It seemed that any of Matthew's interactions with Eddy or his limited interactions with his own children was like a game of chess. They were pawns to Matthew's own selfishness. The girls were naïve to Matthew's manipulative nature and Eddy was selectively blind to his own brother's manipulation of him. Edd felt his blood boil just thinking about how someone can even feel that way about their own blood relatives, especially about three little girls that shared half of his DNA.
Edd had to get away from the scene before he did something completely irrational and out of character. He decided to make sandwiches for Eddy, the girls, and Matthew. It was something quick and easy. He was so exhausted. It felt like he has not slept at all even though he slept for most of the night. Maybe a quick read would help keep him awake after he prepared lunch.
He heard footsteps approach him. He hoped that it was Eddy or the girls being impatient over food. He turned to find Matthew standing by the door. He turned back to his task. Confronting the man would be foolish. Especially since Eddy was having a wonderful time with his nieces. "Lunch will be done in just a second. I just have to cut the sandwiches." Edd replied.
He almost sliced his hand open when he felt Matthew press up against him. He felt every curve of the man's torso against his back. The man's crotch was pressed against his bottom. Edd panicked, wondering what Matthew was trying to do. To his embarrassment, his cock started to become erect. His hormones would not quit torturing him. He saw the 24 year old's hand reach over him to grab a couple of sandwiches. Once he had gotten the sandwiches he wanted, Matthew leaned against the island across from the counter Edd was working at, inspected the inside of the sandwich, and took a bite out of it.
Edd whipped himself around and pointed at Matthew, "You could have waited."
"I was hungry," Matthew shrugged. He grinned impishly at the teen, "It looks like you're getting a bit excited there. I suppose we can be quick. Just drop your pants and head into the kitchen closet. If not, Pipsqueak or the ankle-biters would catch you like that."
"Have you gone mad?" Edd hissed, trying to cover himself with the front of his shirt, "I would rather they catch me in my current state than catch me in a broom closet with you! You can banish that lust-filled, half-baked idea of yours out of your deranged mind immediately!"
"If you say so. Well, it's time to call everyone for lunch since you would rather have them see you with a boner," Matthew acted like he was about to call them into the kitchen with them.
"Wait!" Edd panicked. Sure Eddy would only laugh at him and joke about him getting sexually aroused over the thought of cleaning and doing chores, but Eddy's nieces would not understand what was happening to him. Edd didn't even want to imagine the mess that it would've led to. He clenched the man's shirt desperately, "L-listen, I'll do what you want. I don't have much money on me, but I can tidy up your room. Just help me out of this humiliating situation!"
"I don't want your money or anything cleaned," Matthew smirked at him as he roughly cupped the younger male's crotch, causing Edd whimper, "I want you, end of story. Come to my room after Pipsqueak goes to sleep. You have a choice not to go through with it if you believe that Eddy would understand your own perverted thoughts, but I wouldn't hold my breath."
`Dear Lord, what kind of trap did I put myself into?' Edd fretted. He instantly regretted his words, wishing that he could take them back without having one of his secrets revealed. He and Eddy were under Matthew's control even when the man was not around. Anything that Edd did, Matthew turned around on him like a twisted game of chess. Unlike Eddy, Edd was not completely blind to what the man was capable of. However, that was nothing to be proud of. Matthew still used his secrets and his physical attraction towards the man to toy with him.
Matthew made sure to help him get rid of his erection alright. The man pinned him down and poured half a bag of ice down the front of his pants. While the ice did help relieve his problem, he was left was another mortifying problem; he had cold ice cubes in his pants. He violently shook his pant legs, trying to remove the ice cubes from his pants. Then Eddy burst into the kitchen, wondering why Edd was screaming like he had gotten murdered and ended up the next victim of Matthew's devious pranks.
Edd and Eddy dashed into Eddy's personal bathroom. The top of Eddy's head looked like a strange fruit hat. Whipped cream was smearing into Eddy's scalp. Pickles, green olives, and watermelon were entangled in Eddy's spiky hair. Shivering, Edd scooped a handful of ice from his pants and tossed them into the shower stall. As Eddy scrubbed his hair in the sink, he called his brother every insult in the English language under his breath. Edd considered chastising Eddy for his foul language, but knew from experience that it wouldn't have done any good, especially if Eddy was pissed.
After they were done, it was time to check on the girls. The state of Eddy's living room was a disaster. They were in the bathroom for only five minutes and Eddy's nieces had completely trashed the room. The table was turned over as if it was used as a shield. Cups of fruit punch were turned over, sandwich crusts were in the floor, one of Eddy's mother's vases was broken, Eddy's nieces were squabbling over the remote to the TV, and Matthew was nowhere in sight. Edd was amazed how much of a mess three children can make in just a short amount of time.
"That's enough!" Edd yelled, trying to separate the girls from one another, "you three should be ashamed of yourselves! Your mothers didn't send you here to act ill-mannered!"
"Huh?" Bonnie asked as she was pulled off of her sisters.
"You three destroyed the living room!" Eddy yelled pointing at the couch, "Go sit on the couch or I'm not taking you three to the candy store later! Now Double D has to clean up the mess you three created."
"Oh sure! Leave me to take care of mess!" Edd replied sarcastically.
Eddy shrugged, putting Bonnie on the couch, "you're used to picking up after other people anyway!"
"Don't toy with me, Eddy," Edd huffed as he went into the kitchen to get cleaning supplies.
The girls were not content with the punishment for their misbehavior. The petulant children cried, kicked their feet, and attempt to escape from the coach. Typical behavior of the average child, Edd supposed. Thankfully Eddy's mother had some vinegar in the pantry. Eddy sat on the chair and watched the girls like a watchdog – or an actual father figure. Edd had to admire how mature Eddy can be on rare occasions.
Edd noticed Ed entering into the house from the front door. "Ed! You're tracking mud. Messy, messy."
"Hey, Lumpy. Don't you know how to knock on the door?" Eddy asked.
Ed looked around and grinned, "Sure am, Eddy!" Ed turned to the three girls on the couch, "I would like three boxes of tag-a-longs please!" The girls looked as confused as Ed was. The girls were currently giving everyone the silent treatment in an act of immature silent rebellion and tuned everyone out. Ed asked them another question, "Do you not have tag-a-longs?"
"They're not girl scouts, Ed!" Eddy snickered.
"They're not?" Ed looked at the girls again in confusion, "hey Eddy! Why do you have three little girls at your house?"
"Gee Ed, can't you tell the resemblance between them and yours truly?" Eddy asked.
Ed looked between Eddy and the girls, "Cool! Eddy had babies like that guy in that one movie where a mad scientist experimented on a man and got him pregnant! Your girls look as cute and cuddly as my sponge collection and have your eyes!"
"Gee Ed, I wonder what goes through your head sometimes," Eddy muttered deadpanned.
"Ed, I too ponder the extent that TV and comic books have rotted your brain for you to consider that as a logical explanation for the girls," Edd said, finishing up cleaning the living room.
"So who is the daddy?" Ed asked.
"My bro is their dad!" Eddy exclaimed, hoping that Ed would finally figure it out.
"Isn't that illegal?" Ed asked.
Eddy made a face, "What the hell, Ed! The girls are my nieces. My brother knocked up three women and created them. Understand now, birdbrain?"
Ed nodded his head, "Can I hug them?"
Ed crushed the three girls in a tight hug before Eddy could tell Ed that the girls were in timeout. The girls struggled between the odor coming from Ed's body and the tight affectionate grip they were in. Edd could hear them complaining about the smell of Ed's underarm.
"Hey Ed, I think the girls have smelled enough of your skunk pits for one day," Eddy stated.
"Really?" Edd was surprised that Ed was careful to sit the girls down gently. Then again, Ed had a little sister and knew from experience that little children could break bones easily. Ed's mind was a complete mystery. There was no way of telling what Ed understood and what he didn't. He was the type of person that can surprise people with a rare moment of insight and then go back to doing or talking about nonsensical things.
"Hey kids, would you like to meet Sheldon?" Ed pulled out a rancid piece of cheese from his pocket. Edd lost count of how many Sheldons Ed has had throughout the years, all he knew was that each Sheldon had smelled as foul as the rest of them. Even the smell of Sheldon from 10 feet away was enough to make Edd gag. Ed would not have gone through so many Sheldons if Eddy and Edd have not been covertly disposing of Ed's previous rotten cheeses and telling Ed a little white lie about the Sheldons moving to France.
"Eww, it stinks worst than he does!" Dani exclaimed. The girls shrieked and ran to go hide away from the rotten cheese.
"Little girls are so weird!" Ed proclaimed.
"Put Sheldon away, Ed." Edd chided. "Someone could really become severely ill from smelling him and you could lose him." Edd added in the last part, hoping that Ed listen to him.
Ed nodded and did as he was asked. He cooed at the piece of cheese as if it was an infant, "ah! The little guy looks tired! Nighty night Sheldon!"
Bonnie, Dani, and Edna reluctantly came back into the living room once Eddy informed them that Sheldon was gone. With the girls' timeout completely forgotten, the Eds tried to figure out how to keep the girls preoccupied until their mothers shown up. Ed, of course, came up with some strange impractical ideas that probably came from some B-rated horror movie that he watched. Edd and Eddy pretended to take Ed's suggestion into consideration to spare Ed's feelings. Edd suggested that the girls should play some board games to help increase the girls' intelligence. Eddy quickly dismissed Edd's idea as "boring." Eddy popped in a movie for the girls, plopping down on the chair after the movie was in.
"Really Eddy?" Edd folded his arms.
"What? Can't I have some rest before their moms show up?" Eddy asked.
"Sure," Eddy did seem like he needed his rest. "Is there something you need anything, Eddy?"
"There is," Eddy tapped Bonnie on the shoulder, "hey, Double D is going to head to the candy store to buy you pop rocks. Where's that quarter you earned?"
Bonnie pulled the coin from her pocket, "here it is, Uncle Eddy!"
Edd was handed the coin, "I'll return in 15 minutes."
Edd left the house a bit after the movie started. Eddy put in the Disney movie Jungle Book for the girls. While it was not a bad choice for a movie for the girls to watch at their leisure, the movie hardly stayed true to its source. Yet again, this was nothing rare when it came to Disney movies. Edd made his second trip to the candy store that day. The price of pop rocks had jumped up since he was a kid. Pop rocks used to cost 5 cents and now they cost 8 cents. In a couple of years or so, a quarter wouldn't be able cover the cost of Pop rocks for all three of them.
Edd returned to the house with the candy. The girls instantly tore open the candy wrappers and inhaled the candy inside. Seeing the pop rocks reminded of Edd of the time when Ed, Eddy and him wanted to test out the infamous urban legend about pop rocks and soda back when they were nine years old. Eddy heard about the urban legend from Matthew and wanted to use the myth as a scam. He had chosen Jimmy to be the guinea pig of that experiment and tied the boy to a tree, forcing him to ingest gallons of soda and pop rocks, which they gotten from Jonny in exchange for granola. The only result from the experiment was that Jimmy had gotten a stomach ache from drinking so much soda. The myth was debunked. The other thing they learned from the experiment was that Sarah could throw someone like an Olympic javelin thrower when she had found out what the Eds had done.
Edd sat down and decided to watch the rest of the movie with them. The movie was playing the scene between Kaa and Mowgli in the tree where Kaa tries to manipulate Mowgli into trusting him in order for the boy to become the python's next lunch. Even though the snake in the movie was portrayed as a bumbling comic relief, it was still portrayed as being very cunning.
"Hey Eddy, what happened to the snake in your brother's room?" Ed asked
"Mom found it and threw it outside when we were twelve. She hates snakes," Eddy replied.
"The snake would've expired within the year anyway. Matthew never bought a heat lamp for it and unlike mammals; snakes can't produce the body heat necessary to protect them from getting hypothermia during the colder seasons." Edd explained.
The girls' mothers had shown up to the house at different times during the hour. Matthew had arrived in the living room before the girls' mothers have shown up. The only thing Edd could say about the mothers was that they were friendly, judging how the women interacted with them and the girls, and they definitely came from the city, judging from their appearance. Bonnie's nineteen year old mother especially was scantily clad in a bikini top, short blue jean shorts, a pair of sandals, and a lip ring. The girls were all excitedly asking their mothers when they could visit again while the mothers were chatting up Matthew and Eddy to see if the girls have behaved themselves.
When Eddy's nieces and their mothers had left, Eddy had received his payment for watching the girls in a paper bag. Ed and Edd sat on Eddy's bed, waiting to see what Eddy had gotten from Matthew. Edd had a terrible feeling regarding whatever was in the bag and looked away.
"This is what I'm talking about, boys," Eddy yelled several seconds later. "We've hit the motherlode!"
"Cool! That looks like the stuff my dad smokes when he gets home from work," Ed remarked.
Curiosity got the better of Edd and he dared to look at what Eddy had received. It was a Ziploc bag that was halfway filled with marijuana. "Good lord!" Edd exclaimed as he already felt a migraine coming along.
A/N: I own none of the pop culture references that are made in this fanfic, obviously.