Writer's Note- Long chapter. I felt like it needed to be long to make up for the shortness of the last chapter. Please enjoy, and please don't hate me...lol

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER IS RATED DOUBLE M FOR BEING EXTREMELY ANSTY SEXY HOTT!

After Rachel finished in the shower, and Jade and Brittany had calmed her down a little, they spent the rest of the daylight relaxing. Lounging around in bed, watching TV and hanging out. Jade was laying on her back, with Rachel sprawled over the top of her stomach, resting comfortably. Brittany was sitting on the other bed, looking at them with a huge smile on her face.

"What are you looking at", asked Jade.

"You two, and the weird...people pile you have going on...", laughed Brittany.

"What can I say, Jade's a comfy solution to my pickiness about pillows. Hotel pillows never seem to be the least bit comfortable for me. I did bring my own body pillow with me from New York, but I left it at your apartment. Therefore, Jade is my new pillow", stated Rachel. Jade couldn't help but start to laugh. Rachel's long, wordy rants never ceased to amuse her. Especially when the subject matter was something as simple as a pillow.

"Who am I supposed to use for a pillow", joked Brittany.

"Hmmmm, well the bell boys were kinda' sexy. The whole 'no shirt' thing really works in their favor. Want me to run and grab one of them", laughed Jade.

"Maybe later. Let's see if the room service person looks comfy enough to be my pillow when they get here", said Brittany. Jade and Rachel laughed. Although Brittany was making jokes, and being cute about the whole thing, the real reason she was looking at the two of them was anything but funny. Not that she'd ever admit to anyone that she was jealous of Rachel's current position. She knew that them cuddling was nothing more than a friendship, comfort thing. Jade had always been rather touchy feely in the sense that she just loved all her friends. But, Brittany really wanted to cuddle with Jade. In more than just a friendly kind of way.

As if Jade knew what Brittany was currently thinking about, she uttered the last seven words that Brittany wanted to hear.

"I think I need to call Santana."

"Really", asked Rachel.

"Well, yeah. I miss her voice. In all fairness, I did just leave without saying goodbye to her. And...Chase! Oh my God! I suck I suck I SUCK", whined Jade. "She's probably so upset...".

"You haven't been gone that long", said Brittany.

"I know, but she was with Santana's parents so much over the weekend, plus you know how sensitive she is", said Jade, sadly.

"No, Jade it's okay, I'm sure she'll...understand...", said Rachel, not really even believing her own statement.

"She's three, there isn't a whole she understands. Wait until she's old enough to understand what having two mommies REALLY means...", said Jade, sitting up. She grabbed her phone, and dialed Santana, but it went straight to her voicemail.

"Damn it...her phones off", said Jade sadly.

"Don't be sad Jade. I have an idea. Let's get dressed, and go down to the beach in a bit", said Brittany.

"I don't know...", said Rachel.

"Get dressed? Really? But….my PJ's are sooooo comfy right….", whined Jade.

"There's a bar down there", laughed Brittany.

"Okay, I'm in", said Jade sitting up again." Come on Rach...let's go get some tropical drinks...we're in Hawaii, it's a must."

"Oh okay", said Rachel, rolling her little body off of Jade.

After a while, Brittany and Jade were dressed. Make up done, bathing suits on, waiting on Jade to come out of the bathroom.

"I should probably put this outside the door, right", asked Brittany, as she picked up a tray of dirty dishes from room service.

"Yes, I believe if you leave it outside the door, they pick it up for you", said Rachel.

At that moment, Jade emerged from the bathroom. When Brittany saw her, her jaw dropped, along with the tray she was holding. The glasses and plates hit the ground, some shattering into little pieces. There Jade stood, wearing nothing but a neon pink bikini, and a see through, black wrap around her waist. The pink on her dark brown skin made for a tone, that was absolutely, mind blowing, beautiful.

"Brit...are you okay", asked Jade, obviously not realizing why she had dropped the tray. Rachel took one look at the expression on Brittany's face, and the deep red color of her cheeks, and laughed to herself.

"Y-yeah...yeah I'm fine. I...um...just lost my grip, that's all...", she said. As she bent down to pick up the glass, she kept glancing up at Jade's body. She had some random scars from her passed encounters with her razor blades. Also, one big, almost completely faded scar from Mika stabbing her. But, Brittany didn't care. She was looking at her skin, and how it was a deep chocolate color. Her ab muscles, that were just right for a females body. Her tone was just flawless in Brittany's eyes, and she had nearly forgotten about it.

"Brit...", whispered Rachel. Brittany's head snapped towards Rachel, her eyes wide with confusion.

"You're staring...".

Brittany smiled nervously, and finished picking up the glass, and dishes she had dropped. Luckily Jade hadn't noticed the way she was looking at her.

"Jade, it's night time sweetie, you might consider wearing a jacket or something", said Rachel.

"Oh yeah, don't worry I was gonna put a hoodie on", giggled Jade, as she strolled back into the bathroom.

Rachel looked back at Brittany, and shook her head.

"I'm such an idiot...", whined Brittany.

"Don't worry about it, she didn't even notice."

A while later, they were sitting at a bar that was on the beach. There was a party going on. People dancing, people standing around an enormous bon fire, and lots of people by the bar. Brittany and Rachel had their drinks already, but Jade was trying explain a drink to the bartender.

"Alright love, listen very carefully this time...are you listening, love", she giggled, and the guy nodded.

"Put the strawberries in the bottom on the cup...like mush them all the way into the bottom. Then, poor the vodka in, add some crushed ice, and last you put the soda", she explained, calmly. When she was done, the bartender was just staring at her with a blank expression plastered across his face. Jade shook her head and laughed.

"Alright, move over buddy, I'll just do it", she said, and she climbed over the bar top. Brittany and Rachel just laughed. As Jade made the drink, very quickly, the bartender and half the people sitting at the bar, just watched in amazement. When she was done, she smiled, climbed back over the bar, and grabbed the drink.

"Holy shit...how did you make that so fast", asked the bartender.

"Let's just say I have a degree in alcohol management", said Jade, and she winked at him.

"I take back everything I said about your drinking habits, Jade", breathed Rachel.

"You do?"

"I do. After this passed weekend, and the drama that has occurred I feel I have no choice but to admit. It's great therapy."

"Well, it's not the only therapy you know", laughed Jade.

"Trust me...I know", said Rachel, seriously. Jade gave her a funny look, but she pretended not to notice. Just then, a tall, African American guy, with no shirt on approached the girls.

"Tall, blonde, and damn sexy...may I have this dance", he asked, looking at Brittany. She looked at her friends, and smiled nervously.

"That depends...Tall, dark, and straight forward...um...what are you intensions with her", asked Jade.

"Just to dance. Something tells me she's good at it", he answered.

"You don't know the half of it", said Rachel.

"Go on Brit, show him how it's done."

Brittany smiled, took the guy's hand, and they were off to where everyone else was dancing.

"By the way, I meant to tell you before but I forgot. Guess who one of my voicemails was from earlier", asked Rachel. Jade just shrugged.

"Jesse."

"Jesse? As in Jesse Saint Fucktard? What the Hell did he want...", asked Jade.

"I'm not sure, but hearing his voice made me want to vomit a little."

"Okay. I hate asking this...but...".

"No, no, no way. I would never even consider going anywhere near him. Even after this entire situation. He's become somewhat of a psycho since high school."

"How do you mean", asked Jade, with a hint of worry in her voice.

"Well...after Quinn and I had moved to New York, and I got my first job on Broadway...he started showing up at my shows, with flowers. I asked around about him, threw his name out a few times. As it turned out, he had auditioned multiple times for many, many different shows. Always got turned down, mainly because he kind of...scared people."

"That doesn't surprise me...the boy was always a little too intense for my taste", said Jade.

"Well, you obviously weren't alone on that, and it's an assumption that was to be taken...very seriously", said Rachel, looking away from Jade. When Rachel looked away, Jade got a horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach, but she ignored it for time being.

"This one very random day, I was taking a break from rehearsal, and ran into him at a Starbucks. He somehow convinced me to sit down, and talk to him for a bit. Told me how much he needed me, and how much he missed me. But, in all honesty it was all so...empty. I just, couldn't care. As bad as I felt, I just couldn't bring myself to actually care. So, it was left at that. Until...our wedding."

"Your wedding?"

"I never told anybody, not even Quinn, but he was there. During the ceremony, I remember looking to the back of the crowd, and seeing him. He was smiling at me", said Rachel.

"Oh my God, why didn't you say anything", asked Jade, in shock." I would have chased him out of there with a baseball bat!"

"I was going to say something, but he was gone after that. Didn't see him again at all that night, so I figured it was a harmless situation."

Jade could sense that Rachel was more than just slightly uncomfortable talking about Jesse. Halfway through the conversation, she had unknowingly, grabbed onto Jade's hand, and held it.

"Look at me", said Jade. It took Rachel a few moments, but eventually she locked her eyes with Jade's. And, it was then Jade knew that Jesse Saint James, had hurt Rachel more than anyone ever knew.

"What did he do to you", she asked, softly. Rachel just shook her head, and looked away again.

"Rachel...", said Jade, but she refused to look at her, or say anything at all. Jade wouldn't push her though. She knew if Rachel really wanted to talk about it, she would eventually. She sighed, and pulled Rachel into her. After she kissed her lightly on the forehead, she chugged her drink, and ordered some shots for herself.

"What do you wanna drink, love", she asked.

"Whatever you're drinking", said Rachel, quietly.

After Rachel did a few shots, she didn't feel much like being around a crowd anymore.

"I...think I want to go back to the room...", she said.

"Okay, let me just tell Brit, and I'll go too", said Jade. Rachel really wanted Jade to come with her. She didn't want to be by herself at all, but she was starting to feel slightly guilty for making Jade her constant physical comfort.

"No, Jade...you stay. I'll be fine."

"I'm not leaving you alone."

"You're not leaving me, I'm choosing to leave. It's okay, I just want you and Brit to have some fun."

Jade pulled Rachel into her arms again, and picked her up. Rachel couldn't help but giggle a little." We want you to have fun too Rach, that's why we're here", she said.

"I know. You can put me down now, I'll be fine."

"You don't want me to put you down, and honestly, I really don't want to. I think you're lying to me to make me stay here. So, why don't you just let me come back with you. We can listen to music, and just relax...I just wanna' take care of you", said Jade. When Rachel heard her say that, she wanted to cry for some reason but she just squeezed Jade a little, and wiggled her way out of her arms. She picked up a shot glass, did the shot quickly, and put it back.

"You're such an amazing person Jade, I love you very much."

And, with that she walked away. Jade watched her until she was gone, then turned towards the bar. Eventually Brittany and her new friend joined her back at the bar, and they drank some more. After about an hour, Jade got a funny feeling in her stomach. She hadn't really felt right about letting Rachel go back to their room alone. But, at that very moment she couldn't shake the feeling that something very bad was happening.

"Jade, what's wrong", asked Brittany, noticing that Jade was worried.

"Something isn't right...", she said.

"What?"

"We gotta' get back to the room, like now", said Jade, and she took off running. Brittany look at her new guy friend, shrugged her shoulders and took off after Jade. When they got to the room, and inside, Rachel was nowhere to be seen. But, they could hear noises coming from the bathroom. They hurried over, and when they pushed the door open they both gasped at what they saw. Rachel, sitting shirtless on the ground, covered in blood. She was crying her eyes out, and clutching her side.

"Awe Rachel, baby...why...", cried Brittany, and she hurried to the ground. She pulled Rachel onto her lap, and held her tightly from behind. Jade didn't know what to do. She couldn't find words to say, she couldn't think, and it took her a few moments to realize that she had been holding her breath.

"I'm not sad...", cried Rachel.

"Yes you are, look what you did to yourself...", Brit cried. Rach just started shaking her head frantically. Finally Jade snapped out of her daze, and got down on the ground. She moved Rachel's hand away from her side. There was a cut right across the side of her body. Deep, but not deep enough where she'd have to go to the hospital.

"Is it bad", asked Brittany, still in tears.

"No, she'll be okay", said Jade, taking a razor blade from Rachel's hand. She set it on the counter.

"Jade...", cried Rachel. Jade looked at her, a blank stare on her face.

"I'm not sad...I'm not...", she cried again, desperately. Looking right into Jade's eyes. At first Jade wasn't sure why she kept saying that, but as she looked at her eyes, she started to understand.

"You're not sad", she proudly stated, smiling a little.

"No. I feel better now, honestly, I do", she cried, and she laughed a little through her tears." I feel...free...".

"Jade...what is she talking about", asked Brittany.

"Pain. For the first time ever, she's feeling a high from pain that she was in control of", Jade explained.

"That's why Jade does it, Brit. That's why she's always done it...", breathed Rachel. She had a calm, almost creepy tone in her voice. She was very slowly calming down, but Brittany wouldn't let go of her.

"Rachel, just know that what you're feeling right now is temporary", said Jade, taking one of Rachel's hands in hers. Rachel nodded.

"I….I know…".

Once they got Rachel, and the bathroom cleaned up, they all got ready to sleep. Brittany insisted that they all sleep in the same bed. She didn't fully understand how or why Rachel was slightly happier than she had been in the last few days. She was a little angry at Jade, for not being more upset that Rachel had taken a razor blade to her body. As Brittany sat up in bed, with Rachel's head in her lap, she stroked her hair, and held back more tears that threatened to fall. Jade was standing at the sink washing some blood from her hands. When she was done, she looked at her reflection in the mirror, and spat at it. Yes, she was happy Rachel was feeling better, but she knew the only way out of the feelings she had towards her friend's recent actions, was to be a hypocrite. It was okay that she hurt herself all the time, after all she had been doing it for years. But, not Rachel. Not sweet, talented, beautiful little Rachel. She wiped her mess off of the mirror, and walked over to the bed.

"She sleeping", she asked, and Brittany nodded.

"Alright, I'm gonna' be right back then."

"Where are you going?"

"Don't worry, I'll be back in like fifteen minutes. Just stay here and watch her", said Jade, kissing Brittany on the forehead. She walked out of the room, and got on her phone. Once again, Santana's phone went right to her voicemail. After the beep, she took a deep breath, and started speaking.

"San...I...don't really know what to say besides...I'm sorry for just up and leaving you and Chase. I don't...want you to think that it's permanent, because to me it's not...I just...needed some time, according to Brittany. I really really...miss you..", she said, breaking into tears." I love you...and please tell Chase that Mommy misses and loves her bunches...". And with that, she hung up, and headed back to the beach bar. There wasn't as many people as there had been when they left, but still a pretty decent crowd. She saw the guy that Brittany had danced with sitting at the bar with an empty seat by him, so she strolled over.

"Hey", she said.

"Oh hey girl, what's up? Everything alright, I mean you guys just kinda' ran off without saying anything."

"Everything's good. I'm sorry, I never even asked what your name is", said Jade.

"It's Jake. Nice to meet you, I know you're Jade. Brittany was talking about you a lot on the dance floor", he laughed, as he shook her hand.

"Really", asked Jade.

"Yeah, I think that girl loves you...like for real."

Jade just smiled nervously, and nodded. She ended up paying the bartender for a whole bottle of vodka, saying goodnight to Jake, and going back to the room. When she got there, Rachel was still sleeping, and Brittany had turned on the TV. She sat down next to her on the bed, and opened the bottle.

"Really", asked Brittany.

"Really", said Jade, and she smiled.

"Wow, I guess this whole relaxing trip thing isn't really working, is it."

"We haven't been here long enough Brit, everything's gonna' be okay."

"No it's not. At least not with you. Jade, you somehow, yet again managed to avoid what you need to be dealing with, and made this all about Rachel. I'm not saying it shouldn't be about her at all, but I mean...what about you?"

"What about me?"

"Oh my God...", breathed Brittany, as Jade continued.

"I fucked up. As per usual, I fucked things up. So, yeah this is about Rachel. Why waste my energy on myself, when there is somebody else that I could give it to?"

Brittany couldn't take it anymore. She carefully moved Rachel's body off of hers, and stood up.

"Brit...", said Jade, but Brittany didn't respond. She walked into the bathroom and closed the door. Seconds later, Jade enterened the bathroom, and shut the door behind her.

"Talk to me...", she said, taking a shot from her bottle.

"Do you know what it's like being in love with a person that treats them self like shit", asked Brittany. Jade spit out her shot, and started coughing.

"Yeah, I'm saying it, out loud. I'm in love with you! Not only do I have to sit by and watch you ignore yourself, as your friend...now I have to watch you as somebody who wants to be with you more than anything!"

Jade couldn't even look at Brittany at that point. She rarely saw Brittany's angry side, but she had been seeing in a lot in the passed couple days. It was really starting to make her sad. "Jade, I need you to deal with this. I need you to at least try to concentrate on yourself, for once! Do you think just maybe you could do that for like a day?"

"No, I can't", snapped Jade.

"Yes you can, you just won't."

"No, I can't...that's what I said, and that's what I meant", she said.

"No Jade, you can deal, you just refuse to. Admit it."

"You're wrong about that Brit, so just drop it." Brittany took a step towards Jade.

"Admit it. You way too stuck on other people. I get it okay, you do it out of love, but seriously that has to stop!"

Jade let out a frustrated groan, and looked to the counter. The razor blade Rachel had cut herself was sitting there. Brittany followed Jade's eyes, and saw that she was staring at it. At that moment, they simultaneously went for it. Brittany got to it first, pushed it out of the way, and pressed Jade up against the wall with her body.

"Don't even!"

"Brit, let me go", Jade cried desperately.

"Am I hurting you", asked Brittany.

"No."

"Then I'm not letting you go."

Jade tried to move towards the counter again, but Brittany lifted her body, and pinned her harder to the wall. So hard, that Jade had no choice but to wrap her bare legs around Brittany's waist. When she did that, Brittany couldn't help but moan a little. Without even thinking, she untied Jade's wrap, and let it fall to the floor. Leaving Jade in nothing but her bikini. She moved her hand across the soft, ebony skin, and rested her forehead on hers.

"Don't kiss me Brit...b-because...I won't be able to stop...", cried Jade. Brittany closed her eyes, and tears rolled down her face." I...I...don't want you to be...like her...".

"I want you...so bad...", cried Brittany.

"Stop...", cried Jade.

"No...I want you...I love you so much and you're fucking killing me. How come she gets to keep you after what she did? How come she fucks somebody else, and gets away with it? How come she can't appreciate you? I would never hurt you...ever...".

"Brittany...stop...".

"Why?

"Because I want you too!"

After that confession from Jade, it was nothing but a few minutes of tears from the both of them. Brittany wouldn't put Jade down. She just held her against the wall, forehead resting on hers, trying so hard not to kiss the girl.

"Don't...say that to me...please. Not unless you really mean it. Don't you dare lie to me just to make me feel better", she cried.

"I do mean it...".

Brittany brought her eyes to meet Jade's, and ran her fingers through her hair. Jade shifted a little, and it made Brittany moan out loud again. She new if she put Jade down, it would stop her from being so aroused, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Jade was feeling the same. After years of having suppressed all of her sexual earges, it was almost too easy for her to get turned on. Now here she was pinned in between a bathroom wall, and one of her attractive friends, which her she had always thought was absolutely beautiful. It was one of the most bittersweet moments they'd ever experienced. Half drunk, on a high from a heated discussion.

"Let me touch you...please...", begged Brittany, through her tears.

"You are touching me...".

"Let me make you feel good."

"We can't do this Brit, otherwise...we're just like them. Don't be like Quinn, don't do what she did", cried Jade. As if she didn't even hear what Jade said, Brittany started caressing one of her breasts, and kissing her neck.

"Uh...god...", moaned Jade.

"Tell me to stop baby...tell me to stop and I swear to God...I will", she whispered in her ear. The whisper sent a wave of pleasure through Jade, and she moaned again. She wanted it. God, she wanted it bad, but she couldn't do it. It would hurt Santana, and she didn't want to hurt her. Even after what she had done with Quinn.

"S-st...stop", she stuttered." Stop."

With that, Brittany stopped kissing her neck, and took her had away from her breast. Staying in the same position, Jade placed both her hands on Brittany's face.

"I'm sorry...", she cried.

"It's okay baby", cried Brittany. She very slowly let Jade down, and backed away. Jade grabbed her bottle of vodka, and took a shot. Without a word, she handed the bottle to Brittany. She happily took it, and drank from it. "What now", she asked, quietly.

"Sleep", said Jade, and she laughed a little. Brittany smiled.

"Sleep."

Hope you liked it...don't be shy about letting me know.