Just so everyone knows, after the events of today, I hate hypnotists. Because mooks should not be punching cliffs apart at this level. Ever. Thankfully, this hypno-trash is also affecting Luffy, who is, as of this moment, trashing the shit out of the mooks using their own boat. Talk about taking 'fuck you and the horse you rode in on' literally.

I'm currently multitasking; kicking mook ass, dodging, weaving, and hoping to God that I'm going about this whole Haki thing to right way on the off-chance that one of these kitties gets their claws in.

"One, Two, Jango!"

And now our one of our two heavy hitters is asleep under a huge-ass piece of wood with an alarmingly reactionary cat face on it. Great.

I guess there are some things you just can't get away from. Like fucking pain in the ass plot points. And Zoro getting his ass handed to him once an arc with a huge side order of blood loss.

"Aayaa, what's all this noise?" A voice called out from the wrecked ship.

"Shit." I swore.

Zoro looked at me sideways. "What's up next?"

"A pair of annoying pussycats." I grumbled. "Don't take your eyes off of them for a second, even when you think they're down. They're just as bad as little Miss Mikan here for stealing things and a lot stronger to boot."

Nami flipped me off at that.

"I don't wanna! These guys are scary~!" The Nya brothers whined like six year-olds.

Nami stared at me. "These guys are wimps."

I rolled my eyes. "They're the ships protectors, which makes them some of the strongest on board. They are the vanguard of guarding for their crew. They aren't wimps; they're just play acting. For some reason." I turned to look at the Nya bros. "SHAVE YOUR LEGS AND PUT ON A SHIRT, YOU ORCA." I yelled.

Usopp grabbed onto my arm. "You said they were strong; WHY ARE YOU AGGRAVATING THEM?"

"BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE THEM."

Nami and Usopp face-faulted. "Too blunt!"

"GET READY!" The skinny one screamed as he ran wildly at Zoro.

"Tch." Zoro slashed at the sham cat, who caught the cutting edge of the sword in the palm of his gloved hand. "Bastard."

"Your teammate told you not to underestimate me." The cat-man said (Shamu? I thought the other one was Shamu, what with the black and white colors and general size) before leaping back. "I have a cat's style."

"Cat fist?" I ask, tilting my head to the side and forgetting about the battle for a moment. A stupid decision I discover, as the other Nya brother attempts to make me part of the cliff. I dodge. Barely.

Zoro pointed accusingly at the smaller Nya brother. "WITT, THE BASTARD TOOK MY SWORDS!"

"I don't know anything about any swords." The cat-man said with an obviously guilty grin on his face.

"THEY'RE RIGHT ON YOUR BACK." The swordsman snapped.

The grin didn't even twitch. "I didn't do it."

"LIKE HELL."

I ducked another possibly crippling blow. "I'M A LITTLE BUSY RIGHT NOW, CAN THIS WAIT?!" I shrieked as I jumped over the next strike and ran up my aggressor's arm like a thousand other anime characters.

Zoro is having none of my excuses. "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FIGHT WITHOUT MY SWORDS?"

"YOU STILL HAVE A SWORD, YOU SHIT."

The smaller cat man's grin widened. "Yes, your sword is in your right hand."

"FUCK OFF, JACKASS."

And then the dumb shit threw Zoro's most prized possession down the hill.

Welp, we all know what is going on his gravestone; 'Strong enough to survive, too stupid to make it last.'

The battle is over in a single devastating stroke, and what originally was just a quick tailoring job manages to be a few inches further in, producing a lovely arc of vital fluid. The kick to the head is just icing on the cake.

"BRO!" The other one howled, trying to get to Zoro to give him a beat down. I say 'trying' because this is the part where I bring my heel down on his skull.

"Ow." I hiss as I hop up and down on his unconscious self, holding my leg. "Hard-headed." I pick up Zoro's swords from where they lay, handling them like live grenades. Hey, I have a healthy respect for blades. Comes from watching cousins almost lose fingers to vegetable knives. Repeatedly.

I limp over to Zoro, shaking the numbness out of my leg and looking like an applicant for a grant from the Ministry of Silly Walks.

"Is that it?" The swordsman asked.

"Well, I think with government backing, I could make it very silly." I say, putting on the apropos accent for the line, handing over the swords to their owner.

He slides them back into their place by his side. "And I'm lost."

"And there's your running gag." Something moves behind us and I sigh. "And that looks like our cue to kick these guy's asses again. You'd think that once would be enough."

Zoro grunts in either agreement or annoyance.

"Not bad…" The smaller brother wheezed, spitting a bit of blood. "But let's see how well you hold up against…"

"OUR CAT'S CLAW TECHNIQUE!" They yelled in unison, even as they lunged at us, swiping wildly.

I hold up by breaking into interpretive dance. Zoro just falls back on using his swords. Like a reasonable person.

Somebody looks like they're trying to line up a shot. I take a moment to glare at him. "USOPP, IF YOU TRY TO INTERFERE, I'LL SHOVE THAT SLINGSHOT UP SOMEPLACE PAINFUL! WITHOUT LUBE!"

Crisis averted.

A dread aura of pure menace fell over the battle field as soon at that smug thought crossed my mind. Typical.

"Kuro!" Jango hissed.

"Oh god." A mook said, eyes wide.

"Kuro?!" Usopp said, shocked.

I throw up my hands, instinctive sass outweighing instinctive fear. "Okay, now that we've established that, yes, that is Kuro scaring the piss out of everybody, instead of Sebastian Michaelis or someone, CAN YOU STOP REPEATING THE NAME OVER AND OVER AND OVER WITHOUT ADDING ANYTHING TO THE CONVERSATION?"

"Yes." Kuro said, expression dark. "Saying my name over and over is rather tedious, as you still haven't explained WHY YOU HAVEN'T EVEN COMPLETED STEP ONE OF MY PLAN?"

I look at him straight and grin in a way I hope looks dangerous, or at least unstable. "Oh, hey. Kuro finally decided to show up. Out of curiosity, what was step two?"

Usopp is losing his shit, as apparently, this revelation has broken his view of everything. "KURO? AS IN… THE CAPTAIN OF THE BLACK CAT PIRATES? THE ONE THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE BEEN EXECUTED THREE YEARS AGO? THAT KURO?"

The asshole in black adjusted his glasses. "Yes. 'That' Kuro. Though I'm somewhat mystified as to exactly how you know that fact."

"Are you going to buy my 'psychic powers' story?"

"Not. Likely." I think I heard a nerve just snap.

I take it as an invitation for more snark. "Pity. Because that was the most explanation I was going to give anyway."

I think there's a reason why the only friends I have now are all certifiably insane.

"How did nobody suspect?" Usopp asked the ground, eyes still bugged out of his skull. "How could a monster like that live here for three whole years and never give himself away?"

Another adjustment of the glasses. "That's because… I am simply one hell of a butler."

"HEY! SHOUT-OUTS THAT NOBODY BUT ME UNDERSTANDS IS MY GAG!"

Man, I am so happy I didn't join Kuro's crew. I mean, I wouldn't have anyway, but the point still stands that he just killed like half of them and left the rest in no state to do anything. All for a bit of obligatory bitching.

What a douche.

But he did keep us from the Nya Bro's Boss Fight parts two through three, so eh. Something. Two less people to beat the shit out of. Again.

It did give me a chance to admire Kuro's Soru spinoff. I'm gonna copy the shit out of that. Once I figure out how it works, besides running around at the speed of sound, like some kind of superfast hedgehog.

And the exposition that came with it, courtesy of Disco Dan over there, did nothing to help me understand the mechanics.

Nami punched me, cutting off that train of thought. "WHERE'S LUFFY?"

"Ahh… under the figure head still, I think." I noted, pointing helpfully in the right direction.

"Useless!" She growled, running down to punch Luffy instead of me. I look down at our not-quite party member, who's currently curled over on himself in a fetal position.

"He's dead, he's dead, he's dead." Usopp said, apparently falling into a mantra of 'he's dead' under stress.

"Aa, no Usopp-kun. Not dead, just sleeping."

"I'M NOT SIX, WITT. I UNDERSTAND THAT HE'S DEAD."

"WAKE UP!" We hear from down the path.

"Ow!"

I grin, pointing my thumb happily down the way. "See? Only sleeping."

"That hurts!"

"You're all monsters." Usopp muttered, standing up to stare at the scene.

I blush, holding my hand to my face and waving him off. "There's no need to hand out compliments like that so early in our relationship, Usopp-kun~."

"That's not what I meant at all."

"KURHADAHL!"

We turned to look at Kaya, standing tall at the top of the hill and easily in range of Kuro's claws.

"Aw, crap." I say in my best Ron Perlman.

Welp, that's the icing on this crap cake of a day.

"Why are you here, Miss Kaya?" Kuro says, seamlessly falling back into his butler routine, even with the three foot long, blood-dripping emissaries of light speed death dangling from his fingertips.

"Merry told me about you and your plot." She said, eyes surprisingly hard for such a nice girl.

"IS EVERYONE MORE INFORMED THAN US?" Usopp and Nami wailed.

Kuro adjusted his glasses. "So he's managed to hold on this long. How… careless of me, leaving trash around."

"I know about you being a pirate!" She added, pulling a pistol out of her pocket, apparently deciding that shooting at someone who can move faster than the eye can track is the best course of action she can take. "All those terrible things you said about Usopp-san and his father, and you're ten times worse than either of them could ever possibly be!"

"You're gonna need some ice for that burn, kitten-chan." I said smugly. The smile disappears as a sword plants itself in the tree right next to my face.

"I would… very much appreciate it if you would just… shut up, you annoying child." Kuro hisses, his face much too close for comfort.

I act on reflex; I kick him in the balls. Too bad he moves at light speed, because otherwise, I wouldn't have whiffed it. He's back over by Kaya.

"I spent three years, attending to your every need. I went sailing with you, I cared for you when you were sick, I wasted three whole years on you. And do you know what?" Kuro flexed his sword clad hand, cutting a few of her hairs effortlessly. "I've so been looking forward to this. But first…"

Ah, he's back in front of me before I can blink.

"I'm going to deal with what has to be one of the most annoyingly irreverent people I've had the misfortune to meet." I dodge a comparatively slow swipe with relative ease; that's the difference between his Pussyfoot act and Soru. He has to slow down to make that last hit, unless he wants to do the whole 'I guess the cat's out of the bag, so excuse me while I kill the shit out of you faster than you can see' thing.

And now Luffy just Pistoled the cat bastard in the face. Excuse my evil laughter; I've been taking notes from Crocodile.

"Bastard." Kuro muttered, adjusting his cracked lenses.

"Ah, so you didn't like that, huh?" Luffy said with a grin. "That's great, because I'm gonna do it a thousand times. To your face."

I do what I feel I must; I applaud.

Thanks to everyone for following. I'll try to keep up the good work and update regularly!