A child, the child of my heart though never of my name
Who shares my gift, whose eyes though young are mine the very same
Who shares my every thought whose skillful hands I taught so well
Now hear the hardest lesson I shall ever have to tell
Carmela orbed down, and gasped at the whitelighter in Lexi's arms. "Stephan"
She knew this young whitelighter personally, he was one of her students, he was assigned his first charge within the last two years. He joined the ranks of whitelighter, just barely in his twenties, but Carmela was older so she thought that every new whitelighter was a child of hers, her eyes filled with tears, if she wasn't so focused on protecting her charge, she would have felt Stephan's pain and would have left to help ease it.
She walked up to him, that's when she noticed the crowd gathering around, she seen each perfect just standing there. "Perfects, take your students back to their houses now" she barked.
Every Prefect jumped at the order and began shouting for their houses to follow them, a small part of Carmela wondered if things were this bad during her time as a student.
"Stephan?" she stated, as she knelt down besides the upset whitelighter. Lexi looked over at her, but didn't say anything or move. She just held onto the whitelighter like a lifeline,
"I lost him, I orbed too late," sobbed Stephan as he hugged Lexi, she rubbed circles on his back.
Carmela sighed, this would take time. She placed a gentle hand on both their shoulders and orbed to somewhere safe, meaning Lexi's room.
"Carmela, what should I do?" asks Lexi, her eyes filled with tears.
"Go to Madam Pomfrey and ask for a dreamless sleeping potion, he's in so shape to orb back home." Carmela replied, taking Lexi's place next to the whitelighter,
she held Stephan as he sobbed, it hurt all whitelighters to lose someone,
Young healer I have taught you all I know of wounds and pain
Of in the sit and of the herbs of blessing and of bane
Of all the usage of all your gift all that I could impart
And how you learned young healer put rejoicing to my heart
Carmela rubbed Stephan's back, and let the man cry himself out, she wouldn't say a word until he was, when Stephan was in training, he was so focus to learn everything Carmela has to teach, because of the rules, she thought her students all kinds of Healing, if they couldn't use the healing touch, they could find herbs to help their charges and Stephan was a pride because he took everything to heart.
But there is one thing she couldn't teach, the grief of losing a charge, a person who you watched over and protected. Someone you grew to love, no matter how much it hurt,
But there is yet one lessoning I cannot give to you
For you must find your own way there judge what is sound and true
This lesson is the cruelest ever healer had to teach
It is which you must do and there are those you cannot reach
When love someone, and you lose them to demons or illness it nearly kills you, because a Charge's life is in your head, and when they leave its like a part of you dies. Carmela let her tears flow, for her student and friend.
However creature gift there will be times when you will fail
There will be those you cannot help, your skill cannot prevail
When you fight Death and loose to him of what might yet be worse
You went to find the wreak he left regards you with a curse
Sometimes when you reach your charge, its a race against the Angel of Death, to save him or her. Carmela thought back to the times when she herself had lost charges. She learned that the life of a whitelighter was nearly as sad as losing one's family.
The worst of all and harder still the times when it's a friend
Who looks to you to bring him peace and make his torment end
What will you do young healer when there's nothing you can do
I can give only council for the rest is up to you
"He was my friend as well as my charge." Stephan spoke for the first time, since coming into Carmela's embrace.
"I know, it nearly kills us all, when we lose someone to the greater good," Carmela replies gently,
"But why did he do it, wasn't I enough for him?" Stephan asks.
Carmela blinked, this wasn't turning out so well, it wasn't that she thought that Stephan would be involved that way with his charge but the way he said it, just made her want to cuss out the Elders and the Angel of Death.
"Are you sure nothing drove him to anything?" Carmela asked trying to being a sense of this tragedy, he was talking about what she thought it was even worse.
This only will I council you that if you build a shell
Of armor close about you then you close yourself in Hell
And of your heart should harden then you gift will fade and die
And all that you have lived and learned will then become a lie
"I'm not sure, but I should be recycled," Stephan replied, "for failing."
Carmela sensed Alexis was close and worried about the whitelighter. "If I thought you should be recycled, I would have orbed us back into the heavens and let the others handle it." Carmela was in her Elder mode now. "It is my judgement that you should have a good dinner and a night's rest here before you go off to find a darklighter to kill you."
"Yes Elder," Stephan replied. "But what should I do."
"You should go seek out your charge's family and offer your condolences." Carmela stated firmly, "But that will be tommorrow when you have a clear head."
As you must I have faces the fear the pain in dying eyes
Sometimes I have told the truth and sometimes gentle lies
As you will I have faces the times my skill brings no redress
And wonder if my gift was truly meant to curse or bless.
This was the hardest part of being Elder or a Whitelighter, knowing that if you failed into your duty, it could mean heartache.
Carmela took Stephan's hands in hers, "I can't help you, but I will be here when you need a shoulder,"
child, your healing hands are guided by your healing heart
And that is all the wisdom all my learning can impart
You take this pain upon you as you challenge life unknown
And there can be no answer here but one, and that's your own.
Alexis came back into the room with a tea kettle and a potion bottle, "I would have brought food but Madam Pomfrey says it would only give him a stomachace in the morning,"
Carmela nodded, "He's going to sleep on the couch tonight, and I have to deal with my fellow Elders."
Stephan was about to protest but didn't when Carmela glared at him, and in the whitelighter language told him to drink.
While Stephan drank the dreamless sleeping potion, Carmela thought of something.
"How did your charge die, if he wasn't a witch?" asks Carmela
Stephan looked up sleepily "He killed himself,"
DarkPriestess66 says: I don't own the song Mercedes Lackey does.