things if you can get it packed up for me." He nodded and walked out in a state of shock.
Out in the hallway he looked at his mother and daughter. "Kate's going to be staying with her dad for awhile so go say goodbye to her so we can go."
Alexis started crying. "She's not coming home now or ever?"
"She's not coming back ever."
She turned her back to Kate's room. "I knew it; she got shot and now she hates me. I'm not going in there."
Rick hugged his daughter. "It's not you pumpkin; it's me although I have no clue what I did."
Martha opened Kate's room and walked in; she walked over to the bed and hugged the younger woman. "Darling when you get your head out of your ass and decide what's best for you please come home, we'll all still love you I know it may not seem like it now but we will. Richard and Alexis are just hurt right now and you can't blame them but they will still love you months from now. I'm a phone call away if you need me, just pick up the phone and call do not be stubborn Katherine."
"Martha I don't know how to convince you that this is forever."
"You can't convince me that you and my son are over forever because I know you are meant to be, and you will be just get over what ever this is tearing you up inside." She kissed her on the side of her head and waltzed out Martha Rogers style.
2 weeks later
Kate and Lanie were sitting in a diner after her physical therapy appointment when Lanie looked up at Kate. "So have you seen or talked to Alexis or Martha?"
"Martha called to check on me, she talked to dad. I don't think I'm supposed to know, I was coming out of my room and I heard him answer the phone and heard him say her name. I heard him ask about Rick and Alexis and tell her about my therapy and everything."
"Does it bother you?"
"No, I'm surprised they care I mean if they cared then why didn't they even stick around at the hospital instead of leaving dad to sit with me?"
"Oh sweetie, I don't know what happened and it was too late to do blood tests by the time we caught on but something happened at that hospital. I mean ever since he flew in Richard Castle was by your bed until we made him go home and take a shower. He had been taking them at the hospital but then finally one night your dad just told him to go home and shower, eat and nap. I mean you were going to be fine so there was no reason for him to just hang out there. But other than that the only time he left your side was when the nurse came to give you meds."
Kate shook her head slowly. "Lanie if he would have been there I would remember."
"What do you remember?"
"Lanie we've been over this too much, I told you what I remember and it's the same. It's fuzzy, I remember talking to dad a few times but that's it."
"That's what just really doesn't make sense sweetie. We were all there a few times, we had pizza and played games. Alexis had to tell you to stop talking because you were so loopy you got into talking about your sex life with her dad, I mean who knew you would let Rick Castle handcuff you to the stair railing?"
Suddenly Kate looked up. "What did you just say?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Who did Castle blab to about the stair railing? He promised he would never tell anyone."
"He didn't, you did and let me tell you I've never seen your dad leave a room so fast."
"If I talked about it then how did I get into talking about it?"
"You and Alexis were playing cards and we were talking about a case the boys had just closed where they found a woman tied to the stairs, Alexis simply commented she wouldn't want to be found that way. Then she looked at you and said how about you? You looked at her and smiled then said if she would have come home 3 hours earlier you would have found her that way when her dad handcuffed you to the stair railing."
Kate's face turned red. "Oh man, I didn't say anything else did I?"
"So Castle's tub is really big enough for serious tub sex huh? And his shower is too? Don't worry you only spilled those to me and the boys. You and Castle have had an amazing sex life girl."
Kate smiled; it was the first real smile Lanie had seen on her face in ages. "You have no idea, well apparently you do but really you have no idea. It wasn't just sex Lanie, I love him and now I have to live without him because he blamed me for what happened to Alexis. Regardless of what you say, he wasn't there and nothing you can say will make me think he stuck around because I just don't remember it. I must have told you all of this at another time. He thanked my dad for what I did and left, that does not sound like a man in love."
Lanie nodded. "So you don't remember anything but that?"
"No someone at the hospital told me that, actually it's weird that being told that is one of the things I actually remember but I can't really remember who told me that. It's like most of my stay there is a blur, has that ever happened to anyone before?"
"Not people on my table but mine usually end up in the ground so they don't remember anyway. But yes I've heard of it usually caused by a traumatic injury or illness, sometimes a combination of meds. Like I said you started talking about it too late for me to do the blood work and even with you signature they won't let me have all of the files I need. It's just weird. So moving on, how's the stalker case is your dad telling you anything?"
"Not as much as I would like but I hear that he's not taking a deal, overheard that conversation as well. They won't let dad do anything but can you believe that doctor? Asked me out over and over again, I tell him I'm engaged then dad said he got him kicked off my case at the hospital so then when I got released he stalked me at dad's. I'm just glad they got him, the notes and everything it got a bit scary."
"Javi and Kevin sat outside your place for a week straight, took time off work for it."
"Oh no, I had no idea that means they either took vacation or missed a week of pay for it. I owe them so much; I wish I had known about it."
"Don't worry about it, taken care of. Jim told Martha about your stalker and Castle paid the guys for a week plus bought their meals to sit outside your dad's place. He also paid a couple of uniforms to help out on the stakeout, doesn't sound like a man that has fallen out of love to me."
Kate looked down at her food and then back up at Lanie, she wiped a tear off of her face. "He told Alexis once that I have the biggest heart in the world, but I think it's him. He would help out anyone and I believe as much as he must hate me after I almost got his daughter killed that he has the biggest heart. He would do anything for anyone, no matter what. But that ship has sailed Lanie and I need to get home, I'm sorry but I really do need to lie down."
Lanie nodded. "Well let's get you home, Kyle said you did great today and you should be done soon."
Kate stood up. "I've been doing my exercises at home and I do really feel much stronger, now I just need to decide what I want to do about work."
"Don't push yourself; you can take time on that."
They drove up in front of Jim Beckett's house and Kate smiled at her friend. "Thanks for taking me today Lanie, I think dad wants to go next time so he can talk to Kyle and make sure I'm telling him the truth about my improvement." She pulled a gift bag out of her bag. "Would you please give this to Castle? It's just something I picked up for him, nothing really I mean he could afford a million or more of them and he can throw it away if he wants."
Lanie pointed at the bag in her hand. "Can I look?"
"Sure, like I said it's nothing big just something I found." Lanie pulled out a small paperweight castle.
"There is a story behind this, now spill."
"We were shopping in the village one day with Martha and Alexis; we found this in one of the little shops. Rick picked it up and asked me if I wanted this castle for my desk. I put my arm through his and pulled him along and told him no, I had my castle and he was the only castle I ever wanted. I was with dad in the village and I saw this. I don't know it's stupid I just thought maybe he would like to have it since his name is Castle."
"It's beautiful Kate, I'm sure he's going to love it just like he still loves you."
She looked over to see tears Kate was trying to hold in her eyes. "Thanks again Lanie, I'll call you in a day or two."
Jim looked up when his daughter came in. "Katie, how did your PT go today?"
"Great dad, Kyle might release me soon so I need to make a decision about work. Also I need to go see the therapist and hit the shooting range. Anything interesting happen here while I was gone?"
"Not really, I thought you might need a nap after your PT so later we can fix a nice dinner and talk about what you want to do now? I mean you have enough money if you never want to work again. Did you ever tell Rick about how wealthy you were also?"
"He knew I am financially stable, I told him that right up front. But no I never told him exactly how much I'm worth or anything why?"
"I was just curious; I mean I'm sure women have gone after him for his money."
"I'm sure they have and that's why I told him, I wanted him to know I loved him not his money or fame." She wiped her eyes, she had cried more lately than in her entire lifetime. "I'm sorry dad, I'm just really worn out I guess lunch after PT was too much for me."
Jim stood up and hugged his daughter. "Go take a nap then we'll talk later."
One Month Later
Kate came downstairs at her dad's house dressed and ready to leave, she smelled breakfast before she even left her room. "So dad, when are you going back to work?"
"Now that the case of that doctor stalking you is all wrapped up and he's locked up along with that nurse that helped him dose you, I'm going back next week. Any plans on what you're going to do?"
"Not yet, I need to go talk to Captain Montgomery. I had nice visit with Dr. Burke yesterday and he helped me straighten many things out, first thing is I don't have to decide everything about the rest of my life today. I think I'm going to ask the Captain for an indefinite leave of absence."
"That means he can hire someone in your place."
"True but then if I want to come back then the next position will be mine; if I resign then I have to do things all over again. I'll talk to him and see what he says. I hate to leave the department but in talking to Dr. Burke I realize that I just need to take time for me right now."
"Maybe that's not a bad thing, we all need to step back sometimes and realize we've made bad decisions too quickly."
"So how did they catch the nurse anyway, did the doctor squeal?"
"No, it was a sting that Martha, the DA and your Captain set up actually and all perfectly legal well kind of legal. Lanie told the guys what you told her about your hospital visit being fuzzy and even when she repeated conversation to you then you didn't remember. But she said something to me and Martha about seeing that Dr. Davidson coming out of your room the night before you broke things off with Rick, he swore he was tired and mixed up the room numbers."
"No dad, he wasn't in my room after he was told he wasn't my doctor anymore."
"Yes Katie he was, Javi and Lanie saw him. Before that he came out of your new doctor's office and told Rick, Martha and Alexis that he was passing on a message from your doctor that since you were going home the next day he requested that only I be there that night. Rick was suspicious because it was him so he stopped a nurse but she said that she heard your new doctor ask him to pass on the message to them. So they left. About 2 hours later Javi and Lanie saw him coming out of your room, he said he got room numbers mixed up and said he walked in then back out."
"So what really happened?"
"Martha has a student that was going to audition for a part in a drama as a doctor so they pulled him in the 12th and explained as much as they could what they needed for him to do. Just play the part of a visiting doctor, flirt with this nurse and get information plus see if he could find the medicine charts she hid from your file. That is the part not quite legal but the Captain and DA knew about it so we we're safe. Anyway he did just that and the fact that he wore a wire so she is recorded saying everything. The doctor paid her to help dose you, they would make you not remember anything from your visits during the day so you thought that Rick wasn't there."
Kate started crying. "I guess I need to call and thank Martha, but now Rick knows that I couldn't trust him enough. I blew the best relationship of my life; I'll never have that again."
"You might want to wait on calling Martha; she's out of town with Alexis right now."
"What happened dad?"
He knew he couldn't tell her everything, he had promised he wouldn't tell her. He had even been ripping up the newspaper so she wouldn't find out and he was running out of excuses for that. "School is out today and Alexis never went back, she had a tutor to finish out the term. Actually Rick got a tutor for Alexis and her two friends and they continued school at the loft so Martha took the girls to the Hamptons today so everyone would leave them alone."
She nodded. "So breakfast smells wonderful, are you coming to the precinct with me?"
"No, I figure you want to talk to your Captain and catch up with the guys. I want to call Martha and make sure the girls are doing okay."
"Where's Rick?"
"Oh he's in the Hampton's too."
She sat down with her coffee and her plate. "I guess he took someone? I couldn't expect him to stay single forever." She opened up the paper and then put it back down. "Geez dad, stop spilling coffee on the paper."
"No, I promise he didn't take anyone actually Martha said if we wanted then we are more than welcome." He knew that wasn't exactly the conversation but it was close, he could text Javi right after she left about hiding the papers at the precinct.
"I think I need to be here and focus on what I want to do but if you want to go please don't stay here for me, you and Martha talk quite a bit don't you?"
"Some yes, she's very interesting and she's worried about you. That woman loves you very much." He noticed the way she looked at him quickly before returning to her breakfast. "Don't look at me like that, she's a friend and how can we scheme to get our kids back together if we don't talk?"
Kate shook her head. "Look what I did to him dad, he's never going to talk to me again." She put her plate and cup in the dishwasher then kissed her dad on the cheek. "When you call Martha to tell her what I just said tell her I love all of them and for her to give Alexis a hug from me." She grabbed her purse, cell phone and jacket then walked out the door.
12th Precinct
Kate walked in and looked around when she spotted Esposito she smiled. "Hey Espo, is the Captain in his office?"
"Hey Beckett, sure he said you might drop by today. How is everything?"
"I'm going to be good to go soon that's why I need to see him." She looked around. "Not a newspaper around here? Dad must have a nervous habit when it comes to the paper; he keeps spilling coffee on it lately."
Esposito laughed. "Maybe he's tired of the same bad news."
She nodded. "I'll pick one up on the way home." She knocked on Roy's door and walked in when he waved for her to enter. "Hey stranger, so you miss me around here?"
He smiled. "You know I do Kate, so tell me you're coming back soon."
"I can't Roy; I was going to talk to you about an indefinite leave of absence."
"You know that means I might have to fill your position?"
"It also means if there is a position open and I want to come back, then I don't have to go through the ranks again. I would appreciate this, I'm just so twisted up right now and I don't think I would be an asset to the team."
He nodded. "The fact you know that is a step in the right direction Kate. Okay but if you change your mind I'll hold off filing your paperwork for 4 weeks and I'll call you before I file. Do you want me to tell the guys?"
"No, I'll tell them before I leave I mean they're my team so I should tell them."
"This door is always open for you Detective Beckett, you're my best and I really don't want to lose you but I need your head on straight."
"That's what I need to do but I'll most likely be back soon."
He walked around the desk and hugged her then smiled. "Keep in touch and let me know how you're doing."
"I will Roy; you keep in touch as well I'll be at my dad's for awhile." She walked out of his office and over to the desk area of her team. "Hey guys can I see you in the break room for a minute?" They followed her in and both of the guys just looked at her. "I'm taking an indefinite leave of absence but I'm not resigning, I talked to Roy and he agrees that I need to straighten things out first before I come back. I can't do this job without having everything from the shooting behind me."
Ryan nodded. "You'll keep in touch right?"
"Oh sure, we can all still get together and stuff. I just need to put this behind me and right now I can't do that but one day I can."
Esposito nodded. "You have PTSD; it's not an easy thing to overcome."
"My therapist said it's not and he said some never do, if that happens then I'll come back and try to deal with it."
Ryan went to leave the break room. "One way to put it behind you is to talk it all over with Alexis, she misses you Kate." He never said anything else just left the room. As he left a rookie entered with a newspaper and poured coffee. Esposito was talking to her and didn't process in time what was about to happen until it did.
Kate looked over at the table where the rookie put her paper down and saw the headline they had been trying to hide from her and at the same time Esposito saw her look. Her face went completely pale.
Richard Castle finally awake from his 3 week coma after near fatal fall down steps. Family is moving him to private hospital in a non-disclosed location.
Suddenly her face went pale. "You knew, everyone knew and no one told me. I threw him away and I can't even tell him I love him, everyone knew and now I have no one to trust everyone is just gone. I'm alone." She ran out and was gone.
TBC