More Than Duty Chapter 11
Barely a week into their marriage, Matthew laid awake observing Mary sleep peacefully against his chest. It was difficult sharing a bed with her while restraining his desires and remaining patient to give her the time she needed to be ready for intimacy. Looking at her now though, he was sure that it would be worth it in the end. He was still contemplating this when he heard a sharp knock against their bedroom door.
"It is too early," Mary muttered, turning away from him and burrowing her face into a pillow, trying to return to sleep.
Matthew laughed softly at her, having learned that Mary was generally not eager to wake up in the morning. Sliding from bed, he donned his robe and walked to the door. Upon opening it, he was surprised to find Carson on the other side.
"What has happened?" Matthew asked softly, noting the distress on Carson's face.
"My lord, you must come quickly."
"Is it Robert?" Matthew asked. Hearing Matthew's question, Mary sat up quickly, hugging the covers to her as she listened closely for Carson's answer.
"I am sad to say that it is my lord," Carson replied, hanging his head. Mary gasped and jumped from the bed, the terrible truth dawning on her the second she heard Carson's words.
"Has he had another attack?" Matthew asked, watching Mary frantically yank her robe on.
"He called you 'my lord'. Don't you see Matthew? Papa is dead," Mary said, the tears beginning to fall as she to rushed past Matthew, evading his arm that reached out for her. One look at Carson's face revealed the truth of Mary's words, and with a heavy sigh, Matthew headed down the hall.
Upon entering Robert's bedroom, he observed Cora holding Sybil in a tight embrace as both wept. Edith and Mary were both standing on opposite sides of the bed sobbing. Realizing that this was the first time he had the right to comfort her, Matthew walked up behind Mary, wrapping his arms around her waist. "Oh my darling, I am so sorry" he whispered in her ear. On instinct, Mary initially struggled against his arms, but he held tight. After struggling for a few seconds, she turned to face him and let him hold her as she sobbed.
"I know if hurts love, but he is in a better place. He's left all his pain behind" he whispered as she cried. He felt her nod, but the sobs continued. Having lost his own father, he understood her pain and was content to let her cry all she needed.
After a while, Mary's tears subsided, and she realized that in their grief, no one had taken charge of all the things which needed to be done. "Carson, please send Branson for the Dowager Countess. She should be here. Once she arrives, he can go fetch Mr. Travers as there are funeral arrangements to be made."
"What can I do darling?" Matthew asked.
"Nothing," she replied, but upon looking up she added "but thank you," as she reach down and took his hand.
When they retired for the evening, Mary came easily into Matthew's arms and settled her head against his chest as she had become accustom to doing. He gently stroked her hair as she cried. "I know my darling," he whispered.
"This hurts more than anything I have ever known. How did you get through it?" she asked, looking up at him.
"Because it gets easier with time. Talking about good memories helped me. At first, a happy story will make you smile through the tears, but eventually one day, only the smile remains."
She pondered his words in silence for several minutes. "He taught me to ride when I was seven. He didn't have a groom do it - he taught me himself. He bought be a ridiculously expensive green ridding habit that I insisted on having. He warned me not to kick the horse or it would run, but I thought that would be exciting and did it anyway," she said, pausing to wipe a few tears from her face.
"You were a little rebel," Matthew said, smiling at the image of a rebellious young Mary and the fact that Mary was willing to try his advice.
"A foolish one. I promptly fell off, landing in a puddle of mud and spoiling my new outfit. I told Papa I was finished and wanted to go back to the house, but he knelt down in the mud and wiped away my tears. He told me that I was a Crawley and Crawleys don't quit. He insisted that I get back on and try again before my fears had time to set in. Before I could argue, he picked me up and put me back on the horse. It was the best lesson anyone ever taught me." She was crying again, but sharing the story had helped her smile through the tears at least for a few minutes.
The next few days were hard on Mary, she found that Matthew's advice made it easier to cope so every night as they lay in bed, she shared a new story or two with him. Opening up to him was much easier than she would have expected. He always listened attentively, gently wiped away her tears, and made little comments that made her laugh or smile, and she found herself giving thanks for his presence.
The funeral took place a few days later. Mary was agitated as several guests were lingering at the Abbey following the funeral. The day had been long and emotionally draining and all she wanted was to retire for the evening to the comfort of Matthew's arms. Her mood soured further when she noticed Edith talking with Sir Anthony and delaying his departure.
"You must come pay us a call again soon. Your company is such a comfort," Mary heard Edith say as she stepped closer to the pair.
"I am not sure what comfort my presence can provide, but if it gives you any comfort at all, I shall be sure to call very soon," he replied.
"Oh I assure you it does," Edith said as Mary cleared her throat to announce her presence.
"Edith, clearly Sir Anthony is trying to escape. Shouldn't you be letting him go?" Mary said, lifting her eyebrow and giving Edith a look of disgust. Sir Anthony assured them that he was not attempting to escape but he was keen to leave to give the family time to grieve in private.
"Was that necessary?" Edith demanded when Sir Anthony had left.
"I don't know what you mean," Mary said, rolling her eyes at her sister.
"Yes you do. I enjoy his company. It brings me a little happiness in this sad time. His company is the only thing that has made me smile in days so you just have to take that away."
"Happiness? From that old coot? He is far to old for you."
"What does it matter as long as I am happy? Just because you got stuck with a husband you did not want does not mean the rest of us need to be miserable too!"
"Don't presume to know what I want or how I feel," Mary warned. As she turned to leave, she saw Matthew standing only a few feet behind her, and it was clear that he had overheard the entire conversation.
Mary sat at her vanity that evening as Anna prepared her for bed. When Anna reached for a ribbon to tie Mary's hair in a braid, Mary stopped her. "Let's leave my hair loose tonight," Mary said, knowing that Matthew preferred it that way and wanting to do something to please him.
When Matthew joined her in bed that night, he seemed a little more cautious that usual when approaching her. "Edith doesn't know what she is talking about," Mary said as she inched closer to Matthew in bed. He looked at her but said nothing, waiting instead for her to continue. "I am not stuck with a husband I don't want nor am I miserable. I am horribly sad about Papa, but you make it easier. I am very pleased that you are my husband."
"Honestly?" he asked, tilting her face up so her eyes would meet his.
"Honestly," she replied, leaning in to softly kiss him.
TBC
Author's Note: I am so sorry for those who asked me to not let Robert die, but I had to do it for the plot of the story. I hope you are not too upset and will continue reading. The next chapter will focus on Mary's realization about her feelings for Matthew. Let me know what you think.