Loki's eyes shot open. It was true then. All the horrible damage he saw done to the town, the stories he heard from Erik, Jane, and Darcy…it was all due to him. He'd almost killed them all and destroyed an entire race. All to feel…acceptance? It was easy to justify such an extreme act when he didn't know those that his actions would affect, intentionally or unintentionally. But meeting Erik, Jane and Darcy changed him. It didn't feel all that justified any more. It was not as though he had any love for the frost giants, but he felt different about the three of them.
They helped him even before they knew who he was and he felt comfortable just being himself around them. He never felt that way living in Asgard. He was hardly spared a second glance from his family and his people, only getting some attention due to being the prince. He was certain that if he wasn't a part of the ruling family, he wouldn't have gotten spared a second glance.
But, here with the three of them...he felt valued and accepted. Darcy actually found him attractive, interesting, and desirable. No other person felt that way about him. He was considered a trickster at best by everyone in Asgard, but he was forgettable. He didn't want to be forgettable. But at this point, he was sure that he didn't have a choice. After what he had done, he knew he wasn't worthy of any of their kindness.
Letting out a sigh, he got up from where he was sitting and tried to set himself to doing something so that his guilt wouldn't eat him up alive. He decided to use one of the computers in the home to read more of these so called 'Norse Legends' to find more about his and his people's pasts. Though he read the words, they didn't exactly register with his worries clouding his mind.
This didn't change the whole time that Erik, Jane, and Darcy were gone, and he just half heartedly returned their greetings to him as they came in. He continued to be similarly mute as they tried making normal conversation with him, only giving short answers if he absolutely had to speak. Darcy started watching him with a concern that just made him uncomfortable and guilty, and while Jane prepared something for them to eat, he informed them that he would be outside while he waited.
He couldn't stand knowing that Darcy was worried about him and that Jane and Erik unassumingly had just accepted him into their lives without knowing just how much he deserved quite the opposite from them. He let out a sigh and put a hand over his eyes and forehead, trying desperately to think of some solution, but being quite aware that there was none where anyone would win. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn't even realize that he was followed outside and only when he was spoken to did he become aware.
"So, remember something else?"
Darcy's voice jarred him out of his self depreciating thoughts, and he blinked as he tried to put together some kind of response, "I…yes. I was able recall a little more of my past."
She looked at him expectantly, but there was no more forthcoming, since he didn't even want to reveal that much. Something about her easy way with him disarmed him. He almost had to remind himself not to tell her about any of this, and while it comforted him to have someone like this in his life at such a time, the very nature of the information he hid would take his confidant away from him.
When she realized he had nothing more to say, she smiled with some sympathy and she asked, "You know what we do here when we're down, don't you?"
Loki shook his head, and she gave him a little smirk as she playfully lifted an imaginary glass to her lips, "We drink our troubles away. And that's just what we're going to do tonight."
He raised an eyebrow and just as he was about to refuse, she shook her head and said, "No argument. We're going."
He let out a sigh and reluctantly agreed, "Alright."
"Now that's the spirit. Come on. Let's go see if what Jane made tonight is edible." She joked as she led him to the kitchen.
The flavor of the food was the last thing on his mind. He was more concerned on how his days with the only people to ever have made him feel a part of something were numbered.
After they all had finished their dinner, Darcy explained to them that she would be taking Loki out, to which Jane raised an eyebrow at and Erik fixed a hard look on Loki as he told her to try to bring them back at a reasonable hour. Loki was bewildered by that for a moment, as Erik had only treated him with a friendly manner before, but he quickly realized that Erik most likely considered himself somewhat of a father figure to both Jane and Darcy, and this reaction was one of protection, so Loki assured him, "We will return as expediently as possible."
Erik's expression relaxed slightly as he said that, and then Darcy took this opportunity to tug Loki to the door. The two of them said their goodbyes and she drove them into the town. A good portion of it was still in ruins, but it seemed that the establishment she took him to had survived. Just barely from the look of things, but it was standing while its neighbors were in a much more sorry condition. Loki felt one more stab of guilt at this, but he gulped it down, not wanting to worsen his mood even more and worry Darcy as a result.
He allowed Darcy to lead him into the building and she led the two of them to a small booth near the back. Loki attempted to sit across from her, but she pulled his hand to sit next to her. He looked at her curiously, but he couldn't deny the closeness was nice with his uncertainties about everything. It was likely he wouldn't feel this much longer, so he would take what he could get.
She gave him a small smile and moved her mouth by his ear and said, "It is a little loud in here…this makes it easier to talk."
She accompanied her words with a small stroke to the back of his hand, and Loki tried to digest what all of this meant. She assured him that what happened between them had no emotional significance to her, and yet, she still wanted to be near him now when neither of them were intoxicated presently. He now realized that whatever was going through her head was far more complex than 'just a bit of fun' as she had called it.
He was also certain that their non intoxicated state would not last long, as she was suggesting this drinking away of one's troubles. He let out a small sigh, deciding not to think on this too deeply, letting the cards fall as they would. He had issues to deal with that were far more complicated than whatever this was with Darcy, so he left this alone.
"I'll just go get us something." She took a look at his morose face, and some concern flashed in her eyes as she added, "Something a little strong, I think."
Loki had no input to offer on drink choice, so he nodded and replied, "Whatever you think is best."
She gave his hand a little squeeze and then went off the get the drinks as Loki waited. He remembered the last time they both drank and what happened, so he wondered if this was going to become some kind of pattern between them. It wasn't as though he had much experience when it came to love, any interactions he had in the past due to the fact he was one of the princes of Asgard.
And he also knew that he was 'the next best thing' since usually Thor already had the lady of his current choice on his arm, and these girls obviously accompanied him to any events they held with the intention of getting closer to Thor. It hurt Loki at first that anyone he had his eyes on, always looked to Thor, but he got used to it.
As much as it irritated him to see all of the empty headed girls go after his brother, because of his own confused feelings, and the fact that he thought Thor deserved better than that, he let it happen, since Thor seemed to be happy. At least…before he visited Earth. Loki felt a sinking feeling suddenly, but now he wasn't sure why. What was it about Thor's visit to Earth affected him so?
Another mystery he could do nothing but wait to find out. He was tired of waiting. He knew that now he at least had a tool to bring the memories back faster, but he was tired of getting himself back in pieces. Especially when the more he found out about himself, the more he hated himself. He lived his life in the shadows, only to make a bid for attention by bringing his entire world on its head. He even failed in that endeavor, that much was obvious.
He almost wanted to give up on the memories and on the self that he was remembering. He couldn't be that person anymore if he wanted to survive with any measure of self respect. It was hard to absolve himself of all that he'd done though, especially now that he felt that nothing justified those actions. He let out another sad sigh as Darcy came back with two wide and shallow cone shaped glasses in her hands, and she said, "I got us some martinis. Strong but good."
She sat back next to him and said, "It just looked like you needed it."
Loki looked at her seriously and said, "Perhaps your assessment is correct."
After a few moments of silence sipping their drinks, Darcy finally asked, "So, your last memory. What was it?"
Loki looked at her curiously since she never asked him exactly what he remembered before, and then he looked away and said, "I'd prefer not to talk about it."
She reached under the table to take his hand softly and said, "Bad one?"
"You could say that." He answered shortly, not sure what else he could say.
It was bad enough that she asked him so directly, but the fact that she was being so nice to him as she did was enough to make the guilt in him rise infinitely.
"Hey, that's why we're here. This is supposed to make it feel a little better." She said, lifting up her drink glass and gulping down whatever was left.
She encouraged him to do the same, and perhaps the sudden rush of alcohol loosened his tongue just slightly, "I doubt that will be true in my case. I would need far more than just a few glasses."
Darcy then gave him a sympathetic look, still holding onto his hand as she then called a waiter to get them more drinks, and she replied, "No one is perfect. We all end up doing things that we're not proud of."
As soon as their next drinks arrived, Loki took his and took a big gulp immediately. If he was going to partake in this ritual, he would do so properly. After another long moment of silence, he said in a sorrowful tone, "It is far more than 'not proud of.' What I have done…it is unforgivable."
She squeezed his hand and gave him a tender look, "If you feel sorry for whatever it is, then it can't be unforgivable."
Loki just stayed silent at that, accepting her comfort, but feeling guilty all the same. If she knew the truth, she wouldn't be giving him this comfort at all. He held on to her hand though. Since this wouldn't be lasting long, he didn't want to let go. Even if this meant that something was happening between them, he would take this much, his feelings for Thor aside. Thor wasn't here now, so he took this.
She didn't ask him any more questions as she sat with him, and for that he was thankful. After a while, she informed him that she would be going to the bathroom and would be right back. Loki nodded her own, and then sat alone at the table. He then gulped down the rest of his second drink, having nothing to distract him from his thoughts when she left.
As he tried to keep his mind down the road that he should leave the three of them before he took too much advantage, suddenly, near the back of the bar there was a lot of confusion. He hurriedly looked up from the table and saw that everyone was panicking due to a fire that had started inside the bar. Loki located one of the bar employees that was trying to maintain some order as everyone was led out of the building, and on attempting to ask him what was going on, all he was able to get out of him was that they had some kind of electrical fire due to the destruction of the neighboring buildings, and since this bar was made of the equivalent of tinder, they all had to get out of there as quick as humanly possible.
He was about to file out with everyone, but he suddenly remembered that Darcy was in the bathroom right near where the fire originated. He felt a thrill of fear run through his body at the thought of her being trapped in a burning building, and he knew he couldn't let that happen. People attempted to pull him back as he began moving inside again, but he shrugged them off. He would not be stopped.
Especially not when Darcy's life hung in the balance. He tried covering his mouth with his sleeve as the smoke got thicker, but he pushed on toward the bathroom, knowing that was where she was likely to be. On entering the hallway the bathroom was located in, he could even feel the flames licking at him through his clothes. He tried calling out Darcy's name, but opening his mouth just made him cough. Loki was about to leave and search elsewhere, but he heard a small cry for help over the roar of the flames.
He saw that part of the bathroom wall had caved in, and in the wall happened to be some electrical wires that had broken due to the disintegration of the wall. Along the same wall were the water pipes for the bathroom, so the water from those pipes was spilling dangerously near the live wires. The fire was quickly spreading, and there was no clear way to get to the corner Darcy hid herself in.
"Darcy!" Loki yelled, trying to move, closer, but he found there was nowhere for him to even move without feeling the burn of the hot flames.
"No, just get out of here, Loki! I don't want-" Darcy was cut off by a coughing fit, trying to push father into her corner to stay away from the electrified water.
Loki knew he had to act and it had to be now. He hadn't even tried to access his powers since remembering that he had them, but now he had no choice. He closed his eyes and ignored the blaze behind his eyelids and he reached within himself, trying to call up the power that used to be at his fingertips.
The power just rushed through him as he extended a hand toward the flames, getting ever closer to Darcy, calling the fire toward himself. Darcy's mouth had just about dropped open as Loki pulled the fire and caused it to dance around him. It was a large strain on him, as fire was one of the hardest things to control, but he wasn't done yet. The water was still too dangerous for Darcy to touch, so he reached out his other hand and cleared a path by pushing it against a wall.
It was a strange sight to watch and hear the water crackling as it moved so unnaturally, but Loki was more concerned about maintaining his control over all the elements long enough for Darcy to move to safety. He grunted with effort as he spoke, "Darcy…come to me."
His hands trembled to hold these elements that desperately wanted to escape his control, but he held strong as he watched her edge toward him, awe and confusion warring for dominance on her features. He supposed he would explain it all to her later. Right now he had to just make sure there would be a later for both of them. He might be a god, but he wasn't invincible. The combined destruction of both of the forces he was attempting to control could easily injure him badly if they didn't kill him.
When she finally made her way to him, he pushed both the water and fire away from them and kept them there as he backed them out of the bathroom. When they made their way out to the main bar area, he saw much of it was already engulfed in flames, but luckily there seemed to be one clear path to the door. He didn't waste a second, scooping Darcy up in his arms and running for it, feeling the flames licking at them at every turn. He kept her as close to his body as he could, wanting to protect her the best he possibly could, and he barreled right through the open door to the fresh air outside.
Darcy clutched to him for dear life, and even when Loki had distanced both of them enough from the building to be safe, he didn't let her go, only allowing her to stand on her feet. He clutched her protectively against his side as the both of them caught their breaths. In the background he began to hear some kind of sirens that seemed to be nearing them, but he didn't ask Darcy what those were, only concerned for her well being. He realized that he could have just lost her, and that made his heart clench.
He wouldn't have been able to live with himself if that happened. If someone who trusted in him so much, as misplaced as this trust was, died, it would have been extra weight on his soul that he wouldn't have been able to handle. He refused to lose the one person that seemed to accept him and that comforted him as he remembered the horrible things from his past. It may be that when he finally told her what he was and what he had done, this would be over, but for now, he felt great relief at her being safe in his arms.
Even after many minutes, he still clenched her against his body. It was a kind of comfort in feeling the warmth of her body against his, reminding him that, yes, they both were alive. Before his fall to Midgard, he felt such little care for his own life, and frankly, anyone else's, but now everything was different. He was different. Loki finally looked down at her to meet her eyes, and seeing the combination of awe, gratitude, shock, and fondness all on her face stirred something inside of him.
No one ever looked at him that way before. No one ever noticed him before, even if he was right there with Thor and the rest. No, Thor always garnered all the attention, but here…it was just him and her. He ignored the humans that came in the large red vehicles to fight the fire, and the confusion as other patrons of the bar tried to explain their escapes of the fire, only looking into her eyes. He was just as lost now as he was when he fell into the void, but this time…it wasn't the loss of himself or an emptiness in his soul. It was the gain of something meaningful and significant, and something he absolutely couldn't ignore. It was true that he often let his emotions get the best of him, but now, he had no choice.
Perhaps she felt as overcome as he did, since she bit her lip and reached a hand out to softly lay on his chest, and she whispered, "Loki…I'm glad you're here."
To hear her words and his true name on her lips with her looking at him that way made him feel so taken that he sucked in a quick breath and shut his eyes for a few beats. He'd never felt so touched in his life. Most people he knew, except perhaps his mother and Thor, just wanted him around to use him or his abilities. He never was simply appreciated. People never wanted him to be with them just to be there. But now…after committing perhaps the first selfless act in his life, he knew what it felt like to be truly wanted.
He took a shaky breath as his heart hammered in his chest, and mostly out of his control, he bent his head down to kiss her. This wasn't like the lust driven intoxicated kisses they had engaged in before. No, this felt so much deeper than that, and even this simple kiss made him feel a bit weak in the knees. He held the kiss as long as his breath held out, and even then he was hesitant to end it.
He let out a sigh of comfort as he slowly opened his eyes to look at her and softly reply, "And I am also glad that you are here."
It didn't matter that they were around so many other people while the fire was still being valiantly fought, all Loki could see was her. The genuine smile she gave him in return warmed him right from his core, and he easily accepted when she tilted her head up for another kiss, tightening his arms around her just a little more, hoping against hope that there was a way to pull her just a little closer, even if they were pressed right up against each other.
After that one was held as long as it possibly could, Darcy finally pulled back and reached up to tenderly caress one of Loki's cheeks as she said, "Let's go home."
He just nodded, knowing that he would likely follow her anywhere at that point.