I won't even try to tell you what getting Sayu out of there was like. I think you probably know the story and all I can say about it was that it was the most terrifying and stressful experience of my life. The point is that it ends with me and a distraught Light Yagami sitting alone in a hotel room, Misa just having been chased out, close to tears.

I sat quietly next to him, his eyes were closed and his breathing was fast. I was utterly shaken; just trying to sit there and keep my composure while my shattered nerves put themselves back together. I spoke first.

"Please tell me there's something strong and alcoholic in this room."

Light muttered something almost incomprehensible but I got the idea and returned from the kitchen with two bottles. It was one of those days. I tossed one to Light and collapsed back into my chair. We were both silent for a few minutes with alcohol burning pleasantly in our throats. Finally Light said the word that pretty much summed up my feelings to.

"Fuck." He said thoughtfully, "What do we do now?" I almost laughed but instead kind of groaned.

"I've been thinking that far too much these days." A bit of subdued nervous laughter made us both begin to feel more human. Light sighed and turned to face me.

"I'm glad you're here Lavender." I blushed for some utterly unknown reason. I guess I was so unused to being complimented by men other than Matsuda.

"Yeah well, I guess things could have gone better but we got the job done didn't we? Sayu is safe and that's all that matters today. Maybe tomorrow we can worry about all the other stuff." It felt so strange to be here talking to him seeing as I had barley had any personal contact since, well, you know.

He seemed more vulnerable now than he had ever since all that horrible complicated business involving Kira's and shinigami. I had basically shut all of that wretched Death Note nonsense out of my mind, it was nothing but trouble.

"Lavender, are you psychoanalyzing me?" Light's voice jolted me out of my thoughts. I blushed again (two in under 5 minutes, this was getting bad.)

"No, I was just thinking. Ok maybe there was a little psychoanalyzing going on but what's a girl to do when she's suddenly rediscovered her old passion?" My words came out in a rush and my voice was higher than usual. Why on earth was I so nervous?

"Why do you even bother rotting in that fashion magazine job? Is it really that important to you what color will make you look edgy this spring? Its just garbage that we use to disguise other problems." Light's voice was nearly a hiss, dark and bitter. I was slightly surprised at his vehemence.

"I do it because I get money. It's something I'm good at and it may not matter that much but it's fun and it makes me feel better. I think I'll leave the jobs that matter to other people, I remember having one but I'm not keen on trying it again now." I tried to force a laugh on the last bit but it came out sounding grave and strangled. Light looked up at me and I wondered why I had never noticed the way that his eyes could glow from across a room. Or the way that the fading sun caught in his hair. What was wrong with me today?

"I'm glad you can say that but it makes me angry." He muttered and took another long drink from his bottle.

"Angry?" I questioned and had another drink as well.

"Angry that someone who was all set to be a real star, to be important and passionate could be crushed by someone who didn't even care." Light snarled in a low voice. I felt a chill run through me. I didn't like where this conversation was going at all.

"Light, please. I don't want to discuss this." I paused and bit the inside of my lip. "Maybe I should go." As I started to rise he got up with me and pulled me over to him. His fingers on my wrist felt like they were burning me even though they were soft and cool. Had I gone utterly insane?

"Hear me out Lavender. I always liked you, from the start. You were cool and fun and in all ways better than Misa. You're better looking by far. But you were all ways chasing after L." I flinched at the name, now struggling to get away from him. He pulled me closer to him and I could feel my body temperature go up another hundred degrees.

"He could just use you however he wanted but you'd always come back, as loyal as ever. How could a person be so blind? He was evil, he was psychotic, he was an unfeeling asshole!" Somehow my hand connected very hard with his face. I stumbled backwards, a look of shock on his face along with the stinging red mark.

"Don't talk about what you don't know, you revolting selfish child! Think for a minute about yourself, you just chased the woman who loves you the most out of the room in tears! She's my friend but you can openly insult her to me, even though you keep leading her on and pretending that you love her too! You're the biggest hypocrite I've ever met Light Yagami and I want nothing more to do with you!" I realized I was screaming at the end before whirling around and storming out of the room. I was panting, leaning on the door, my blood boiling.

I knew I should just leave. I knew that this whole situation was bad news. Every instinct I had was telling me to go back home and have the life that I had left. For some odd reason Matsuda's words kept ringing in my ears. Words about protecting me, about keeping my life in its safe little bubble, words I was sick and tired of. If I wanted to do something terrible and potentially dangerous I damn well would. I confess that the reason I went back into that room was because I wanted to be bad.

*

When I opened the door he was sitting down again, gazing into the distance as if in a trance and tenderly rubbing his cheek. I suddenly was hit with a wave of self-consciousness.

"Light, I'm sorry. I just kind of freak out when ever I think about him. I hope you can forgive me." I looked at my feet nervously and fidgeted with the edge of my blouse.

He didn't say anything but stood up and came over to me. He was so close I could smell him, something spicy and warm. I tried to distance myself from him but he put his hands around my waist and pulled me close. I could feel his heart racing. Without a word he cupped my chin in his and hand pulled my face to his.

Light Yagami kissed me, out of the blue, and I wanted it like nothing before.

After that I don't remember specifics. I remember fire and want and my clothes not coming off fast enough. I remember our flying tackle onto the bed and how the cold room felt like a sauna with both of us in it. Sweat was running down my back and Light placed furious kisses over every inch of me. The room was pitch black but we practically glowed with heat. He was gripping my arms so hard it hurt but I wanted it harder so I dug my nails into his back and writhed. L had held my like I would break but Light held me like he wanted to break me. And when I woke up in the morning with my hair plastered to my face and my body aching, all I could think about was doing it again.

We did do it again. And again and again and again and again. Every night Light would send Misa out with some terrible excuse and I would sneak up to his room for my daily dosage of emotionless sex. After Light's father died we did it all night. And partially into the morning so I had to go out the window when Misa knocked.

I think Matsuda knew but he never said anything even though I knew what he thought. Truly, Matsuda was the best friend anyone ever had.

I never stopped to feel guilty at first. But after we flew back to Japan and I had to work Light into my schedule things became harder. With Lawliet around I couldn't help but feel like a bad person. Also whenever Misa came by my office at work to chat or brought me a coffee when I hadn't even asked I felt like the world's worst friend. Not that it stopped me. With Light I was practically a force of nature. I saw him whenever I could, including unusual hours of the morning in cheap motel rooms.

I actually bought a book about sex. I read the whole thing in one night and then got terrified and burned it. But I remembered every word. And used it to very good effect.

I also began working out; spending hours sweating on the treadmill as well as the hours spent sweating in Light's arms. Whenever Matsuda came over and found me working out he would make an excuse to leave as quickly as possible. It was sweet of him to think of my feelings but I actually got a bit lonely without him. My sister began to complain that I was neglecting my son but she stopped complaining after I started paying her for babysitting. It was the money I had planned to spend on some new suits but I thought that would be giving up so I resolved to fit back into the old ones.

My life became fast and hectic and full but I liked it. There was less time to think but more time to feel. And feeling was good now that I wasn't just sitting around moping. Feeling was more fun when you had a gorgeous man who wanted to throw you on his bed and tear off every inch of your clothing. Plus life was never too stressful.

Sex left me refreshed these days, feeling relaxed and content. Knowing that something had no future and no strings attached was good. After being toyed with for so long it was good to know where you stood, even if it was just that someone liked having sex and nothing more.

But sometimes I would lie in bed in the morning and watch the sunrise blaze across Light's face. I had never seen such bright, gleaming hair or such smooth, golden skin. It made something inside me hurt so I would wrap my arms around him and try to fill the hole in my chest with something physical and solid. It never worked and when we got up silently and parted ways I would fantasize about the next time I saw him. That's as far as I could go, the next time I saw him.

One night I had a dream about L and woke up crying so hard I couldn't even see. I curled up against Light's chest but he didn't wake up so I lay there and waited for morning.

I visited his mother once. She and Sayu were doing ok after all they had been through and I felt honored to be in their company. I also felt embarrassed when Mrs. Yagami greeted me warmly at the door and served me tea. I was not that strong. She could carry on, alone if she had to and raise her emotional wreck of a daughter without the help of anyone. After she had lost the love of her life she could wake up every morning and do what she had to. I couldn't do that. I didn't visit again.

A/N: Oh no she didn't! Oh yes I did just hook up Lavender with Light. But this ride isn't over yet so keep your seatbelts on. I love getting feedback! :)