A/N: You guys are the best; your reviews are so freaking fun to read! I hope you get my sarcastic humor in the replies. I love you all! This is another light chapter...well, most of it, anyway. Hope you like. :) Rose will join Bella and Edward next chapter for a run. She told me that she needed to go get some comfortable running underwear because running in a thong is just not going to cut it.

**Warning** This chapter contains dark material so be warned...

Softragoo, you and your pre-reading bubbles complete me.

Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all things twilight.

Chapter ten

Who knew that August in Chicago could be so freaking hot? That was my thought as I tossed and turned in bed with minutes to spare before my alarm went off the next morning. As always, I thought about my dad before I got out of bed, wondering what he was doing; hoping that James had given up and left him alone. It was Monday and Charlie Swan always hated Mondays. Breakfast in his kitchen at the beginning of the week was always accompanied by grunts and grumbles about the fast pace of the weekend and how he wished it was raining.

I turned my alarm off before it was able to go off, and climbed off the mattress. It was really, really hot. Unusually hot. Typically, the wall unit in my living room kept the entire small apartment at a good temperature: Slightly warm but livable. I groaned when I found the wall unit dead to the world having given up on its job somewhere in the middle of the night. When I moved to crack the windows, I found them painted shut.

"Oh, great," I groaned. "Just what I need."

In Charlie fashion, I grumbled my way through getting dressed in sweatpants then right back out because there was no way I could survive in those without passing out. Instead, I did a quick job of cutting them off. Unfortunately, my quick job wasn't very accurate. My right leg was fine—the hem ended right above my knee. But my left was cut off about four inches from my crotch. Not good, I decided as I looked at myself in the foggy, full length mirror in my bedroom.

The knock on my door announced that my time to grieve over the mistake had run out. My only pair of sweatpants had just turned into the pink shorts from hell. I sensed a thrift store stop in my future.

"Wow. That's uh…an improvement." Edward comment was in the form of a question. "Your headband looks nice. Much better than Hello Kitty."

I tugged my t-shirt over my shorts.

"Now you look like you don't have any pants on. Much better."

"It'll be dark so shut up. If you're embarrassed to be seen with me then I'll be happy to go back to bed."

"Oh, no, we're going to have fun! Let's go to the gym."

I tugged harder. "We're not running?"

"No, I told you that we were going to the gym today. Did you get your coffee or are you about to blow a gasket over that too."

"Are you paying me back for inviting Rose to run with us? Because if you are, I think it's horrible…horrible, horrible."

He sighed. "If you feel strongly about it, we can go to the gym tomorrow."

"Don't I get a day off?" I snapped.

Edward chuckled. "You are just precious in the mornings."

The run was long and the short side of my cutoffs kept riding up and I was tugging them down the entire way. Edward had no sympathy for my apparel quandary until I gave up after four miles and refused to budge.

"I just can't do it," I panted. "I'm so sore from yesterday and my shorts…"

He sighed. "We only have two more to go."

"God, can't we just take a break? I'm dying, here!"

"No, let's go."

"I can't! I'm too tired." I enunciated every word clearly.

Edward took three steps until he was in my face, until I bent my knees and protectively held my hands up in front of my chest. He looked furious. His hands were fists and his jaw ticked. I didn't believe for a second that he was going to hit me but it didn't keep me from reacting instinctively.

His reaction softened when he noticed my response. Then he swallowed and looked down at himself.

"I'm not doing this to punish you, Bella." The word "punish" hung in the air like stale smoke. "Do you think that asshole who's hunting for you is taking breaks? Do you think that he's going to quit because he's tired?"

"No," I squeaked. "He won't."

"No, he won't." He inhaled deeply, looking around us and searching for the right words. Then he looked down at me and said, "This is the only way I know how to protect you, Bella. I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure he doesn't hurt you again but I can't be with you twenty-four-seven. I need to make sure that you're okay when I'm not around."

I put my hand on my chest because just as my heart found its pace, it picked right back up in reaction to his words. A strong urge to hug him swept through me but I was too much of a coward to fulfill it.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I don't want you to feel obligated."

He scoffed. "I don't feel obligated, Bella."

"Then why?"

With a groan, he rubbed his face with his palms. "Why what?"

"Why are you doing this for me? Is it just in your nature to want to protect the weak or are you doing this for Rose? I just don't understand why—"

"Because I care about what happens to you. If I woke up tomorrow and you were gone, I'd be sad. If I woke up tomorrow and found that he'd hurt you, I'd hunt him down and make him pay for it. I'm doing this because it's the only thing I have to offer you." He put a hand on each of my shoulders and I cursed myself for tensing under the weight. "I will not let him hurt you. One way or another, we're going to win this."

That's when it happened. Just like that. Rose had warned me that it was possible but I never imagined that he would allow it. I'd become one of Edward's family. She had called him loyal and protective and she had been dead on. Something happened inside me as he stared at me with those eyes filled with passion and fire and determination. It was warm and familiar. My posture stiffened and his mouth twitched so I assumed that what I was feeling was reflected off of my face, or my entire body. I was going to win this.

"Let's run," I growled. Yes, I absolutely growled.

Edward must have liked that because he smiled at me. It was a proud smile that made me want to please him over and over to be on the receiving end of it again and again.

The rest of the run, I was quiet. My body on a seemingly constant adrenaline rush. I didn't feel the ache in my side or the throbbing in my shins. My shorts rode up but I ignored the uncomfortable wedge. It was all irrelevant. I was going to win. I ran until my muscles quivered and my head spun. My lungs begged for a reprieve. Sweat ran down my back and tickled the scar but that just made me run that much harder. For just a few minutes, I wasn't the Bella that had escaped imprisonment in Oklahoma; I was the Bella who'd gotten second in State Championships for the five thousand meter. I relished in the feel of the wind as it rushed past my cheeks. The ache in my thighs was just a constant reminder of what it felt like to give it all you've got and still have a competitor on your heels. Then you dig down deep somewhere and find what you need to run just a little bit faster. I was free.

Edward let out a "Whew!" when we reached the steps to our apartment. I walked in frantic, tiny circles with my hands on the back of my head in an effort to come down from the runner's high.

"What lit a fire under your ass?" he teased.

"You," I replied. "You did."

I got another proud smile and I swore to myself I'd work to see that every damn day until I was able to look in the mirror and reflect one of my own.

"We need to sit down and talk about a schedule. Are you okay to go to the gym tomorrow?"

The words almost left my mouth. The "you don't have to do this" and "I'm sorry I'm such a pain" but I kept them bottled. He was tired of hearing it just as much as I was tired of saying it.

"I hate to sound like a nimby pimby but do we have to go to the gym?"

He took a swig from his water bottle then asked, "What do you have against the gym?"

"I'm not big on crowds or being watched. Even if I'm not being watched, I'll still imagine it. I'm afraid that my concentration will be crap if I'm surrounded by strangers."

He chewed on my words for a few minutes, sipping water and shifting his eyes over our surroundings. It was cloudy and a rain storm was brewing.

"Fair enough. We can work on some basic stuff in your apartment."

I nodded. "Tonight?"

"Seven sound good?"

"That depends," I retorted with a raise of an eyebrow.

"On what?"

"I'm not interfering with Emily's training, am I? I saw what happens when her schedule changes." I grinned to let him know that I was half-kidding but I really didn't want to take Edward's time away from her. What he was teaching her was important and she obviously enjoyed learning it.

He laughed. "No, we do our thing on the nights I have to be at Rosalie's to watch them. She works on Tuesday, Thursday and every other Saturday."

We both sat down on the steps, still catching our breaths. "You're spread pretty thin. When do you have time to catch up on your own stuff?"

"I don't have any stuff."

"What do you like to do?"

He shrugged.

"You don't go hang with the boys on Saturday night to take the edge off the stress of your week?" I teased.

He shook his head. "Nah, I'm a homebody, pretty much."

"Do you like to read?"

"A little, I guess," he answered. "I don't really have time for it."

"You know, you could charge me for the training. I'd pay you for your services."

He grinned and waggled his eyebrows. "That sounds a little kinky."

I blushed and stared hard at my worn out Nike tennis shoes. "You know what I mean."

"And you know better than to suggest it."

I looked up at him and our eyes met. "I know I said this yesterday but I have to say it again. Thank you for doing this. I really am lucky that I found myself here."

"Luck has nothing to do with it," he said sincerely. "I'm the type who believes in all that 'happens for a reason' shit."

"Like fate?"

He shrugged. "Something like that, I guess."

"So you think I landed here for a reason?"

"Absolutely," he said.

"Then I guess someone up there must love me," I joked, pointing a finger toward the heavens.

Edward rose from the steps and tossed his empty water bottle into the metal trash bin beside the street. "Or maybe," he said as he walked by me up the steps, "someone up there loves us. Seven sharp tonight."

I thought about what he'd said all day at work. Esme had acquired a few boxes of books from a local auction and she was grumbling about their lack of worth as she peeked at each one.

"These auctions are all hit or miss," she complained. "I'll be lucky to make my money back on this bunch."

"It's kind of exciting though," I told her. "You buy these mystery boxes and you never know what's inside them. It's like Christmas."

She raised her eyebrows and grinned. "You really do like books."

I laughed. "I guess I do. Either that or I'm just really lame."

She considered that as she sipped on her Diet Coke. "What do you do for fun, Bella? I've never heard you talk about going out with friends. Most girls your age take advantage of the great shopping that Chicago has to offer or hitting up all the clubs on the weekends for hot guys."

Esme was so out of her conversational element. The way the words "hot guys" came out of her mouth was similar to my own articulation when I ordered Chinese over the phone.

"I'm not much of a shopper and bars make me uncomfortable."

"Do you have any friends here in Chicago?" she asked.

"Actually, I have a few really good friends. My neighbors have been amazing. I'm pretty lucky to have met them, just like I'm pretty lucky to have found you."

She waved me off and did a good job of playing abashed. "Well, I'm glad that you have someone."

"Me, too," I answered. "Life would certainly be—"

"Ooh! I have an idea! Why don't you and your friends come over to our house this weekend? Carlisle just bought this new grill for our back patio and he's dying to try it out." Her smile fell. "He's rather bored so he does a lot of internet shopping. I have to talk to him about that." She recovered and face lit up once again. "Anyway, would you like to come? I'd love to meet your friends."

"Uh, I can ask them. What day?"

"Sunday, if that's good. We'll grill out and…he just bought a new grilling apron, too. It has some stupid saying on it that he thinks is ridiculously funny. He told me that it was on clearance; bought some grilling utensils too even though we really didn't need them." She chewed on her lip and stared into space, considering her husband's new hobby of internet shopping but she shook herself out of it. "Anyway, he'd love to use them."

"Rose has two kids," I blurted.

Her face brightened. "I love kids. How old?"

I told her more about the kids and Rose and Edward. She seemed excited about the idea and I hoped I could convince them to come. If anything, they'd be getting free food.

Later that day, I brought up the idea to Rose. As soon as I stepped through the door of my heat stricken apartment, I shut the door and headed across the hall. She was hesitant about the barbeque at first but the whole "free food" thing turned things around for her. When I told her that Esme was thrilled to meet the kids, it sealed the deal.

"She seems pretty cool," Rose offered as she scrubbed out one of her kitchen cupboards. I was helping Sam draw a masterpiece courtesy of Crayola. "Does she know about everything?"

"Not the details but she guessed that I was in the situation from the get-go."

I told her about Sarah and the situation that she'd been in that ended her life.

"God, Bella, I'm so happy that you got out of there when you did. What do you think…I'm sorry; does it bother you to talk about it? I can shut the…"—she glanced at Sam. "I can shut up about it."

My stomach was churning at the conversation but I forced myself to shake my head. Instead, I focused on the multicolored doodle that Sam was drawing. I helped him make a blue circle. His cheeks puffed out with a grin.

"What do you think went wrong with him in Iraq? I mean, you said he was nice and all before he left but when he came back, he was like a different person. Do you think he saw something that just…flipped a switch in his head or something?"

I shrugged. "I asked myself that question so many times but there were never any answers. To be honest, he never did seem completely normal to me even when we first started going out."

She screwed up her face. "No offense but why did you even go out with him?"

I sighed and swallowed the knot in my throat. "He bought me flowers. He took me out and was a gentlemen at all times. I thought it was me. I thought that I needed to force myself to see it through because it was some awkward hump that I had to get over."

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't have a boyfriend in high school. My graduating class was like sixty people so I saw all of them as, like, brothers to me. Plus, my dad was the police chief so guys didn't exactly see me as cop-a-feel material. They didn't want to go through the whole bullet-with-your-name-on-it speech."

"That's kind of sad," she noted.

"Not really. I mean, I was too busy with other stuff to really notice. Anyway, James was my first date, my first boyfriend, my first…everything."

"Why do you say that he didn't seem normal?"

"Well, he had a temper. At first, he tried to hide it but after a while it would come out. He would get upset about the weirdest stuff—people ditching in line at the supermarket, another car passing him on the highway, stupid stuff. There was never anything toward me because if there were, I wouldn't have put up with it. He simmered down quickly after he's get all riled up. There was also his weird phobia about touching."

"Touching?"

"Yeah, he didn't really like to be touched unless he was prepared for it. You know, if I came up behind him and ran my hand down his back, he'd stiffen. It was almost a knee-jerk reaction for him when anybody touches him. He didn't like to hug or hold hands. The kissing was only when he was looking for something more." I shuddered as I thought about those days when his hands would find his way up my shirt. Not only had I let him but there were times when I craved it in the beginning. I wanted it. It had felt good to be desired. The knot in my throat grew and my stomach convulsed.

"You're dirty…so dirty, Bella…"

I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing. Rose was chatting about something but there was fog in my ears, wax on my brain—or was it the other way around. I wasn't sure. All I knew is that I heard her but couldn't respond.

Something smacked me in the forehead and I opened an eye. Sammy sat grinning at me, watching for my reaction. When he didn't get what he was looking for, he let another crayon fly and it hit me in the nose. He erupted in giggles as both of my eyes flew open and I made a face at him. My fingers tickled his tiny ribs and I grumbled promises of retribution.

"What do you think?" Rose asked.

"What?"

She sighed, annoyed. "Did you not hear what I just said?"

"Actually, no because all this talk about the past was making me want to vomit. Sam was giving me a reprieve."

"Oh, sorry, I was just—never mind."

"No, what? You can't do that."

"It might make you feel like vomiting."

I copied her sigh. "Just ask me, Rose."

"No, I was just saying that maybe this a-hole had it in him this whole time. Maybe he was setting you up for it, even back in college. You said that he was smart."

"He is but I don't think so. I was convinced back then, before he went into the Marines, that he loved me. It was in his eyes, in his words. Why would he go through all of that manipulation just to practically kidnap me in the end anyway?"

"You went willingly. Hell, you were engaged to the a-hole."

"I'm done. I'm two seconds from puking."

"I'm not saying that to make you feel bad, Bella. I'm trying to make you see that there was nothing you could do, regardless. If this guy had it in his mind to do this to you from the beginning, you didn't have a chance in hell at getting away from him. He is a psycho. With dick for brains."

I put my palm on my forehead, feeling sticky and hot. "Ugh. I'm done for now, Rose. Seriously, I can't take anymore."

"Deek fer bains!" Sammy shouted.

Two sets of wide eyes focused on the toddler sitting at the table who was innocently holding a yellow crayon in his tiny hand.

"What did he say?" rose asked.

I just stared at him and willed him to repeat it.

He happily obliged. "Deek fer bains! Deek fer bains!"

I gasped and looked at Rose. She looked tired.

"Great. All of that I just said and he picks up the worst of it. Freaking great."

"Have you heard from the county yet?" I asked when I'd finished laughing. "About Sammy's speech delay and the early education benefits?"

She made a noise. "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. They called last week to schedule an appointment."

"What did you say?"

"I told them that it was about freaking time. Then I told them how he turns three in a few months and they started rattling off some crap about when he turns three, he gets turned over to the school system. After three, it's up to them if he gets benefits, like state provided speech therapy. Oh and get this, they told me that if I had contacted them sooner, he could have been in speech therapy since he was eighteen months old if he was approved."

"Didn't you call them like six months ago?"

"Eight months ago. I told them to go…you know what themselves."

I rolled my eyes. "That's crap."

"You ain't kidding."

"Cap! Cap!" Sammy yelled.

"You're in trouble for that one," Rose quipped.

"I'd much rather teach him crap—"

"Cap!"

"—than the other one," I told her.

"Whatever."

After I hung Sam's picture up on the fridge, where he proudly proclaimed it "cap", I reluctantly went back to my apartment. It was like a desert. The difference in temperature from the outside was at least fifteen degrees. Sweat immediately started dripping down my forehead and neck. With the windows painted shut, I couldn't even get a breeze going through the place. I peeled off my clothes and lay down on my bed in just my underwear. Being naked wasn't something I was comfortable with—ever. However, desperate times call for desperate measures and being naked was just about as good as it could get. Scratch that. A shower was probably a little better.

My eyes popped open at the thought. I still had about thirty minutes before Edward showed up and a nice, cold shower was just what I needed in order to preserve my sanity. The water felt ridiculously amazing as it ran down my skin and through my hair. It felt so good that I let out a nice, embarrassing moan.

As soon as I got out, the heat started drying my skin. There was no way I could do any sort of self defense in heat like that. Just when I was thinking about going over to Edward's and postponing the whole thing, there was a knock on my door. My body tensed and my stomach clenched—the typical knee-jerk reaction to any unexpected visitor. Completely dressed in my fashionable shorts and t-shirt, and with my hair hanging to my shoulders in wet loose curls, I asked my visitor to identify themselves.

"It's Edward," he announced. I unlocked the door and pulled it open. "Sorry, I'm early I just wanted to…did you just take a shower?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Why did you take a shower if we're just going to—" He stuck his hand in my apartment as if he were feeling for rain. "Holy hell, it's fucking hot in there!"

"My air conditioner went out this morning," I grumbled. "Hence the cold shower."

He smirked and cocked his head. "Awww… and here I thought that the cold shower was because of me."

I rolled my eyes and opened my mouth to say something but he walked by me, into my apartment and toward the broken appliance that was hanging in my window. He tapped on the bottom, looked at it, tapped on the top and looked at it again; then he grunted.

"I think I can fix it," he mumbled.

"You can tell that just by giving it a few taps that you can fix it?" I asked.

He looked at me and shrugged. "That's how manly I am."

I snorted and he mocked offense.

"I'll be right back. A manly man needs manly tools."

"If you fix this, I'll owe you one big time," I told him as he walked out the door.

When he came back with a handful of tools, he responded, "I'll hold you to that."

"Well, I mean it."

He started working with the screwdriver, turning and twisting as he took off the front protective cover. At first, I'd come over to investigate his repair skills but I found myself investigating other things. It was nice to watch Edward when he was totally invested in something, not paying attention to anything but his task. The tight muscles in his forearms flexed as he twisted and turned his tools. His brow puckered and his mouth grew tight as he concentrated on the appliance. The hair. Christ, the hair. It had grown on me. Before, I'd wanted to take scissors to it in his sleep but now, now, I wanted to touch it. I wanted to run my fingers through it to see if I could get it to obey. Would it be dry and brittle or would it be soft on my fingers? The scruff of his beard—it was always there, always screaming to be touched. For a brief, ludicrous moment I imagined my lips on that three day growth that settled casually on his jaw. It would tickle. Or maybe it would hurt. I wanted to know. But that was crazy.

For the first time since I'd met him, I objectively judged him. All together, he was handsome enough; hot even. I imagined that he'd had all kinds of girls telling him that over the years. There was nothing sexier to most women than the ex-convict bad boy with the inked up body. That wasn't what made Edward good looking to me. What made Edward desirable was what he was doing in that moment. His offer to help with nothing expected in return; his loyalty and fierce protectiveness for the people he loved. He had a nurturing quality about him, always wanting to take care of other people. That was what drew me to Edward.

"Do you remember when you told me that I was good?" I asked.

He cut his eyes to me. "The day Rose went to see Emmett. Yeah, I remember."

"I hope you believe that same thing about yourself," I told him. "Because you are one of the most generous people I know."

He answered with a snort.

"I'm serious. How many times have you gone out of your way for me since I moved in? How many times have you gone out of your way for Rose? You are a good person, Edward."

"No, I'm not." He wasn't humbly arguing. There was no "Oh, shush, you!" tone to his voice. He truly didn't believe that he was good.

"Why do you say that?"

He sighed as he plugged the air conditioner back into the wall and pushed the button. It clunked a few times but started up.

"Oh, thank God!" I said. "I really do owe you one."

"Bake me some cookies," he quipped, "a couple dozen."

"Done!"

The room was already starting to get cooler and I closed my eyes and bit back a moan as the rush of cold air coming out of the appliance blew over me. I piled my shoulder length hair on top my head and just stood there, basking in the coldness.

"This feels so good. You have no idea how miserable I was this morning," I said.

When I opened my eyes, I mentally flinched. Edward was looking at me. Not just looking at me. He was looking at me. His eyes roamed over my bare legs, then up my torso and when he finally met my eyes, he turned away. I followed his lead and we ended up in awkward silence, blushing like idiots.

"Well, I'm going to put these back. You're still on, right? The lesson?"

"Oh, yeah, sure," I answered, pulling my wet hair back into a ponytail, "of course."

"Okay, be right back."

When he left, my eyes drifted down to his butt. It was nice. Just enough there to exist but not too much where…What in the hell was wrong with me? This was Edward. Sarcastic, blunt, messy-haired, holey shirt Edward. This is the guy who told me that my haircut looked horrible and compared me to a tiny, wild animal. The man attached to the rear I'd just checked out was simply that: A man. The same breed of animal that kept me chained in a house for nine months and snapped a girl's neck with the tiniest of gestures.

That wasn't fair and I knew it. Edward and James were nothing alike except for the testosterone in their blood and the cocks between their hips. I shuddered. Nothing good ever came from either of those in my past experience with men…well, man. If I could, I'd turn lesbian. I thought about Rose. She was pretty enough but I couldn't imagine touching her naked. It just didn't feel right and plus, boobs held no fascination for me. They were just lumps on my chest, nothing more. If anything, they got in the way. No, lesbianism was out for me.

I smiled as I looked at the big picture of the thoughts that had been circling in my head. Thinking about Edward, looking at him the way I had, was the first time I'd done anything close to normal since leaving Seattle a year ago. The long lost Bella deep inside me stood a little taller.

Edward walked back in and caught me smiling.

"What?"

My smile turned quickly into a frown. "I can't smile?"

He shrugged. "Okay, let's do this. If I move too fast or…or if you get…just tell me to stop if you get uncomfortable, alright?"

I nodded and immediately tensed at his suggestion.

He came up behind me and I watched him over my shoulder. His body was an inch from mine, hovering behind me. Thank God the air conditioner was working because heat radiated off of him and sweat formed on the back of my neck.

"Say you're walking along by yourself and someone comes up behind you and wraps his arms around you." He copied his narration with his arms and suddenly I was in his grasp—one arm across my chest and the other around my stomach. I closed my eyes and took a deep, shaky breath. Images of the past threatened to burst through but I focused on Edward's voice near my ear. "You okay."

"Yeah, fine."

"Good. Now what's your gut reaction?"

"To get away," I squeaked.

"Show me."

I tried pushing on his arms, and then pulling them off of me. The whole time I was making odd grunting noises that couldn't be helped. I got the feeling he was laughing at me but when I caught sight of his face, his expression was grim. Almost angry. When the pushing and pulling didn't work, I tried twisting and turning but he only firmed his grip on me. One hand squeezed my hip and the other had a strong grip on my upper arm. It was like being in a human straightjacket.

"Are you done yet?" he asked.

I stilled and slumping my shoulders in defeat. "I suppose."

"Your first instinct is to get away which is normal. What you want to do first is disable your attacker."

I snorted.

"Something funny?"

"Yeah, I don't think I have much chance at disabling a man twice my size."

He let go of me and turned me around with his hand on my shoulder. "That's the problem here, isn't it? You don't believe in yourself. Self defense is not about size but determination and mental clarity. You have to take a deep breath, think about your options and react, all in about one second."

"And you think I can do that?"

He smirked. "I know you can do that. I'm going to teach you."

Using his finger, he gestured for me to turn around again. His arms took hold of me again and I tried to keep thoughts of him pressed against my back out of my mind. It was how James always wanted me. Always—my back to his front. There was never a time in Oklahoma that he terrorized my body as I watched him. I swallowed. My throat ached from the memories of those horrible nights. Some nights, I fought and he hurt me worse for it; made me bleed. But other nights, I just let it happen. Those were the memories that haunt me the most—when I'd just follow orders like an abused puppy. I'd cry silently through every drive into my body and every grunt that he expelled. The leather on my neck burned my skin raw and—as I stood in my apartment a thousand miles away—I could feel my air supply cut off. I felt sick. I was going to be sick.

I tried pulling away from him but he kept his hold, his reaction part of the lesson.

"I need…I need to…" One more word and I was going to add one more stain to my carpet.

With frantic movement, I tapped his shoulder and he let me go immediately. I did the best I could in my effort to make it to the toilet but I ended up on all fours, retching on the hallway carpet. My eyes watered and my stomach ached. I felt him behind me and I whimpered. Shame and humiliation took over me completely and I wrenched out a sob.

His hand on my back made me jump but he kept it there, waiting for me to recover. I held my stomach and took deep breaths, wishing that I could just be someone else for a while. For just a few minutes.

"Do you want me to go get Rose?" he asked softly.

Did I want Rose? No, I didn't. As soothing as her voice would have been, as much as she would have understood, I didn't want her to see me this way. It was enough that Edward had witnessed it. It was more than enough that he'd triggered it without realizing it.

I shook my head and squeezed my eyes closed.

"Will you go?" I meant it to sound like a request but it came out as an uncertain query.

"No," he answered, "I'm not going anywhere."

A/N: Alrighty. Sorry to put ya'll in a funk but that's part of Bella's healing process.

With that said, I'm not an expert on Illinois' Early Education process but here in Ohio, it's similar to what Rose is going through with Sammy. My munchkin started in Early Intervention at 18 months and he was transferred to a preschool at age 3, with help from the State. They are actually really, really awesome and in no way were we treated like Rose/Sammy. That is fiction and part of the story. I'm sure the state of Illinois is pretty awesome too. :)

So, what's next for our characters? I know I've had a lot of theories on Edward's past and I promise, you'll hear that story in a few chapters. In RL, I'm working on chapter 23 so when I'm actually finished with the story, I might post more than once a week. I'm so effing impatient that way...plus the reviews are so inspiring!

Any favorite moments from this chapter? Do tell... :)