She wishes.
The smell of the damp room fills her nose as she inhales slowly. In and out. In and out. She feels ashamed of it. She knows she shouldn't be here. She should have been as James had always put it, in 'pine pyjamas'.
James. What he thinks of her now. Would he still chase her around like a lovesick puppy if he knew what she'd done? She should have been stronger. She shouldn't have given in.
Guilt pounds against her heart like a drum as she remembers. It had been so easy. So simple to reach out to him. To watch him take him in his arms. To step aside…
She can still hear the screaming. That high-pitched wail she'd despised for a year. The one James had never seemed to mind getting up in the middle of the night for.
How she had envied that tiny thing. Hated it for the way he's loved it. She told him she loved it. But she didn't.
She wishes she had.
Here, a year on, she sits in the darkness, in the ruins of their home.
And she wishes.
She wish's she'd been braver. She wishes she'd saved her baby.
James's baby.
She wishes…
Mpreg spirit
9:21 pm
11/02/06