Unsatisfied

"When are you two going to tell us about the dream?" Anders asked quietly as they headed up the stairs.

Sareyna turned to look at Zev who inclined his head slightly. "Tomorrow." She replied softly. "Let's just enjoy being home for the time being."

"You had a dream while you were down there? Maybe we should talk about it, so you don't forget it."

Sareyna laughed a little. "No chance of that, Ali my love. Trust me." She stretched and sighed. "I think I'm ready for a long bath followed by a long nap."

Anders rolled his shoulders, which popped loudly. "I agree, in fact, that's healer's orders." He headed down the hall but stopped a few feet ahead of Zev, Sareyna and Alistair. "And you two take your green crap."

Zev chuckled as Anders disappeared into his room. Zev hugged Sareyna and kissed her cheek "Thank you again, Querida." He disappeared down the hall as Alistair pulled Sareyna into their suite of rooms.

As soon as the door was shut behind her Sareyna started removing her armor, "Ugh, I feel like I've been buried in mud. Everything is dirty and sweaty."

Alistair helped her take off her armor. He followed her silently to the bathing chamber and sat on a stool behind the tub as she sank gratefully into the water. She leaned back and Alistair picked up the cloth and gently began washing her.

Sareyna relaxed with her eyes closed for several minutes before she opened them slowly. "What's wrong, Ali?"

"Just a lot on my mind I guess." But his voice was a little too quiet.

"Are you still upset I left you here?"

"Not at you, I should have trusted you."

Sareyna wasn't sure what was bothering him. He should be happy, she knew that she felt pretty elated, had since the last door of the barrier swung open and she saw Zev and Anders both standing there. So she waited, he would tell her in his own time, sometimes Alistair just had to stew for a while.

Alistair moved the stool and moved around to the side of the tub where he started washing her arm. "I think we should talk about Zevran, 'Reyna."

Sareyna bit her lip; her voice was a bit strained. "Alright."

"No, don't be like that. I'm not angry, I'm…I'm confused. Before we left, Zev kissed me."

"I know. He kissed me too, right before the final push of the battle."

Alistair looked only mildly surprised. "He's quite the opportunist."

Sareyna smiled, glad Alistair wasn't angry.

Alistair colored and suddenly found the cloth in his hand very interesting. "I think I might have liked it."

"Oh?"

"What does it mean?"

Sareyna chuckled and shook her head, "It means you were kissed by someone trained in the arts of seduction and you enjoyed it. There's nothing wrong with that."

"What if it's more than that?"

"Is it?"

Alistair dropped the cloth into the water and stood up to pace. Sareyna grabbed the cloth and continued to wash the grime of the Deep Roads from her skin.

"You two are so frustrating and confusing. You're so calm, like it's no big deal that I got aroused when Zev kissed me. It's a big deal to me." He stopped and knelt down by the tub again. "I've wondered what it would be like to have him touch me, would his fingers be callused differently than yours? I've pictured him on his knees in front of me dozens of times." He stood back up with a huff and Sareyna noted that he was getting aroused just talking about it.

"Do you want to invite him to bed with us, Alistair?"

"No!" he barked, then a bit calmer, "I don't know." He let out a sigh, "No."

Sareyna nodded in acceptance and dipped under the water to wet her hair before she started to clean it. Alistair watched her with dark eyes, no longer pacing, but almost frozen in place. As soon as she rinsed the soap from her hair he snatched her out of the tub and strode across the room to their bed.

He tossed her unceremoniously onto the mattress and quickly shed his clothes. Sareyna watched him with expectant eyes. Alistair looked at her so intently she felt her skin flush with excitement.

He spread her legs before he crawled onto the bed over her and without preamble kissed her hard and pushed two fingers roughly inside of her. She moaned at the abrupt intrusion but Alistair's tongue was stroking in out of her mouth in time with his fingers between her legs.

It was only a few moments before her hips started moving, matching his rhythm. Apparently, satisfied that she was ready Alistair grabbed her and flipped her over. He pulled her to her knees and guided himself to her entrance. He grabbed a handful of her hair in one hand and her hip with the other and entered her in one brutal thrust.

Sareyna cried out in surprise, she gasped as he set a punishing pace pistoning in and out of her. "Ali?" her voice was tentative.

Alistair pushed her head down into the bed, "Quiet."

Sareyna slowly turned her head to the side so she could breathe as he held her head down. If she wasn't so soul weary she would have been furious. What the Fade was he thinking? She took long slow breaths to keep herself calm.

She tried to focus on the feel of him inside of her, but she was unable to hold onto her arousal. The friction became nearly painful as she started to become dry. It didn't take him long to finish and she was grateful. She felt him come inside of her as he gave a satisfied grunt before he pulled out and lay down on his back staring at the ceiling. Without a word she climbed out of the bed and back into the tub, the water was still warm, no sense in wasting it.

She cleaned herself off and stopped in the wardrobe to pull on a light weight chemise before climbing back into the bed. Alistair reached out for her and she pulled away from him. "Stop."

He rolled up onto his side and looked at her. "What's wrong?"

"Next time you want to prove to yourself that you're still a man, don't use me to do it." She snapped.

"That's not…"

She glared at him. "We've been together in a lot of different ways, but that's the first time I ever felt like you were using me."

"I didn't mean to make you feel like that. Maker, I'm sorry 'Reyna." He reached out to caress her face.

She pulled away again, "Give me some time to cool off alright? I'm angry Alistair."

Alistair nodded and climbed out of the bed. As soon as he was dressed he left the room. Even as angry as she was her trek to the Deep Roads had worn her out and Sareyna was asleep in minutes.

Alistair was indulging in some Antivan brandy and self recrimination when Justice came into the library. The spirit was looking at two volumes, one of which Alistair remembered from his last tango with brandy in the library. He stood and walked to the spirit. "You can read, Justice?"

"Apparently."

Alistair chuckled, "Looking for anything in particular?"

Justice turned his flat gaze to Alistair. "What is the Calling?" He watched Alistair's reaction, "Yes, it seems to be something unpleasant, but I cannot find what it is in the remnants of Kristoff's memory."

"Why are you asking, Justice? It isn't something you will have to go through."

"This man was glad to die at the hands of the Darkspawn in the Blackmarsh because it meant he would not have to endure this Calling. What manner of thing makes a man wish to die like that, from the impressions I have, it was an unpleasant death."

"Death is never pleasant, Justice."

"Is that what this Calling is then, a type of death?"

Alistair sighed and moved back to the chair where he had originally been sitting. "Yes, the corruption in our bodies from the Joining eventually wears our bodies down, our nightmares get worse and we know it's time to go to Orzammar."

"I do not understand."

Alistair chewed his lip; this was really Sareyna's area of expertise. He had few conversations with the Fade Spirit because he was prone to over simplification. "During the Joining we drink Darkspawn blood. We take it into our selves so that we can feel Darkspawn; we are more effective at tracking them down and killing them that way. But Darkspawn blood is poison; some people die immediately those who don't become Grey Wardens."

Justice nodded.

"Even if we live it is still poison and eventually we will succumb to it. When the time draws near we go to the dwarven city of Orzammar. We enter the Deep Roads and fight Darkspawn until we die. Think of it as a last hurrah, we take out as many Darkspawn as we can before we go down." At Justice's confused look he clarified, "before we die."

Justice stared blankly for several moments before responding. "You poison yourselves on purpose to be better at finding Darkspawn?"

"There are other advantages we gain. There is an increase in stamina, strength and we do not get sick as easily as other people."

"You mentioned nightmares; do demons plague your sleep?"

"Not as such, no, we have nightmares of the Archdemon."

"But the Archdemon has been slain."

"This one has, but there are potential others out there and we dream of them. Sometimes the dreams are of the Darkspawn, just more and more Darkspawn as far as the eye can see."

"This is the reason the other Wardens cry out at night. They are having these 'nightmares'?"

"Yes."

"Will there always be Darkspawn?"

Alistair gave him a sad smile, "I hope not, Justice, I really hope not."

"There have been Darkspawn for hundreds of years. How will I ever fulfill my purpose? This body is decaying."

"The best I think we can hope for is that they are no longer a threat here."

"That does not seem just."

"Not much in this world is just. We have to take what we can get." Alistair looked at the books that Justice was still holding. "If you are looking for history on Darkspawn and the Blights this is the better book." He pointed to the tome he remembered.

Justice slid the other book back onto the shelf before he left the library silently.