Mistakes are mine. It all belongs to E.L. James.
I still can't believe she agreed to marry him. I guess I never thought it would get that far. I know she's known him for over two years and they've been dating for over a year, but I didn't think marriage was in their plans. Then again, how could it not be? I know firsthand just how irresistible Ana is. Her beauty, intelligence, kindness and strength are intoxicating. Ana always leaves you wanting more and once you've had her nothing else can compare. And I've sure as hell tried. I know Von Holt knows it too. Of course he wants to marry her, why wouldn't he? He can't take his eyes off of her. It's bad enough seeing them together, seeing her smiling at him, laughing at him...fucking him. That's another one of my newer nightmares. I wasn't sure I'd ever recover from the destructive path I embarked on after that visual.
Yet once again, it was Ana who saved me. How is it that a five foot seven brunette who weighs less than 120 ponds can wield so much power? Of course the answer is simple. Love. Ana is the only woman I've ever loved. She's the only woman I will ever love and she's the one that got away. No, that isn't true, she's the one I pushed away, threw away. I did this to myself, to Teddy, to our families, to us. I destroyed everything to give fucking sub a beating in a dark dungeon on 4th Street. Hell, at this point, I might as well be the one to walk Ana down the aisle to marry Von Holt because I'm the one that made it possible. I'm the one who gave her away.
Three and a half years ago
The minute Reynolds arrives I hurry into the car and begin formulating a plan. I call Flynn to schedule an appointment for the following morning, requesting a double session. My next order of business is instructing Andrea to cancel all of my appointments for the remainder of the week, citing a family emergency. Finally, I call my mother to see if she is available to take Teddy for the day. Of course, she is always more than willing to care for her grandson, especially since cutting back on both her time at her practice and shifts at the hospital. Unfortunately, she does question the reason for the last minute request. I try to remain evasive and keep my emotions in check, simply telling her that Ana and I need to work through some things alone. Thankfully she doesn't question me and agrees to come by in the morning to pick up Teddy for the day. Now I just need to get home and make this right with my wife. I can't lose her. I will make this right.
As we get closer to the house, my apprehension increases tenfold. I have no idea what state I will find Ana in and that scares the hell out of me. The look on her face in that room broke the heart I used to swear I didn't have, the one Ana brought to life. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and try to calm my nerves as I prepare to face Ana. I'm not a particularly spiritual man, but I take a moment to say a silent prayer and kiss Ana's rings, which are now residing on my left pinky finger, rubbing against my wedding band. Yet another reminder of my colossal mistake and what I stand to lose. Don't think like that. Ana loves you. You won't lose her. As we approach the gate, I hear Reynolds curse and lean forward to see what the problem is. My heartbeat quickens and I am immediately on high alert.
"Reynolds, what's the problem?" Please let my family be safe.
"Sir, the gate appears to be on lockdown. I'm calling Taylor now." What the fuck is happening? The gate is never on lockdown unless there's a threat. I'm about to bolt out of the car when Reynolds reminds me that safety protocol requires me to remain secured in the vehicle. No! This can't be happening. I'm about to go thermonuclear when I see Taylor coming down the drive with Sawyer close behind. Who in the fuck is with my family?
I order Reynolds to let me out of the car as he rolls down the window to speak with Taylor. He unlocks the door and I barrel out. Before I can question Taylor, I'm met with a right hook straight to my jaw, knocking me to the ground. I find suddenly dizzy and momentarily unable to focus. As I begin to stand, Taylor grabs me by my shirt and pulls me to my feet. For the first time ever, I am scared shitless of my head of security. My words are frozen in my throat and I find myself unable to utter a sound. Taylor pulls me closer to him and gets in my face. His voice is just above a whisper, but his tone is full of menace.
"How could you do this to her you fucking piece of shit? I've watched that woman put up with your bullshit for years. YEARS! For years she has given you unconditional love, trust, a beautiful family and you threw it all away for some submissive whore. She has been crying herself to sleep every night. Every. Single. Night. For months. Crying for the son she lost and for the husband who abandoned her. I should have followed my gut and looked into what you were doing in that fucking building. Maybe then I could have just snapped your neck and saved Mrs. Grey a bit of the heartache she experienced tonight." His words cut me to the core. I feel sick. He lets go of me and unable to find my footing, I fall to the ground, barely managing to prop myself up against the tire of the SUV.
"Taylor...I...I...I made mistake, a terrible mistake."
"A mistake? You didn't make a mistake. You made a choice. A decision that will probably cost you everything you hold dear."
"Taylor, NO! I can't lose her. I can't." I feel sick. Please God, don't let her leave me.
"Well Mr. Grey, I'm not sure you can fix things this time. You can't talk or buy yourself out of this one."
"How is she, Jason?"
"How is she? How in the hell do you think she is? She's barely survived these past few months and the fog was finally beginning to lift and she finds her husband - who should have been home with her and their son - in a god forsaken dungeon fucking around and caning a sub in downtown Seattle."
"I didn't fuck her." Now I'm getting pissed. Who in the fuck does he think he is?
"That's only because we got there before you could. We both saw that bulge in your pants, you son of a bitch." That wasn't supposed to happen. Fuck!
"I think you need to remember who signs your paycheck, Taylor."
"Then fire me, because I will not sit by and watch you further destroy that young woman." I know Taylor and Gail love Ana like their own family and that's where this is coming from. He's taking care of my wife. He's doing what I should have done.
"Taylor, I need to talk to her. I need to explain. I have to make this right."
"Not tonight, you don't. She doesn't want to see you and you need to give her space until she does. Don't fight me on this, Mr. Grey. Sawyer and I will do whatever is necessary to protect Mrs. Grey, even if it's from you. Reynolds will drive you to Escala for the night."
"Taylor, please. I have to see her. I have to make sure she is alright."
"Sir, that wasn't a request. Right now the only danger to Mrs. Grey is you. She's asked for space, I think we can both agree that you owe her that." He pulls me to my feet and opens the door to the SUV, gesturing for me to climb inside. What can I do but abide by her wishes? He's right. I owe her that. I climb in and close my eyes, once again sending a silent prayer, this time in the hopes that my marriage can be saved.